• No shame in hand me downs

    hand me downWe are fortunate (it’s a weird thing to feel fortunate about) that we share our 2 older sons with their other parents. Together with these “other parents”, we are able to get school fees paid, clothes purchased and other basic necessities seen to, that we would generally have to pay for on our own. And yet, the boys still follow the “hand me down” tradition that my sister and I do (and I’m sure a bunch of you do too!) Albeit it doesn’t happen often (because they pretty much wear the same size clothing) but if Kyle’s shorts are too small, and they are in good condish, oh hey Seth here’s a cool shorts for you. And if my baby brother, Jason, has a hoody that doesn’t fit anymore, oh look Kyle, you score a hoody! And when Hubstopher’s favorite leather jacket made him look like Mr Bean, Jason scored a leather jacket! Doesn’t it work like that everywhere? I’m asking for a friend. This friend frequents these Pre-loved Clothing groups on Facebook, so she was a bit curious.

  • Stikbot unlocks your kids movie making skills!

    stikbotIt takes a lot to impress my teenage son. I mean, everything is “boring” now a days, well according to him anyways. So I was quite chuffed to see his excitement when he learnt about Prima Toy’s newest sensation: #Stikbot!

    Stikbot is the world’s first social media sharing toy. By using the Stikbot figurines, you are able to bring your imagination to life, by creating stop motion videos. And this, dear readers, is what my kid is so pumped up about. He loves creating mini movies with his cellphone and fancies himself quite the film maker!

  • Things to do in Port Elizabeth (with your toddler) this Summer!

    Port ElizabethChristmas and the school holidays are just around the corner and boy am I excited! Our girl is 2 years old this year and we are finally able to explore PE and have some toddler fun with her! Fun with a toddler? Yep, it can happen! You need to believe me. Okay, okay, I know you want proof. Fine, let me give you a few examples:

  • baby mama drama

    Ever had to deal with that baby mama drama?

    So Kyle’s on holiday with his dad and while I miss him a lot (and the tea he makes), I’m always so happy when he gets to spend time with his dad, stepmum and the rest of his ‘other’ family. I’ve never really been an advocate for “baby mama drama”.

    Not that I was immune to it. I’ll admit, Kyle’s dad and I have had our fair share of being mean to each other. There were many nights, preceding our break up, that thoughts of spitefulness crossed my mind. I mean, if I’m not happy, why should he be? Why should I allow him full access to MY child? I am the mother, after all, so I have more say in his life than the dad does, right?

    And come on, ladies, let’s be real, when another woman enters the picture, you might as well put on your Shaneequa weave and hoop earrings because “oh helllllls no! No other woman’s going to be mother to MY child!”

    Suddenly, the “best interest” of your child becomes the motive behind every crazy demand and every bitter argument… and in your mind, it all makes sense. But in actual fact, it doesn’t make sense. Well, not if you really have the best interest of your kid in mind.

    I’ve learnt that my son’s father’s wife is important… just as important as I am, actually. Who cares that I “was here first”. Come on ladies! Yes, I’m the kid’s mother, but hey guess what, I don’t need a pedestal. I just need you to love my child and work with me to make sure he is happy and healthy. I am blessed to say that my boy’s stepmama is very sweet and always regards me with respect, which I did not even ask for, but really appreciate. She loves my boy and has been able to chat to him about stuff that he would never open up to me about. And if you consider the fact that he spends alot of time with them, it makes me feel good knowing that there’s another me (so to say) over there, keeping an eye on him and making sure he brushes his teeth.
    baby mama drama

    I’ve learnt that putting my kid first means that I an willing to work harmoniously with his dad, in order to make sure that the most important stuff is taken care of. WE are his parents. I’m not a majority share holder. One of the most devastating facts of our country is that so many children are growing up without proper father figures. The fatherless youth of today struggle with identity. They don’t know where they come from and they are not sure where they are going to. I cannot begin to explain how valuable the input of a loving father is… how much it adds to the growth and stability of a child! So if my kid’s dad WANTS to be in his life, who am I to deny that?

    I’ve learnt that my boy’s father actually really does love him and if he can’t pay for something or buy something, that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care. It just means that he isn’t able to give the cash. Money does not equate to love, yo. We agree on who pays for what, and guess what… in the rare occasion where one of us is unable to do what we are meant to do, the other one steps in, if they can. I guess, this only works in a situation where both parties are not out to get the better “deal”.

    I’ve learnt that bad mouthing my kid’s dad does not make me the better parent. It makes me the bitter parent. And it breaks down my son’s hero, which will make ME a zero in his eyes. (You know your child will not stay a child forever, right? Kids remember toxic behavior.)

    It helps that his father and I are able to openly tell each other when we are not happy with something. (In a respectable way). I guess the secret is to keep your eyes on the prize: What would be better for our child? NOT “What would make me the superior one?”
    baby mama drama

    I’ve learnt that my Hubstopher is the best father to my son, while his own dad is in another city. But Hubstopher is NOT my son’s biological father. My boy’s father and I make decisions about his life. Hubstopher and I make decisions about what happens in our house. And somehow, we have to work on merging the 2, in a way that is respectful to all parties involved and in the best interest of the CHILD and not anyone’s pride. I couldn’t have married a better man!

    And lastly, I’ve learnt that, at the end of the day, God gave us a precious gift and it is our responsibility to make sure that Kyle grows up to be the best Kyle he could ever be! His dad and I have lived our lives and made our own decisions, and the child played no part in it. Why should he suffer? I’m sure this blog post has made us sound like superhumans, so please, allow me to clarify: It has NOT been an easy road! But it’s all worth it in the end. Kyle deserves to have his best chance, and that is exactly what we are going to give him.

  • Con.ect geek fest: How to be the coolest parent in the world {Giveaway}

    Conect3Sometimes I wonder if our kids would trade me in for a cooler version, if they could. I mean, I’m not exactly the coolest parent. Granted, the older ones are boys and they would much rather talk Fifa and Naruto with Hubstopher, than with me. But, to avoid being the boring one (who wants to be THAT parent?), I often look for ways to show them that hey, I can be hip too!

  • Fried chicken and egg fried rice so easy my teen made it!

    Kyle last In a strange turn of events my game-head teenage son has decided that he wants to be a chef. Mama’s not complaining. I am ecstatic that the kid’s found something to throw his passion and ambition into. The other night he offered to make his “specialty”, fried chicken and egg fried, for supper. (Keeping in mind he’s never ever made this “specialty” before, so I’m not sure how it became his “specialty”). 

  • My friend, the car guard

    Photo: Joburg Truth
    Photo: Joburg Truth

    Last week I did a big clothing purge and ended up throwing out a whole bunch of Curly’s small clothes. Yep, it’s official, my kids grow faster than the speed of light. We ended up with 2 bags of toddler clothing that needed a new home. I was so in awe of how blessed we are. We may not live in a fancy house or drive expensive cars, but we have so much more than those who have absolutely nothing. Suddenly discarded clothing took on new life and I realized that I could use it to spread a little bit of hope.

  • Preparing your son for his future wife

    Preparing your son for his future wife Have you ever considered the fact that you need to be preparing your son for his future wife? Well, firstly, brain explosion: I’m going to be someone’s mom-in-law one day! Shame Hahaha. But no really, I think I’d be a sterling MIL. Let’s be positive about this thing. Give love a chance! Make the world a better place! Anyways, last week I was chatting about how grown my kid is and the fact that he wants to get married at a young age. I mean, this could still change, but for now he is planning to be a chef, build an empire and find a wife, all while in his early twenties. Oh and they will live in France. So this got me thinking that hey, I need to learn some french! And, more importantly, I need to start preparing myself for a future wedding!

    I’ve been told that, as a mom of a boy, it’s your duty to keep your future DIL in mind, while raising your son. There are basic principles that you should be instilling in them to prep them for life as a dad and husband… and just a decent human being, over all, I’d think. Some of it are no brainers… well, all of them are no brainers, in my opinion… but sometimes these “no brain needed” principles still require intentional demonstration from us, as parents, in order for our kids to catch it. Stuff like:

    Teaching him to clean up after himself
    Yes, ladies, mold them while they’re still young and unmarried. Do you give your sons chores to do, around your home? I guess guys become expert “taking out the trash” people, but I’m talking hardcore house work. Things like sweeping and mopping floors, hanging up the washing and making beds.

    Make sure he doesn’t expect to be served on, like a king
    Let’s keep it real moms-of-boys, we sometimes tend to spoil our little princes. I try to make the boys aware that they have just as much responsibility as my daughter will have, one day. Want some tea? You’re welcome to make it yourself, oh and while you’re at it, find out if anyone else would like some too. When I do serve on them, I make sure that they show gratitude. ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’ goes a long way!

    Showing him how to be considerate towards others
    Teaching your son how to be considerate and emotionally aware at a young age will not only help him to not be a stinky person, but I’m sure the women that he comes in contact with will appreciate it too. My prayer is that our boys will treat women with respect and consideration. I do not encourage the bullying or teasing of others. It’s not okay to make someone else feel bad about themselves! Train him up to be a gentleman by teaching him how to show consideration and care towards anyone that crosses his path.

    Teaching him how to be dedicated to the relationships in his life
    I’ve said this before: I will NOT encourage my son to be a “player” or to bring multiple girlfriends home. I WILL out you! We’ve had the ‘dating’ talk and I explained that being in a relationship is a serious business and if he wants to have a girlfriend, he must be doubley sure about it. No, they aren’t getting married. He’s a teenager for crying outloud. But I will not have him prancing around, breaking the hearts of other peoples daughters, simply because he wants to feel like “the man”.

    Show him what a happy marriage looks like
    This is one of the no brainers that we were talking about. Your marriage is a blueprint – an example – to your children. And yes, some of us are single or divorced moms. That’s okay. But you still have the responsibility of watching what you say around your children. If you are breaking down the covenant of marriage or disrespecting the marriages of others, your children will pick it up. Worse still: they will consider it NORMAL to not view marriage in a serious light.

    Make sure he knows the principles of working hard for what you want
    Be honest, ladies, a passionate, ambitious man, who honors his agreements and has integrity, is so attractive! Where does it all begin? Well, at home, of course! I’ve considered having my boy take on a part time job, during the school holidays, because I want him to learn the principles of working for what you want and being dedicated to a commitment.

    Then there’s the thought: What type of MIL will I be? Have you ever thought about the fact that your future involves you being someone else’s MIL? Are there ways to prepare yourself for it? I guess your preparation for it occurs throughout your child’s dating season. Just like how it prepares them for marriage, it will probably prepare you for the change too. So I guess that’s all the prep we get, moms!

    Here’s another shocking revelation: Since our boys each have a mom AND a step mom, this means that their wives will have to deal with TWO MIL’s! Hahahah bless their hearts!

    But on the real: Isn’t it amazing how our lives are always changing, causing us to permanently be on that growth trip? Just when you think that you’ve done it all, something new pops up and you find yourself a scholar of life, once again.

  • 10 perks of having kids at a young age

    perks of having kids at a young ageAs I’ve shared before, I’m a teen pregnancy statistic. I gave birth to my boy when I was 19 years old and with it came the sudden progression from young girl to young mother. In fact, I still consider myself a “young mother” even though I’ve been at it for almost 15 years. While being a teen mom is not an ideal situation to be in, I can honestly say that I am now reaping the benefits of having kids early! (Disclaimer: Don’t try this at home! Or, at least, don’t try this without a spouse and financial and mental stability. At least.)

  • My week in pics: micro fashion, bridesmaid dresses and nail art

    This week feels like someone literally took a drive down to a garbage dump, chose a few items, wrapped it up and wrote “Luchae’s week” on it. But then I check out my week in pics and realize that I am being an Aunty Moana – I am blessed, God is good and I have so much to be thankful for!