Heart matters
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Hurt people hurt people
I remember feeling really small and insignificant in grade six. I was awkward and skinny and I actually liked doing my school work and hanging out with my baby sister. I wasn’t cool or popular. I didn’t do cool or popular things. I was reminded of my uncoolness often, by a mean girl who would pass comments about my gangly legs and oversized hair accessories (thanks mom). The mean girl was cool, so everyone laughed at her jokes. I laughed too. Leeanne didn’t laugh though. **Leeanne was the only other girl in our class who was a little more awkward and skinny than I was. She also did her schoolwork quietly and stayed out of everyone’s way. And so, because I was being bullied and laughed at, I ended up bullying Leeanne.
My bullying of Leeanne lasted all of one day (coz my mama taught me better than that) but in that one day, I was so mean to Leeanne that she actually cried. And when she cried I smirked at her and said “cry baby!” Disgusting, I know. Why am I telling you this? Well, because I was pathetic. But more than letting you in on my patheticness, I wanted to tell you guys about the time where I was so hurt that I hurt another person.
I’ve often heard the saying “hurt people hurt people” but only grasped the notion when I was in my twenties, nursing a broken heart given to me by a boyfriend who had commitment issues because his dad had abandoned him. It then dawned on me: sometimes people don’t realise that they are duplicating the very behavior pattern that may have shaped (or ruined) their lives. Maybe we are the product of our life experiences. Maybe some of us are still learning to master the art of taking the hurt and turning it into good.
We often view another persons’s perceived mean streak/gossiping/back biting as a character flaw. “What is her problem?!” But in actual fact, what you are seeing is not their truth… they’re keeping their truth buried deep down underneath a pile of defense mechanisms that are hard to bypass. Instead, you are shown something else… a coping mechanism probably picked up a long time before you even came along. We are all working through our own set of issues, friends. You, me, the neighbor who yells at your kids, the co-worker who has a problem with everyone… we’re all going through some ish!
This realization has helped me to extend grace to people. I mean, I’m not saying it’s easy guys. It’s not. We don’t get it right all the time. We are human beings and we have a lot of feelings, man! My “humanism” sometimes gets the better of me and I throw the stink eye to the guy whose trolley keeps bashing into mine, at the store. But remembering that people are just people (most of them hurting and fighting their own battles), helps me to show kindness towards Cynthia down the hall (who clearly hates my blog). And yes, I know that Gladys at the gym laughs at my hair behind my back. That’s okay too. I’ll still be nice. Even though she thinks my niceness is pretentious.
Why? Because hurt people hurt people. So that means loving on people will undo the hurt, right? Or something like that. I guess what I’m trying to say is that adding more hurt to the equation won’t solve the problem.
**Leeanne’s name was changed to protect her identity, but also, I can’t remember the girls name and surname! I’m hoping to connect with her, one day, to apologize.
Photo by dylan nolte on Unsplash
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Why can’t women be happy for other women?
I’ve figured it out. Well, atleast I think I did. I think I know why there is a constant case of cant-be-happy-for-each-other-itis between us ladies. I mean, come on, let’s be honest, shall we? We’re pretty good at hating on each other. Don’t look at me like that, you know it’s true. We are the queens of throwing shade, especially at another female’s perceived success… even more so at her failures. Why do we do it, friends? Why can’t women be happy for other women?
So I’ve decided to bare the brunt, and the back lash, to attempt to solve this mystery. My analyses was based on a bunch of different things. For starters, I watch a lot of TV, so that’s got to count for something. Secondly I have the life experience to back it up. I mean, in my many years of being alive, I’ve been best friends, good friends, friends-friends and frenemies. I know what it feels like to be stabbed in the back AND to be a ninja warrior back stabber. And thirdly, I’ve counselled women who have been hurt by sisters and friends. I’ve also sat in gossip sessions and heard how we pick females apart, like birds of prey to a dying carcass. We are ruthless.
So why do we do it? Why do we scrutinize each other? I mean, do we not have enough struggle to deal with, as women in a male dominated world filled with reasons why we need to watch what we wear and which jobs we apply for? One would think that in this great big ‘Sisterhood of the World’, we would be celebrating and looking out for each other. But alas, this is not the trend.
Women can be savage. And I think I’ve figured out why. And if I’m right, you guys, it’s kinda dumb. So we need to stop like, pronto.
I think that women struggle to celebrate each other because deep down in our psychological wells of misinformation, we somehow believe that the pie is not big enough for all of us. It’s almost as if we don’t believe that there’s enough success, happiness, toned abs and hunky boyfriends for everyone. I mean, there is no quota when it comes to God dishing out happiness. And yet, when someone else is doing well, we somehow trick ourselves into believing that that’s it… let’s throw in the towel… Susan just got the most amazing promotion, this means that I can never ever ever get a promotion ever again in my whole life and therefore Susan does not deserve to be happy. Warning! Warning! Do not be happy for Susan. I repeat, do not be happy for Susan!
Okay, that was a tad bit dramatic. But I hope you get where I’m going with this (even though I’m taking the scenic route). And yes, I hear you Suzette. You’re going: “Argh, Luchae, it’s not that I’m not happy for Cynthia! It’s just that she annoys me and freedom of speech is a real thing, so I don’t feel bad for telling people the truth.”
But hey, guess what Suzette, (and I’m quoting a very wise friend): If you have too much fun discussing and putting down other people, you need to check yourself, girl! There is enough opportunity for every single hard working lady to get her manicured hands on! And maybe Maggie’s version of a happy life looks different to yours. Or maybe Mindy’s career move, or decision with regards to child rearing, looks exactly like yours. Oh well. That’s nice for them. But that’s not YOUR life.
You do you boo. And kick ass at it! But while you’re at it, don’t forget to applaud and share some light with the next woman. You don’t know how many sacrifices she’s had to make to get where she is. And while you can’t physically share in her success, surely you can cut out the negative comments and back biting? I mean, seriously, there is enough happy for all of us.
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How to deal with someone who doesn’t like you
We’ve all been there. We know what it feels like when someone thinks we suck. And, unless you have the emotional aptness of a spoon, it kinda stings sometimes. But how do you do it, friends? How do you handle the sting of rejection? Most times I’m just over here wondering how someone could have overlooked my sheer awesomeness (and obvious humble heart). The truth is that we’re all different. And hey, that’s okay. If God wanted us all to be the same, the world would be a very boring place. But if you are wondering how to deal with someone who doesn’t like you, maybe these tips could help:
Talk to the man in the mirror
No, not Michael Jackson. What I mean is: start with YOU. The truth is that you’re never really “finished” or “evolved” enough to be done with growing. Every opportunity is a moment to be better! Look, let’s keep it real, if Sally doesn’t like you just because, the chances are the just because is actually a very real reason. Maybe you unknowingly gave her a funny look when she was having a bad day. Or maybe (keeping it realer than real now) something you’ve done or said was insensitive or offensive. Come on Jack, we are not perfect. We all have our moments (surprise-surprise not everyone will laugh at your Jacob Zuma jokes). Chat with someone you trust and ask their opinion. And, this is a biggie, be willing to CHANGE. You can’t control how Sally feels, but you CAN control yourself.Smile and wave
No, seriously, smile. Remember that their opinion is NOT your problem. In fact, if you did not know their opinion of you, how would you respond to them? Offense is GIVEN. It’s your choice whether you want to TAKE IT. I’m not saying make them your new BFF – you don’t have to prove your worth. But being courteous and kind is for free, yo! (“I’m sorry that you feel that way about me, but Imma love you anyways!”) Look, I know, if someone doesn’t like you it’s easy to want to initiate payback mode and not like them right back! The mantra goes: hurt people hurt people. But, I ask you with tears in my navy blue eyes: what’s the point? Revenge is a dish best not served at all. If it’s not adding value to your life (or theirs) rather avoid that negative situation, smile and wave girl, smile and wave.
Be the light
Kindness always wins. Yes, I know, I sound like a Disney movie. But it’s the truth, yo! As I’ve said before, we are all different. And thank God for that! Sometimes the best way to deal with a tense relationship is to simply accept your differences. You don’t have to try to win them over. And you most certainly don’t have the time to play that “clap back” game to see who can hurt who the most. How lame. Instead, accept that not everyone will think you’re the best thing since sliced bread (hmmm carbs) and move on. You are called to be a light! What does that mean? Well, it means that you should always respond and react in love and kindness (even when people don’t like you). Does it mean that you are a walkover? No Sir. I’m not saying be gullible or weak. But I am saying: Don’t let other people’s opinions of you determine who you are and how you respond. -
Be the light – Be the hands and feet {Giveaway}
The thing about living a life of excuses is that it kinda gives you no options. You literally put yourself into a mental hole and then wonder on how earth you got there. The truth is that starting each sentence off with an ‘I can’t’ leaves no room for the ‘can’s’. It’s easy to allow your lack to hinder your journey. I know all about basing your next move on what you don’t have right now, and feeling pretty stuck. Mole hills are suddenly the size of Mount Kilimanjaro and all I want to do is throw a million pity parties for myself. Are you like me? Well, I think that both you and I need a double dose of Nick Vujicic’s book titled ‘Be The Hands And Feet’.
Nick is a well known Australian motivational speaker who was born with a rare disorder called tetra-amelia syndrome. This condition rendered him limbless… yes, he has no arms and no legs. Nick explains how he’s never allowed his disability to affect his ability. Even though he’s unable to do certain things that an able-bodied person could do, he still went on to become a successful business man, popular speaker, radio talk show host, husband and a father!
In ‘Be The Hands and Feet’, Nick shares tips on how to become an agent of inspiration and hope. You guys, the first part of the book is actually called “Letting Your Light Shine”! Uhm, yes please! You guys that that’s been my motto since like, birth. (Yes, I am being slightly dramatic). Anyways, in the first part he shares his testimony and how he believes that he was called to share the Gospel and make a change in the world – and having no arms or legs helped him to do just that!
In the second part, called “Build The Team”, he talks about how to become a mentor and gives solid advice on how to plan for success, against all odds. The third part, “Finish Well”, is a beautiful memoir to his father. He shares about how his father was a role model to him and shares personal stories and victory’s about his dad’s battle with cancer.
The theme through out the book is one of encouragement and hope. It is impossible to put this book down, in between chapters (and you’ll want to do just that, to soak as much of it in as possible), without feeling challenged and ready to live a life open to endless possibilities! Nick reminds us that God’s purpose for our lives is to be a success… no matter what it looks like in the natural! He so famously said: “If God can use a man without arms and legs to be His hands and feet, then He will certainly use any willing heart!”
Win a copy of Be The Hands and Feet!
Are you in need of some encouragement, or just a good ol’ kick on the butt, today? Well, my friends at Christian Art Media has sent me a copy of Be The Hands and Feet by Nick Vujicic to give to one of my fabulous My Spreadsheet Brain readers! To enter this sweet giveaway, simply:1. Compulsory: Make sure you’re following the blog – it’s how I get your email address, to let you know that you’ve won – and drop me a comment below to let me know that you’ve entered! You can subscribe via the little subscription box on the top right hand corner of this page.
2. Bonus: Grab an extra entry by tagging your friend in the Facebook post.
3. Bonus: Grab another entry by tweeting: Guys, I’m so excited to enter @luchaewilliams of #myspreadsheetbrain @CArtMedia #giveaway, to win a Be The Hands And Feet book, written by the amazing Nick Vujicic!
The winners of all my April ‘Be The Light’ giveaways will be announced on my Facebook page on April 30th! Aaack!
Update: Congratulations Caronessa Moss!
Images of Nick and his family taken from social media. You can learn more about his ministry by visiting his website, Life Without Limbs
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Let’s talk about why a mother would leave her newborn in a drain
One morning, while sipping on my morning coffee, an alarming headline made my stomach turn: Newborn Baby Found in Drain. A mother (we are assuming it’s the mother) abandoned her 3 hour old baby girl, in a sealed sewer pipe. Baby was found naked but was still alive. It was heartbreaking and left me in an emotional state for the remainder of the day. Social media, of corse, was ablaze with furious onlookers who had a gazillion opinions: Who on earth would leave their newborn baby in a drain?! How can someone be that inhumane and cruel?! I mean, lady, how could you do that?! There is no reason why a mother would leave her newborn in a drain. Surely you had options, lady?! I mean, there are places of safety to take your little one to. There are other alternatives – seriously? You didn’t have to stow away your freshly born baby girl into a disgusting, ant infested drain pipe. How could you?!
Okay, so let’s talk about that for a minute. Let’s talk about why a mother would leave her newborn in a drain. Can we talk about rape and sexual abuse for a hot minute, too? Can we talk about the sexual promiscuity our children are being exposed to every single day on social media, advertisements and in the series you allow them watch? Oh, we definitely need to talk about the music they listen to and how we allow them to wear bum shorts and then wonder where the over-sexualised behavior comes from when we “don’t act that way at home”.
And while we are at it, let’s start discussions around poverty and women empowerment. Let’s dissect the education system and how some of our children lack their very basic right to learn. Let’s talk about how our young girls, in poverty stricken homes, choose to give up their education in order to clean your house or sell fruit at the taxi stop. How our young men feel as if doing things the wrong way is the right way to live, because this is the only way they know to survive.I mean, while we’re having our debates about the lady who dropped her baby into a sewer pipe, can we also maybe talk about depression and post natal depression. Maybe we can share resources and information on it… I mean, while we’re debating about the mother who abandoned her baby. Perhaps we could use the space to also talk about how thousands of new moms feel overwhelmed, exposed, ill-equipt and not ready to be a mother, even after giving birth. Oh, we definitely need to talk about teenage pregnancy too. Can we talk about how our children are having children? Where are we going wrong?
I don’t know this mother, nor do I know the baby. Heck, I wasn’t even in the area when baby girl was found. Was it wrong, heartbreaking, cruel to leave a 3 hour old baby in a drain pipe? Yep. Is it completely inhumane to have a little life start like that? Definitely – I wouldn’t wish it on anyone! Were there other options available for the mother? Yes. But I reckon that, if we’re going to use our voices to say something about the topic on social media, perhaps it will make more sense to offer solutions rather than opinions. Your opinion will not prevent another baby from ending up in a drain.
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How to get revenge…
Come on girls, admit it, we love to fantasize about revenge. We spend our sleepless nights, plotting at ways to make our exes pay for what they’ve done. We rework conversations in our head, and plan exactly what we’re going to say to that co-worker, when we get the chance. We post subliminal messages on social media and call up our friends to “tsk tsk” along with us. And we even watch movies and read books that fuel the need: How to get revenge 101. Revenge is a must! Right? I mean, how else will I feel satisfied? I need to be vindicated, and Kate needs to know how utterly wrong she is! Somebody needs to teach Mandy a lesson that she will never forget! Mark needs to be put on his place! Right?
But will revenge make you feel better? I mean really make you feel better? Will hurting another person take away your hurt?
Look, I’m no expert, so I sha’nt pretend to be one, but even Confucius implied that embarking on a journey of revenge is like digging two graves. Revenge is self-destructive. Gandhi said: “An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.”
The truth is that wishing ill-will on someone else, is basically cursing them… their lives… their families. And while I’m all for “shades of black” when it comes to finding the right mascara and hair dye, I’m totally opposed to wishing darkness on anyone’s life. (Even if I feel they “deserve” it) I prefer to be the light, yo!
What does it mean to “be the light“, I hear you ask.
Well it certainly doesn’t mean that you’re happy and chirpy all the time. (Because I will throw you with my shoe) But it does mean that you choose kindness and peace over conflict and anger. I mean, being angry all the time is so overrated (and tiring). Be a light instead! It’s like a holiday away from your own brain. (I know you know what I mean).
Seriously though, being a light means shining light into situations that are dark – intentionally deciding to be a positive force, wherever you find yourself. Showing compassion and kindness to others – and yourself – is a strength, not a weakness! You don’t have to retaliate when someone says or does something nasty to you. You don’t have to get the last word in and you most certainly don’t have to see someone else fail, in order to feel as if you’ve won.
So today I dare you to be completely unashamed to shine. Smile at the guy who just gave you the middle finger during peak traffic and say “I’m sorry” first after an intense argument with a family member. Bite your tongue at an ugly comment from an angry person and choose to love regardless of the cards you are dealt!
Because the truth is: when it comes to revenge, being the light is the best kind of revenge! It’s explosive! It’s different! And it holds more power than you can ever imagine!
Choosing to live a life of forgiveness and grace is not easy. But it is so much more fulfilling and satisfying than revenge and seeing someone else hurt. Kindness always wins. And that’s a fact.
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Daily devotions to make you stronger {Giveaway!}
Once you’ve hit your 30’s, each birthday feels as if it’s the start to a new season, in my opinion. I mean, I’m not exactly a spring chicken anymore, if you know what I mean. And yet I feel as if I’m only now on the path to thinking more clearly and making better decisions. I attribute a lot of that to my morning devotions. You guys, starting and ending your day right is super duper important! I have a few really cute, handbag sized devotionals that give me practical pointers and deep spiritual insights that perfectly compliment my morning routine and help me to get my mind in the right place. And guess what, friends, Christian Art Media has sent me a couple of daily devotions to make you stronger! Want to win some? Well, keep reading…
Morning by Morning – Charles Spurgeon
This gorgeous luxleather covered devotional is filled with 366 succinct devotions, aimed at inspiring and enriching your life. Spurgeon is a legend in his own right, well known for his depth and wisdom. If you’re looking for a one-minute devotional, this one is a definite must-have! It also makes for a really beautiful gift, with its gilt-edged pages and ribbon marker.
Mornings with God: Prayers and Devotions for Women
This pocket sized, brightly covered devotional is an inspiring collection of prayers and devotional thoughts, perfect for the woman on the go. Filled with practical and powerful prayers, it will help to draw you closer to the heart of God, giving you the tools you need to take on the day! If you’re looking to up your prayer game – this is a nice place to start.
A 12-Month Guide to Better Prayer for Women
And while we’re talking about upping our prayer life, this mini manual can also help you to do just that! It features a chapter for each month of the year, encouraging the reader to study one chapter every month, in conjunction with the Bible. By putting into practice the truths that you uncover through your daily study and application, you should find yourself fresher, stronger and more in touch with what God is saying, by the end of the year.
One-Minute Devotions for Young Women – Mallery Larsen
Looking to spoil a young lady in your life? This pretty, pink, faith-filled devotional is filled with practical advice and heartfelt encouragement from the word of God. Navigating through your twenties can be pretty intimidating and overwhelming. A devotional is a really clever way to help youngsters get their hearts and minds focused on the right thing, as they go about making those big twentysomething decisions! It’s also a great gift idea, with a stunning luxleather cover, gilted edges and a ribbon marker.These gorgeous devotionals are available in store at CUM Books or you can purchase them online.
WIN!
Want to get your hands on one of these? Well, it’s my birthday, celebrate with me!
To enter simply:
1. Make sure you’re subscribed to this blog (top right hand corner)
2. Drop me a comment below mentioning which of these you’d love to own
3. Grab a bonus entry by tweeting the following:
I’ve entered the @CArtMedia @CUMBooks devotional giveaway on #myspreadsheetbrain with @luchaewilliams and I’m so excited! #giveawayWinners announced on my Facebook Page on March 30th.
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International Women’s Day, for what?
So apparently today is International Womens’ Day and I’m just out here wondering when someone is going to bring me gifts and money to thank me for being a woman. No one then? Okay, so what’s the point of this day?! And more importantly, besides for the Mother’s Days and Women’s Days of the world, do you as a female human being feel as if you’re being celebrated every OTHER day of the year?
Don’t get me wrong, I totally love that the world at large will be taking a moment to ponder the achievements of women throughout history and across nations. I like that us girls did it for ourselves, way back in the 1900’s by striking and protesting due to unfair work conditions and wages. We took this day for ourselves! And that’s totally rockin’.
But I DON’T like that we literally had to burn our underwear to be taken seriously. Now you want to give us a whole day as a pat on the back, and yet you still offer the promotion to John because Sally has ovaries and we all know how a reproductive system affects the quality of work ethic. You want to give us a glorified day to make up for the many other days where you hire attractive female sales
sex symbolsreps to sell your product and tell breastfeeding mom’s that they need to put their boobs away. You give us a whole day but your maternity benefits suck. You give us a day while our sisters have to watch what they wear and where they walk in case it comes across as too inviting.
Am I angry? Maybe. Am I frustrated? Probably. But I am thankful for change and education and the fact that we are shifting mindsets – albeit slowly but surely.I love being a girly girl and I love that I get to raise one too. It’s sad that I sometimes feel as if I am coming across as weak and impressionable when I’m being my girliest self. I mean, being girly does not mean that I don’t have clever ideas. I am more powerful than you know, Sir! This girly girl can change the world, yo! And that’s exactly what I plan to teach my very own girly girl.
So this International Women’s Day, may we remember the fight of our sister’s who are victims of verbal and physical abuse, gender discrimination and unfair practices. May we celebrate the fact that we are GIRLS girls, and THATS OKAY! And may we work together to bring about indelible changes that will benefit our daughters and our daughter’s daughters.
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10 friendship lessons for my daughter
So last night, during bed time, my three year old proudly announced: “Peyton is my BEST fwend! I love Peyton so vewy much!” And I obviously melted into a puddle of mom-feelings. Obviously. I mean, she has a best friend! Aack! In true spreadsheet brain style, I immediately got to thinking that hey I should be teaching my kid how to be the BEST best friend. Best friend etiquette is pretty important, yo. There are rules that she needs to know about. And I’m not talking about the usual “be kind, love each other, don’t get into a fight and slam each other on Facebook” kind of rules. I’m talking about the nitty gritty’s of friendship. Here are 10 friendship lessons for my daughter:
Lesson 1
Your best friend is not your competition. The truth is that you’re both pretty amazing and talented! And even if you have the same talent and the same interests, you’re still unique individuals who add your own layer of flavor to the pot. Cheer her on! Applaud her! Admire her, yes, but never ever compare yourself to her. How would Meredith Grey shine, if she compared herself to Christina Yang all the time?Lesson 2
Your best friend doesn’t have to like the same things you like. I mean, it sure does help when you’re trying to forge a relationship with someone. But best friends occur in the most unlikely of situations. For example: I was totally a Baby Spice while my friend was a Scary Spice… and somehow we made it work!Lesson 3
Best friends stick up for each other in public, but correct each other in private. The beauty of relationship is that we are able to offer advice and crit, with love. I’m talking about those “no honey, using your nail file to sketch your name into the side of his car is a bad idea” honesty. Best friends don’t discourage each other! But that doesn’t mean I’m going to encourage you to throw a brick through his windscreen, girl. Best friends encourage each other to do what is right.Lesson 4
Having each others backs is kind of like a no brainer when it comes to friendship. Be the friend you want her to be. Yes, this may mean following her boyfriend in the mall, like a spy, when you think you’ve spotted him with someone else. It may also mean telling her to dump him, even if he spins her a story. Best buds don’t bully each other, though. And they most certainly don’t pretend to have all the answers! Having each others backs means supporting your girl even when you don’t agree with her decision.Lesson 5
Being best friends means laughing together at the funnies and crying together at the heartbreaks. But it also means helping your bud snap back to reality when that mourning period has been going on for too long and she seriously needs to wash her hair before it turns into a national oil well. I love that my close friends are able to hit me with truth bombs that literally shake me out of my funk.
Lesson 6
Best friends don’t share boys. It’s like, the girl code of the world! Has one girl managed to successfully scoop and marry her friend’s ex-boyfriend, and they all lived happily ever after? Probably. But you’re not the exception. You’re the norm. And until exceptional circumstances arise, causing you to be the exception, you must make decisions as if you’re the norm. Best friends don’t share boys.Lesson 7
Best friends keep your secrets! I know what I said about keeping secrets from your husband. But when it comes to keeping your best friends secrets, your husband should kind of know whats up. If it doesn’t involve a dead body or illegal activity, then you don’t need to know honey.Lesson 8
Best friends don’t gossip. They share information. Gossip is such a dirty way to spread untruths. I’m not a fan, at all! I get that you may want to tell your girl about Jessica’s marital problems, but honestly is it building up or tearing down? Best friends would not want to get their best friend’s heart in a mess.Lesson 9
Best friends never stay angry for too long. I mean, come on, we’re human beings. No one gets this life thing right. Not even Beyonce. We have disagreements, we get upset and we sometimes boycott a relationship just to prove a point. The difference between “a relationship” and a really good friendship is that you know when to say when. Holding a grudge is not the type of thing that a best friend would do, yo.Lesson 10
If you want to be a really good friend, never take more than you give. Best friends don’t take advantage and they never ever act as if your need is a burden to them. Some of my closest girls have the biggest hearts and I’m just so amazed at how kind they are! Best friends become family!So what do you guys think? Are there any other lessons that I should add to this list?
Images: These are the actual photos taken at my actual wedding by the wonderful Donna van der Watt Photography
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Even when it hurts
Recently faced with overwhelming loss, as friends of ours grieve the death of their beautiful baby boy, Conor, I found myself thinking: “God, where are you?!” Where is He when tragedy hits? Where is He when a family is forever shattered and lives are indelibly changed? And what am I meant to do in the moments when I don’t know how to function because the enormity of the situation feels bigger than my faith? Am I meant to cling to hope even when it hurts?
I struggled with all of these questions on the inside, while trying to be hopeful and expectant for a miracle on the outside. Conor’s mommy was pregnant with him and, a few days before her due date, found out that his little heart had stopped beating. She was devastated. We all were. I mean, how can I tell my friends that God is faithful, if He allowed this happen to them? You were meant to be faithful God… You’re in control. How could you let this happen to them… to their little boy? And then someone said something that hit me square on the jugular: God is not “in control”.
Well, He’s not “in control” as we understand the term “in control”. He IS sovereign, that is correct. But WE have freedom of choice and we can decide to either live by faith – in hope – or, in utter hopelessness. The truth is that tragedy happens… heartache and loss are a part of life. It’s not all His doing. It’s not God’s fault. Conor’s death is not God’s fault.
The message that carried my friends, through this ordeal is that they believe that God was with them through it all. The amount of strength and bravery I’ve witnessed from these two, is so inspiring! They explained: “He was sitting there with us, crying with us, because He hates seeing His children go through the pain that is in this world. Nobody is immune to pain or bad things but that we have a God that is right there with us in the darkest hour and He sits with us regardless of who we are, what we did. But because He loves us unconditionally. He always has and He always will.”
I was reminded me of a scripture that I had read in Matthew a few weeks ago. It says “blessed are you when you are at the end of your rope… with less of you, there is more of God and His rule.”
With tears in my eyes, I read this scripture over and over and eventually felt total peace. The glorious rainbow at the end of the storm is being able to find comfort, peace and healing in His arms. We somehow find ourselves clinging to Him, closer than ever before. Where is He when it hurts? Well, He’s hanging around waiting for us to reach out to Him… waiting to be invited into your heart so that He can fix it.
So this morning, as we try to make sense of the tragedy, and as my friends yearn for their baby boy and our broken hearts ache for their loss, I choose to trust God, even when it hurts. I choose to believe in His promises, even when it hurts. I choose to thank him for Conor’s beautiful life, even when it hurts. And I choose to believe that He makes all things work out for our good… even when it hurts.
