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When to talk to your child about career
I don’t know if you guys are aware, but your cute little poppets are going to morph into hairy, sweaty, opinionated teenagers eventually. And, besides for all the hair and body odour, the opinionated part will probably be the thing that irks you the most.
For me and my hairy teen, the biggest debate has been around career. I mean, if the kid could make a living off of playing XBox games, he would gladly do so. But alas, this option (even though its a real career nogals) is not available to him right now.
We’ve toyed around with a bunch of different career options and we honestly still have not figured out what his “one” is. But it kinda made me realise that I should have delved deeper into this convo while he was still at high school.
In fact, there are a bunch of conversations that should take place while your kid is still of school going age. Don’t be like me. Me thought that my boy was too young to have big conversations about his future. Me protected him from all the harsh elements of the world a bit toooooo much. Me raised him in a bubble.
Me regrets it.
If I had a time machine I would totes go back a couple of years, talk about career and “how do you plan to make money one day” more in depth.
The other mind blowing fact (hold on to your pants, this could get messy) is that: what YOU want for your child may not be what THEY want for themselves. Like, I totes want my child to be a successful graphic designer/creative director/multimedia animator. He loves art. I love all things digital. Seems like the best thing for mehim.I had to let go of MY ideal and, instead, try to learn how to listen to his vision for his own life.
At the end of the day, friends, if you have a relationship with God, it’s never too early to lean on the Lord with regards to your child’s future/career. In fact, I’ve already begun to coax Karis into speaking to God and asking Him to reveal what He wants her to do.
My prayer is that Gods plan for her life becomes her focus and goal. Teaching my child how to dream with God and plan with Him, is probably a better solution than, say, forcing him to do graphic design because I need someone to design the graphics for my blog. *cough*
I mean, figuratively speaking.
Anyways, my advice to moms with youngs kids is: Unpack your child’s interests and strengths, at a young age, and allow them to take the lead wrt their future careers and goals. Pray for wisdom. Pray for clever ways to help gently coax them towards their destiny, without overstepping. Pray for your ego to be put aside, and for God’s will to be prevalent.
And most importantly, pray for patience, because you’re definitely going to need it.
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My teenage crush didn’t know that we were in a relationship
Come on friends, I’m sure we were all guilty of crushing on a Hollywood heartthrob at some point in our young lives. You know what I’m talking about… that ‘lay in bed, poster on the ceiling, write his name all over our school books’ kinda infatuation that could only be cured by seeing what your first name would look like with his last name next to it. (Tip: Vin Diesel’s surname isn’t really Diesel.)
The Tom Cruise’s and Leonardo diCaprio’s of our time could certainly rival today’s celebrity dreamboat’s and they’d probably win by a mile. (Or is that the ‘old aunty’ in me talking?) I mean, what do these teenyboppers know about Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt and Will Smith when they were in their prime? Nothing. Nothing, you hear me?!
(Shout out to YOU magazine for providing us with solid centerpiece posters to bedeck the walls of our bedrooms until it’s discolored pages had to be removed by the oily prestik’d corners.)
Hands up if you were convinced that Usher would marry you, if only he saw your cleverly choreographed moves, obviously made up while watching his music videos on Channel O.And then while we are on the topic, keep your hands up if you knew the dance moves to ‘N Sync’s “Bye, Bye, Bye.” Own it sister, that’s something to be proud of. Not a single booty roll to be found in the whole sequence. The young people will never understand.
And then, okay be honest, but which Backstreet Boy was your boyfriend? (Nick Carter is the obvious answer, but you can say Kevin too.)
Anyone else still feel heartbreak at the mere thought of Ryan Phillipe’s character dying in Cruel Intentions? How about the disdain when Dawson Creek’s James van der Beek loses to Pacey. Or the soul shatter when Rose (Titanic) watches as Jack’s frozen body sinks into the ocean? (Seriously, Rose, there was enough room on that floating door for the both of you, but that’s another post for another day.)My crush was a certain young man, named Taylor, from a boy band called Hanson. My relationship with Taylor was unlike any other. I mean, for starters, he didn’t know I existed (minor setbacks). I would listen to their (probably one and only) hit song, Mmmbop, over and over with tears in my eyes as I fervently pray that the stars would align, leading young Taylor straight to my front door.
These days I fangirl over things like a well thought out room and a three ingredient Instant Pot recipe. I find myself downloading wallpapers of beautiful beaches, rather than handsome faces, and I dream about a day when a prince on a horse would… well… come and clean my house, while I sip on coffee and eat copious amounts of donuts without picking up weight. You know, the usual stuff.But, for the most part, I think back to my day of pining after a gorgeous celebrity and I smile. I mean, sure, my crushing gave me unrealistic expectations (eg. demanding that my future husband sing like Boys II Men’s Wanya Morris. Sorry Chris.).
But I smile because I’m older and wiser now and I’ve come to realise that my fan girling and celebrity crushing kinda helped those heartthrob’s to maintain their careers (except for diCaprio… hush your mouth when you talk about Leo!)
That’s right my friends, our fan girling helped our celeb crushes to secure fame, you guys. Young girls are the wheel that keeps the pop culture engine a-turning. Teenage girls have power.
So, in essence, your crush needed you more than you needed him. Who’s the dreamboat now?
Drop me a comment below and let me know who your teenage celeb crush was.
Images:
Karen Arnold from Pixabay
Memo Aponte Mille
Uptown Night Club
Hansonstage -
Matric Dance celebrations: how big is too big?
Depending on where you grow up, your Matric Dance (aka “prom”) evening can be as simple as “just another night on the town” or as extravagant as a wedding. My brown people usually opt for the latter, going the extra mile with the send off, sparing no expense on draping the dining room (for the photos mos), expensive catering and the hiring of high end luxury vehicles to make that special night that much more special.
It’s a big night – big celebrations must be had! I totally get and support that. But I guess it’s not for everyone. I’ve had chats with people who were like, uhmmm no I’m not spending extra money on this. In fact, my own Matric Dance send off was very NOT over-the-top. There were no gushing family members guzzling down pastries, no hired photographer and guys, I didn’t even have a fancy car waiting outside for me. Was my evening amazing? Well, yes it was. I mean, not having those things didn’t, like, scar me for life.
A simple send off worked quite well for me. But guys, it’s my firstborns Matric Dance this coming weekend and I’m going way bigger than I had planned! (Okay way bigger for me – but maybe not big enough, for some.)Yes, my friends, I’ve morphed into that mother (you know, the next level extra one I spoke about last week) and find myself hiring a 2 meter photo backdrop and arranging a 5 meter string of fairy lights, for the occasion. I also have things like: savory platters, curling custard, after party clothes and “funky socks” on my To Pay For list. Who am I evens?!
Will my family and I wear color-coordinated outfits for the event? Probably. Did I allow Kyle to send out invitations to all his friends and their cats? Definitely. Am I planning to make a long-winded speech, that will most likely end in tears? Without a doubt.
All of a sardine having a simple Matric Dance send off is like, totally ludicrous! MUST. DO. THE. MOST!
Suddenly I want to hire Emo Adams to MC and I want to send everyone home with a party pack. I find myself Googling things like “how to make pyrotechnics” and “how much does it cost to hire a Lamborghini Diablo in Port Elizabeth”. My plans of a simple Matric Ball send off all a forgotten memory as I shop around for a photographer, a videographer and someone who could maybe film a music video because “that hasn’t been done yet.”
Truth be told, a Matric Dance kinda symbolises the end of an era. For the kid it means their adulting days are looming. For the parents: we don’t have to pay school fees anymore (and the crowd goes rah!) and we finally get to see the fruit of our labour. (And by labour I am most definitely referring to the 3 hours worth of homework we have to dohelp with each night.)I mean, hey, I kinda raised this boy all by myself (with help of family members and amazing friends). I paid for expensive schooling, sat through treacherous hours of completing assignments due the next day, helped to memorise facts about South African history that even I didn’t know and attended school “family days” where the only family around was me because his dad lived in a different city and that’s just how single parenting works.
Sure, each family celebrates differently – and that’s okay! But for my boy and I, having a simple Matric Dance send off just wouldn’t make sense if I consider the bumpy roads and the obstacle courses we navigated successfully.
We have a lot to celebrate! And that, my dear, is totally worth draping the dining room, long winded speeches and expensive catering.
Matric 2019 – we made it!
Photo credits:
Header image: Photo by victoria on Unsplash
Pic of Ronelle and I, taken at my wedding by Donna van der Watt
Black and white pic of Kyle and I, taken like, 12 years ago, not sure where -
Telling our kids we are pregnant
When you have as many as we do, you kinda brace yourself when breaking pregnancy news to the kids. Telling our kids we are pregnant was a pretty big deal in our home.
I mean, the older ones help out with the younger ones (thanks Kyle), so a new baby means more smallies to run after. It helps that Kyle is almost 18 and that Seth (who lives with his bio mom anyways) is 13. But you guys, Jo (2) and Kari (4) are a handful on their own. Kari thinks that Jo is a handful too (I know this because she says it). Jo… well, he’s just outchere being cute and cherub-like. But he’s two years old. So I wasn’t sure if #demkids would appreciate the addition of yet another little Williams. And I don’t blame them.
Another child means that time, money and other frivolities will have to be rationed between five whole children now and not just four. Again, I can’t stress enough how helpful it is (such a weird thing to be thankful for) that the older boys have whole other families in their lives. I mean, it eases the load, if you know what I mean. But we still need to consider things like one on one time (dating your kids is a real thing), the paying of school fees, making sure they are clothed and fed and other important stuff like that. Oh and the WiFi. Someone needs to pay for the WiFi.
The thought of one more can be extremely overwhelming. I totally have moments where I’m like “aaack, I’m having another baby, am I CRAZY?!” Of corse, those moments are few and far between the more predominant moments of “Oh my goodness, I’m having another baby, heart melt!”
I get it. It’s alot with to deal with mentally… well, for me atleast, and I’m their MOTHER. So let’s just say we were a bit wary when breaking the news to the kids.
We waited a very long time before we told them. Well, we waited a long time before we told anyone. Mainly because of health reasons (wanted to be sure that we’re in the safe zone first) but also because we wanted to keep the information to ourselves (you can read the reasons why over here).
When we finally told #demkids we were kinda stunned at their responses.For starters, Kari (who had been the “mommy please have another baby” champion in our home since December) was completely overwhelmed at the news. In fact, she had no words. Our girl. The outspoken one. She was silent. It took her a while to absorb the information, but once it hit home, she was a ball of energy planning out her journey, as a big sister, in detail.
Jonah… well, he was being his cute and cherub-like self. Also, he’s two. We didn’t really expect him to understand.
The older boys were a lot more optimistic than we had expected you guys! I mean, the immediate debate was that the child must either be named Kyle Seth Williams or Seth Kyle Williams. But I gladly encouraged it, because it meant that they were not running around, pulling their hair out at the news.
Both boys were kinda nonchalant about it though. They say that they have enough siblings to know what goes down when another is added to O Town (see what I did there) and they feel that they are ready for it.
All in all a good response, I think. I know. I’m still in shock. I mean, they handled it better than some of the adults we know. So that’s something right there.
Anyways, with that said, we’re still super excited (me, still super overwhelmed sometimes) and really looking forward to doing life with our crazy, big family! Big families are the best! And we be havin’ it! Somebody give me a high five, immediately.
(Watch a very short kids response video below.. recording stopped mid-way through the big reveal, don’t know how that happened. )
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Living with teenagers can be annoying!
If you’re the parent of a small kid, or, in my case, a gang of small kids, and you’re thinking that your life is “woes” right now, allow me to bring some clarity to the situation. This level of “woesness” is nothing compared to when your tiny angels are full grown adults, who have opinions of their own.
(Disclaimer, if you’ve come here for advice, move along Jackie. But if you’re looking for a kindred heart who has had to stop herself from, you know, throwing shoes and cutlery at her grown son, then welcome friend! This post is for us.)
No one makes me as angry as my 17 year old son does. His newly developed sense of self annoys me. There, I said it. And the thing is this parents, I shouldn’t be annoyed. I should be nurturing, supportive, helpful. But nope, I find myself super annoyed every single day. And hey, I own it. I’m the one being annoyed. He’s the one simply being a teenage boy. So I’m not saying I’m right. But I am saying that… heck yeah, I’m annoyed!
Well, for starters, I’m annoyed at his decision making skills (or lack thereof), at his endless “Mom, can I” requests, at his demanding nature when he feels that he is entitled to something.
I’m annoyed at how opinionated he is… teenagers believe that they are experts in every field. They are also not open to reason or new ideas. My son, in particular, believes that he knows it all! He loves a good debate and I can flip my biscuit lid when he tries to get into it with me!
He has no filter and will say exactly what he is feeling/thinking, which irks me! And guys, be warned: this new generation of teen knows about freedom of speech and believe that they can practice this in the comfort of their homes!
I’m super annoyed when he does his own thing, even after I have
given instructionoffered advice. Worse than that is when he disagrees with me silently, but then goes along with what I’ve asked him to do, with a grudge on his shoulder, mumbling his discontentment under his breath. Or when he responds to my requests with a question, as if we’re on Felicia Mabuza-Suttle and he’s interviewing me. “Are we seriously going to do this right now?” and “So you really want me to do this now?”The typical teenage lack of urgency and consideration annoys me like nobody’s business! We can be running late for work/school, and the kid will continue to move at snail pace, as if nothing in the world matters except how he perfectly executes the application of his school shoe. Like, seriously, catch a wake up!
But more than all of this, I’m annoyed that he is growing up and becoming his own person. I don’t like this… not one bit!
I guess a lot of the annoyance comes from the fact that I can’t “control” him anymore… well, not like you would a younger child who still relies on you for everything. He doesn’t rely on me for everything. And soon (once he’s out of the house, with a fam of his own) he might not rely on me for anything, at all! And that annoys the living daylights out of me and I don’t know how to make it stop.
The truth is, I love this annoying teenage child of mine so much. He’s the one who graduated me into mommydom when I was still a teen myself. He was my “ride or die” when I was a single mother, trying to make ends meet (like a Julia Roberts movie). He’s the one I first dreamed big dreams for and the kid that I put my whole life aside for, as I tried to navigate the choppy waters of young adulthood. And now he is almost an adult too. And I’m annoyed.
Is it irrational? Probably. Should I know better? Yep. Can I be a better parent? Always. Reminding myself that I’m actually raising someones dad, husband, boss, friend, helps me to remember how important this season is and how much influence I have, even though he pretends that he doesn’t care what I have to say. So for now, I say a prayer, swallow my annoyance and try to be the adult that I want him to grow into.
And yes, I guess that means no throwing shoes at him. Dammit.
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Choosing the right school for your child and other parenting headaches
I grew up in (what our brown people lovingly refer to as) the hood, in Port Elizabeth. You know… the type of suburb where all the kids in the neighborhood would play with each other, in the street, literally, because we didn’t have big yards or grassy side walks. It was a time of unsolicited nicknames (because we all knew a “China” or “Blou” or “Koppe”) and anyone’s parent was allowed to give you a group spanking if you misbehaved.
Back then, the unspoken rule was that when your time for schooling came, you would attend one of the public schools in the area. I mean, my parents probably knew exactly which primary school and high school I would attend before I hit five years old. There were only so many to choose from in our neighborhood.
Sure, some of our more fancier friends were carted to and from the “white areas”, attending posh schools with exorbitant school fees that our parents could not afford. They wore blazers and hats and sometimes spoke in accents and had derby days and cool extra mural activities.
The rest of us would walk to and from our public school (mostly in groups), stopping to buy 20 cent packets of “samoosa leaves”, “bompies” and “wind chips” along the way. We probably didn’t have the same opportunities as our fancier friends but I must say, my years at public school was pretty legit. I made great friends, had excellent teachers, participated in all the activities (seriously… ALL) and even entered my high school’s beauty pageant (no jokes). I would say that I had a well-rounded schooling experience.
This week, while Hubstopher and I were chatting about finding the right school for our little girl, all of these thoughts popped into my head, you guys. I mean, we want to give our kids the best life possible.
We want them to have the best birthday parties, and get them the best equipment for that hobby that they love. We want them to make really good friends who will stick with them through the bad stuff. We want our kids to find the job of their dreams and hey, eventually meet the one who will want to make them happy for life.
And, as we were chatting about all of this, I realized that schooling plays a big role in how it all turns out. I want my kids to have the same amazing experiences I had, when I was at school. And hey, I’m not naive, I know that we can’t control everything and that a lot of it depends on the child’s attitude. And anyways, sometimes you have a really stinky schooling experience, but still end up with a great life. I know. But still.If the little bit that I can do includes finding the right school for her, then I will darn well make sure I do the best job doing so.
And so the investigation starts, as I hop from one school website to another, trying to find the school that will fit our needs. Things that come into play are:
1. Location – Is the school in close vicinity to our jobs or home? What will transportation needs be like?
2. Aftercare facility – Are there aftercare facilities close by, that won’t cost, you know, the same price as your mortgage per month.
3. Affordability – This is a big one. I often talk about how school fees x 4 is the mood kill in our marriage. Okay, that’s me being dramatic. But seriously guys, if we’re wanting to add one more kid to the mix, we need to consider how much we’re willing to spend on school fees and aftercare fees. Also, some schools have really unnecessary extra expenses that I just can do without, thanks.
4. Extra-murals – My girl child is going to be a total replica of me… I can feel it! Kyle isn’t really one for extra murals, but this girl of mine will probably do as much as possible, and I love that! So we’re also looking for a school that is rich in extra-murals, artsy and cultural activities.
5. Values and school culture– Since we are Christian, our first prize would be a school with strong Christian values and beliefs.
6. Academics – Besides for having great teachers, the ideal school will also have a lot of support structures in place. Class size is also important and would play a big role in whether we sign up or not.
7. The fluffy stuff – Other little things that I would look out for is to find out which school her friends are going to. I mean, it wouldn’t entirely change my mind, but it is an important factor, in my opinion. I love chatting to other moms, with kids in grade 1, to find out what their experience has been like at the school that their kid attends.
We’ve narrowed it down to 3 schools and will be applying to all of them. But boy, has it been a trip! I’m telling you guys, parenting is a headache. The best kind! I mean, if you consider the fact that your decisions will kinda impact the type of grown up your child becomes, suddenly choosing a school is more than just a “which one is more popular” and “which one is more impressive” game. Right?
Anyways, after all of that monologue-ing, I would like to hear from you guys. What type of factors did you consider, when you were choosing a primary school for your little one? Share your advice in the comments section below.
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Moms, have you heard about the ‘Fiver Party’ trend?
What if I told you that “no gift parties” are the new in thing? Yes, I’m being serious. Okay, let’s start at the beginning. Hands up, if you’ve been to more kid’s parties in one year, than you’ve been to actual, grown up parties. In fact, taking your children to birthday parties is high up on the list of standard “things to do when you’re a parent”. But the thing is this, guys, it can get quite pricey if you’re attending copious amounts of birthday parties on the regular!
Well, one genius mom came up with the “Fiver Party” concept and it’s now trending in America and Canada.
A Fiver Party is basically a birthday party where all guests are encouraged to bring money ($5) towards a big ticket present that the birthday boy/girl’s parents would buy. Yes, you heard me Margaret. Instead of trekking to the shops to find that reasonably priced (but it doesn’t look too cheap, ya know?) gift, you can literally chuck some cash into a cute birthday card and take that along with you to the party.
Moms, all around the world, have expressed mixed emotions with regards to this concept. I mean, think about it. How would you feel about taking a R50 note to a birthday party, instead of a gift? Some are calling it tacky. Other’s say that it just doesn’t feel right to go with nothing but the cash. Other moms include cute stickers or a sweet treat, with the moola…. just so that it doesn’t feel empty.
But the vast majority love the idea! In fact, many of them are choosing to have Fiver Parties for their own kids! They say that their children have way too many toys already and it’s a brilliant idea to be able to put all the cash together to buy one big ticket item that the child really wants.
I have mixed emotions about it though. I mean, for starters, some moms just feel awkward about asking guests to bring money to their kid’s birthday party. But also, I really love the intention that goes behind every little birthday gift. My one friend made the cutest little bow-bedecked socks for Kari’s birthday last year. Another friend knew that she loves tutu skirts, and that’s what they got her. Kari was over the moon! Another friend gifted her with awesome reading books, that we’re still using today. I’m a sentimental at heart and I love that we can use these things and know that they were gifted with love.
BUT I’m not totally opposed to a Fiver Party. I love the convenience. It’s money smart (especially if the child is a bit older and is willing to save or invest the cash into something worthwhile). It’s also a great way to ensure that your kid isn’t focused on getting as much as possible… nipping that materialistic spirit in the bud. Besides who wants piles and piles of unused toys in their house, right? Your Fiver Party can even fund an experience (a trip to a cool destination or maybe an adventure that your child has always wanted to try).
Anyways, here’s where you come in, friends. What do you think about the Fiver Party concept? Let me know in the comments section below.
If you’re keen to host a Fiver Party, but not sure how to ask your guests for cash instead of a gift, you can use one of the samples below:
Sample 1
This is a NO GIFTS party, since we’re trying to help (NAME) focus on the joy of spending time with friends, rather than on receiving gifts. For those who would still like to bless (NAME) you’re welcome to gift him with no more than R50 that he can put towards something special he’s saving for.
Sample 2
Please note that gifts are not required. If you would like to give one, you are welcome to help (NAME) buy that big gift that he has his eye on. You can pop your card and cash gift into the gift box at the party.
Sample 3
This is a NO GIFTS party. Instead, (NAME) is proud to be able to raise money for his favorite charity. (NAME) will use half of the money collected to buy a small gift for himself and then donate the rest to (CHARITY NAME).
Sample 4
(NAME) is having a fiver party! She is saving for a (BIG TICKET GIFT) so if you choose to bring a gift, she would appreciate a R50 in a card.
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5 Tips for a Fun Family Game Night with Uber Eats
So if you have as many children as I do, you pretty much run out of ideas on how to keep them all happy at the same time. I mean, they don’t all have the same taste in movies, or food and believe me when I say, they don’t find the same things entertaining. Luckily for me, with Uber Eats on my side, I am able to cater to a variety of tastes, while saving some time to spend on deciding which fun games I can play (and win at!) on a family game night.
We love family game night! I usually throw one of these in the mix when I feel that we need some unscheduled family time. A family game night is a great way to bond with your kids and, if you pick the right games, everyone is bound to have fun! Here are some of my (tried and tested) tips for a fun family game night:
Each one pick oneA clever way to get a nice mix of games and activities, for the entire family to enjoy, is to have each member of the family suggest at least one or two games they would like to play. The result: a bullet proof, hodge-podge of interesting games, as recommended by the players themselves. It’s genius, really. Less brain work for you and a lot more (guaranteed) fun for them!
Mix it up
Instead of creating set teams for the whole night, why not mix it up and create new teams with each game. This will encourage team spirit and a chance for everyone to bond with – well – everyone else. Also, I’m the “Obnoxious Police” and I don’t allow obnoxious boasting to put a damper on our game night. It’s a teaching moment, you guys… teach your children to encourage each other!
Set the rules
So once we have a list of games, I make sure to have the rules for all games, displayed visibly for all to see. The “rules chart” is as detailed as possible, so that if a dispute arises, the “rules chart” will offer a resolution. But hey, conflict management is important and family game night is a great way to help your family figure out how to resolve conflicts without, you know, someone being grounded FOR LIFE. (That’s just one example, but you get the jist.)
Prizes are importantOkay, this statement is not true. Prizes aren’t important. Spending time together is. But prizes sure do make things a lot more exciting! Our games night prizes are made up of sweet treats and trinkets bought at the R10 store. Hint: you want to wrap them up in impressive looking boxes, to create an air of excitement. We also have a super cool floating trophy that I made using a large tin and foil. How impressive am I?
No hard work
I’m a firm believer that a happy mama is a mama who doesn’t have to wash the dishes. Well, something along those lines. So my ideal family game night will include ordering in food via Uber Eats. The cool thing is that the app has partnered with all our favourite restaurants and for a fee of R10 per delivery, we can order in everyone’s favourite meals and we don’t even need to leave home. Or wash the dishes afterwards. Did you know that Uber Eats has hundreds of restaurants to choose from? The app is so simple, even my kids know how to use it – provided they are supervised by me or hubby. It also allows you to track your food in real time, from the restaurant straight to your door! How cool is that? Oh and did I mention that the delivery fee is ONLY R10?! Double score!
And that’s that, friends! What do you think? Will you be throwing a family game night anytime soon? Have you tried out Uber Eats yet? Let me know in the comments section below.
Disclaimer: This post was written in collaboration with Uber Eats
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Your children are watching you
Your children are watching you. Yes, that sounds like the synopsis of an Alfred Hitchcock movie. Ooooooooh.
Okay, my cryptic opening line may have you scratching your head and reaching for your phone to scroll through Instagram. Sorry, Candice. I was having a moment. But now that I’ve pulled myself towards myself, allow me to explain.
The other night I realised that my kids were watching my behavior. In a nutshell: one of my kids let slip that they could see how annoyed I was “the other day”. I literally did a double take, because, dude, I wasn’t annoyed on that day. Maybe it’s just my face. Seriously.
But it got me thinking: maybe my spreadsheet brain (aka the way I run my household) comes across as being annoyed or angry all the time. When, in retrospect, I’m just trying to get chores done so that we can all chill!
But what do the kids see?
What do they see when I’m annoyed with hubby (even though I’m low-key not thaaaat angry). Or when the lady bumps her trolley into mine at the supermarket, and I give her a death stare. Or when I come home from work, ready to vent and end up speaking so much nonsense about my co-worker because she deserves it.
What type of “normal” am I instilling in my kids?
I had this revelation a few years ago that as wives and women in our homes, we set the tone and the atmosphere, to a large extent. I guess this varies from home to home, so I can only speak for myself but I do believe that as a mom and wife, you have the power to manipulate the energy in your house. And your response to a situation is the best teaching tool for your kid.Last night, for example, “someone” (okay, fine, it was me) had forgotten to buy electricity (we have one of those box things). So we sat in the dark for like an hour. When the power shot off, I could feel that anger bubbling. Man, I was so pissed off at myself AND my Hubstopher, because he was meant to remind me to get the electricity token.
It was one of those moments of anger where I didn’t feel like caring what everyone else was going through. I just wanted to bathe in my anger, as if it were a bed of roses, and pretend I was Madonna.
But the atmosphere at home was already pretty somber, since we had to sit around and wait while Hubstopher drove around trying to find an outlet that was “online” to get the electricity token. And that’s when I had one of those “a-ha” moments where I remembered that I have the power to change the atmosphere in my home. This was a teaching moment. So instead of acting cray, I gathered my kids and we sang songs together. Literally, a whole karaoke experience, in the dark. It was the best time!
The night could have turned out so differently and I probably would have gone to bed hating on my hubby and knowing that my kids are walking on eggshells because mom is angry. Instead, they (hopefully) learnt a lesson in “taking da lemons and making da lemonade.” (Totally said that with a Jamaican accent).
Anyways, what’s my point? Well, I guess my point is that sometimes all we need to do is take a breath and ask ourselves: “how do I want this to turn out?” and “how can I positively impact the atmosphere in my home”. And, more importantly: “what do I want my kids to see?”
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5 reasons why you need to stop asking me to have another baby
It’s no secret, we have more children than members of Destiny’s Child. I mean, if you told me a couple of years ago that my reign in the ‘Single Mommy Hood’ would be short-lived and replaced with a full on explosion of many children, I would’ve laughed at you. But years later, here I sit stretch mark bedecked and permanently exhausted due to the fact that I seem to enjoy buying nappies. (Kidding) And yet, people still ask me when I’m popping out the next little Williams. Bless their hearts. But seriously guys, you need to stop asking me to have another baby. Here’s why:
Mommy incubator
I am more than just my ovaries, you guys! I must admit, having Jo and Kari so close after each other has taken a serious toll on my body. Like, I have problems that were not problems before. But, health aside, I also miss the superficial things. You know, like being able to fit into basically every item of clothing that I owned pre-Karis. As much as I love being pregnant (and I don’t take this gift for granted at all), after popping out 3 kids, I definitely love being not pregnant a whole lot more.School fees
Consider paying school fees for one child. Now multiply that by 4. That is all.
(Hahahaha, joking, that isn’t all. We also have to buy food and clothes and pay for extra murals and medical aid and trips to the movies. Joy.)Quality time, shmality time
The last time I held my husbands hand was last week when he had to pull me up from the bathroom floor, because I slipped on someone’s something. It’s the toys, you guys! They’ve taken over my house! But besides for that, there is ALWAYS something that needs to be picked up, or cleaned, or sorted out. I miss the days where my Hubstopher and I could be romantic on the couch, without like, a Barbie doll staring at me, in judgement and disdain.Car seat ooh na na
So if you have many children and only one car, consider what that means if you’re wanting all of them to be buckled in safely and correctly at the same time. It has seriously become a huge problem for us. I know… buy a bigger car. Sure thing, Scrooge McDuck, let me quickly take a swim through my many fortunes and gather some money to do this. #realtalk #reallife #goawaySomebody call Dr Phil…
I don’t want to give my children issues, okay? We try to make all four of them feel loved and noticed and important. It’s no small feat, yo. I mean, Kari is a little jealous if Jo gets too much attention. And then Seth only sleeps over on weekends, so he should surely get as much attention as possible right? But then, Kyle is now in full blown teenager mode and we don’t want to make him feel left out. Its cray cray, ya’ll! Add one more to this mix? Uhhh…I do believe we have reached maximum capacity. I mean, we may have our hands full, but we’re managing somehow. (God. It has to be God.) And yes, I definitely do want to consider adopting at some point (in the far, far future), but as for right now? We’re good, thanks.
Header image taken by Cutepix Photography For more, check out their website.
