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No shame in hand me downs
We are fortunate (it’s a weird thing to feel fortunate about) that we share our 2 older sons with their other parents. Together with these “other parents”, we are able to get school fees paid, clothes purchased and other basic necessities seen to, that we would generally have to pay for on our own. And yet, the boys still follow the “hand me down” tradition that my sister and I do (and I’m sure a bunch of you do too!) Albeit it doesn’t happen often (because they pretty much wear the same size clothing) but if Kyle’s shorts are too small, and they are in good condish, oh hey Seth here’s a cool shorts for you. And if my baby brother, Jason, has a hoody that doesn’t fit anymore, oh look Kyle, you score a hoody! And when Hubstopher’s favorite leather jacket made him look like Mr Bean, Jason scored a leather jacket! Doesn’t it work like that everywhere? I’m asking for a friend. This friend frequents these Pre-loved Clothing groups on Facebook, so she was a bit curious. -
Boy or girl? Fun baby gender prediction tests that got it right!
One of the most exciting parts of expecting a baby is trying to guess what the gender is. If you Google everything and it’s cat (like I do) you may have come across a few crazy gender prediction tests. But do they actually work? Well, I thought to try out a bunch of them, when I was pregnant with Jonah Mark, to see which ones would get it right. I mean, I want you guys to make informed decisions, and (truth be told) I was actually pretty curious to see if there was truth to any of it too. Here are the fun baby gender prediction tests that we tried out:
It’s in the baby bump
Check out your belly in the mirror. Carrying low? It’s probably a boy. Carrying high? It’s a girl! I always thought that I was carrying pretty high. But, Jonah is a boy (duh) so the baby bump theory didn’t quite work out.Chips vs Sweeties
They say that girls are made of sugar and spice and all things nice. So if you’re craving sweet things, you’re most likely carrying a little girly! Craving salty or sour foods means that it’s a boy. With that said I eat enough cheesy hot chips to guarantee that our little bebe was a budding boy!What does the heart say
I’ve read articles that explain that a girl’s heart beat is faster than that of a boy. So next time you’re due for an ultrasound, make sure to check if the babes heartbeat is 140+ per minute. My babes heartbeat was 147, which should have been a clear indication that it’s a girl. A guess a bunch of factors could come into play with this one, but nah, it did not work for us.Chinese Birth Chart
The Chinese Birth Chart is an ancient method of calculating your baby’s gender by using your conception dates and other factors. Parenting.com has a version that you can try out over here. I did it and according to the Chinese, I was having a girl… which was inaccurate.Baby Centre
Well known baby and parenting website, Baby Centre, also has a ‘gender predictor’ and when I tried theirs out it said that it’s a boy! Give it a go over here. I mean, I’m not saying its the be-all of all gender predictor tests, but it was pretty interesting.Put a ring on it
This is a bit ‘hocus pocus’, but legend says that if you tie your wedding ring to a string, and hang it over your belly, the ring would bare all the answers! If it swings back and forth then it’s a girl. If it swings in a circle, it’s a little boy. I tried this and the ring “told” me that I am expecting a girl.Lesson learnt: gender prediction tests are fun but not always accurate, it turns out! Which gender prediction tests and activities do you recommend?
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Uncle Jumbos Christmas Party brings the festivities!
Every year Nelson Mandela Bay kiddies (and their parents) gear up for Uncle Jumbos Christmas Party – a fun filled evening of make believe and Christmas activities. This year our curly girl visited Uncle Jumbo and his friends for the very first time and she had so much fun! -
The many emotions of a toddler
When it comes to raising a toddler, I refuse to accept the term ‘terrible twos’. I believe that when my toddler turns 2 years old next week, she will begin her season of ‘terrific twos’. Why speak “terribleness” over your child’s life, anyways? No sir, no thank you. I mean, parenting is challenging enough as it is!But with that said, I sometimes sit and stare at my kid as she goes from being ecstatically happy to mournfully sad in a matter of seconds. How is it, little girl, that you loved chicken so much 5 minutes ago, but now you simply cannot have it near you? Did I miss something? One minute she loves her dad and croons “Hallo dada!” beautifully as she plants a fat kiss on his lips. And the next, she yells “NO!” at the top of her voice, when he attempts to pick her up. Split seconds, I tell ya. Is it normal? Yes, yes it is.
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More tricks for curly chicks
I’m a fan of curls, even though I’m not exactly living on the curly side of life. My baby girl, however, has hair that makes random people in shopping malls think that it’s okay to touch it. Bless them. But anyways, so yes, on a good day, she has a major curly afro going on and I love it!
If you recall, I previously posted about the (extremely loose) hair regime that I have going on for Kari. I also try to use natural products on her hair to maintain it’s natural curl. I was advised to try out the Johnson&Johnson curly hair brand but it just dried her hair out. In fact, most baby shampoos did that. I blame the “no tears” chemicals, but what do I know. So yes, we needed something more.
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Things to do in Port Elizabeth (with your toddler) this Summer!
Christmas and the school holidays are just around the corner and boy am I excited! Our girl is 2 years old this year and we are finally able to explore PE and have some toddler fun with her! Fun with a toddler? Yep, it can happen! You need to believe me. Okay, okay, I know you want proof. Fine, let me give you a few examples: -
Win tickets to the Clicks Baby Bootcamp!
Yo, PE Moms! I come with glad tidings of great joy: The Clicks Baby Bootcamp is coming to a town near you!Be honest, do you sometimes feel out of your element when it comes to making decisions wrt baby’s health and wellness? Well, I do. I must admit, I was under the impression that teething and breastfeeding were probably the most complicated parts of mothering a kid. Ha! That’s hilarious, right? I mean, from vaccines to diet (not the lose weight kind… the eat well kind) to what type of infections to look out for, there’s alot of questions that I need answering.
It is with this in mind that I ‘woohoo’d really loudly when I found out that Clicks and Babyline are hosting a series of workshops nationwide, aimed at expectant and new parents. The Baby Bootcamp seeks to provide expert advice, baby related information and demonstrations to these parents.
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Are your kids losers? {Stick2Me can help!}
My kids are amazing, but let’s face it, they are losers. They lose things ALL the time.Are your kids like mine? Maybe your kids are supernaturally gifted in the “coming home with both socks on” department. Maybe you’ve never had to crawl through a sea of tiny shoes, at a kiddies party, only to come up gasping for air, yelling “Has anyone seen a Ben 10 sneaker?!” Maybe your life is different. But I’m guessing that it’s not because, let’s face it, kids are kids and they lose things.
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Help! My child is too nice!
The other day I had an interesting chat with a very concerned parent about the “niceness” of their kid. For privacy sake let’s call the child Susan. Susan is a well spoken pre-teen and according to her parent, she was being “too nice”… which seems like a pretty crazy problem to have with your child. I mean, a polite, helpful child, who seems to be overly aware of other peoples feelings and always eager to do the right thing, should be something to be celebrated, right? And it has been… Susan’s parents have always been overly proud (and other adults very impressed) with her. But alarm bell’s started going off when Susan was overheard telling a bunch of other kids “No! You’re not allowed to be helpful. That’s MY thing!” Susan was also overheard explaining, in detail, that she knows how to “control” adults by saying the right thing, or crying at the right times. “Don’t worry, leave her to me!” She would say, in reference to how she was going to trick her grandmother to do what she wants her to do.
With all of this in mind, the next time I saw Susan (as always, being super kind and helpful and eager to please) I suddenly saw something else there. “Oh, she’s such a wonderful child!” an aunty exclaimed, after Susan (very loudly) said that she was going to comfort a friend who had gotten hurt. I mean, wanting to comfort the hurt friend wasn’t the concern. Making a big show of it was. I also began noticing how Susan only did nice things when other people were looking and then made sure to mention exactly what she did, so that she could get praise. Her language also changed around certain people. For example, around her grandparents it was all sugar sweet, but around others it was the total opposite. Susan also enjoyed getting friends and playmates into trouble, and then acted as if she had nothing to do with it afterwards. There’s a name for this, I thought to myself…. what is it now again?
Uhmmm… oh ya…
Manipulation.I totally got it. I understood her parent’s concern. It became really difficult to reprimand the child who pretty much had everyone wrapped around her finger. If Susan was caught doing something wrong, her “I’m sorry’s” were totally on point and the response of everyone else around them would discourage actual punishment because surely Susan did not mean to do it… there must’ve been a mistake! She’s such a WONDERFUL child, after all! It’s hard when there’s a problem but noone else sees it as a problem. Calling your kid out on being “too nice” could make you come across as just being mean. Who wants that? You know?
What do you say to a parent who is concerned that their child is trying to manipulate them? I mean, Susan is no “Chucky” and hasn’t tried to burn the house down or push a sibling from a wall, or anything wack like that. But because of Susan’s (very clever) behavior, she had managed to secure favor in the eyes of adults. It was all part of the tactic.
It’s obvious that the manipulation stems from another root… a root that needs to be nipped in the bud before this broken child becomes an angry adult. But it also made me think about motive. Our kids need to learn about motive and intention… the WHY behind doing things, especially in this era of “entitlement” when feeding the poor on Nelson Mandela Day could be all about the photo op and not about being a light in dark places. And let’s be honest, kids are not the only guilty ones. Adults are especially good at putting on a front to get what they want. Ever spend quality time with your family so that you could Instagram it? Ever register for Santa Shoebox because everyone else is doing it and it’s so fun to put stuff in a shoebox? Ever visit your aunty in hospital to show face and to fake concern? Social media has caused us to live a life of manipulation (photo edit much?) and we act like it’s okay (subliminal status update much?) when it’s not really okay (viral share much?). How is our behavior any different to Susans? Makes you think…
Have you had to deal with a manipulative child? Any advice?
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Ever had to deal with that baby mama drama?
So Kyle’s on holiday with his dad and while I miss him a lot (and the tea he makes), I’m always so happy when he gets to spend time with his dad, stepmum and the rest of his ‘other’ family. I’ve never really been an advocate for “baby mama drama”.
Not that I was immune to it. I’ll admit, Kyle’s dad and I have had our fair share of being mean to each other. There were many nights, preceding our break up, that thoughts of spitefulness crossed my mind. I mean, if I’m not happy, why should he be? Why should I allow him full access to MY child? I am the mother, after all, so I have more say in his life than the dad does, right?
And come on, ladies, let’s be real, when another woman enters the picture, you might as well put on your Shaneequa weave and hoop earrings because “oh helllllls no! No other woman’s going to be mother to MY child!”
Suddenly, the “best interest” of your child becomes the motive behind every crazy demand and every bitter argument… and in your mind, it all makes sense. But in actual fact, it doesn’t make sense. Well, not if you really have the best interest of your kid in mind.
I’ve learnt that my son’s father’s wife is important… just as important as I am, actually. Who cares that I “was here first”. Come on ladies! Yes, I’m the kid’s mother, but hey guess what, I don’t need a pedestal. I just need you to love my child and work with me to make sure he is happy and healthy. I am blessed to say that my boy’s stepmama is very sweet and always regards me with respect, which I did not even ask for, but really appreciate. She loves my boy and has been able to chat to him about stuff that he would never open up to me about. And if you consider the fact that he spends alot of time with them, it makes me feel good knowing that there’s another me (so to say) over there, keeping an eye on him and making sure he brushes his teeth.
I’ve learnt that putting my kid first means that I an willing to work harmoniously with his dad, in order to make sure that the most important stuff is taken care of. WE are his parents. I’m not a majority share holder. One of the most devastating facts of our country is that so many children are growing up without proper father figures. The fatherless youth of today struggle with identity. They don’t know where they come from and they are not sure where they are going to. I cannot begin to explain how valuable the input of a loving father is… how much it adds to the growth and stability of a child! So if my kid’s dad WANTS to be in his life, who am I to deny that?
I’ve learnt that my boy’s father actually really does love him and if he can’t pay for something or buy something, that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care. It just means that he isn’t able to give the cash. Money does not equate to love, yo. We agree on who pays for what, and guess what… in the rare occasion where one of us is unable to do what we are meant to do, the other one steps in, if they can. I guess, this only works in a situation where both parties are not out to get the better “deal”.
I’ve learnt that bad mouthing my kid’s dad does not make me the better parent. It makes me the bitter parent. And it breaks down my son’s hero, which will make ME a zero in his eyes. (You know your child will not stay a child forever, right? Kids remember toxic behavior.)
It helps that his father and I are able to openly tell each other when we are not happy with something. (In a respectable way). I guess the secret is to keep your eyes on the prize: What would be better for our child? NOT “What would make me the superior one?”
I’ve learnt that my Hubstopher is the best father to my son, while his own dad is in another city. But Hubstopher is NOT my son’s biological father. My boy’s father and I make decisions about his life. Hubstopher and I make decisions about what happens in our house. And somehow, we have to work on merging the 2, in a way that is respectful to all parties involved and in the best interest of the CHILD and not anyone’s pride. I couldn’t have married a better man!
And lastly, I’ve learnt that, at the end of the day, God gave us a precious gift and it is our responsibility to make sure that Kyle grows up to be the best Kyle he could ever be! His dad and I have lived our lives and made our own decisions, and the child played no part in it. Why should he suffer? I’m sure this blog post has made us sound like superhumans, so please, allow me to clarify: It has NOT been an easy road! But it’s all worth it in the end. Kyle deserves to have his best chance, and that is exactly what we are going to give him.
