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2019: Here’s what went down
It’s been a while. I mean, the last time I blogged was, like, last year. (har har har #momjoke).
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I spent the past few days wondering when the heck 2019 happened and if I can get a do over. It’s honestly one big blur and the parts I do remember makes me want to cringe. 2019 was messy, for the most part.
So, in true spreadsheet brain style, I thought to observe my pain and suffering in Sherlock Holmes style.
I mean, why hide when you can reminisce-side. (I couldn’t find an appropriate word that rhymes with “hide”).
Anyways, herewith please find my annual ‘here’s what happened last year’ montage. That’s right folks, it’s a blog montage! *insert spirit fingers*
Recap of 2019January
I went into January 2019 being so thankful for my life because we had just survived a crazy car accident that, basically, wrote off our car. I didn’t want to talk about it, because emo, so instead I wrote a bunch of stuff about the new year like how to nail your goals and how to be healthier etc.Very non-confrontational of me.
I added a bunch of other stuff in there (you know, to sufficiently distract me from my feelings) like that Fiver Party Trend and choosing the right school for your kid etc. I also threw in some deep moments, just for fun, and spoke smack about my Hubstopher (because, you know, marriage) and told you guys that I don’t want to be a nice person anymore. Subliminal blog post, anyone?
February
In Feb ish got real. For starters, I finally spoke about the accident. But I also ‘fessed up about how I think we are ready for another baby. I know, this coming from the woman who barely coped with the four that she currently had. (I evens mentioned the ‘not coping’ in another blog post). Yes, I was a walking conundrum.Oh and I threw shade at people who aren’t lekker in life (because my feelings were just that much) and told you guys about the weird Momo trend on Youtube.
March
So March issa birthday month and everybody knows how serious birthdays are to my spreadsheet brain! Like, my birthday should be an official National Public Holiday, I swear!Anyways, I got right in there with the birthday posts. I spoke about lies I often tell myself when I realise I’m one year older and I even wrote a letter to younger me. (Issa yearly introspection month too, clearly)
For balance I added a marriage-ey post into the fray and I showed you guys how totally adorbs my little girl is. She modeled a bunch of Winter looks, in her Lil Punk Boutique tutu skirt, and I couldn’t be more proud!
April
April means Easter and mallow eggs, right? (I mean, it’s a duh) So I did a mallow eggs comparison on the blog because I know how important this kind of thing is to us moms.I also wrote a post about “step monsters” (because all stepparents are monsters, another duh… yes, I am rolling eyes at myself) and jotted down some of the perks of being married (hint: it involves not having to ask for directions).
Oh and I let you guys in on a secret: I was preggers with kid number 5! (I feel like this vindicates all the hormone-ridden blog posts, so bail a sista, would ya)
May
I spent a large part of May thinking about and talking about and, well, writing about baby stuff. I was buzzing with excitement, you guys!For starters, I wrote a bit about how motherhood strips you. I also chatted about how my kids took the news that we’d soon be one man up, so to speak, and when we were planning on finding out baby’s gender (hint: the answer is never… well, atleast not while I was pregnant).
We were also prepping for our 2019 ECMeetUp!
June
June was filled with a bunch of posts about blogging and social media. I mean, besides for the usual ECMeetUp banter, I also told you guys how to stay classy on social media and gave you tips on how to start blogging.Of course there was a pregnancy update, oh and I unleashed my negative body issues on your poor, unsuspecting brains. Sorry about that. Hormones and what not.
July
As far as months of the year goes, July 2019 was a really emotional one for me. If you thought the start of the year was emo, this one was super saiyan emo.I mean, I laid it all on the table and made you guys look (ala Bird Box zombie). For those of you who stuck it out… shalom, friend. Thanks for staying even when I word vomited about my kid’s matric farewell drama and the fact that I was being a negative nelly about my pregnancy. Oh and I wrote a whole post about poop. You’re welcome.
I was also kinda informative, talking to you guys about matric farewell planning, newborn checklists and how to turn a breeched baby. All in all a pretty well rounded collection of posts… right?
August
Twas a month for baby related posts such as: Baby drop safes, Baby name choosings, Baby bag packings and, my fave, my birth story! That’s right… our Asher was finally born.
September
Pain. That’s all I have to say about September. But I managed to kick out a whole blog post about how to prepare for a C Sec birth AND I tackled the #menaretrash trend.October
In October I told you guys about Jo’s trip to the operating theatre… the kid had swallowed a coin and it was stuck! He’s okay now, thankfully.I spoke some more smack about my Hubstopher and ran a Faith over Fear series where a bunch of amazing writers and bloggers shared their faith stories with us! You guys need to read this! Click on these links to read stories by: Me, Timann, Sherayne, Nadine and Kim.
November
More Faith over Fear posts, this time by Megan and Tamsyn.Also, you’d want to read my thoughts on having a big family, my Hubstopher who doesn’t buy me Christmas presents and why I combo-feed my baby.
December
The last month of the year is usually dedicated to my Christmas Crazy. I mean, I take it pretty seriously. This year was no different. I ran so many blog giveaways that I thought of adding “everybody’s getting onnne!” to my blog bio.I was also so keen to introduce ya’ll to Girltivity, the kwaai Springbok Monopoly, Baby Born dolls (they really poop, you guys) and the gorgeousness that is my daughter, modelling some hot Barbie x MRP fashion. Oh and I baked (shocker).
So that’s my 2019… a hodge podge of feelings, being pregnant and product reviews. Atleast there’s a wide variety of content, right? If you’d like me to chat about anything specific on the blog next year, let me know!
Image: Header by Freepik
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Christmas gift idea: CUM Books daily planners for the whole family! {Giveaway!}
If you’re looking for that perfect gift idea for someone who, like me, gets a little thrill at the mere thought of having to plan something, well look no further friend! Us Polly Planners love stationery… and we go gaga for really pretty and clever bullet journals, wall calendars and daily planners. I mean, you could call it an obsession, but not to my face.
Anyways, I recently received a bunch of fabulous daily planners and devotionals from our friends over at CUM Books and I pretty much went mental! Everything is so gorgeous! And there is something for everyone!
For her
I’ve always been so impressed with CUM Books wide variety of gorgeous daily planners. In spite of the digital era (and yes, I do have a digital calendar) I find that jotting things down in a planner (even thoughts and prayers, yo!) brings me to an immediate place of calm.
In fact, going into meetings, or simply planning my kids birthday party, is made so much easier when I know that I am storing information in one place, for easy reference. But besides for that, a beautiful daily planner makes me feel way more organised, even when I’m not! I know, I’m pretty loony toons sometimes. If you’re just like me (welcome, friend), then you totally should show this post to your husband and ask him to get you one of these:
Daily Planner For Women 2020 Large Grace And Glory Rose Gold/Zip (LuxLeather)You guys know (because I speak about it all the time, like a crazy person) that I am a sucker for the stunning CUM Books, luxe leather, zip up daily planners. In fact, I’ve had one every year for the past five years and it goes EVERYWHERE with me.
I was so chuffed to get my hands on this rose gold detailed 2020 planner… I’m all set for next year, friends! Besides for the weekly scripture and inspirational quotes that I simply LOVE reading, I also appreciate the ample space for daily appointments, prayers and priorities. I use the monthly planning to scope out my whole month and I enjoy the “page a day” styled lay out, for my day to day planning.
There are a bunch of handy info kits in the planner, such as a list of public holidays, international dialing codes, measurements and conversions, and a wedding anniversary gift guide. This would make a perfect Christmas gift and it only costs R200. Bargain.
Daily Planner For Women 2020 Living Life Well Floral (Hardcover)If you’re a busy lady, wanting to make sure that you’re keeping your priorities in check, then this is the daily planner for you! Complete with space for daily appointments, prayers and even a space to jot down your daily priorities, this hardcover is the perfect hand bag addition! I like that it also offers you a monthly planner and that you’re able to plan ahead for 2021 in it, as well.
And friends, you KNOW I’m here for the scripture verses and inspiring quotes, strewn through out the planner. I mean, sometimes it’s exactly what you need to read on that specific day. God is intentional like that, yo. The Daily Planner For Women 2020 Living Life Well retails for R190.
Wirebound Daily Planner 2020 His Mercies (Wirebound)
If you’re looking for something a lot more lightweight, to quickly jot down appointments and notes in, the CUM Books selection of wirebound planners are perfect for you. Unlike the “page a day” planners, this one will help you to get a brief overview of what your week will look like, in once glance, and provides space for priorities and even a shopping list.
Oh and, yep, the designs are beautiful! These are such a bargain at only R49 each!
For him
My husband is not the most organised person in the world. There, I said it. And this is not me bashing him… the man has other strengths and that’s okay. I found my greatest joy (I’m such a simple folk) in teaching him how to use our shared digital calendar. This way we both always know what is in each other’s diary’s. BUT, I’ve discovered that he also needs to have a physical calendar/diary with him each day.
These are usually filled with day-to-day doodles and important information (written on the wrong date… sigh). He also enjoys having a handsome looking diary to take with him into important meetings. Because of this, I always make sure that he has one of the beautiful CUM Books daily planners with him. There are a range of diary’s available for men. Take a look at these!
Angus Buchan Daily Planner 2020 (Hardcover)Renowned author and evangelist, Angus Buchan, features in this stunning hardcover planner. With sepia-toned text, ample space for notes, addresses and personal information and inspirational verses and quotes from Uncle Angus himself, this makes for a really rad Christmas gift! Retails at R190.
A Year of Grace Large Print (Hardcover)
Pair your planner with a faith-filled daily devotional, like this ‘A Year of Grace’ hardcover, also by Angus Buchan and you kinda have the perfect gift! These retail at R250.
For the kids
I recently shared about the new Christmas gift trend that is encouraging parents to not overspend when shopping for their kids, this Christmas. So the mantra is: “get them something they want, something they need, something to wear and something to read.” I simply love this!
I think that a great school diary is definitely a “something they need”. CUM Books has a range of trendy devotionals, inspirational school diary’s and daily planners that would definitely have your kid’s eyes gleaming on Christmas morning. Check out some of my faves:
My School Diary 2020 (Paperback)This funky daily planner is designed to help young learners stay on top of their school work, while doodling their way through the year. Some of the features include an assignment planner, grade tracker and exam timetable template. I also really love the addition of a list of multiplication tables and a list of tricky words and how to use them correctly. Seriously, how clever?!
As always, the diary comes complete with encouraging scripture verses and inspirational quotes, to keep your young learner inspired and thinking positively. This is an absolute bargain at only R49!
The One Year Mother-Daughter Devotional (Paperback)If you’re a mom of a pre-teen or teenager, you will find such reward in this breathtaking ‘One Year Mother-Daughter Devotional’. Firstly, I am so inlove with the idea of walking through a devotional with my daughter.
This one, in particular, is designed to strengthen the relationship between a mother and her daughter, as they spend time with God together. The “girl gab” section will help the pair to better understand scripture and their personal relationships with God. Topics for the devotions include modesty, purity, self-esteem, handling emotions, witnessing, living the faith. This one retails at R200 and is also available in Afrikaans under the title Die Eenjaar Ma en Dogter dagboek.
Win a CUM Books 2020 Daily Planner hamper for the whole family!
We’re giving away a stunning 2020 Daily Planner hamper, compliments of CUM Books! To enter, simply follow the prompts below:
1. Find the specially marked post on Instagram and follow instruction to grab 1 entry.
2. Find the specially marked post on Facebook and follow instruction to grab 1 entry.
3. Comment below and let me know which of these planners have caught your eye, to grab 1 entry.Giveaway open to SA residents only. Duplicate entries will not be counted. Winner announced on 6 December and has 24 hours to claim prize.
This review and giveaway was done in collaboration with CUM Books.
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My husband won’t buy me Christmas presents (and other wifey drama that he puts up with)
If ever my husband should question whether I really love him, I would cutely point out that I am still married to him even though he doesn’t believe in buying me Christmas presents. (And the crowd goes gasp!)
I mean, one would think that he’d catch a hint after years of me giving him a death stare when he proudly retorts that HE is, in fact, my Christmas present. (It wasn’t funny 5 years ago, and it’s not funny now) But alas, here I sit, a grown woman, hinting really hard that I’d like to unwrap more than just the gammon and salt beef this Christmas. (I’m talking about festive meats, get your head out of the gutter, Sheila!)
Seriously though, I’m a sucker for all things Christmas. You guys know that when 1 December hits, I’m all about decking the halls with bells of holly. (Fala lala laaaaa) And, to be honest, I’m here for all the gift buying and presents wrapping. I think I enjoy giving Christmas gifts more than receiving them. (I know, what madness is this?!)
But, the other day, while planning my festive shopping list, I realised that Hubstopher and I are so consumed with making sure that our kids have the best Christmas, that we kinda forget about each other.
I mean, knowing my Hubstopher, he will pretend (or not really pretend, let’s be honest, the guy’s dramatic sometimes) to be so blown away by the specially wrapped socks and hand drawn card that Kari will give to him. (Yeah, it’s socks again this year, sorry babe).
And, knowing my Hubstopher, he would probably have forgotten to make sure that there’s something cute/silly under the tree for my kids to give to me. I mean, I’m sure the guy loves me (cough cough) but, truth be told, we have a lot going on.
Having children kinda changes Christmas for you. Sure, everything is just better because you get to experience Christmas through the eyes of your kid (hint: magicalness guaranteed). But, your focus changes. Your priorities shift. And suddenly YOU are not the the most important thing in your world.
Christmas changes a little bit more, with each new addition to our family. It’s as if you become a little bit more selfless with each whole new person that you have to look after.
We have FIVE children, you guys. Life right now kinda resembles living as if you’re on a post-Apocalyptic Earth… you know, reserving your energy and resources for important things. Five children means five gifts to buy and five whole other bodies to herd, as we motor from one family member’s home to another. Five is a lot. Five is overwhelming.
So, if my Hubstopher is doing a great job at giving all five kids a great Christmas then I forgive him for not getting me a Christmas gift.
The real present is his presence… getting to give each other an excited smile, as we watch the kids at the tree on Christmas morning. The gift is in the togetherness, when we show Kari how to use her toy for the first time. Or when we hear what Kyle wants to spend his “Christmas money” on. (Because money is a gift nowadays, did you know?)
The gift is going to the Christmas service, at church, together and hearing the kids sing the Christmas hymns and carols really loudly… and then going to visit our parents, where our smallies get to enjoy time with their cousins as our older boys put their screens aside, to play a new board game together.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that family is the real gift. And getting to spend another Christmas with my husband and kids is the only gift I want.
But, like, don’t tell my husband that.
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Combo-feeding helped me breastfeed longer
Few things in life are as deeply satisfying as seeing your baby’s content face after they’ve been fed and burped. I mean, that’s the ultimate goal, when they are that little… you know, to get them to a place of contentness (i.e. dry, fed and burped). We do this because, well, for starters it’s against the law to starve your child. But also, we do it because when your child is content and happy, you are at peace and can finally rest.
And so when I started on my breastfeeding journey with my newest munchky, Asher, I knew that something was up when I wasn’t feel this peace and rest even after he had happily dozed off post-burp. I wasn’t at peace because I was kinda bracing myself for his next feed. In fact, I secretly hoped and prayed that the kid would sleep for as long as possible, cringing every time I hear him cry because that would mean that I would need to feed him again. Yeah, no drama, it was that bad. I was ready to give up.
The truth is that the start of our breastfeeding journey was bumpy. I had just experienced my first C Section (unprepared) and when he first latched, I didn’t consider the fact that laying in a flat down position (because of C Section) would mean that he wasn’t latching properly. The intense nipple pain that followed for like, 5 weeks, is something that you would find in a Stephen King novel… horrific. I’m talking “Bride of Chucky” bad.
It was then, during those painful early days of breastfeeding that I introduced my baby to the bottle for the first time. I expressed milk using my beautiful Medela mini electric pump and the kid took to bottle like a flippen champ. (Thanks to the cleverness of the Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature bottle, soother and nipple shields. No lie, it’s genius!)My plan was to toggle between bottle and breast until my nipples were somewhat healed and then go back to exclusively breastfeeding. But guys, something else happened… my two littlest kids (who were 4 and 2 years old at the time) started acting up. They were missing their mama and couldn’t understand why this new guy was hogging all the attention. It’s kinda hard to snuggle with your other kids when you permanently have a baby attached to your person. My kiddies needed me, but I didn’t want to stop breastfeeding Ash (who was cluster feeding as if he was permanently starving). All these barriers kinda stole away from the joy of breastfeeding. It suddenly felt like a burden.
It was ’round about this time that I had to make the decision… give up the boob OR attempt to combo feed. I chatted to a few moms and discovered that combo-feeding was a thing and people have been doing it, successfully, for many years (apparently I live under a rock). I mean, it wasn’t a foreign concept.
And so our new routine was birthed. He now bottle feeds once or twice a day and the rest of his feeds are still with me.
Friends, I know, breastfeeding is beautiful and magical and all of that but combo feeding totally freed me up! (Also, my nipples are rather ecstatic.)
I no longer feel “trapped” (for lack of a better word) when it’s feeding time but I have other things to take care of. My baby is fed and happy… which means I’m calmer and at peace, able to care for the needs of ALL my kids. Oh and double score: Ash still gets his breast milk straight from the, uh, cow, majority of the time.
Mood: Feeling like a Unicorn Mom.
I’ve learnt that breastfeeding is not an all or nothing situation… I mean, I can still breastfeed my child AND give him a bottle (and formula nogals) now and then. Obviously the more breast milk baby gets, the better. And there are great perks to exclusively breastfeeding… it’s probably the most magical experiences on earth (besides for actually giving birth to your baby, and like, going to Disney Land and stuff like that). You can read more about the magic of breast milk in a post I wrote here.
But, hey, sometimes a mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do to stay mentally and physically healthy enough to love and care for her kids without putting her sanity on the back burner. No regrets here, whatsoever.Also, I’m quite chuffed with my kid for being clever enough to take both boob and bottle without, you know, throwing his toys out of the cot (see what I did there). I mean, who can blame him… he has a Unicorn Mom.
If you want to know more about how to successfully combo feed, you can read these:
Baby Center
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The pros and cons of having a big family
I sometimes wonder if I give off a false sense of “okayness”. I mean, I’m not sure if I accurately portray the fact that it’s flippen challenging to parent many (many) kids while maintaining your sanity, career and marriage all at the same time. I’m sure that having a big family (AND a blended family, nogals) may appear to be very Kardashian-esque… you know, all quirks and light-hearted bickering while eating salad in the kitchen at midnight. But having a large-ish family is not all TV sitcom moments and learning life lessons the quirky way.
So to prove a point (aka my kids are all napping and I have nothing to do because I’m boring), I thought to list the pros and cons of having a big family:
Pro – After giving birth many (many) times, you’re basically your own midwife and your babies practically “walk out”. I know, the visual is gross, but you get the gist. You kinda know what to do and you’re more aware of your body and what it is capable of, so birthing your third, fourth and fifth kid is less daunting.Con – After giving birth many (many) times, your body forgets what shape it was in, pre-babies. I don’t know what “alone” feels like anymore. It also takes a touch longer to “snap back” because you have additional lives to care for.
Pro – You become an expert memory maker because you have a few more people to make memories with. I mean, now that we’re more than 4 people everything is ‘next level’ and I can’t help but be a little bit (read: alot ALOT) extra, when planning special celebrations, or weekend activities.
Con – You become an expert memory maker and therefore you are permanently tired and broke. Consider the fact that you now have to feed many (many) faces and paying a 50 bucks entrance fee is suddenly not as affordable because there are six of you.
Pro – You permanently have little arms around your neck or little voices filling your head with entertaining stories or older kids bombarding you with their big ideas and dreams. And when you’re sitting at the supper table, enjoying the symphony of voices, as everyone tries to tell their story at the same time, you catch your husbands eye and share a “isn’t this moment absolutely perfect?!” grin. It feels good to belong to a grand group of various sized people who each have their own personality.
Con – You permanently have little arms around your neck… like, constantly. Like, my child is practically a limb I never knew I had. Also, their voices do not have a volume control or mute button. And yes, its wonderful to hear your older kids big dreams but seriously, they often aren’t that realistic and it takes all the patience in the world to not want to tell them to go read a book. You catch your husbands eye and give him a death stare while trying to say the words “take your children away from me!” without, you know, actually saying it because that would make you a terrible parent.
Pro – When it comes to marriage, adding many (many) kids to the package makes it somewhat sweeter. I mean, you have miniature versions of both of you running around being all cute. The two of you get to work towards the common goal of raising your kids to be decent and successful adults and you feel a sense of accomplishment at each prize giving and school concert.Con – When it comes to marriage, adding many (many) kids to the package sometimes means that you forget that your husband was your boyfriend a few years ago. He has since graduated to driver, dog poop pick upper, shop runner and the person who allowed the toddler to tear your tissues up into tiny pieces while he was watching a soccer game. It takes some effort to maintain the spark in your marriage when you’re both drained emotionally and physically. And no, attending yet another school concert does not qualify as a date. Put some effort in, would ya?!
Pro – Your family photos are lit. I mean, there are a whole bunch of you and you’re all wearing outfits in the same colour scheme, so it’s very much Brady Bunch vibes. People see your photos on Facebook and Instagram and comment to let you know how blessed you are and how inspiring your family is and that you guys are parenting goals etc. I mean, life couldn’t get any sweeter than that.
Con – Your family photos are lit. No, I mean, one of your kids actually set your photo album on fire, while you were trying to cook, bath the baby, help with homework and have a constructive conversation with your husband, all at the same time. Jokes aside though, people see your photos on Facebook and Instagram and comment to let you know how blessed and inspiring you are and you say thanks (with a smiley face emoticon and/or a ‘lol’) but deep down you KNOW that its merely a fluke and the work of the Lord that you’re all still in one piece because raising a large family is pretty intense!
Okay, okay, I must admit, I gosh-darn love my big family! Is it hectic? Uhh yes! But do I regret having many (many) children? Uhhh yes again! KIDDING! I love my kids… I can’t imagine having a quiet life and being able to actually sit on a couch without someone needing me.
So even though I joke around about it, I am so thankful for my many (many) children and I look forward to receiving many (many) returns on investment once they are able to buy me Mother’s Day gifts.
Disclaimer: Whatever family looks like to you, I’m sure it’s beautiful! I am simply sharing from my own personal experience – i.e. a large family, with many (many) kids.
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Faith over Fear
What a time to be alive. I mean, without even factoring in the fact that I’m female; simply being a human being is reason enough to fear for your life now a days. Well, that’s what the news and media tells me. You can’t escape the negative news, even if you tried. And even though I think it’s a good idea to stay abreast with what’s happening, most of the time I wish I could unread some of the articles and news reports I find strewn across my social media.
Why? Well, simply because I try to live a faith-based life. Reading the news kinda makes me NOT have faith and before I know it, I’m living in fear, unable to build relationship or see the good in people. Unable to bypass the rationalisation that all people who look a certain way or live in a certain area is out to “get me”.
It’s pretty pathetic.
And, guys, I’m not naive. I’m not saying that my feelings are misconstrued or irrational. Gender based violence is an epidemic in South Africa. It’s a sickness… a disease… but it’s crippled our women and children for far too long!
FEAR IS NOT MY PORTION.
And this is the very reason why I refuse to allow the FEAR that is attached to news and social media reports to influence me. I’m so careful about the type of media I’m consuming. And, I always remind myself of the promises of God and that it overrides every negative report.
So, instead of fear, I choose to live a life of faith. I have faith that humanity is – to a large extent – not completely polluted with sickos, rapists and murderers. There ARE good people out there. I have faith that men will begin to step up… that protecting their friends, sisters, wives, children will become a priority. I have faith that our justice system will begin to favor the victim and not weaken the blow, when handing out sentences to criminals. I have faith that my children will live prosperous, happy lives… that as they walk with God, His plan for their lives will become clearer… that His hedge of protection will surround them as they live out His purpose.
It got me thinking about how often we lean on fear, as a crutch, when faced with some of life’s biggest challenges. It’s almost as if it’s a comfort – rather the enemy you know, and all of that – when in actual fact, it’s not our portion. Our portion is to live a life of completeness and wholeness… a life filled with love, peace and grace.
Fear is NOT my default and I won’t allow it to cripple me again. In fact, living a life of fear offends my very belief system.
Anyways, to build on this, I’ve invited a bunch of faith-inspiring bloggers to join the conversation. I will be posting a “Faith over Fear” guest post, every Thursday (it is mos thankful Thursday mos), to help build YOUR faith and to remind all of us that we have a lot more good on our side than we realise.
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Are all men trash?
When I was about 10 years old, a friend’s grandfather tried to French kiss me. I remember his gums and gaping mouth coming towards me, as he gingerly put his arm around my shoulders and tried to pull me close. The old guy had invited me into his house knowing full well that my friend (his granddaughter) wasn’t there. He had intentions.
Fortunately, I was a fiesty thing. I broke away from him before he could ensue damage on my young body, and ran all the way home. I did not see him again and I didn’t tell anyone. And, the funny thing is that despite the gross memory, I feel like I’m one of the lucky ones. I mean, my story could have ended differently. I was fortunate enough to not have another man’s unwanted hands on my body.
But after the recent surge in femicide awareness, I realise that I still feel like a victim of abuse, to an extent. I mean, abuse is a strong word to use, but I don’t know how else to express the feeling.
And honestly, my feelings of abuse has nothing to do with the old man.
My feelings of abuse is tied to every single guy who has crossed my path and objectified me simply because he saw a body and wanted to get his piece of it.
Let’s call this guy a “he” and let’s say he is a decent, respectable young man who would never try to harm a girl.
My question to “him” is: what does femicide look like to you, Sir?
I mean, sure “he” didn’t rape me. But he has made advances on me solely with the intention of wanting to have sex with me, whether I gave him the impression that I wanted to or not.
Sure, he didn’t physically assault me, but when he went back to his friends to talk about what a tease I am and how I look in “those jeans”, he kinda assaulted my dignity.
Sure, he didn’t end my life, but when he pretended to be someone else until he could “get one thing” and then dumped me for another girl, he kinda made me feel like the person that is Luchae, doesn’t matter.
He didn’t touch my body, but the crude way in which he spoke about it to his gang kinda undressed me already, whether I liked it or not.
For far too long, men have been treating the female body like a commodity. Some of them know how to sweet talk us into believing that they have our best interest at heart, go behind our backs and do the same thing to 3 other girls, and then they wonder why we call them trash.
What I’m saying is: sure give yourself a hand clap for not being a rapist or a murderer. Well done.
But if you’ve ever objectified the female body, disrespected a girl by discussing her anatomy, devalued a woman’s worth by dating and dumping for a better model because you can’t be satisfied or hey, maybe all you did was enjoy the new Bruno Mars video… you know, the one with the bare butts, dancing along to the music. Well then, Sir, you are part of the problem.
Take that as you will.
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My birth story: an unplanned C-Sec that changed everything
You know I’m always joking around about the fact that I’m a (self-acclaimed) preggy expert since I’ve been pregnant very many times in my life. And when it comes to birthing my babies, I’ve always opted for natural labour (unmedicated for the most part) because I know my body and I understand the birthing process and what needs to happen.
But when I was admitted to hospital on Monday afternoon, for an induced labour, I had absolutely no peace about it at all. In fact, I ended up crying (no jokes) because something did not feel right. But let’s start at the beginning:
“Imma push this baby out!”
We visited our OBGYN on Monday morning and he confirmed what we already knew: Asher was a big baby and if I wanted to birth him naturally, I would need to be induced. I mean, that wasn’t exactly what I had hoped for (you can read Jonah’s induction story here) and I wasn’t exactly thrilled at the prospect but I was just so darn eager to see my little bebe and I knew that if he were too big, there might be complications.
Anyways, fast forward to Monday evening. By this point they had already initiated induction, but they were going easy on my body (for many reasons, but I think it’s because I’m old haha) and were taking it slowly. By Tuesday morning nothing was happening you guys. And if you know my insides (which you don’t, also that’s gross, sorry) you would know that I usually labor very quickly and easily… especially after an induction.
It was at this point, that I lay in my hospital bed, sobbing… literally sobbing… because I did not have peace. I phoned Hubstopher a few times at this point begging him to convince my OBGYN to “cut me”. I gave him a gazillion reasons why I needed to have a C-Sec… none of them absolutely, like viable. But I was ready to announce that there was an alien growing in my belly, if it meant that they would rather opt for a C-Sec, over pushing the induction.
This, in itself, is absolutely a shocker… I mean, hello, spreadsheet brain here. The spreadsheet brained Luchae would never beg for a C-Sec (especially if I could labour naturally). But, you guys, I prayed. I asked God for peace. I cancelled this feeling of fear (or what I thought was fear). I pep talked myself and listed the very many reasons why I was probably being silly and why I needed to suck it up and give birth naturally, as I usually would.
But alas, no peace. Just an overbearing feeling of “something isn’t right” and “I can’t do this!”
My lovely doctor eventually made his rounds and after a brief chat, he was absolutely convinced that I know my body and I know what’s up and he is going to go with what I suggest: A C-sec. My very first one, ever in my life.
“Cut me, doctor!”
Joy to the world! Right? (Hahaha tell that to my tummy muscles right now). Anyways, the prep for the op went smoothly (albeit I was a bit freaked out, having watched enough episodes of Grey’s Anatomy to score me a doctor’s license) and I lay on the operating table literally still crying you guys. In hindsight, I must have looked like a damn fool, laying and crying while the other occupants in the room were cheerily chatting and going about their business.
A few seconds into “opening me up” (is mos), my OBGYN calls Hubstopher and says, you need to see this! The umbilical cord was wrapped around my little baby’s neck, not just once, but TWICE! The doc was in shock – we certainly had not picked this up via the ultrasounds. Doc reckons that if they had induced labor and tried to get me to push, baby would have been strangled, without a doubt.
My ‘feelings’ (now known as God who spoke to me) were correct… natural labor would have harmed my baby. Having that unplanned C-Sec saved his life. You can imagine the waterworks, after I heard that. I literally lay on the operating table, in a pool of my own snot and tears as the entire room erupted with laughter, as our boy, Asher, was born. A whopping 4,29kg of absolute gorgeousness!
Everyone knew that we did not know his gender, so it was kinda quirky and cool that when doc pulled him out, he immediately started peeing everywhere, as doc announced “it’s a boy!”… I mean, how like a boy, right?Anyways, we are currently recovering (and by “we” I do mean me and all my feelings) and yep, healing after a C-Sec is totally different when compared to natural labor. Guys, I have new found respect for moms who have done this more than once.
But more than that, I am so thankful that God’s hand was on Asher’s life on the day he was born. It could have ended a lot differently. He is so faithful! And I am so very thankful.
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Baby drop safes: are they really saving our newborns?
South Africa, we have a problem. Well, we have a few problems, but I’m not here to nitpick the state of the nation. I’m here to ask you guys how we are still finding newborn babies in rubbish bins when we’re (supposedly) putting all the preventative measures in place to make sure that this doesn’t happen?!
Now, teenage pregnancy rates and the sexual promiscuity of our young people aside (that is another topic for another day, when the very thought of not preserving innocence for as long as possible doesn’t infuriate me), I realise that our current problem of finding dead babies in rubbish heaps have become a shocking norm.
I mean, you guys, 65% of abandoned kids in South Africa are newborns. According to IOL, 90% of abandoned children are under the age of one years old. Read this and squirm: “The findings suggested that a child born in South Africa is at the highest risk of being killed during its first six days of life.”
What are we doing wrong? And, if the answer is “uhhh nothing, it’s not OUR fault, cheenie” then my next question is: Are we doing enough to stop this behavior?
I was mildly thrilled to read articles about new “baby drop safes” that had been installed across our metro. Yes, I used the words “mildly thrilled” because, honestly, it’s a great idea, but I don’t know how effective it’s going to be. (Well, judging by the fact that we’re still finding babies in dirt bins, I’m going to go on a gander and say “not very”)
Now, I know, gasp, how dare I say that the baby drop safe idea is not effective?! Surely it’s better than nothing, right?
But guys, hear me out, I’m not totally blind sided here. I’ve been a teenage mom. I know what it’s like to be the bearer of an unwanted pregnancy and wonder how the heck you can “get rid” of the problem. I mean, if I didn’t have a loving support system and a boyfriend who actually loved me and my baby, I’m not sure how our story would have ended.
But I do know that if I were a scared teenager, having just given unassisted birth in an undisclosed location, with no witnesses/help close by, the last thing I would want to do is take a walk/public transport with my “unwanted” newborn in my arms, hoping that no one sees as I drop him off in a baby safe.
There are just too many factors that will work against this. For starters, you’re bleeding, probably lactating already and surely you’re in pain. Secondly, you want to try to keep the baby quiet (because, yes even though it’s a precious life, at that point you are not in your right state of mind and the baby is evidence that you need to dispose of), so travelling with the child may seem like a really bad idea. And lastly, you might not even have the means to transport the child to safety… your clothes may be bloodied… your emotions all over the place. Suddenly dropping your baby off, at a baby safe, feels like the most difficult thing to do.
I mean, honestly, not that we want to make these things easy but, we kinda DO want to make these things easy. And as wonderful as a baby safe may sound (you know, like in Danielle Steel books and on Hallmark movies etc), when you’re a frantic new mother, not sure of what to do to dispose of the “evidence” of just having a kid, finding transport (and strength) to travel to another location, with baby, is the last thing on your mind.
We are often outraged by the very thought that a mother would want to dispose of her baby. And rightly so… it goes against our very nature, as human beings. But as I lay in bed last night, reading about another new life, snuffed out, before it even had a fighting chance, I couldn’t help but wonder what would have made it easier for the mother to get that baby to safety. What could we have done to help that
motherbaby?Perhaps an SMS/Whatsapp line, offering a veil of anonymity, where the mom could send a simple message to let authorities know where she left her baby? Perhaps a team of “baby collectors” who would be on high alert at all times, ready to find these abandoned babies, once they’ve received a message? Perhaps the opportunity for the mother to find help, should she be faced with guilt and regret a few days later… I mean, the SMS line could save a lot more than the baby’s life, yo.
I don’t know. I don’t have all the answers. But I do know that we need to start coming up with some, because our babies are dying before they’ve even had the opportunity to be loved, and that breaks my heart.
Disclaimer: Yes, Martha, I know, it is inhumane and cruel to abandon your baby and surely you could have enough decency to get it to a baby safe and blah blah blah. But this post isn’t here to solve the moral dilemma of moms who abandon their kids. This post is here to encourage conversation around how we can help to save those babies before it’s too late.
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What you really need in your hospital bag
Now, given the fact that I’ve been pregnant thrice in under five years, I’m kinda immune to the over-catering of things, when it comes to preparing for my pending birth. I mean, call it what you want (efficiency, wisdom, “she has two small kids and no time”), I’ve just decided to not be extra this time around and it’s giving me life.
With that said, when I started packing my hospital bags the other day, I realised just how much nonsense I packed when I gave birth to my other
minionschildren. I mean, have you tried rummaging through a bag filled with stuff, while trying to care for your freshly squeezed out (haha) newborn? Let’s just say I learnt a hard lesson in keeping my bags light and filled with necessities.Anyways, needless to say, I’m keeping things easy this time around and I thought that maybe you guys would want to know about it. (How presumptuous of me). So here are my mommy and baby hospital bag check lists… please, hold the applause:
What you really need in your hospital bag (for mommy):
Practical pajamas (because calm down Sophia Loren).
Seriously though, chances are you’ll be messing on your pretty silky pj’s anyways, so keep it practical and if you’re choosing to breastfeed, opt for button down tops, for easy access. You usually labour in a hospital robe, so your PJ’s are for afterwards, just fyi.You definitely want to take along a comfy gown as well.
Maternity undies and pads
Bless the person who was like “you know what, these maternity pads cannot fit into our teeny tiny delicate undergarments, so I’m going to create underwear that is big enough to accomodate it AND make it disposable too because aint nobody got time to wash that.”Seriously though, stock up on disposable maternity undies (The Carriwell brand is top notch, but the Clicks brand also does the job and is much more affordable) and maternity pads. You would need more than one pack. Just saying.
Socks and slippers
You want to take along your favorite comfy pair of slippers (again, let’s not get too fancy) and for some reason, your feet always gets cold during labour (I don’t understand it, but I embrace it) so take along a pair just in case you’re a weirdo like I am.
Breastfeeding gear
Comfy cotton breastfeeding bras are a must, if you plan to breastfeed. I know you get the cool, semi-padded clip ones. That’s nice. But when you’re introduced to your newborn, while trying to navigate your new body sans child, from a hospital bed, the last thing you want to worry about is clipping your bra. I love these cotton crossover bras for those early days. Simply pull down, to feed your kid. Ta daaaah! (BTW you could probably pick these up at a fraction of the price, in sports shops)You also want to take along your breast pads and nipple cream (remember, I swear by Lansinoh! Yes, it’s safe for baby.)
A towel
Some hospitals will usually provide a towel, but if you like your own stuff, you would want to take your own towel along with you.Toiletries
Most hospital’s also provide hospital-grade soap, in their showers, for you to use. To be honest, with my previous births, I found myself opting to use that instead of the fancy body wash I brought along with me. (Mainly because I’m not standing in the shower, lathering myself up, ala TV Advert moment. It’s an “in and out” kinda vibe, when you know your baby is waiting for you).Oh and you definitely need to pack your own toothpaste and toothbrush, Harriet.
Things I don’t take with: shampoo and conditioner, lotions and potions (unless you really need it), bucket loads of make up (if you must, maybe just the bare necessities?)
Frivolities
I use the word “frivolties” but these are the (often forgotten) little things that kept me sane:
– A set of earphones (if you are wanting to watch TV)
– A cellphone charger AND a 2 point plug (tip of the day: your plug point could be at an awkward spot, so consider taking along a portable charger and extra cable as well, so that you can toggle between the two)
– A few hair bands and grips to pin that hair back
– A packet of tissues
– Chapstick is a must
– Extra snacks… so very important! I’m not even joking. I’m always SUPER hungry after giving birth. Remember: breastfeeding requires that you stock up on resources (food) since your body has to create milk.Going home outfit
Now, I know that we see something else when we watch The Bold and The Beautiful. Our friend, Brooke Forrester, is selling us lies, ladies. Your body does NOT bounce back to it’s original state a day or two post-birth. So I usually take along a comfy pair of maternity pants and tshirt along, for my going home trip. Also, one year I forgot my shoes and exited the hospital wearing slippers. Don’t be like me. Do the right thing. Shoes are important.Important documents
Did you know that you can register your baby’s birth at the hospital? No jokes! This definitely helps with not having to stand in those long Home Affair’s ques! So don’t forget to have you and hubby’s ID cards on hand.
What you really need in your hospital bag (for baby):My baby bag is usually a lot less involved, but it looks a little something like this:
3 little onesies and vests
A hat and socks
A receiving blanket and a warmer blanket
Newborn nappies (I like the Huggies brand because it accomodates the belly button area)
Wet wipes and a gentle bum cream
Surgical spirits and cotton buds
Top to toe baby wash
Baby towelI don’t take along any other baby toiletries because, honestly, I just don’t feel that they need it.
Most hospital’s provide you with a baby bag filled with goodies. I usually send that home with Hubstopher, because everything that I need is in my perfectly curated bag that I brought along with me. I’m not going to give myself a headache trying to juggle between a gazillion different bags.So that’s it you guys. How efficient am I? (Read: Tired)
What other necessities did you add to your hospital bags? Please pop me a comment below, to let me know if I’ve forgotten anything.
