Parenting
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Breastfeeding is a pain in the boob
Breastfeeding is a pain in the, well, boob. Yes, as I said the other day, it IS glorious and magical and makes you feel as if you’re floating on a rainbow cloud surrounded by glitter unicorns and chocolate waterfalls. But also it’s a pain in the boob. In a literal way actually, since your breasts experience quite
somea lot of pain at some point of your breastfeeding journey. And yet, we carry on, pushing through the pain and discomfort; ignoring silent side eyes given in shopping malls and the need to sleep as we power through 3am pumping sessions. We carry on because the pain in the boob act of breastfeeding is, quite honestly, one of the biggest miracles of being a mom!It wasn’t all sparkly for me when I started my breastfeeding journey though. Mainly because it hurts, guys. Well, in the beginning, anyways. And not a “oh I have a headache in my boob” kind of pain. Nope, during the first few latches, the pain is a toe-curling, deep down in your soul, kind of pain. And then, when you’re over the worst and you’re finally comfortable with having a baby physically attached to your breast, you have to face your next hurdle: breastfeeding in public. This was the most mentally challenging part for me, yo. I cringed every time I had to whip my boob out in front of other people (even though “in front of” actually means “discreetly hidden behind a super stylish breastfeed cover”).
Pumping milk was another challenge. Man, when I see cows being milked, a piece of my heart goes out to them because my pain is their pain. Maybe it’s the act of knowing that you’re doing something that should be happening naturally. Or maybe it’s the staring into oblivion as you listen to the rhythmic buzz of your breast pump. Maybe it’s the feeling of having something pull at your nipple or the packing and unpacking of all the equipment and meticulous way you need to store and look after your expressed milk. All I know is: Moms who pump regularly should receive a medal of honor!Fortunately the Medela Harmony hand pump and the Medela electric have been total lifesavers. I actually used my Harmony while on a flight to Cape Town. Yep, right there, in my seat, under my breastfeed cover, pumping away as the air hostess (who happened to be male) asked me whether I wanted milk in my tea. (Oh the irony) Someone needs to hand me my Noddy Badge immediately.
Oh and let’s not even mention the worry that you might not pump enough milk for the following days feeds. What you eat is extremely important and if you’re on a strict diet, good luck Chuck, because you’re starving half the time anyways!So yes breastfeeding is a pain in the boob. It is more than just a nipple in a child’s mouth. It’s a commitment, a tolerance and a sacrifice… but the very best kind!
Weird how we even fight for the right to do this one thing that is so physically demanding and mentally draining. That’s because the pain in the boob act of breastfeeding does not compare to its rewards. It’s totally worth it. And no matter what your breastfeeding challenge is, you will always feel like a rock star when your kid’s pediatrician weigh’s him and says “oh wow, that’s a healthy weight”. The painful nips and 3am pump session a forgotten memory as you hide a smile and quietly tell yourself “yeah, that’s all ME, boo”.
(Clip note, I never actually use the term “boo” in real life, but that last sentence felt like it needed some gangsta.)
Disclaimer: I do believe that “FED is best” and I salute all those moms who have powered through formula feeds because that in itself holds a lot of challenges and rewards, so big ups to you. But this week is in celebration of World Breastfeeding Week, so mention must be given to those who breastfeed.
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Extra-murals and the toddler – worth the spend?
Is it just me or has there been a sudden increase in extra-mural activity options for our young ones? I mean, what happened to good ol’ ballet and karate classes? We’ve super-saiyaned guys, and our kids can literally learn how to bake after school on any given afternoon. With that said, I love my kids and as much as I want them to learn #allthethings I don’t know if it’s worth the spend.
We’ve been prompted to have the kideos join a local “monkeynastix” or “action ball” group. I mean, it seemed pretty exciting. Until I heard how much it costs. Sure, it’ll be great for the kid, but not so much for my grocery budget. So instead of catching feelings, about being the worst mom in the world, for not allowing my kid to learn how to catch a ball, I did some further investigating.I found out that toddler gymnastics and ball training activities are pretty easy and I could probably teach them to my kid, in the comfort of my very own backyard. But guys, guess what, kids learn through play – just like how we did “back in the day” when physical play was the norm. It reminded me that we need to get out with our kids more often. They need to build their little muscles through free play by learning to climb and jump and run and hop. They seriously don’t need a special class to teach them how to do those things. Sure there are perks such as socialisation and building core strength. But hey if you can’t afford it (me, I can’t) and your kid is getting enough physical play in, your child will be okay. I promise.
I will be enrolling my little’s for swimming lessons though. I was reminded of the importance thereof today, after reading Simone’s post about the near-drowning of her toddler. But other than that I’d much rather wait it out and see what my kid’s are interested in. I mean, I’m not going to send them for computer classes if they want to learn how to paint. We’re a family of music lovers, so “kindermusiek” or “Dance Kids” maybe? Well, we will cross that bridge when we get there (or is there a class for that too? hehe)Anyways, moms, what are your experiences with toddler extra-mural activities? Share your wisdom with us in the comment section below.
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Apparently teenagers turn into adults eventually
So my baby boy has just returned from his bi-annual visit to his dad in Cape Town and suddenly the kid looks more ‘man’ than ‘kid’. Not impressed. Not impressed at all. I don’t know what sorcery you Capetonians practice, but if you could return my baby boy to me in baby form next time, that would be great. Oh wait… I forgot, teenagers turn into adults, apparently. I believe it’s a condition that is most likely not reversible (unless you’re Benjamin Button, that is). So I guess I’m stuck with an ‘almost adult’ child. -
They said it would be easier… they lied
Whoop, there it is! You know… the “mom feelings” that tends to get all over the place while you’re trying to live your life. They have officially moved in. I thought that I had escaped it and that things would be different with this, my third baby. They said it would be easier this time around. I should be a pro by now! Somebody call Felicia Mabuza-Suttle… I deserve a feature already! Well, that’s what I thought anyways… until I realized that I had been catching mom feelings, yet again. And suddenly I was a pro no more.
Back story
If you hang out around here a lot you’ll know that the birth of my first two kids was extremely different. I mean, besides for the lack of husband or maturity that was prevalent when I gave birth to Kyle, more than 16 years ago, I also remember feeling really unprepared and inexperienced (which I was).It was a bit different when Kari was born. I was super duper “spreadsheet brain” prepared to the nineteenth degree of Oprah. I had read all the books, followed all the blogs, registered on all the websites. I mean, I could practically tell my OBGYN how to deliver my baby for me.
But as much as there were differences with my first two births, there were a lot of similarities too. I mean, when Kari was born it reminded me of the overwhelming sense of “this is my baby!” that I experienced when I saw Kyle for the first time, all those years ago. Those mommy feelings catch you unaware and you’re suddenly filled with an explosion of love, purpose and dedication to this tiny human. And it was the same with baby Jo – He’s mine! My baby!But, I must be honest, I was secretly hoping that those other mommy feelings would not follow too. I mean, with this smorgasbord of mom life surely I get to have a choice, right?
Well there were some things that I did NOT want, thank you very much. Things like getting so emotionally attached to your child that hearing him cry in the next room makes your heart jump out of its chest (and your boobs leak). And things like having second (and third and fourth) doubts about getting that babysitter, for a night out, because you can’t bare to leave your baby with someone else.
And let’s not even get into the dreaded “aaack my maternity leave is almost over and now my heart is broken” feeling. I did not want that. Thanks, but no thanks. Put it away, Penelope! I wanted to be independent of all those mommy emotions. I had planned to get out of bed, jet off to work, kick butt and take names (and all those other really cool ways to say that you did a good job today), without sitting and pining at my desk hoping that my little one is not missing me as much as I miss him.
And then, this morning, as I was staring at my beautiful Jo, I had to come to terms with the fact that I can’t escape it – I am his mommy! And yes, I have caught deep and heavy feelings. I’m utterly enamored with this fat cheeked boy! And I’m going to enjoy every minute of this feeling.It is in this vulnerability and weakness where we find our true mommy grit. That deep sense of compassion, fierce need to overprotect and overwhelming feeling of being inlove with this tiny human being who can’t even wipe their own bums yet… that right there is what ties you to this little heart. No one can love your child like you can.
So no, it never gets easier! Being a mommy never gets easier. Because the load is never light. Loving your kids will always weigh heavy on your heart and fill you with the deepest sense of belonging. And I’m okay with it.
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Why I don’t pay pocket money for chores
It’s tempting to ‘motivate’ children to do their chores with a little financial incentive. I mean, who’s really winning when you get to pay them just R5 to pack and unpack the dishwasher? But, there is a danger in this and it didn’t take us long to decide, as a family, that chores get done for free. -
My toddler is dramatic and it’s NOT my fault
My two year old brings the drama. Yes, my toddler is dramatic… there, I said it. Oh wait, you think I’m exaggerating. Let me put it to you this way: On a scale of one to Beyonce, she totally ranks when it comes to being over the top. And the thing is, Hubstopher and I are many things, but over the top dramatic is not one of them. (I’m serious guys… no, I mean, in real life, I’m a serious person) So I have no idea where this flair for dramatic expression comes from. Anyone else feel me? Do you have a dramatic, over the top, toddler and you have NO idea how they got that way?
Well, I don’t know about your kid, but mine can give you a stinky side eye, so stinky, that it burns. It’s a look that says “How DARE you!” and I promise she did not learn it from us. She is also quite well versed in being able to tell you that you’re wrong or that you need to leave her alone. Full sentences. Sparing no feeling. (Just ask Kyle who is met with “Go away NOW, Kyle!” when he so much as looks at her). My toddler is the drama in dramatic. But whose fault is it anyways?
I’ve always reiterated that my child is not in her “terrible” twos. She is a terrific two year old! (Speak life, and all of that) And I certainly don’t think that there is anything wrong with her or my parenting skills. Sure, Hubstopher and I do give each other “did you see what she just did” looks and stifle our giggles behind stern expressions. But we definitely do not encourage her to demand her way or our attention. So I did some research (because I have a spreadsheet brain, okay) and learnt that toddies still have a lot of cognitive development to, uhh, develop. They experience things with their whole being (that’s why little things are such a big deal to them). And even more so if the kid has a higher sense of maturity or awareness.Kari is exceptionally clever (I’m really not just saying so out of bias) so she is aware when you’re trying to con her into something or if you’re duping her to get something done. I’ve found that sitting down to explain things to her helps so much more than a simple “no girl, sit girl, lay girl, ata girl.” She wants to know the why’s and the why nots. With that said, she may not always understand the why’s and why nots. Sometimes I need to have a very elaborate back story to help her get it. “You need to brush your teeth so that the goggo’s don’t move in! Let me check and see… ahh okay no goggo’s yet… let’s brush quickly!”
Toddlers are frustrated when they cannot express how they feel or properly communicate their wants or needs. They are also not that skilled in switching from one activity to another yet. (Which explains why they may not do what you need them to do immediately or without fuss). They have no concept of time. They have no control of their emotions. Heck, most of them can’t even poop in a “big people” toilet yet.
In a nutshell, they are just tiny humans who are still busy growing! And that’s nobody’s fault. In fact, it’s a good thing, yo. Nope, they are not misbehaving or acting out. And nope they do not need to be punished or taught a lesson. What they need is to GROW and to be steered in the right direction (with patience and love) while doing so. And that’s a fact. So the next time you’re faced with an Oscar-winning performance, grab your toddler, give ’em a big hug and remind yourself that this too shall pass.
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Why being a mother sucks sometimes
Being a mother sucks. What? You don’t agree? Wait, maybe I wasn’t being clear: You know all the amazing parts of being someones mom? Stuff like hearing them call you “mama” for the first time and being able to snuggle up next to them as you read Good night, Mouse for the umpteenth time? Well, those things seem extremely over-rated when you’re exhausted after having to change your bedding (thanks to a massive squirt of newborn poop) and then have to referee an argument between a 2-year old and a 15-year old about who gets to sit on the “big couch”. Oh, hi there, excuse me where are my manners. My name is Luchae Williams and I am the proud
ownermother of one newborn, one toddler, step-mom to one primary schooler and mom to one extremely opinionated highschooler. Mental status: Currently losing my mind.I know, I know, I can hear what you’re thinking. And allow me to reiterate: I DO love my children and I am aware that there are hundreds of women who would give actual limbs to be in my position. But hey, sometimes being mom means keeping it real. And the reality is that my kids drive me crazy! Like “Gone Girl” crazy. Like shaving my hair off ala Britney Spears crazy.
Do your kids make you want to go to the toilet to just sit there, and enjoy the silence? Welcome, friend! Do you often find yourself thinking “oh, just go away!” with a smile on your face, while listening to another boring story about soccer? I see you, girlfriend! Have you ever dreamt about your life pre-children, with stars in your eyes and longing in your heart? I feel your pain, Jane! Does feeling this way make us bad people? Uhhh, nope. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes. Being a parent is not easy and if you think about it, no one asked us to be superhuman. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves?
You know the saying about kids being your heart on the outside of your body? Well that’s the truest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. And I’m old… so I’ve heard a lot of things in my life. The thing is, children trick you. They make you believe that you’re going to fall pregnant, or find that perfect adoption agency, or marry that guy, and suddenly be Super Parent… in a land filled with domesticated sunshine and roses and finger painting parties in the backyard. You chat about a future that holds sleepless nights, more expenses and less time for yourself and you actually think that you’re READY for it. But truth be told, you’re never really ready.And once that kid is there, in your world, in living color. Oh boy! There is no. turning. back. You are in it for life! Nothing else will be more important ever again. You find yourself semi-moaning (okay in this case alot-of-moaning) about how your kids tire you out and steal your time but the truth is, you don’t want and can’t see a life without them. And no amount of sleep or glitzy career moves or toned abdominal muscles will EVER come close to the way you feel when they call you mama for the first time or when you’re snuggled up reading Good night, Mouse for the umpteenth time.
You become vulnerable… all your mushy parts exposed… living life with your heart on the outside of your body, in tiny human form. And if you’re a spreadsheet brain like I am, you’ll probably think that being a mom sucks too because it feels SO good to belong to them… to be so weak and yet so strong. It’s beautiful and scary and empowering and so very humbling all at the same time.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s worth it.
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Our newborn photo shoot with Cutepix Photography
Remember how much I bragged about Michelle over at Cutepix Photography? Well, the proof is in the pudding and this post right here is the pudding, ladies and gentleman. Well, MY pudding, to be exact… look at that face! I was so chuffed to be able to plan Jonah’s newborn photo shoot with Michelle. After seeing the amazing way she orchestrated Kari’s first birthday cake smash shoot, I knew that I would be pleased with Jo’s pics! I saw this shoot as a way to capture the beauty of our Jonah, fresh out of the oven. But it was also a way to celebrate his life and all the promise that we see over it! I’d like to celebrate with you too! I will be giving away a very special gift at the end of this post. But first… more pics! -
Recovery after birth: how to stay sane
Whether you’re a first time mom or a ‘last time mom’, like me, the first few weeks after giving birth are usually very challenging. I know what you’re thinking: “What?! Is it not enough that I carried this kid around for nine months and then went through a very physical labour that resulted in me exposing more of my mind, body and soul than I care to?!” Okay, calm down, Patricia. Yes, post-birth can be just as challenging as the actual labour was. But it doesn’t have to be. I’ve found a few simple things that has really helped to make my recovery after birth more comfortable. -
Inducing labour: My birth story
As far as these things go, I’ve always considered myself pretty expert at giving birth. My first two deliveries were quick and easy and yes, there was pain, but I could handle it to the point that I laughed through most of the contractions. Literally, laughed. But the birth of my son, last Thursday was way different. I think that inducing labour played a big role in that. But hey, let’s start at the beginning:
The beginning
My doc knew that I was super keen to give natural birth. I was convinced that Jonah would practically walk out of my womb, so to speak. But my last gynae visit showed us a very big Jonah and he didn’t seem too eager to make an appearance anytime soon. Given the fact that I was a few days away from my due date, my doc suggested that we induce labour. I mean, the kid was growing each day! There was also the concern about him being too big for my pelvis and all the other medical mumbo jumbo that made sense. I asked doc for a week to try to get things going myself. If nothing happened, we would be back the following Wednesday.Inducing labour at home
And so the semi freak out began – I was determined to get labour started naturally! I even blogged about it over here, if you recall. Some of my concerns about a chemical induction was just that: It would be CHEMICAL. When you give birth naturally, your body releases certain hormones that makes it easier to do what it needs to do. It also helps you to handle the pain of childbirth. A chemical induction overrides all of this and is therefore more painful. Also, it could speed up the labour process which is not always a good thing, thus resulting in a C-Sec. And hey, there is nothing wrong with giving birth via Cesarean, but it was not what I wanted for me and my baby. Anyways, so I tried to induce labour at home but nothing seemed to be working! Finally, my Hubstopher grabbed me by the hands and gave me a good ol’ pep talk – “everything will be fine!” I decided to enjoy my last few days of pregnancy, because you know what, life is too short to do squats with a nearly 4kg baby boy lodged in your belly!Induction day
Finally Wednesday arrived – the day of the hospital induction. We packed bags and kissed our kids goodbye (which is another blog post for another day). I prayed and remembered all the things that I had learnt from the book that I had been reading – Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize. The book speaks about how God has designed our female bodies to form human life and give birth, naturally and successfully! I believed all of those promises for this birth. Once at the hospital, the nurse checked and saw that I was 1cm dilated. They decided to give it a night to monitor me and see if things will progress naturally. I watched TV, read alot, ate Macdonalds (no judgies) and a couple of hours later I had nothing to report. Nothing happened. Absolutely nothing. I woke up the following morning feeling like a loser. Jonah was meant to be here already!Don’t go chasing waterfalls
The doc decided to induce me at 9am that Thursday morning by way of Pitocin – a synthetic form of the hormone Oxytocin. In a nutshell, Oxy is your friend… it’s the hormone that makes your uterus contract and spurs on labour. Pito is the chemical version of this wonder hormone – it stimulates the uterus. It’s usually given to moms by way of vagina, orally or via an IV. Sometimes, it’s administered all three ways, in various stages of labour. My doc chose the former option and said that she might not even give it to me orally because she thinks it would be enough to get labour going. And she was right. I spent most of the day on the bouncy ball, to get baby moving in the right direction. My doctor came to see me at 12ish and at this point my contractions were mild. She then ruptured my membranes (aka “waters breaking”) and I am pleased to say that I finally had my TV moment. My waters came out in a gush instead of the trickle-trickle I had experienced with my previous two pregnancies. I laughed, and continued to laugh each time I had a contraction because the gushing did. not. stop. I’m talking “somebody left the tap open!” gushing waters. It was a good sign, apparently.Ish gets real
At 4pm the doc decided to administer Oxytocin via IV. This is meant to encourage the uterus to contract and let me tell you, the minute the hormone hit my blood stream, the contractions were super duper intense. I remembered everything that I had read in Supernatural Childbirth though. Every contraction is literally the muscles in my tummy doing it’s job to get my baby boy out. So that’s what I focused on, and I did it rather well, to the point where I heard my nurse tell the doc that I am “comfortable” and won’t be giving birth anytime soon. I had to call her and let her know that I am definitely NOT comfortable and I WILL be giving birth soon and she needs to check me to see for herself! She did and yup I was nearly fully dilated. She was totally shocked at my lack of dramatic screaming but I had peace and knew how to channel my energy into focusing on each contraction and not on the pain.I need to push!
At 6pm I told her that I need to push, she told me it would probably take me another hour and half to reach that point. But the Oxytocin had really kicked it and it made my contractions totally unbearable, so I asked her to switch it off because I knew that my body could do the rest without any help. We had to walk from the labour room to the delivery room and guys, I stopped halfway (yes, in the passage) because I needed to push! I got a bit dramatic over there (sorry other ladies, within earshot, who still needed to give birth) and the nurse stood behind me ready to catch baby Jo, just in case he fell out. He didn’t fall out, fortunately, and I made it to the delivery room with everything still intact.
Jonah is born!
Once on that delivery table there was no holding back… and I got pretty vocal. Jo was born in a couple of minutes and yep, it hurt like crazy! Compared to my other kids, he was a big baby at 3.9 kg. My Hubstopher cried and laughed at the same time. I was just really glad that it was finally over! The rush of emotions (considering the fact that I had zero pain medication, I can’t even blame the drugs) made me say a lot of crazy things while my doc was taking care of my episiotomy. I remember babbling a bunch of things like “Oh wow, why do women go through this? I blame Eve!” and “Doc, I’m so sorry for being so loud but that was very hectic!” and (while addressing the nursing staff) “Guys, I’m so glad that is over!”Jonah Mark Williams is perfect in every way. He looks like his daddy and has a calm disposition. His big sister loves him already! He latched on immediately, like a pro, and had his first “milk drunk” moment yesterday – super cute! I am totally inlove with him! Thank you to everyone for your sweet messages and prayers. And I am so thankful that God once again showed us exactly how He has His hand on our lives… especially when we are NOT in control.
