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Want to cook like a gourmet chef with Daily Dish?
So if you follow me on social media you may have spotted my cooking frenzy last week, as I attempted to cook with Daily Dish. Well, let me start off by saying that I’ve never been a fancy meal kinda girl. In fact, if anything, I’ve always opted for easy meal ideas for my family… mainly because I don’t have the time, know-how and (let’s face it) special ingredients needed to make fancy shmancy dishes. Are you like me? Well then friend, grab a seat because I may have something special for you. -
Spending more time with my teenager
It’s no secret: I am ill-equipped when it comes to understanding “teenager”. My son and I seem to be on opposite sides of the mental highway lately and it kinda sucks sometimes. Well, okay, most times. He is spending the holiday with his dad in Cape Town and as much as it pains me to be away from any of my kids, I also welcome the much needed break from having to deal with having a growing adolescent at home. But, to be honest, the break has also made me realize that I need to be spending more time with my teenager. And I’m guessing that making him clean the kitchen with me does not qualify as “spending quality time together”. Bummer. Back to the drawing board. Here are a few things I came up with instead: -
Why I don’t pay pocket money for chores
It’s tempting to ‘motivate’ children to do their chores with a little financial incentive. I mean, who’s really winning when you get to pay them just R5 to pack and unpack the dishwasher? But, there is a danger in this and it didn’t take us long to decide, as a family, that chores get done for free. -
MyMum: What’s the big deal about muslin?
I love that there are so many new and exciting products available for our little ones. I mean, if I had to choose between today and having to wash my babe’s nappies in the river, with a rock, I would choose today and all it’s new inventions, hands down. With that said, I was especially pleased to learn about MyMum – a PE based baby and mommy brand – and their wonderful muslin and breastfeed friendly products. I got to try some of it out and we would like to give you the opportunity to do so too! (More on that later.) -
Getting my groove back after having a baby
The female body is a wonderful thing. It has been designed with the remarkable ability to accommodate and grow a whole other person. Once the job is complete, the body knows exactly when to eject the tiny human being (albeit with some effort) and then, after birth, bounces back to it’s former glory (I use the word “former” loosely). Though there may be some notable changes to it, post-birth, your body can largely do everything that it could do before the making of said baby. And yet, after having a baby, you somehow still feel ‘changed’. Even if you look the same as you did before. -
Newborn photography tips
Swoon! I don’t know about the rest of you but I’m convinced that mine is the most beautiful baby in the whole wide world! There’s just something about a fresh baby that melts the heart. Small hands, small toes, inability to backchat (moms of teens, hollar!) The freshness, innocence and purity of a newborn baby is the stuff that broody feelings are made of. We decided to document Jonahs “freshness” but I knew that I had to call in the big guns. I mean, a newborn photo shoot is not exactly something one attempts at home with a cellphone camera. Enter: Michelle of Cutepix Baby and Child Photography! She shared some excellent newborn photography tips and helped to set my mind at ease as I prepped for Jonah’s very first photo shoot. -
My teen will not be watching 13 Reasons Why
So I jumped onto the ‘hip bandwagon’ and finally watched the hit Netflix mini-series, 13 Reasons Why. I had been told that it was a story about the suicide of a teenage girl and some people claimed that the show held legit life lessons that all teenagers could learn from. Sure thing, Suzy, but I need to get my eyes on this series first before I allow my kid to watch it. And you bet ya he’s been asking if he can! I must admit, the series left me feeling pretty disturbed, and for that reason my teen will NOT be watching 13 Reasons Why. -
Not worthy for Mother’s Day
I spent the latter part of my teenage years pretending to be a mother to my baby boy. The word ‘pretend’ may seem a bit harsh, but when you’re 19, being a mother is kinda the last thing on your list of things to do. I so clearly remember the day I gave birth. Seconds after the delivery, I laid there, in shock, thinking “I have a baby now”. I, Luchae, am someones mother! How did that happen?! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I was always aware that being pregnant usually resulted in a baby. But my young, impressionable mind did not realize the enormity of what that meant, until I saw my son for the first time.
My very first experience, as the recipient of a Mother’s Day greeting, left me feeling awkward and unworthy. The friendly greeter was a much older family friend and (even though he had the best intentions in mind) I was horrified that he was making such a public statement about my previous failure. I was a teen mom! How could I celebrate such an amazing day?! Where is the celebration in all of this?! How could I be celebrating something that had brought shame to my family and anguish to my parents?
Years went by and I treated each Mother’s Day with the same disregard – it was something that OTHER mothers celebrated. And hey, I’ll help them do it! Out came the fancy card decorating and the pretty present wrapping. I would help my son give his aunties and grandmother’s cute Mother’s Day gifts. But for me? Nothing. No thanks. I don’t want it. Deep down I believed that my admission into this wonderful world of ‘motherhood’ was forced, unnatural and before its time. My role in the grander scheme of all things “mom” was to play the background – be as inconspicuous as possible – and NOT brag about it!
It was only later on – after I had learnt to embrace my position as my sons mother – that I recognised the importance of my role in his life. Sure, the situation had not been ideal and I lacked the wisdom and experience needed to take on this big job. But the love and support showed to me by family members and friends made up for that a gazillion times over. At the end of the day, I had to GET OVER myself and my own inadequacies. This kid needed a strong, resilient mother figure in his life. I was being totally selfish by not allowing him to celebrate me on Mother’s Day.
These days I am mom to more than just one and I LOVE being celebrated as their mother. I cherish what that means to them and to me.
It is for this very reason that I love and fully support the Embrace #MothersDayConnect initiative. To think that there are hundreds of young women, around the country, who like me joined our motherhood tribe feeling overwhelmed, ill-equipt and unworthy of celebration! I know how that feels.
It is with this in mind that I would like to encourage you to share Mother’s Day, this year. No, we don’t need you to make a grand gesture, or give a lecture, or collect money. We’re simply asking you to help us let as many new moms, around the country, know that: “I see you. I see your baby. Thank you for your sacrifice, Mama, and Happy Mother’s Day!” Mothers based in Port Elizabeth, Cape Town, Joburg and Durban will be offering up one hour of their Mother’s Day to simply sit with a new mom – one woman to another – and make her feel less alone. Your smile and kind words are more powerful than you think!
I am hoping to lead a group as we visit one of Port Elizabeth’s state hospitals (Dora Nginza) to spend a few minutes with some of the moms and new babies there. Are you keen to join me? I would like to put special packs together and maybe even offer the mommy a baked treat, as a Mother’s Day gesture. If you’re in, drop me a comment below or email me at admin@spreadsheetbrain.co.za to let me know. YOU can be a light to a mama in need, this Mother’s Day.
For more information join the movement on Facebook.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=uRlU_wGIcbM%2520frameborder%3D0%2520allowfullscreen
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Bath time with Oh So Heavenly
I’ll admit I’ve been feeling super guilty lately. My toddler is a mere 2 years (and a couple of months) old and soon, she’ll be relinquishing her title as “baby of the house”. Sob! My little pink curly girly will be a big sister curly girly! How could I do that to her?! Okay, okay, I’m calming myself down. I know that it’s probably just the preggy hormones. I’ve been finding different ways to emotionally and mentally prepare the both of us for the new addition to our space. I try to spend a lot of time with her and instigate conversations around baby Jo and what life will be like once he is here. This weekend we did a girls pamper, thanks to Oh So Heavenly, and we had a few random pamper day conversations (I mean, are toddler convos anything BUT random?) and here’s what went down: -
Dissecting my role as a stepmom
According to some movies, the stereotypical stepmother is usually someone reminiscent of the ‘Wicked Witch of the West’. Well, I’ve been a stepmom to my stepson for about 3 years now – and in his life for about 8 – and I’d like to think that my witch tendencies are at a minimum. Mind you, it’s not always easy to be a supplementary mom to a kid who already has a very present, hands on mom. In fact, what is my role as a stepmom anyways? Besides for being married to the kids dad, I mean. And how do you avoid overstepping boundaries?
Look, its a no brainer, blended families are more predominant in this day and age, that’s for sure. And with it comes the challenge of making it work, while keeping all parties happy and the development of the child on the forefront. Some of things that I’ve found works for me (well, I hope it’s working!) is:
1. I don’t interfere
This is a hard task to see through, especially when you have a spreadsheet brain and a gazillion other children of your own. But I have found my greatest reward in having Hubstopher allow me and Kyle’s dad to “parent” our son together as much as we can. It is with this same respect that I allow Hubstopher and my stepson’s mom to parent their son together. I’m talking about giving them space to make those hard decisions and discuss the best way forward for the kid. Look, if you’re putting your ego into this, you’re probably not doing it right. As a stepmom I want the best for the kid. And sometimes that means I need to keep my mouth shut.2. I don’t expect anything in return
The thing about being a parent – whether it be step or bio, adopted or in-law – is that it’s a selfless job to take on. I’m not out here waiting for a round of applause after I’ve changed my daughter’s diapers or cooked my son a meal. Why should it be any different for my stepson? And if I want recognition, who best to get it from than the kid himself? I don’t need a pat on the back from family or friends or the parenting community of the world. Your pat on the back can’t buy me food or Steri Stumpies.
3. I don’t compare
If you’re comparing your stepchild to your bio child, and wondering why the one can’t be more like the other, I’ve got news for you: Each child is different, even if they came from the same womb. Kyle is stubbornly independent, whereas Seth can be a bit more clingy. But I attribute that to their personalities and characteristics. Each child is to be celebrated. Creating comparisons, even if just in your head, opens a door for negative thinking. Red alert, stepmom: avoid that stinking thinking bug! Pretty soon a thought turns into a feeling and a feeling into a deep rooted issue and before you know it, you’re the ‘Wicked Witch of the West’. Not a good look.4. I don’t try to be the “cool” parent
As a step parent you often wonder if the kid even likes you. And yes, you could go about doing things to please them and get on their good side. But guess what, I have rules in my home and those rules apply to ALL our children. I don’t need you to like me and I don’t need you to think that I am the coolest parent. Why? Because I want you to grow up to be a really amazing human being, that’s why. If any of our kids think I suck for not allowing them to stay up till 3am to play XBox, oh well. They’ll get over it. (Analyses based on a true story.) There are other people in my life who think I am exceptionally cool. I’ll be okay.5. I don’t assume the role of Mother
I’m not the kids mother. That’s that. I will always do my best to include him in everything but for me to expect him to treat me as if I am the first lady in his life is absolutely ludicrous. I do understand that there are situations where the bio mom is not present, and I totally get the beauty in having a stepmom take over that role. In my situation, this is not the case and that’s okay too! In fact, when Mother’s Day comes around I expect him to honor his OWN mom. Not getting chocolates or flowers or a handwritten card won’t devalue my role, as stepmom, in his life. I wouldn’t mind a nice cup of tea though. In fact, I want a cup of tea right now actually. Someone?With all of this said, allow me to reiterate that I am NOT perfect. I am a work in progress! Our family has its own set of challenges and bumpy roads to overcome. But hey, I’m sure every family does – no matter what ‘family’ looks like to you.
What are your thoughts on the topic, ladies? We’re all learning here. Are you a stepmother? Have you found ways to make your relationship with your stepchild work? Please share them with us!
