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Mom guilt: Needing time away from your children
I’ve been dealing with some mom guilt over the past few weeks. You know, “mom guilt”… when we, as mothers, beat ourselves up for various reasons beyond our control. Things like not keeping your home clean enough to eat an egg from the kitchen floor, or not cooking enough healthy meals with 27 food groups in it, or not spending enough time finger painting and making skeletons out of popsicle sticks with your children. Things like that. My recent (very serious) case of mom guilt was brought on by the fact that I did not want my toddler to be around me every second, of every minute, of the day. Ever crave some time away from your children? Well, I was there. I needed a BREAK with a capital B-R-E-A-K! What type of mom thinks that about their kid?! -
6 practical gift ideas for your pregnant friend
Is it just me, or is pregnancy contagious?! It seems that I’m always surrounded by preggy women, when I am pregnant. I love it! It’s as if you have your own little tribe who can share in your experiences. They know exactly what you’re going through! (I mean, who else will “get it” when you complain about the fact that your underwear doesn’t fit anymore?!) And so, with the influx of expectant moms, I’ve found that I need to think out of the box when it comes to gift ideas, when birthday season hits. But I’m prepared (and no, my preparedness does not involve me putting a shiny bow onto a pack of nappies). Check out these awesome gift ideas for your pregnant friend:
Pamper sessions
My girlfriends and I love pampers. We actually joke about it sometimes, because it’s our go to spoil when we want to make one of our own feel special. Most spa’s offer unique “mummies with tummies” packages, for expectant moms. They include things like back rubs, foot soaks, ‘facials’ for your tummy and head massages. (Doesn’t reading that make you want to go for a pamper session too?!) Brands, such as Oh So Heavenly, also stock really sweet maternity care packages that would make for excellent gifts. I’ve tried it out and it’s delicious!
Preggy journal
When I was pregnant with my Curly, I enjoyed documenting every inch of my pregnancy. I filled the pages of my ‘Journey Journal‘ with photos, stories and heart moments that I will later share with her. If your friend is the sentimental type, a beautiful preggy journal might be the type of gift that she would appreciate.
Fancy maternity wear
Looking to spoil your preggy friend? How about a pretty maternity top or dress, as a gift. I’ve been so blessed to be able to try out various maternity ranges. Some of it can be really costly though, but I love that most ranges (check out the Love My Body range here) are flexible and they can be worn AFTER baby is born too. If you have a close relationship, you could also consider splurging on expensive maternity underwear, for your bud. When you’re pregnant EVERYTHING expands. Bra straps become tighter and undies tend to be a bit more uncomfortable to wear. Maternity undies are comfortable and breathable, and most of it can be used post-baby too (like breastfeed friendly bra’s).
Body pillows
The one thing that most pregnant women crave is a good night’s sleep. I’ve managed to get mine in, with cleverly placed pillows, cushioning my bump and all my other body parts. (Yep, no cuddle-cuddle for Hubstopher at the moment, shame.) If you’re looking to splurge on your friend, you could consider getting her a body pillow. These are designed to give your preggy friend’s body all the support it needs, in order to get a good nights sleep.
Mani and pedi
I don’t know when last I saw my feet. Okay, that’s a tad bit dramatic. I’m looking at them right now. But I can imagine that there are moms who haven’t had the time or energy to do their toe nails. Perhaps a voucher to get their nails done would be the perfect gift for your pregnant friend, who is in her third trimester and unable to reach her tootsies.
Photo shoot
Taking preggy photos is one of my favorite preggy things to do! (It’s only been three times ya’ll. I’m making it sound like a hobby.) If it’s not something that she would normally spend money on, I’m sure your friend will appreciate a voucher for a maternity photo shoot OR a newborn shoot! Some photographers even have combo deals, that include maternity and baby shoots.
Pajamas, gowns and slippers
This is probably one of my favorites, simply because you can never have too many pjs or slippers. When purchasing those pj’s for your preggy friend, take into account the fact that button ups are probably more practical (for breastfeeding). Two piece sets are more useful and more modest, for her hospital stay. Oh and practical does not have to replace “pretty”. There are really stunning pajama and gown sets that will have your preggy friend swooning.What are your favorite go-to gifts, when shopping for a pregnant friend?
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the punishment of pregnancy
I sometimes feel the punishment of pregnancy. It’s there… the unspoken, acceptable norms, that make life as a female a little bit more difficult than before. There are just so many challenges to overcome – legalities that shouldn’t be an issue – when you are expectant. Moms, did you also feel this way when you were pregnant? I did not realize how much it affected me until I visited my OBGYN yesterday. She took one look at me and exclaimed “wow, let’s see how many are in there!” Gasp, twins?! (insert instant freak out here) I’m sure we could handle two babies at the same time… right?! I mean, we already have three children, for crying out loud. What’s two more? -
Baby shower gift ideas: what mamas really want
Planning a baby shower? Attending one soon? Of course you are. People are popping out kiddos like it’s nobody’s business (myself included). After sharing pics of a fab baby shower that I attended the other day (photos below) a few moms started chatting about baby shower gift ideas. Apparently, there are a bunch of gift ideas that made these moms swoon, while others make them cringe. (Don’t look at me, I like presents, period. Like, put a bow on it, and I’m ecstatic). Moms, are there certain baby shower gifts that you value more than others? Well, I started chatting to preggy moms about their baby shower experiences, and this is what they had to share:
Yes please: Wet wipes and nappies
One mom said that she loved finding wet wipes, nappy disposal packets and diapers wrapped in the pretty “Its a girl” gift paper, at her shower. “It’s just one more thing to save money on!” she shared.No thank you: Baby shoes
My friend said that the teeny tiny baby shoes she was gifted at her shower ended up on display. Shoes for little feet are adorable, but impractical, I guess. I don’t think my curly girl wore shoes for the first few months of her life. I mean, it’s not as if she had to walk anywhere, anyways.
Yes please: Breastfeeding gear
A few moms shared that a beautiful breastfeeding pillow, breast pads and high quality nipple ointment (Lansinoh made top of the list) came in super handy after baby was born. Someone also said that breast milk storage pods were among her favorite gifts and that “clothes can be outgrown but breastfeeding gear lives forever!” (Tad bit dramatic there, but I get it).No thank you: Baby oils and powders
As far as toiletries are concerned, I know that they are GOLD when you have a newborn baby. But some moms claim that they stayed away from baby oils and baby powders well into their babes first year. “Baby powder can get into their little nostrils,” one mom explained. Another shared that she never understood the need for baby oils.
Yes please: Vests
I feel like this is a no-brainer. A lot of moms said that they appreciated neutral colored, cotton, snap-crotch vests. For those who are not in the know, snap-crotch or body vests have those little snappers at the bottom of the vests, which prevents it from riding up into baby’s back. These vests are LIFE.No thank you: Bottles and dummies
Deciding on a bottle or dummy brand, for your kid, is a really big deal to most moms. It’s best to know the name of the bottle/baby feeding brand that mom would like to use for baby, before buying any. “I ended up giving some away to charity,” a mom shared.
Yes please: Big ticket items
Things like sleep-positioners, bath seats, play mats, crib bedding and good quality baby bags came up when I asked about ‘big ticket items’. “These are things we would eventually have to purchase ourselves, so it helps if we are gifted with it,” someone explained.No thank you: Crocheted items
A few moms giggled when the crocheted/knitted items topic came up. I, for one, love that someone took their time to knit a little jersey, with my baby in mind. But some moms claim that these wooly items can be too harsh for babys sensitive skin. “Sometimes the fit is horrible! No. Just no.” another shared.
Yes please: Gift cards
Again, how do you saw “awww” to a gift card or voucher? I do understand the practicality of it though – especially if you’ll be formula feeding your baby. That gift card can go a long way towards paying for that tin of expensive milk.With that said, all of the moms who participated in the survey shared that at the end of the day, the thought that they were loved and cared for, mattered more to them than the gifts did!
So there you have it. I’d love to know what your thoughts are.
What was your favorite baby shower gift? Do you have a default “go to” gift, when you’re purchasing one for a baby shower?
Clip Note: The stunning blue and gold baby shower decor featured in today’s post was the brain and heart child of the amazing Letitia Deyzel!
Header created by Valeria Aksakova
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It’s all in the name: quirky and popular baby names
In the deep recesses of my spreadsheet brain, I secretly want to have hundreds of children, just so that I can name them. I like naming things. And yes, I do realize that admitting this makes me seem slightly weird. Love me for me. Anyways, where am I going with this? Well, deciding on a name for our newbie was a no brainer because Hubstopher kinda named him way before he even proposed to me. But, when I found out I was pregnant, I still thought to look up other possible names (because spreadsheet brain and all). Some of the suggestions I received were slightly more ‘off beat’ than I would dare take on. But hey, don’t take my word for it, check out these… uhhh interesting… and popular baby names:
Colors
So I was assured that if you’re “with it”, naming your kid after a hue of the rainbow is probably the most hippest thing you could do. Names like Indigo, Crimson and Gray were quite trendy yesteryear. Let’s not forget Blue Ivy – the offspring of power couple, JayZ and Beyonce. Those are all really pretty, in my opinion. But once you start going, “Oh hey, meet my son, Orange,” or “this is my daughter, Khaki,” please know that I WILL be giving you a side eye.Fruit
Look, the lovely Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter, Apple, is a real cutie patootie. And I could totally fall inlove with the name Berry or even Peaches. But you’re pushing it when you decide to name your offspring something crazy like Pomegranate or Grape. “Banana, can you please let go of your brothers hair?!” Just doesn’t work, does it?
Character
So a big trend was to name your kiddo after a strength or character that you admired. Names like Loyal, Verity, Patience and Honesti were the most popular. Hmmm. I met someone named Integrity once. She wasn’t very reliable. *ba-dum-dish*Planets
Another trend was to name your baby after a planet or object of the solar system. Names like Moon, Mars and Jupiter grew in popularity. The name, Starr, is also very pretty. But you might be pushing it when you’re swaying more towards names like Meteor and Milky Way. (And yes, people have totally contemplated using these as first names)The older the better
So older names are making a comeback big time. People have been digging through the archives to pull out names like Mildred, Barnabas, Berta, Mabel and Ebenezer. It’s an acquired taste, in my opinion.Keeping it Bible
I’m sure you’ve noticed that going Old Testament is the new “in thing”, when deciding on a baby name. (Me, I’m guilty of this). The most popular were Caleb, James, Samuel and Isaac.Which off these quirky names are your fave?
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When you’re dating a single mom…
I was a single mom for a good chunk of my adult life. If you recall, I gave birth to my boy when I was about 19 years old. His dad and I split up soon thereafter. Being a single mom has it’s highs and lows. But I found that one of the biggest challenges was dating. Yep, dating a single mom: it’s complicated!
For starters, there’s a whole other life to think about, which is sometimes hard for guys to understand. Single mom does not mean “single heart”. In fact, there should be an unspoken rule of the universe: Never break a single mom’s heart!
As a single mom, you have so much to consider – a deeper sense of responsibility and demand. There is simply no time to play relationship games or nurse a broken heart. You are everything to your child! And, as a functioning parent, planning what’s for supper, how to make a human skeleton out of toothpicks and making sure that there are clean shirts for school, seriously takes priority over ‘crying yourself to sleep because he broke up with you AGAIN’.
With that said, gentlemen, when you play mind games with a single mother you are messing with more than just one heart. If you’ve been fortunate enough to be around her kid/s, you kind of have a responsibility to not treat their mom like an old shoe. I’m not saying force yourself to make it work – but heyo, be a gentleman. Having manners is for free. Bow out respectfully and hey, better yet, if you’re not in it to win it, then don’t tap in at all. Do you know what sucks worse than a broken heart? Having to tell your kid why Uncle So-and-So didn’t greet him at the shopping mall today. Kids don’t get it. And they most certainly don’t deserve it.
And if she doesn’t allow just anyone around her kid, that’s okay too! You know the kid is there. They exist. They aren’t going anywhere. Don’t make senseless, selfish demands, as if she has all the time in the world to spend with you. You are not her everything. Maybe you can claim a top spot on her list of priorities one day when you put a ring on it . But until then, recognize that this amazing super woman has a lot more than you on her mind. Encourage her, support her and applaud her.
And anyways, breaking up is harder when you’re a single parent. You don’t have the freedom to take your mood out on those around you – because chances are “those around you” are your kids. You don’t get to lie in bed for days on end, refusing to function because the hurt is unbearable. And you don’t have the space to allow ‘drama’ into your world. Your child’s stability comes first. Your baby’s mental and emotional well being is more important.
What worked for me? Well, I met an amazing man who was interested in being my friend FIRST, which made room for us (my son and I) to befriend him as a family. This guy took the time to get to know us, as a unit and individually, and he genuinely cared. No strings attached! No promises! No demands! I ended up marrying him.
So maybe you’re a single mom and you don’t want to sound like a desperate, needy “I’m not dating unless it’s serious” kind of girl. But hey, guess what, treating your heart (and your children’s lives) with the highest respect, IS serious business. You are a package – a bonus deal, if you will. It’s a beautiful thing! Treat it as such and you will unconsciously give others permission to do that too.
Disclaimer: I’m not saying that single mom’s hearts deserve more looking after than that of other women’s. We should all be treated with dignity and respect. But this one is for the babymamas.
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Tricks for curly chicks: DIY twist out curls
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I love curls! And I love that my one and only daughter has a mop full of locks that puts my “sleek” hair to shame. In my previous ‘tricks for curly chicks‘ posts, I spoke about various ways to maintain that curl. But this time around, I want to show you guys how to do super easy twist out curls, using my current, favorite curly girl product: Aunt Jackie’s. Let’s just say Aunt Jackie’s is to curly chicks what GHD is to straight haired chicks: The bomb dot com!
(BTW this is not a sponsored post, I just really love the stuff!) Even with my limited knowledge of curly hair, I knew that I didn’t want my kid to end up looking like the electrocuted version of Tina Turner. Fortunately, my very own curly hair guru, JustEllaBella, saw my pain and introduced me to this wonder product. Auntie Jackie’s makes hair care for little girls so easy! It is sulfate-free, paraben-free and has no mineral oil or petrolatum additives. I mean, you could drink the stuff. Well, not really. Please don’t drink it. But it IS super loving towards your hair.
I started off by giving her mane a good wash using Aunt Jackie’s Girls ‘Heads Up’ moisturising and softening shampoo. It makes a good amount of foam and smells delish. Oh and most importantly: It doesn’t strip hair of its natural oils yet still gives it a thorough cleanse. Rinse and repeat, and we were good to go!
Next, I applied a few dollops of the amazing Aunt Jackie’s ‘Baby Girl Curls’ curling and twisting custard. The thick, creamy formula is enriched with coconut oil, shea butter and extra virgin olive oil. It’s designed to combat that frizz and help give your curls definition. Totally legit! I applied and combed it through her hair.
The next step takes a bit of patience (from her side and mine). I popped on some Mickey Mouse (on the TV, not on her hair) and started twisting out strands of her hair. Depending on how full you want the hair to be, you could make the twists thicker or thinner.Once that’s done (it really doesn’t take that long), I simply dry her hair on low heat. As you can see (above) my girl was not keen that I was messing with her Mickey Mouse time. But she soon got over it when she took a glimpse in the mirror! She loves her twist outs! They eventually “untwist”, but that’s okay, because the curl has been formed and the product helps to keep it defined.
So, friends, what do you think? Would you give my Aunt Jackie (she’s not really my aunt… or a real person) a try? What is your curly hair regime?Clip note: Moms, I get mine at Clicks! They usually have sweeet 3 for 2 deals, every now and then. So that’s a great time to stock up! The range has a variety of different products, like hair oil and conditioners. But I’ll chat more about those later on.
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Help! My kid wants to date!
The other day, in mid-‘living my life’, my teen mentioned the word DATING to me. Gasp! My kid wants to date! The outcry! The audacity! The shock and horror!
I tried to not give him a look that said “boy, are you out of your mind?!” Because, I mean, the kid is growing up so it would make sense that he would show interest in this kind of thing.
But dating?!
So many questions came up. Like, would it affect his school work? And what does he expect to GET out of it? Is he ready for the commitment? And more importantly, am I ready for him to be ready for the commitment?!
I didn’t want to scare him away, while I got all up in my feelings, so I excused myself and took a moment to throw a silent, non-violent, facial-expressionless #momfit.
Taking a metaphorical woosah, before responding, gave me some clarity. And honestly, guys, up until the other day my boy had no interest in going to school dances or hanging out at a mall with friends because his XBox and younger brother were more than enough entertainment. We are very lucky that he’s content and not living past his years. But hey, he’s growing and changing and the last thing I want to do is make him feel as if he is doing something wrong, when he isn’t. So we had a heart to heart of sorts…and it wasn’t all that painful.
4 tips for tips for when your teen wants to start datingValidate their feelings
Teenagers are like mini-adults and the best thing you could do for your mini-adult is to validate their feelings. Let them know that you GET them. So that’s what I tried to do. I mean, hands up if you’ve done something forbidden behind your parents back. *raises all the hands* Yep, those were my hands. All of them. I’ve been there and I don’t want my children to feel as if they have to go down that route too. So we spoke about the girl/girls that he likes and how it’s okay to like someone and admire qualities about them.You don’t need to act on it
But with that said, we also explained that you don’t always have to do SOMETHING about it. Peer pressure and the “prescribed norm” ages our kids way faster than they are mentally ready. We explained that it’s okay to have friends that are girls and to hang out with them etc. But that doesn’t mean that you have to “cuddle” and *shudder* all these other things that his friends are doing. We spoke about sex. Yes, we didn’t use other words to sugar coat it. Sex is sex. I know his stance on it, but I also explained that both Chris and I had kiddies when we were still kiddies (remember, I told you guys that we had our sons before we even met) so it’s totally possible to go from “cuddling” to “more than cuddling” without even knowing that you’re headed there!Lay down the law
Once all the mushy stuff was said, I also had to lay down the law, because I’m the big person and he’s the little person (okay, okay, GROWING little person) and that’s how it works around our parts. We chatted a bit about what it means to be in a relationship and he agreed that maybe 16, 17, 18 (more like 30, 31, 32! aack) years old is a more mature age to commit to a whole other person. We spoke about what that would mean, how we would support him (chaperoning dates etc) and that he has all this time now to think about what it means to be in a relationshipGo easy on ’em but also, don’t
We laughed a lot and chatted about scenarios. We want our boys to grow up respecting women and treating the ones that they are close to with respect. Yep – I am not buying into that “my son’s a heart breaker” crap. Why? Because I have a daughter, and I will not allow my boy to treat a girl any differently to how we would expect a boy to treat our own daughter. Moms, you are raising someones future husband! You are raising someones future first love! I take that very seriously.Pray!
I figured that this last one right here is the most important, yo. I can’t always be with my kids but I know that God can. So I pray that they will make good decisions and I pray that they will be leaders in their sphere of influence and not followers who easily succumb to peer pressure. If you are a praying parent, it would also be a good idea to pray WITH your kids. It helps them to take responsibility for their feelings and actions.So yes, that was my horrific experience this week. And please, don’t be fooled, all of this looks REALLY good on paper – but truth be told I honestly don’t know how it’s going to turn out. But I do know that I want my kid to grow up to be a really superb adult and I figured that this is a pretty good start.
Moms, dads, what would you do in this situation? Do you have a plan in place for when your little one wants to start dating? Leave your wisdom in the comment section below.
Disclaimer: I received permission from my teen to share this post.
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The doctor said my baby could have down syndrome
A few weeks ago a phone call from my amazing OBYN turned my world upside down. She said that the blood tests, she had ordered, came back showing me as “high risk” for Down syndrome. My baby could have Down syndrome. My little Jonah boy had a 1 in 50 chance of being born with an intellectual impairment and/or physical abnormalities. She asked me to arrange an appointment to have diagnostic tests done so that we can know for sure. But I immediately knew that I was NOT interested in diagnostic tests. I did NOT want to “know for sure” if there was something wrong with my baby. There was just no room in my head for something like that. -
Give your family a “heart attack”
I love that February has been dubbed “relationship month”. I mean, if you’re not into Valentines Day and all the drama that goes with it, you are redeemed from the chocolates and red roses assault and can STILL enjoy the “month of love” by celebrating ALL the relationships in your life. It is with this in mind that I fell in love (pardon the pun) with the Valentines Day “Heart Attack” idea. Yep, I want you to give your family a “heart attack”. There, I said it.
This past Sunday, our wonderful Kingdom Kids children’s church at my home church, Word of Faith, sent home ziplock baggies filled with colorful paper hearts and the following instruction: “Starting Feb 1st, until Valentines Day, put a new heart on your kids door with a reason why you love them!”
I thought this was a brilliant idea for many reasons:
1. I am trying to develop a culture of speaking positivity and life over my kids. A “pick up your socks, why are you so lazy?!” speaking habit is such an easy trap to fall into. Our words have the power to build!
2. It IS the month of celebrating relationships anyways and why should that be limited to romantic partnerships? My children are important too!
3. It’s always a good time to let your children know why and how much you love them!
4. Let’s be honest, I’m not a craft mom and I probably never will be (because: lazy). This task seems easy enough and the reward is worth it!
If you’re looking to spoil your husband, you could do something similar (I would probably not stick it on our bedroom door though – I mean, who knows what these hearts could potentially say! If you know what I mean. *cough*). My brain wave is to have a romantic suggestion written behind, for him to cash in. A heart voucher, of sorts. How clever am I?Okay, I’m not really clever. Well, I am… but not in this instance. So, a big thank you to our wonderful Kingdom Kids leaders, for taking this fantastic initiative! (BTW they attribute it back to website Skip To My Lou.)
What will you be doing for your loved one/family this February?
