I’ve never been a fan of my body. I mean, I get it, I’m not overweight. But that doesn’t mean that I feel good about the way that I look. To be honest guys, I’ve been body shaming myself since primary school, when I was so skinny that my school socks needed to be held up by elastic. I hated how thin I was. And then I had Kyle, picked up some weight and hated how not-thin I was. I’ve never really been happy with my appearance. And I don’t know if I ever will be.

Why? Well, because I am female. And for some totally ludicrous reason, we girls seem to think that we need to be unnaturally perfect looking in order to be, well, perfect looking. Who made up those rules? Well, one could say that the media and entertainment world did. But quite honestly, I have my own brain and my own thought processes and I do believe that I am a strong woman capable of making my own decisions. So as far as I am concerned, if I’m going to point any fingers, I need to accept the fact that I’m my own worst enemy in this instance.

I hear you, magazines and music videos make us want to have big boobs, flat tummies and Kardashian-like hair. But I still get to decide whether those books and vids influence me. I get to decide whether I want to feel good about myself and the way that I look, just as I am. My worth is not determined by some misconstrued idea of beauty. I mean, if the girl on my TV screen is a template, and I’m meant to copy, paste, copy, paste, until I also have thick thighs, contoured cheekbones and perky breasts, then where’s the beauty in originality?

Where’s the beauty in being fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who doesn’t make mistakes? Where’s the breathtaking stunningness in being unique, exceptional, distinctive, special and a limited edition?

Anyways, this revelation hit home when I realized that I need to teach my own daughter that her beauty is not something to be determined by some crazy delusion. Being Kari’s mom means that I get to teach her how to be a woman who accepts and loves her body and the skin she is in. And I do that by accepting and loving my own body. I’m one of the main influences in her life and the scary thing is that when I body shame myself, I’m kinda telling her that it’s okay to hate on your own body. Body shaming myself let’s my little girl believe that she isn’t good enough just as she is.

So I’ve decided to break the cycle. Can any of you relate? Has hating the way that you look become the norm for you? What are you doing to break the cycle?

Shout out to Laura of Harassed Mom for heading up and Ella of Just Ella Bella and others for sharing their own body positivity messages. 

It’s the start of a new year and instead of mulling around, making resolutions that I probably won’t keep, I’ve decided to scold myself into a brighter future. You know? I mean, come on, hands up if you’ve ever been “skelled lekker” by your mom or an aunty or a school teacher and it actually helped you to make that indelible change. There’s something about a stern talking to that brings about action. So, when I woke up on January 1st 2018, without a cookin’ clue about what I wanted to do in the new year, I knew that I had to bring out my inner “aunty”.

Inner “Aunty Luchae” looked me in the eye (yes, I looked at myself), took me by the shoulders, and said “Luchae Williams… just do the damn thing!” And that was that. Suddenly everything just made sense. You see, the thing about having a spreadsheet brain is that I over analyse every single thing. Simply making a decision and sticking with it takes half a year. No jokes. But not this year. Not this time. No sir. This is the year of doing the thing!

I made a solid vow that there will be no second guessing, no procrastinating and no fearful decision making in 2018. This is a year of boldness, confidence and strategy.

I wasn’t surprised to find that in Christian circles, the year 2018 is said to symbolise new beginnings. I love this so much. You know, we often say that we want to make a change in the new year. We start diets and hobbies and drop relationships and habits and expect things to dramatically morph into something amazing. But it takes so much more than a physical, shallow act or decision to create a permanent change in your life. We try to do it in our own strength, and that’s the problem.

One of my faves, Bill Burns, so eloquently says: “It’s time to forget the past and begin again! The great adventure of 2018 is now beginning, so activate your faith!” I do believe that God’s perfect plan for every single life is a real thing, and not a myth, and if you want to see what God has for you in 2018 all you have to do is ask Him…. activate your faith. So that’s what I’m doing.

I’ve just decided that this year is not going to end the way it started. I mean, I’m not saying that I’m not blessed. Because I am, I really really am. But I want MORE.

2018 and I’m doing the thing! Are you?

I use to be a skinny girl who called herself fat. Know anyone like that? Or are you that person? It’s okay, we’re all friends here. No judgies. Well, I was that person. But, in all honesty, granted I had a few extra lumps and bumps here and there, I wasn’t exactly struggling with my weight. I’m still not, yo. And yet, I still found myself saying pointless things like “Argh, I shouldn’t eat this, I’m so fat.” I only recently (like, yesterday-recently) realized how much of an idiot I am for saying stupid things like that. Like, seriously, is having some “fat” on your body really such a big catastrophe? Who made up that rule? Send that person to the naughty corner. With a donut.

The truth of the matter is that when you call yourself fat, you are inadvertently body shaming. And guys, body shaming is basically the same as bullying. It’s ugly. I did not realize how insensitive my body shaming was until a young girl came to me and, with tears in her eyes, said “I don’t like the shape of my body.” I looked at her aghast! Like, you’re 13 years old! Literally. Your body should be the last thing you worry about!

I wondered where on earth she came up with this nonsense idea that she is not beautiful exactly the way she is. Where did it all start?! And then, on Monday, I posted a status on Facebook saying that I just kick started my diet, with a samoosa. It was a very delicious samoosa, none the less, but my whole conversation, on that day, was about how “fat” I thought I was. Could you get any more obnoxious?

And therein was the answer. I was to blame. I was giving this precious girl the idea that being “chubby” was wrong. It was my fault. Mine. Yours. The lady at the hairdresser who called herself enormous. Her mother, who wouldn’t wear a swimming costume because of the dimples in her thighs. We are all to blame.

Here are some revelations I’ve had since then:

1. Being healthy is not the same as being skinny. Skinny is not normal and being chubby is not abnormal. Your normal is who you are… exactly who YOU are. Yes, be healthy, but no, you don’t have to conform to anyone elses idea of normal.

2. It’s okay to like food guys. It’s okay to eat. But do it in moderation and make good decisions. (Mince samoosa, anyone?)

3. Your words have the power to create. If you must speak something over yourself, how about making it positive?

4. I am super insensitive when I body shame myself, because someone else who is really struggling with a similar issue on a larger scale could be hurt or offended by my words. Like, hello?

5. How you look is not who you are. It doesn’t affect your worth, your intelligence, your ability to show love and kindness. How you look does not determine how valuable you are.

So, on behalf of not-fat people, all around the world, I apologize for my words, for running with misconceptions as if they are the truth and for (subconsciously) bullying others into thinking that skinny is life. Clearly, I don’t know what I’m talking about.