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Letting him be the man on Women’s Day
So it’s Women’s Day today and I guess I’m meant to feel super duper woman-like and rah rah girl power and all that jazz. But instead, I woke up thinking how much I love that I get to depend on a man, my man, for some things. I mean, I know that I can probably change my own tyre, but I like that I don’t have to. I’m sure I could figure out how to work the PVR or muster up the energy to have conversations about weeds with the gent who cleans our garden… but hey, why should I? I don’t even drive myself places, if I don’t have to. And I sometimes even ask my man if he thinks my dress is too short or what his thoughts are on my career moves or whether he likes my cooking. -
When and how to praise your child
Being a parent means putting yourself out there for every conceivable bit of advice, input and, sometimes, criticism from others. It’s so hard to know what the ‘right’ thing to do is. So, often, we choose the right thing for us. And that’s not a bad thing. But, a little advice can go a long way, especially when we haven’t felt our ‘right’ yet. -
Breastfeeding is a pain in the boob
Breastfeeding is a pain in the, well, boob. Yes, as I said the other day, it IS glorious and magical and makes you feel as if you’re floating on a rainbow cloud surrounded by glitter unicorns and chocolate waterfalls. But also it’s a pain in the boob. In a literal way actually, since your breasts experience quite
somea lot of pain at some point of your breastfeeding journey. And yet, we carry on, pushing through the pain and discomfort; ignoring silent side eyes given in shopping malls and the need to sleep as we power through 3am pumping sessions. We carry on because the pain in the boob act of breastfeeding is, quite honestly, one of the biggest miracles of being a mom!It wasn’t all sparkly for me when I started my breastfeeding journey though. Mainly because it hurts, guys. Well, in the beginning, anyways. And not a “oh I have a headache in my boob” kind of pain. Nope, during the first few latches, the pain is a toe-curling, deep down in your soul, kind of pain. And then, when you’re over the worst and you’re finally comfortable with having a baby physically attached to your breast, you have to face your next hurdle: breastfeeding in public. This was the most mentally challenging part for me, yo. I cringed every time I had to whip my boob out in front of other people (even though “in front of” actually means “discreetly hidden behind a super stylish breastfeed cover”).
Pumping milk was another challenge. Man, when I see cows being milked, a piece of my heart goes out to them because my pain is their pain. Maybe it’s the act of knowing that you’re doing something that should be happening naturally. Or maybe it’s the staring into oblivion as you listen to the rhythmic buzz of your breast pump. Maybe it’s the feeling of having something pull at your nipple or the packing and unpacking of all the equipment and meticulous way you need to store and look after your expressed milk. All I know is: Moms who pump regularly should receive a medal of honor!Fortunately the Medela Harmony hand pump and the Medela electric have been total lifesavers. I actually used my Harmony while on a flight to Cape Town. Yep, right there, in my seat, under my breastfeed cover, pumping away as the air hostess (who happened to be male) asked me whether I wanted milk in my tea. (Oh the irony) Someone needs to hand me my Noddy Badge immediately.
Oh and let’s not even mention the worry that you might not pump enough milk for the following days feeds. What you eat is extremely important and if you’re on a strict diet, good luck Chuck, because you’re starving half the time anyways!So yes breastfeeding is a pain in the boob. It is more than just a nipple in a child’s mouth. It’s a commitment, a tolerance and a sacrifice… but the very best kind!
Weird how we even fight for the right to do this one thing that is so physically demanding and mentally draining. That’s because the pain in the boob act of breastfeeding does not compare to its rewards. It’s totally worth it. And no matter what your breastfeeding challenge is, you will always feel like a rock star when your kid’s pediatrician weigh’s him and says “oh wow, that’s a healthy weight”. The painful nips and 3am pump session a forgotten memory as you hide a smile and quietly tell yourself “yeah, that’s all ME, boo”.
(Clip note, I never actually use the term “boo” in real life, but that last sentence felt like it needed some gangsta.)
Disclaimer: I do believe that “FED is best” and I salute all those moms who have powered through formula feeds because that in itself holds a lot of challenges and rewards, so big ups to you. But this week is in celebration of World Breastfeeding Week, so mention must be given to those who breastfeed.
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Apparently teenagers turn into adults eventually
So my baby boy has just returned from his bi-annual visit to his dad in Cape Town and suddenly the kid looks more ‘man’ than ‘kid’. Not impressed. Not impressed at all. I don’t know what sorcery you Capetonians practice, but if you could return my baby boy to me in baby form next time, that would be great. Oh wait… I forgot, teenagers turn into adults, apparently. I believe it’s a condition that is most likely not reversible (unless you’re Benjamin Button, that is). So I guess I’m stuck with an ‘almost adult’ child. -
They said it would be easier… they lied
Whoop, there it is! You know… the “mom feelings” that tends to get all over the place while you’re trying to live your life. They have officially moved in. I thought that I had escaped it and that things would be different with this, my third baby. They said it would be easier this time around. I should be a pro by now! Somebody call Felicia Mabuza-Suttle… I deserve a feature already! Well, that’s what I thought anyways… until I realized that I had been catching mom feelings, yet again. And suddenly I was a pro no more.
Back story
If you hang out around here a lot you’ll know that the birth of my first two kids was extremely different. I mean, besides for the lack of husband or maturity that was prevalent when I gave birth to Kyle, more than 16 years ago, I also remember feeling really unprepared and inexperienced (which I was).It was a bit different when Kari was born. I was super duper “spreadsheet brain” prepared to the nineteenth degree of Oprah. I had read all the books, followed all the blogs, registered on all the websites. I mean, I could practically tell my OBGYN how to deliver my baby for me.
But as much as there were differences with my first two births, there were a lot of similarities too. I mean, when Kari was born it reminded me of the overwhelming sense of “this is my baby!” that I experienced when I saw Kyle for the first time, all those years ago. Those mommy feelings catch you unaware and you’re suddenly filled with an explosion of love, purpose and dedication to this tiny human. And it was the same with baby Jo – He’s mine! My baby!But, I must be honest, I was secretly hoping that those other mommy feelings would not follow too. I mean, with this smorgasbord of mom life surely I get to have a choice, right?
Well there were some things that I did NOT want, thank you very much. Things like getting so emotionally attached to your child that hearing him cry in the next room makes your heart jump out of its chest (and your boobs leak). And things like having second (and third and fourth) doubts about getting that babysitter, for a night out, because you can’t bare to leave your baby with someone else.
And let’s not even get into the dreaded “aaack my maternity leave is almost over and now my heart is broken” feeling. I did not want that. Thanks, but no thanks. Put it away, Penelope! I wanted to be independent of all those mommy emotions. I had planned to get out of bed, jet off to work, kick butt and take names (and all those other really cool ways to say that you did a good job today), without sitting and pining at my desk hoping that my little one is not missing me as much as I miss him.
And then, this morning, as I was staring at my beautiful Jo, I had to come to terms with the fact that I can’t escape it – I am his mommy! And yes, I have caught deep and heavy feelings. I’m utterly enamored with this fat cheeked boy! And I’m going to enjoy every minute of this feeling.It is in this vulnerability and weakness where we find our true mommy grit. That deep sense of compassion, fierce need to overprotect and overwhelming feeling of being inlove with this tiny human being who can’t even wipe their own bums yet… that right there is what ties you to this little heart. No one can love your child like you can.
So no, it never gets easier! Being a mommy never gets easier. Because the load is never light. Loving your kids will always weigh heavy on your heart and fill you with the deepest sense of belonging. And I’m okay with it.
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Why I don’t pay pocket money for chores
It’s tempting to ‘motivate’ children to do their chores with a little financial incentive. I mean, who’s really winning when you get to pay them just R5 to pack and unpack the dishwasher? But, there is a danger in this and it didn’t take us long to decide, as a family, that chores get done for free. -
Getting my groove back after having a baby
The female body is a wonderful thing. It has been designed with the remarkable ability to accommodate and grow a whole other person. Once the job is complete, the body knows exactly when to eject the tiny human being (albeit with some effort) and then, after birth, bounces back to it’s former glory (I use the word “former” loosely). Though there may be some notable changes to it, post-birth, your body can largely do everything that it could do before the making of said baby. And yet, after having a baby, you somehow still feel ‘changed’. Even if you look the same as you did before. -
Why being a mother sucks sometimes
Being a mother sucks. What? You don’t agree? Wait, maybe I wasn’t being clear: You know all the amazing parts of being someones mom? Stuff like hearing them call you “mama” for the first time and being able to snuggle up next to them as you read Good night, Mouse for the umpteenth time? Well, those things seem extremely over-rated when you’re exhausted after having to change your bedding (thanks to a massive squirt of newborn poop) and then have to referee an argument between a 2-year old and a 15-year old about who gets to sit on the “big couch”. Oh, hi there, excuse me where are my manners. My name is Luchae Williams and I am the proud
ownermother of one newborn, one toddler, step-mom to one primary schooler and mom to one extremely opinionated highschooler. Mental status: Currently losing my mind.I know, I know, I can hear what you’re thinking. And allow me to reiterate: I DO love my children and I am aware that there are hundreds of women who would give actual limbs to be in my position. But hey, sometimes being mom means keeping it real. And the reality is that my kids drive me crazy! Like “Gone Girl” crazy. Like shaving my hair off ala Britney Spears crazy.
Do your kids make you want to go to the toilet to just sit there, and enjoy the silence? Welcome, friend! Do you often find yourself thinking “oh, just go away!” with a smile on your face, while listening to another boring story about soccer? I see you, girlfriend! Have you ever dreamt about your life pre-children, with stars in your eyes and longing in your heart? I feel your pain, Jane! Does feeling this way make us bad people? Uhhh, nope. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes. Being a parent is not easy and if you think about it, no one asked us to be superhuman. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves?
You know the saying about kids being your heart on the outside of your body? Well that’s the truest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. And I’m old… so I’ve heard a lot of things in my life. The thing is, children trick you. They make you believe that you’re going to fall pregnant, or find that perfect adoption agency, or marry that guy, and suddenly be Super Parent… in a land filled with domesticated sunshine and roses and finger painting parties in the backyard. You chat about a future that holds sleepless nights, more expenses and less time for yourself and you actually think that you’re READY for it. But truth be told, you’re never really ready.And once that kid is there, in your world, in living color. Oh boy! There is no. turning. back. You are in it for life! Nothing else will be more important ever again. You find yourself semi-moaning (okay in this case alot-of-moaning) about how your kids tire you out and steal your time but the truth is, you don’t want and can’t see a life without them. And no amount of sleep or glitzy career moves or toned abdominal muscles will EVER come close to the way you feel when they call you mama for the first time or when you’re snuggled up reading Good night, Mouse for the umpteenth time.
You become vulnerable… all your mushy parts exposed… living life with your heart on the outside of your body, in tiny human form. And if you’re a spreadsheet brain like I am, you’ll probably think that being a mom sucks too because it feels SO good to belong to them… to be so weak and yet so strong. It’s beautiful and scary and empowering and so very humbling all at the same time.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s worth it.
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Recovery after birth: how to stay sane
Whether you’re a first time mom or a ‘last time mom’, like me, the first few weeks after giving birth are usually very challenging. I know what you’re thinking: “What?! Is it not enough that I carried this kid around for nine months and then went through a very physical labour that resulted in me exposing more of my mind, body and soul than I care to?!” Okay, calm down, Patricia. Yes, post-birth can be just as challenging as the actual labour was. But it doesn’t have to be. I’ve found a few simple things that has really helped to make my recovery after birth more comfortable. -
My teen will not be watching 13 Reasons Why
So I jumped onto the ‘hip bandwagon’ and finally watched the hit Netflix mini-series, 13 Reasons Why. I had been told that it was a story about the suicide of a teenage girl and some people claimed that the show held legit life lessons that all teenagers could learn from. Sure thing, Suzy, but I need to get my eyes on this series first before I allow my kid to watch it. And you bet ya he’s been asking if he can! I must admit, the series left me feeling pretty disturbed, and for that reason my teen will NOT be watching 13 Reasons Why.
