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Help! My kid wants to date!
The other day, in mid-‘living my life’, my teen mentioned the word DATING to me. Gasp! My kid wants to date! The outcry! The audacity! The shock and horror!
I tried to not give him a look that said “boy, are you out of your mind?!” Because, I mean, the kid is growing up so it would make sense that he would show interest in this kind of thing.
But dating?!
So many questions came up. Like, would it affect his school work? And what does he expect to GET out of it? Is he ready for the commitment? And more importantly, am I ready for him to be ready for the commitment?!
I didn’t want to scare him away, while I got all up in my feelings, so I excused myself and took a moment to throw a silent, non-violent, facial-expressionless #momfit.
Taking a metaphorical woosah, before responding, gave me some clarity. And honestly, guys, up until the other day my boy had no interest in going to school dances or hanging out at a mall with friends because his XBox and younger brother were more than enough entertainment. We are very lucky that he’s content and not living past his years. But hey, he’s growing and changing and the last thing I want to do is make him feel as if he is doing something wrong, when he isn’t. So we had a heart to heart of sorts…and it wasn’t all that painful.
4 tips for tips for when your teen wants to start datingValidate their feelings
Teenagers are like mini-adults and the best thing you could do for your mini-adult is to validate their feelings. Let them know that you GET them. So that’s what I tried to do. I mean, hands up if you’ve done something forbidden behind your parents back. *raises all the hands* Yep, those were my hands. All of them. I’ve been there and I don’t want my children to feel as if they have to go down that route too. So we spoke about the girl/girls that he likes and how it’s okay to like someone and admire qualities about them.You don’t need to act on it
But with that said, we also explained that you don’t always have to do SOMETHING about it. Peer pressure and the “prescribed norm” ages our kids way faster than they are mentally ready. We explained that it’s okay to have friends that are girls and to hang out with them etc. But that doesn’t mean that you have to “cuddle” and *shudder* all these other things that his friends are doing. We spoke about sex. Yes, we didn’t use other words to sugar coat it. Sex is sex. I know his stance on it, but I also explained that both Chris and I had kiddies when we were still kiddies (remember, I told you guys that we had our sons before we even met) so it’s totally possible to go from “cuddling” to “more than cuddling” without even knowing that you’re headed there!Lay down the law
Once all the mushy stuff was said, I also had to lay down the law, because I’m the big person and he’s the little person (okay, okay, GROWING little person) and that’s how it works around our parts. We chatted a bit about what it means to be in a relationship and he agreed that maybe 16, 17, 18 (more like 30, 31, 32! aack) years old is a more mature age to commit to a whole other person. We spoke about what that would mean, how we would support him (chaperoning dates etc) and that he has all this time now to think about what it means to be in a relationshipGo easy on ’em but also, don’t
We laughed a lot and chatted about scenarios. We want our boys to grow up respecting women and treating the ones that they are close to with respect. Yep – I am not buying into that “my son’s a heart breaker” crap. Why? Because I have a daughter, and I will not allow my boy to treat a girl any differently to how we would expect a boy to treat our own daughter. Moms, you are raising someones future husband! You are raising someones future first love! I take that very seriously.Pray!
I figured that this last one right here is the most important, yo. I can’t always be with my kids but I know that God can. So I pray that they will make good decisions and I pray that they will be leaders in their sphere of influence and not followers who easily succumb to peer pressure. If you are a praying parent, it would also be a good idea to pray WITH your kids. It helps them to take responsibility for their feelings and actions.So yes, that was my horrific experience this week. And please, don’t be fooled, all of this looks REALLY good on paper – but truth be told I honestly don’t know how it’s going to turn out. But I do know that I want my kid to grow up to be a really superb adult and I figured that this is a pretty good start.
Moms, dads, what would you do in this situation? Do you have a plan in place for when your little one wants to start dating? Leave your wisdom in the comment section below.
Disclaimer: I received permission from my teen to share this post.
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Books that help you keep your marriage lit
Yes, I referenced the word “lit” in my heading.It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been married for, when February comes around you’re kinda hoping that something special will go down on the 14th. Fire! Explosions! Dynamite! Okay, calm down, maybe not fire. I mean, with all the logistics we need to deal with – and by logistics, I mean children – getting any sort of “marital burning” going on comes with its own challenges. So I’d settle for a small flame, even. But the beautiful thing about marriage is that you have your whole lives together to get (and keep) those sparks flying. It is with this in mind that I pulled out these 3 great reads for relationship month. And yes, I’m giving some away, in case you’d want to, you know, keep your marriage lit, and stuff. The 14th of February is just one day. And I’d like to have my marriage around a bit longer than that (try: forever). How about you?
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Dear husband, you’re not doing a good job…
Dear husband, you’re not doing a good job right now. I mean, not that I would ever tell you. And why should I? You should just know these things.
Things like knowing that: If I reply to your message with ‘K’ then I’m probably NOT “okay”. And my clipped, “whatever” and “do it if you want”, probably means I DON’T want you to do it. But you should easily pick that up. I mean, you should just know.
You should also know that when you sit in front of your computer for hours (the fact that it’s work related is not the point here, husband), my
deathintense stares probably mean that I need a little bit of attention. Yes, years later and I still get needy sometimes. Not that I would tell you.In fact, I shouldn’t HAVE to tell you that I dislike it when you get more excited about soccer than my latest work/friend/child-related saga update. I should be the only excitement in your life. And seriously, I don’t have to tell you that when I reference a giant, pink, cupcake on social media, it probably means that you need to show me your undying devotion by finding me said giant cupcake. (It has to be pink too.) I mean, why should I tell you. You should just know.
Husband, if you were doing a good job, then why didn’t you notice my freshly styled hair last week? Okay, I admit it’s still the same length. And still the same color. But it was “freshly styled” and you didn’t notice. Not doing a good job at all. If you were doing a good job you would’ve complimented me on the exquisite way I did my eye make up on Sunday. It looked SO good. I know this because Estelle, at church, noticed. But you didn’t. And no, I didn’t think to mention it to you because you should just know. Why should I tell you?
If you were doing a good job you would’ve stepped out of your mythical “nothing box” (which I don’t understand or believe in) and picked up that I wanted a foot rub, the other day, when I took my shoes off and sighed really loudly. Or that I needed you to rub my back when I walked into the kitchen semi-groaning, holding on to my fragile parts. I didn’t tell you because I figured that you should just know!
I mean, husband, if you were so amazing at being a husband, you would’ve known that I expected you to hold my hand the other morning when that old love jam played on the radio. Sure, I could have held yours… but, honestly, I expected you to make the first move. You should just know, duh. Just like you should have picked up that I wanted to watch a romantic movie, last Friday, when the kids went to bed early. But I would never, ever tell you that. Why should I?
In fact, why do I need to tell you anything at all? Husbands should just know. I’m not saying read my mind. But you’re my husband now so that means that you basically have to. Doesn’t it come with the package? So something’s not right here. I know I’m being rational. So it’s probably you. Not that I would tell you. You should just know.
Disclaimer: My hubstopher isn’t really all that bad, but yes, I’ll admit that I can be a bit loony toons on occasion. (The hormones, blame the hormones). Wife, girlfriend, do you get this way sometimes? I think that we are all faced with various levels of challenges when it comes to communication. Yes, even you Super Wife, shaking your head at me. I often have to remind myself to SAY SOMETHING instead of expecting this guy (who is probably really sitting in his “nothing box”) to know what I want.
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No shame in hand me downs
We are fortunate (it’s a weird thing to feel fortunate about) that we share our 2 older sons with their other parents. Together with these “other parents”, we are able to get school fees paid, clothes purchased and other basic necessities seen to, that we would generally have to pay for on our own. And yet, the boys still follow the “hand me down” tradition that my sister and I do (and I’m sure a bunch of you do too!) Albeit it doesn’t happen often (because they pretty much wear the same size clothing) but if Kyle’s shorts are too small, and they are in good condish, oh hey Seth here’s a cool shorts for you. And if my baby brother, Jason, has a hoody that doesn’t fit anymore, oh look Kyle, you score a hoody! And when Hubstopher’s favorite leather jacket made him look like Mr Bean, Jason scored a leather jacket! Doesn’t it work like that everywhere? I’m asking for a friend. This friend frequents these Pre-loved Clothing groups on Facebook, so she was a bit curious. -
Books that help you get rid of that stinking thinking
Is it December yet? No? It’s still January?! Boy, this year is just draaaagging by! But hey, this means that there’s optimal opportunity for us to get our growth on. This year, I’ve decided that I am going to work towards WINNING in every area of my life (remember, I ranted about it last week). And that means thriving on a mental level as well. My goal for January is to get rid of that stinking thinking by dropping crappy habits and picking up some really legit ones. Christian Art Media sent me a bunch of books that will help me do just that! And I’ve got a few to give away to you. But first, more about the books. -
2017: Winning! (Without a new year’s resolution)
Hey, here’s a pretty bold statement to make: I’m not a fan of new year’s resolutions.
Say whaaaa? Yes, really. While I appreciate that the start of a new year seems like a really good time to find purpose or make a change, guess what, you don’t have to start on the 1st of January. And, quite honestly, expecting an immediate change, after making a resolution (at any time of the year) is a bit of a long haul. What have I decided for this year though? Well, quite simply, 2017: Winning! Here’s what that means: -
Just so you know, this is why I blog
A few weeks ago I had coffee with a couple of bloggers at a local eatery. We chatted, very animatedly, about blogging and the blog industry. In mid convo I spotted two young ladies, sitting close by, mocking us openly. “Oooh she bloooogs!” I heard them jeer, judging us from a distance. It kinda pushed me over my chill limit. I mean, it’s not the first time that I hear a bunch of snotty comments being thrown at bloggers and social media influencers. But this time it was right there, all up in my grill, and it made me want to reconsider why I blog. Heck, why do it? What does this “blogging thing” even mean? -
2016 The recap
It’s a new year and a new season and I’m still tired. Okay, let’s scratch that. It’s no way to start my first blog post for 2017! How about: Hey friends! Happy new year! Okay, that sounds better. 2016 has been a pretty eventful year in the life of my spreadsheet brain. I thought that we should go over all the highs and lows of the year in a “2016 the recap” kind of style. Sounds like fun right? Here goes: -
The ABC’s of buying a second hand car
I am in the process of buying a second hand car but, let me tell you, I sometimes feel like ditching the car and buying a bicycle instead! Not that that would ever happen. I mean, a bicycle would do nothing for my hair. There is just SO much to consider when purchasing a preowned vehicle though. It doesn’t help that society seems to think that girls and cars don’t go together. That kind of thinking is so last century. Watch me find that car, change ownership onto my name and source super duper cheap car insurance all by myself! And you can too! Here’s how: -
The many emotions of a toddler
When it comes to raising a toddler, I refuse to accept the term ‘terrible twos’. I believe that when my toddler turns 2 years old next week, she will begin her season of ‘terrific twos’. Why speak “terribleness” over your child’s life, anyways? No sir, no thank you. I mean, parenting is challenging enough as it is!But with that said, I sometimes sit and stare at my kid as she goes from being ecstatically happy to mournfully sad in a matter of seconds. How is it, little girl, that you loved chicken so much 5 minutes ago, but now you simply cannot have it near you? Did I miss something? One minute she loves her dad and croons “Hallo dada!” beautifully as she plants a fat kiss on his lips. And the next, she yells “NO!” at the top of her voice, when he attempts to pick her up. Split seconds, I tell ya. Is it normal? Yes, yes it is.
