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Mean Girls: Are you one of them?
Mean girls. You know who they are. The “know it alls” disguised as “better than” human beings, with the overbearing amount of opinion and the distinct desire to share it (to your face or behind your back). They know better. Scrap that: They know BEST. And they have a group of friends who agree. If you aren’t doing things the way they do it, then you are SO outdated/dumb/naive that surely the main dinosaur from Jurassic Park is more “with it” than you.
Mean girls. They are everywhere. Cleverly disguised like Leon Schuster. You know you’ve been “mean girl’d” when you suddenly feel the need to fabricate the truth behind where you bought your jersey (Mr Price. On sale. 4 years ago.) Or the times when you address a group of people and it’s as if they’ve all suddenly gone deaf… at the same time… because no one acknowledges you. Or worse, they do acknowledge you, in the worst kind of way, and you feel as if you’re an insect underneath a magnifying glass.
On a hot day. In Durban.If I am allowed to keep it real, and I shall, allow me to point out that “mean girl syndrome” is not only a high school thing. I was “mean girl’d” all through my 20s and did not even know it until I got home one day and thought of a clever answer to someone’s reoccurring snarky remarks (don’t you hate it when that happens?). It got me thinking: why am I still fighting this battle?! Adults shouldn’t have to be mean girls. We are adults for goodnessakes! We have other things to think about! (Bills, kids, supper, is Madonna STILL releasing albums?!) But nope, it’s still there.
Like a ninja. Hidden, but everywhere.Now a days you’ll find the “mean girl syndrome” strewn all over social media in the form of “wisdom”. You know what I’m talking about… It’s the people who seem to be sitting around, waiting for someone to update their status so that they can leave a snooty comment, explaining why your thinking is of a lower intellectual level than a spoon. Sometimes they’ll go that one step further and update their status with subliminal messages aimed at putting others down or “on their place” (as is the aim). Everybody is wrong. Except them.
Yep, mean girls. You’ve either felt a little less of a human being because of them OR (let’s be honest) you’ve been one of them. Hey I’ll put my pride in my pocket and admit that I’ve been ‘mean girl’d’ AND I’ve been the mean girl on many occasions.Let’s think this one through… Have you purposefully avoided someone because they’ve annoyed you or did and said things differently to how you do? Or maybe you snicker behind someones back, with one of your friends, because “does she even know how weird her hair style is”? Or maybe you have the innate desire to ‘school’ people on Facebook… in the queue at the shops… while you’re driving… At the parent/teacher meeting (and you’re not even the teacher). Hmmm… a bit of self-reflection is needed.
So how do we nip the “mean girl” spirit in the bud? I think it all boils down to identity and being secure in who you are. It is such a big lesson to teach our young girls. Value yourself! You are important! You are unique!
Getting these foundations down will help them to grow into confident, bold, women who are aware of other peoples emotions. You don’t need to break some one else down, in order to feel bigger. I always ask Hubstopher: “Do you KNOW who I AM?” – Meaning, I am aware that I am precious, valuable, intelligent and a child of the King. Knowing who I am leaves no room for ANYONE to make me feel bad about myself. But it also makes me aware of the little things that do not add value to me (eg. when I act like a poophead = not adding value).
Anyways… so there you have it. Oh and yes, Mean Girls happens to be my most favorite movie of all times. It’s like SO fetch!
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What’s in your hand
You know, the fun part about having a blog (or even a social media account for that matter), is that you get to go back ‘into time’ and check out where you were at yesteryear. The other day I checked out a few of my previous blog posts and found something that I had posted on 15 July 2011 that totally hit me right in the face. The post, titled “I’m a writer, because I write“, speaks about how I feel that I cant be a writer because I’m not authoring a book, or penning for a magazine. I did not feel good enough. I love this post because I remember the revelation that I received from it: What’s in your hand?
What is on your heart? What do you feel that you have been called to do? Does it seem impossible/big/unreachable? Well, most times, if it’s a God-dream, then it probably will look bigger than you. And that’s great! Because that means that He has set it up so that you NEED Him to do this with you. You can do anything that you can dream! Why? Because God is the dream-giver and He equips us to do exactly what we were born to do. That’s why!
In 2013, I followed my heart, and contacted Gateway News, asking Andre if I could assist as a freelance reporter. Keep in mind that I am unschooled in the area of Journalism. I did not study it. I know nothing about it, besides for what my Journo friends have shared and what I saw on Anchorman (whaaaat?) Andre took a chance on me, as he does with so many other people with a heart to serve in his ministry, and after the first 2 articles I knew that this was what I was meant to be doing. I’m not exactly Debora Patta. But I know that God did not place a dream on my heart and a skill in my hand for me to sit around with and feel sorry for myself. Since joining Gateway, my writing skill has grown and I totally enjoy being the online newspaper’s official music reviewer.
I have friends who have left their steady incomes, and risked it all, to follow their hearts and become restaurateurs or small business owners, full time musicians, full time students and work from home parents. It works because it’s been designed to work. The bigger risk is to try to live life outside of the grand design and outside of the will of God!
Can I just encourage you today to take a step of faith towards YOUR destiny – to be who you are meant to be and do what you are meant to do. Take a leap today! You will not regret it.
Here’s a snippet from my 2011 post:
“Being a writer… being a ANYTHING… would require you to START. If I want to be a singer, it would mean that I sing. If I am a horse rider, it means that I actually go out and ride horses. And If I am a writer, it would mean that I write stuff. These things do not require me to have some sort of a social status. The monetary value and popularity of my works do not add or take away from them. All it needs is DOING. And my lack thereof, would lessen the truth in the title. With that said: I am many things.”
Girl: Interrupted
For as long as I can remember, I was someones mom. I gave birth to my eldest on the 29th November 2001 at the tender age of 19. (Me, not him.) I can’t comprehend a young adulthood without the added pressure of having to look after another little person. I remember admiring other (childless) young adults who were making life decisions, like whether or not they should Au pair in America or even go out to a movie on Saturday night, and it looked glorious! I did not have that luxury. My fate was to stay at home and raise a baby.
I gave birth to my little boy when I was fresh out of high school, just finishing my 1st year at varsity. I actually wrote my 1st year finals with an extremely big belly. Yip, I got all the stares and tsk tskkksss and ag shames and snickers. Especially when your bladder demands to be emptied every 5 minutes and the examination room is a distance from the loo.
My then boyfriend was my childhood sweetheart and he was legit – It wasn’t a “wham bam thank you ma’am” kinda thing. He was my first love and I was his and we were both dedicated to our kid and to each other. But love and dedication aside, we were ill equipped for the task of raising another person. I mean, we were still kids ourselves and we also had alot of growing up to do! Finding out we were going to be parents was kind of exciting. We spoke about names and who the baby would look like and what baby would be like. But as much joy as our baby brought to both families, it also changed things so much. I mean, I didn’t have the freedom to be a young girl anymore. I call it girl interrupted. I left varsity to find work and my baby’s dad also had to give up dreams that he had… Raising a child is not cheap! Suddenly life got real and not quite the fairy tale we had dreamed of while eating ice cream on the couch, admiring my preggy belly.
For the longest time I felt stuck – like I was destined to struggle for the rest of my life, especially after my sons dad and I split up. As a single, young mom, living on her own, with a little boy, I felt totally hopeless. How could I give my child a good life?! How would I even have a life of my own?!
I felt stuck… hopeless… as if I had no future. But guess what, I DID have a future. Jeremiah 29:11 said so. I started believing that my life is destined for success and not failure! I learnt to make GOOD decisions and surrounded myself with people who lifted me up and encouraged me to be the best mom I can be. It’s easy to focus on your failures or miscalculations. It takes a lot of guts to say, “you know what, that didn’t work out, but hey, let me try something else!” I decided to get gutsy.
Through the grace of God, his dad and I managed to find compromise. We made a lot of unselfish decisions, ego’s aside, that would help us to raise our boy with pride. Yep, it meant that both of us had to work HARD (still have to yo!) because we chose to have sex before we were married (and before we even understood the enormity of what that actually means!) so we had to bare the consequences and make the best of it! It took a lot of sacrifice to give him the best that I could but if I had a choice, I would STILL choose my son over and over again.
God is not limited to our circumstances and our human mind sets. He places dreams in our heart and He helps us to fulfill them, if we let Him! God always has a better plan than ours and as you know from previous stories, my hubstopher came along at just the right time, with just the right stuff. We have been blessed with the best.
My son went on to be the deputy head boy at his primary school (moms brains, duh) and is having such a good time in high school. I know that everything God had promised me in Jeremiah 29:11 applies to him too. I am so excited for his future and I am SO thankful for his life.
Through it all, I am grateful that amidst my hopeless situation, God came in and did miraculous things! He has restored us and given us a hope and a flourishing future. And if He can do it for us, then He can do it for you too.
My spreadsheet wedding
It feels as if we’ve been married for a gazillion years when it actually happened just the other day! (Well, 2013 to be exact) What type of bride were you? Were you a Bridezilla? I wasn’t a Bridezilla per say… I was more like the secretary of Bridezilla. Man, I had spreadsheets for everything! I had spreadsheets of my spreadsheets! I wanted to plan the perfect ‘spreadsheet wedding’.
I was glued to my huge wedding planner – an A4 diary filled with pics, notes, proof of payments and order sheets. Every single moment was perfectly planned – the music, the decor, the photos! My spreadsheet brain had it all down to the minute. But things looked a little bit different on the day of the wedding. For starters, my wonderful hairstyle was not as wonderful as my spreadsheet brain had envisioned. (Tip: If your hair has never curled a day in its life, don’t expect it to magically want to on the day of your wedding)
It took forever and a day to get to church, where my violinist/saxophonist was NOT serenading my guests, as was planned. My bridal party missed the que to walk down the aisle. My fake eyelashes kept sticking to my veil. The beautiful arch that we were to be married under almost toppled. Nothing went as planned.
And then I remembered something a wonderful friend of mine said: “Luchae, everything that happens on that day, will happen just as it was meant to happen!” And you know what, looking back now I can see how those little things added to the quirks of our (already quirky) matrimonial celebration. We watch the video and go “ohhhh look, remember when that happened!” and we admire and remember all the other things that made the day special and uniquely ours.
THAT is what made our wedding day perfect! Sure the planning helped some 🙂 But making memories is what made the day special. Making memories is what made the day perfect. I love how our plans may not always seem to succeed, but at the end of the day, whatever the outcome, it always works for the good of those who love God! When we submit our plans to Him, we allow Him to do His thang… which gives us the confidence of knowing that it will all work out – whether it goes according to our spreadsheets or not.
Music Monday: Passion – Even so come
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| Photo: Jesus Freak Hideout |
Being the parent of a purpose filled child
I’ve become a vote-hogging-fiend.
All because of the beauty that is my daughter.
Yes, I am now one of those “Please vote for me!” people.
But hey, guys, please vote for me! Hahahahah
Comfort, Living&Loving and Jet Stores are looking for a beautiful babe to grace the cover of the December issue of Living&Loving. This babe will walk away with amazing prizes and will be featured in a cool spread in the magazine.
I’ve entered my curly girly into the competition, simply because, like any mom, I think that she is the most beautifulest babe in all the land!
When she was born, I spent almost a whole week in a funk… the doctors had given us some not so good news with regards to her thyroid not functioning properly. I remember thinking, “Oh Lord, this is not what I wanted for my perfect baby girl!”
The thought of her living a life where she had to struggle totally broke my heart!
Fast track 10 months later and she is healthy, super smart and growing so amazingly. I can only attribute it all back to the faithfulness of God. When I think about those dismal few days when I prayed fervently over her, with tears in my eyes, I can now see how every prayer has been answered!
We, as parents, have the responsibility to cover our kids in prayer. There are so many premature deaths happening all around the world – young lives taken before their time! I pray that my kids (and yours!) will not face premature death and that every single purpose on their lives will come to fulfillment.
God is faithful. He is alive and He hears our prayers.
This the honest truth that I have seen happening, first hand, in my own life!
As parents of children who are full of purpose, promise and expectancy, I pray for the wisdom to always know when to push and when to protect!
I pray that we will know which doors to help open and which doors to keep shut!
And I pray that we will always be the best example that we can be for them!
I am so excited to be this girls mom and I am looking forward to seeing her live her life and walk out every single purpose she was designed for!
xxxL
BTW if you’d like to vote for my Karicurls, please click HERE, find our pic (it’s the same as the one below) and click on VOTE. You only do it once but once is enough 🙂 xxx
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Happy Hair: 7 things I do that seems to be working
Whether you’re a curly girl or a straight haired chick like me, I’m sure you’ll agree that having a good hair day is the same as wearing a really great pair of shoes. Invaluable! My favorite days are the days where my hair is happy. But it’s crazy how unnecessarily expensive hair treatments are. Especially when there are equally awesome (and less expensive) counter parts out there that can bring about ‘happy hair’ too! Maintaining and caring for your hair goes beyond the shampoo and conditioner. It’s an every day thing yo. I’ve found that there are ways to ensure your hair is happy all the time, and it doesn’t include hair products or salons.
I only wash and condition once a week
Yep. I know. It’s a real thing yo. Apparently Avril Lavigne goes for weeks without washing, resorting to dry shampoos (spray ons or powder) to keep her roots looking fresh. You can totally train your hair to not over oilarize itself. (Hey, that’s a word, okay)
Why would you want to do that? Well, the benefits of not over washing is that you don’t strip your hair of all the natural goodness that your body creates for it. Your hair NEEDS those oils. The other pluses are that hair is easier to style when its “not fresh.” Hair stylists have also confirmed that skipping days between shampooing actually decreases oil production. Go figure.
What about the smell, I hear you ask. Well… I don’t really have the “dirty hair” smell thing going on, but I know that the struggle is real. A drop or 2 of essential oils massaged through your hair will help with that. Essential oils are quite pungent, so you don’t need alot to get the job done. If you must wash your hair more often, try to use a light weight shampoo that is specifically designed for regular hair washing, which is meant to be more gentle on your mane.
I only apply dye to my roots
I have inherited my mothers “grey” genes and literally have to dye my hair every 6 weeks or else I start to look like I’m aging like Benjamin Button. The greys take over so quickly and stealthily that I sometimes go to bed with dark hair and wake up looking like like a Golden Girl. Needless to say, I dye my hair regularly.
I stick to dark colors (the amount of peroxide in going lighter is never a good idea for anyones hair!) and I only apply the dye to my roots (or the areas affected by the greys). Dyes, in general, are not something you’d want to be applying to your hair often, because of all the chemicals and stuff. After dyeing, it’s also a good idea to find a good nourishing hair mask to treat your hair with now and then. I normally apply a hair mask the week after I’ve dyed my hair, which helps to keep my hair feeling loved and amazing and not like I am trying to change it into someone that it doesn’t want to be. Clicks has awsome hair masks that costs less than a Macdonald’s meal.
I cold rinse
The scientific explanation says that: when you wash your hair with warm water, it opens up the cuticles, which is a good thing while shampooing and conditioning. The cold rinse then helps to “close” and seal the cuticle. The cold water also helps to increase the circulation of blood in your scalp. So all in all, a cold rinse is a good thing!I always try to make sure that my final rinse (after shampooing and conditioning) is a cold rinse. I’ve found that my hair appears to be shinier after a cool rinse.
Shampoo Shmmampoo
As I’ve said in pre-paragraph, I don’t have a specific shampoo and condish that works for me. I generally just go with whatever my heart tells me. (Look at me making it an emotional thing). A couple of experts say that if you use the same kind of product too many times, it becomes ineffective. So swop it up a bit! Shake it up! Woahhhh crazy times!
Other things I do while shampooing and conditioning:
I apply conditioner to my bottom ends first and focus more on them, working my way up to the scalp, so as to not make my scalp too oily. I also try to focus on shampooing my roots and not my scalp – which, to me, was the same thing, but apparently it isn’t. Clue: Your scalp is your actual skin.
Combing vs Brushing vs “Did I brush my hair today?”
Combing: I only comb when my hair is wet. This helps to avoid breakage and is generally the only way you should be unknotting your wet hair yo.
Brushing: I brush my hair from the bottom up. So I would first detangle the bottom ends and work my way up to the roots.Again, this helps to avoid breakage and split ends.
“Did I brush my hair today?”: Don’t judge me. I have a baby. And in retrospect, not only is running your fingers through your mane the best way to brush it, but over brushing your hair is like hair suicide and can cause hair loss and split ends. Oh and brushing too much can also cause your scalp to produce too much oil, which results in greasy hair, which results in you having to wash your hair every day, which results in you failing part 1 of this instructional. Be wary. Be alert. Do the right thing.
I air dry like a boss
Look, I was not always brave enough to air dry my hair. Especially not when we had visitors over and I feared looking like Tina Turner in her glory days. But applying as little heat as possible to your hair can only result in magical things happening to your mane. Trust me. My routine includes air drying and then flat ironing a bit, where needed/when needed.
Ponytails and Buns
I only ponytail my hair, like, never. That’s because I hate my ears. But if you love your ears, then please, by all means, ponytail your hair. Just make sure you are using a hair friendly scrunchie or hair tie. Preferably something that is not overbearingly elastic.
I am the avid “bun”ner and if I must, I rather opt for tieing my hair in a loose bun, secured with a hair clip. I wear my hair down alot more often though. Like right now. It’s down right now.
So there you have it. My super secret guide on how to not have to go to a salon every month. I love that there are tons of amazing products out there, catering to every single hair type. So with all of this said, I encourage you to find what works for YOU. Google your hair type and you’ll find that there are tons of great advice on the net that will help to make YOUR hair routine super easy and beneficial to you.
Why having a “perfect marriage” is hard
Maintaining a “perfect marriage” is hard work. Yes, I have the perfect marriage. Don’t you? I mean, I married my husband and he’s the perfect guy for me. And since I am also perfect for him, and all of that, this must mean that we have the perfect marriage, right?
I mean, we planned our wedding before we even got engaged! In fact, we spoke about getting married before we started dating. Actually, we spoke about dating while we were still friends. It seems like we were always so over eager to get into a serious relationship that would result in us being married to each other. We could not wait!
I remember all the sleepless nights, lying in bed with my cellphone glued to my hand, typing away furiously and waiting anxiously for him to reply to my texts. And the days when we would drag out the moments between being together and him going home. I could not wait to get married then!
Fast forward a few years, a wedding and many kids later. Things look a little bit different to what we both had in mind. Marriage was meant to be sunshine and roses and me cooking the perfect meals while he secretly writes me love letters. Yeah, it’s not quite that.. It’s much more:
“babe, can you go to the store please?”
“babe, have you left for the store yet?”
“baby, when are you going to the store?!”
“babe, must I go to the store myself???!!!!”
I mean, when you’re inlove you don’t consider the fact that married life is more than just staring into each other’s eyes. But reality check: Life is real! Kids need to be picked up from school, grocery shopping must be done and hey, someone needs to clean the darn house! Where’s the time to work on this perfect marriage we had dreamed of?
I’ve learnt that marriage is a journey… it’s not a destination. You don’t just say ‘I do’ and end up in a land where everything is rosy and perfect. It’s more like, you say ‘I do’ and then get on the train together and work towards being the perfect partner for your wife/husband. And yes, while being on said train, you might feel a bit overcrowded. Maybe you need to use the loo now and then, but you have a kid on your lap. Maybe you wanted the window seat and oh look, he insists on sitting at the window. The situation is not exactly perfect.
But when you wake up each morning and choose each other all over again and choose to stay together, well, then that means you have the perfect marriage FOR YOU.
A big part of being married to someone who happens to not be an exact replica of me has taught me tough lessons on how to be selfless. I’ve learnt how to choose someone else’s plans over my (very elaborate, spreadsheet brain) plans. And I am learning the beautiful art of forgiving more freely and saying ‘I’m sorry’ more easily. After a while, who left the toothpaste uncapped is less important than being able to cuddle next to your husband. Peace eventually takes precedence over being right. And having the perfect marriage means being perfect for each other, more than self gratification.
The Bible says that he who finds a wife find a good thing. It also says that where there is unity God commands His blessing over it. I challenge myself to always remain that “good thing” in my Hubstopher’s life and to remember that we are at our strongest when we are united.
Having the perfect marriage is hard and stuff. But oh the perks of being the best kind of wife to my husband… so worth it all!
All images in this post were taken by the amazing Donna van der Watt, at our wedding on the 16 December 2013.
