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Creating criminals: How smartphone smart is your child?
I’m totally not hating on the fact that a tablet or cellphone screen can get my kids to leave me alone for a few minutes. I mean, come on, let’s be honest, we need our space (and a hot second to wash the dishes) right? And anyways, my 13 year old can’t get into much trouble online, right? Wrong. The truth is that the new generation of online sexual predator looks a lot like your kid. And as cool and trendy as social media is, you have to question whether it is creating a criminal right under your roof. (Perhaps one who is probably unaware of just how much trouble their actions can get them in.) Which brings me to this question: How smartphone smart is your child?
I sat through a very interesting talk by Social Media Law guru, Emma Sadleir (you may have heard her on 5FM yes) who shared that children has young as 11 years old are now sexting. With access to hardcore pornography (when the pop up banner innocently prompts “click here for fun”, guess what your 7 year old is going to do) our children are seeing things that are way beyond their maturity level and emotional capacity. And once the brain absorbs, it remembers.
Our kids are taking nude pics of themselves, you guys. Emma says that nudes are the latest currency amongst children (some as young as 9 years old) and these images are then sent through to friends and boyfriends/girlfriends under the guise that it will be deleted afterwards. What your little boy does not realize is that once it has been posted or sent, you can’t take it back! Kids are pretty savage now a days and if they find something amusing or shocking, the chances of it being kept under wraps is slim to none. Content follows your child. And guess what parents, it’s YOUR responsibility to make sure that they are aware of the permanence of the internet. Once its out, it’s out.
What we need to teach our children about the internet:
1. You are responsible for the content you create. And guess what, even if you like, retweet or share content, but did not create it, you are associating yourself with it and it can therefore be used against you in a court of law.
2. Sending and soliciting sexual images from an underaged child (even if you are underaged too) makes you a sexual predator! That’s right, it is illegal to get your buddy to send you a pic of his genitals as a joke. It is also illegal to share images of other people, in a compromised position, without their permission.
3. Your child’s school Code of Conduct applies to social media too, even if the images or content your child publishes does not have the school logo or name on it. In fact, the school can strip you of titles and even have you expelled, if they feel that you are bringing the school’s name to disrepute. Taking pics when you are doing something illegal or against the school’s code of conduct can be held against you.
4. Planning to go for a job interview one day? Your employer might Google you for your “online CV” – keep your social media profiles clean!
5. Bullying and cyberbulling is a criminal offence. Children over the age of 14 is considered to have full criminal capacity, in South Africa, which means they can receive jail time!
6. Make sure your location services are switched off! Never ever share sensitive information online!
7. If a friend or boyfriend/girlfriend asks for nudes you have the RIGHT to say NO. You don’t have to explain yourself to this person. If they refuse to accept no for an answer, tell someone.
8. If you are in a Whatsapp group where nudes or illegal behaviour is being shared, get out of the group immediately.
9. If you feel uncomfortable at any time, tell someone.
10. If you would not be comfortable sharing it on a huge billboard in the middle of the city, don’t share it on social media!There is so much to share on this topic. I will be continuing the conversation in a few days, but for now, please use this information to make sure that your child is cyber smart. The more you look after your child’s privacy, the more privacy they will have to look after.
Check out more about Emma on The Digital Law Co website.
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Mother’s Day: gifting with intention {Giveaway}
With Mother’s Day nearing, I’m keeping a keen eye out for extra special gifts for my moms. I mean, macaroni necklaces and paint bedecked cards are cute and all, but when the kid is in her thirties (me, I’m the kid), I’m pretty sure the mom expects a little something more. And I get. I totally do. Mom’s have the hardest and most important jobs in the world! And they deserve to be treated like the queens that they are. That’s why my motto this year, while gift shopping, is: Mothers Day gifting with intention!
If your mother is a super woman (I bet ya she is) or if you have any other super women in your life that you’d like to spoil, I highly recommend you pop on over to CUM Books to check out their latest best sellers. I mean, besides for their really amazing Mother’s Day related paraphernalia and gift ideas, they also stock inspirational reads. I love that Christian Art Media has a large foray of books that are both interesting and intentional – leaving the reader with a lot more than just an entertaining story. Here are some of my top picks, that would make really great Mother’s Day gifts. (Oh and I’m giving some of them away too!)
Adamant – Lisa Bevere
Lisa Bevere is a popular international speaker and New York Times bestselling author. This lady is amazing! She has spent nearly three decades on her mission to empower women of all ages, with a mandate to help women find their identity and purpose. I love this so much. You may recall her previous best sellers, Fight Like a Girl, Lioness Arising and Girls with Swords. Well, her latest book, Adamant, is definitely one to get your hands on. The book is described as “theologically deep yet intimately accessible”. In it, she provides you with the tools you need to navigate through a sea of untruths, as we push to find our own truths. A truth that is immovable, invincible, unshakable and the cornerstone of all we are and ever dream to be.
Unexpected – Christine Caine
Australian born Christine Caine is an activist and international speaker. If you know her name, you’ll know that she founded The A21 Campaign – an anti-human trafficking organization. In her latest book, Unexpected, Caine speaks about having peace in an uncertain world. She deals with issues of control (I mean, hands up if you have control issues) and shares about her own journey, giving us real-life strategies and biblical inspiration to help us move from fear and worry to hope and trust in God. Learn how to manage dissapointment, strengthen your heart and build your faith with this glorious read.
Mother Tongue – Leonard Sweet
Leonard Sweet is a professor, teacher and an author of more than sixty books! How is that for impressive? In his most personal book yet, Mother Tongue, he shares a story about an ordained minister and missionary, Mabel Boggs Sweet. This book is full of truths and teachings, and you’ll probably find yourself taking a moment, after each chapter, to let the wisdom sink in. Mabel’s story is one that will have you considering the call of God on your own life. With its focus on heritage and legacy, it will make for a really poignant Mother’s Day gift.
The Way of Abundance – Ann Voskamp
If you guys recall, I’ve reviewed the amazing Ann Voskamp’s previous novels on the blog a while ago. Her new York Times bestsellers One Thousand Gifts and The Broken Way are both amazing reads and I’m so chuffed to introduce her new book to you. In The Way of Abundance Ann tackles topics of grief and brokenness, talks about healing and how to allow it to be a part of your victory. She shares so much wisdom in these sixty vulnerable, soulful stories, and takes the reader through a journey of intimate soul searching and restoration. “Discover how surrendering in unexpected ways is the first step toward receiving what you long for. Discover the good news that your beauty is not in your strength but in your fragility.”
Giveaway!
Are you a mommy or are you looking to spoil a special mommy in your life? You’re in the right place, sister! Thanks to Christian Art Media, I get to give away a couple of these reads to some well deserved mamas, for Mother’s Day! To enter, simply rack up the points the following ways:
1 point – Comment below, letting me know which of these you’re most interested in
1 point – Visit this post on my Facebook account and tag a mommy friend
1 point – Visit this post on my Instagram and tag a mommy friend
1 point per share – Share this tweet:
“Eek, I’m so excited about the #myspreadsheetbrain Mother’s Day #giveaway over on @luchae’s blog! @cartmedia #bloggiveaway #bookgiveaway”Winner’s announced on Friday, May 11th.
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Husband, do you still think I’m pretty?
This morning en route to work, I asked my dear ol’ Hubstopher: “babe, do you still think I’m pretty?” How needy of me, right? But the thing is, it’s almost a year since I gave birth to Jo and I pretty much feel as if I’m still pregnant. Maybe it’s the constant need to shove food in my face, or the fact that I want to live in gym pants. Maybe it’s the excessive tiredness or that my waist band has expanded and it clearly has no desire to return to it’s former state. I mean, we can mull over the details some other time guys. But for now, I just wanted to come here to let you guys know that I feel like a fat slob and I often wonder if my husband thinks it too.
He obviously gave me the standard “I think you’re the most beautiful girl in the world” response, which I guess is a better option than “get out of the car, fatso”. And I obviously wasn’t happy with his reply. I was all “yeah, you HAVE to say that, because I’m your wife”.
And he sighed.
The sigh said a lot. The sigh said things he probably didn’t have the time or energy to get into. His sigh reminded me that to him my loveliness isn’t dependent on what I’m wearing or whether I brushed my hair. To him my beauty has nothing to do with the size of my clothing or whether my eyebrows are on fleek. He doesn’t base his opinion of my worth on whether I can successfully wear a pair of hot shorts in public. Heck, my hubstopher isn’t even concerned about whether my shoes and handbag matches. And that’s because when he looks at me, he sees his bride. And he sighs because he doesn’t feel as if he needs to justify why he thinks I am the most beautiful girl in the world.
It got me thinking: “what the heck is your problem, woman?!” No, seriously, I asked myself that question in a candid one-girl conversation. What the heck is your problem?! Why do you base your beauty on superficial things like weight and appearance? Moms, why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to look like a super model, post-kids? It’s almost as if we want our appearance to be UNCHANGED by motherhood. But the truth is that being someone’s Mama changes you in every single way!I don’t know about you guys, but my children have completely rearranged me! Their little hearts have reshaped and molded me into a woman I never thought I had the capacity to become. And when my daughter looks at me, the last thing I worry about is whether she thinks I’m beautiful. When my boys talk to me, I’m not standing there wondering if they are impressed by my carefully applied face beat.
When my kids think about me, I want them to remember a kind and compassionate heart and a willingness to serve others. I want them to remember a strength to stand up for what is right and a humble soul, not driven by ego. When they think about their mom, and associate me with beauty, I want them to find the glory in how I helped to draw them closer to God… and NOT in a perfect, size 6 appearance.
All of this from a simple sigh, this morning, when I asked my hubstopher “babe, do you still think I’m pretty?”
Oh and disclaimer, guys: I do believe that we should look after ourselves… caring about your health and how you present yourself, is important. But set healthy expectations for yourself. Your face is not the most important thing about you! The size of your legs and flatness (or lack thereof) of your belly does not determine how valuable you are. And you, my dear, are far more beautiful than you realize.
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Be the light – got the tshirt? {Giveaway}
Be the light… please? Yep, that’s kinda the mantra around these here parts. I mean, I liked it so much, I put it on a tshirt. How’s that for dedication? But okay, I know what you’re thinking… “What on earth does it even mean, girl?” Well, I’m here to answer questions and give things away… two things I do often as a mother.
When I started this blog in 2011 it was more of an online diary of sorts because I felt as if I had a lot to say and nowhere to put all of it. A couple of years later, Ella convinced me to “go live” and share my stories with the world. She’s quite good at selling things to ya (It’s the main reason why I keep her around) so I couldn’t say no. But, when I started legit blogging, I suddenly felt like… what the heck do I say?!
I mean, sure there are tons of products to review and tips to share. But, come on guys, there are only so many smiley-kid-faced, soppy-family stories that I can share with you before you want to gourge your eyes out. And so I decided to get real – down and dirty – with you guys. BUT, I wanted to leave a trail of hope… the faith that God’s plan for every situation is for our GOOD and not to harm us.
A scripture then came to mind. It’s actually one of my faves. You can find it in Matthew 5:16 and it says: “In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” In a nutshell, this means: When we shine our light (by showing compassion, kindness, love, hope) we reveal God to others.And suddenly it all made sense… BE THE LIGHT! So, more than being a source of entertainment and information, I wanted my stories to help you shine your light a little bit brighter. Because, the truth is that life often throws us curve balls (and I don’t do sports, so thanks life) but YOU control your response to it. I don’t know how it all ends but I do know that we’ve been given the promise that every single aspect of our lives are in the hands of a power that is greater than us, and He kinda knows what He’s doing. So it’s our job to live as if we trust in Him. It’s our job to shine our light, so that those who are living in darkness and despair can learn about His love and kindness, through our lives.
Anyways, so when That Girls Store asked me if I’d like to have limited edition tshirts made for my blog readers, I had to say yes! I mean, I have a message… WE have a mission statement! And I would love to see it on a tshirt – loud and proud – “been there, doing that, got the tshirt!”
Looking to buy your very own “Be The Light” tshirt? Well, here are some more deets:
Who is That Girls Store? It’s a local company that creates and designs custom pieces.
What’s My Spreadsheet Brain’s involvement in all of this? I literally just sent through my design. That Girls Store creates the tshirts and ships them off to you.
How many will be available? It’s super duper limited edition, so only 20 are available for purchase.
What’s the fit like? Think: Woolies comfort fit. My JustEllaBella tshirt (see left) is a Large. The oversized tshirt is all the rage I’ve been told. By my teen. Because I’m old. If you’re not sure you can email the store directly at thatgirl@thatstore.co.za and they’ll guide you. (4xl can be accommodated)
Whats the cost? Only R200.
How does shipping work? Postage costs are R65 to all major cities in South Africa.
Where can I buy one? thatstore.co.za
When can I buy? The tshirt should be available on the online store as of today until stock runs out!
How long does delivery take? 5 to 7 working days.GIVEAWAY!
You guys, I appreciate every single one of you so much. For reals, yo. And I know that forking out 200 bucks on this tshirt will probably be done out of love and sincerity… because you love me back (I see you, friend) or because you love the idea behind the slogan. To honor that, I am going to give one of the 20 tshirt buyers a very special My Spreadsheet Brain hamper filled with a few cool things just to say thank you! Yep, this means if you buy the tshirt you have a one in twenty chance of winning! Woohoo!
The hamper includes:
A beautiful gilt-edged Helen Steiner Rice One Minute Devotions titled ‘From The Heart’ (makes for a great gift, wink wink)
A My Spreadsheet Brain custom mug – yep, I made it myself, with my bare hands… so to speak
A KNC Beauty collagen infused lip mask… because pouty lips are life
A Laqa & Co Cloud Lips lipstick in a poppin’ color!To enter, all you have to do is: Buy a tshirt! That’s it. Once you’ve made your purchase drop me a message to let me know that you’ve done so! Hope to see selfies of all you gorgeous mama’s wearing your “Be the light” tshirts soon! Winner of the giveaway will be announced on May 31st.
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How to get revenge…
Come on girls, admit it, we love to fantasize about revenge. We spend our sleepless nights, plotting at ways to make our exes pay for what they’ve done. We rework conversations in our head, and plan exactly what we’re going to say to that co-worker, when we get the chance. We post subliminal messages on social media and call up our friends to “tsk tsk” along with us. And we even watch movies and read books that fuel the need: How to get revenge 101. Revenge is a must! Right? I mean, how else will I feel satisfied? I need to be vindicated, and Kate needs to know how utterly wrong she is! Somebody needs to teach Mandy a lesson that she will never forget! Mark needs to be put on his place! Right?
But will revenge make you feel better? I mean really make you feel better? Will hurting another person take away your hurt?
Look, I’m no expert, so I sha’nt pretend to be one, but even Confucius implied that embarking on a journey of revenge is like digging two graves. Revenge is self-destructive. Gandhi said: “An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.”
The truth is that wishing ill-will on someone else, is basically cursing them… their lives… their families. And while I’m all for “shades of black” when it comes to finding the right mascara and hair dye, I’m totally opposed to wishing darkness on anyone’s life. (Even if I feel they “deserve” it) I prefer to be the light, yo!
What does it mean to “be the light“, I hear you ask.
Well it certainly doesn’t mean that you’re happy and chirpy all the time. (Because I will throw you with my shoe) But it does mean that you choose kindness and peace over conflict and anger. I mean, being angry all the time is so overrated (and tiring). Be a light instead! It’s like a holiday away from your own brain. (I know you know what I mean).
Seriously though, being a light means shining light into situations that are dark – intentionally deciding to be a positive force, wherever you find yourself. Showing compassion and kindness to others – and yourself – is a strength, not a weakness! You don’t have to retaliate when someone says or does something nasty to you. You don’t have to get the last word in and you most certainly don’t have to see someone else fail, in order to feel as if you’ve won.
So today I dare you to be completely unashamed to shine. Smile at the guy who just gave you the middle finger during peak traffic and say “I’m sorry” first after an intense argument with a family member. Bite your tongue at an ugly comment from an angry person and choose to love regardless of the cards you are dealt!
Because the truth is: when it comes to revenge, being the light is the best kind of revenge! It’s explosive! It’s different! And it holds more power than you can ever imagine!
Choosing to live a life of forgiveness and grace is not easy. But it is so much more fulfilling and satisfying than revenge and seeing someone else hurt. Kindness always wins. And that’s a fact.
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Is it weird that I want to adopt?
Our family of six is pretty much complete, one would say. I mean, the recent addition of baby Jo came as a sweet bonus and when I held him in my arms – all soft and squishy – I immediately knew that my womb’s job here on earth was done. I had given birth to three beautiful children and was gifted the pleasure of being Seth’s step mommy. What more could I want? Well, I strangely do want more. Is it weird that I want to adopt? Is it totally loony toons that my heart does not feel as if it’s reached maximum capacity yet? I feel as if there’s another little child, somewhere out there, that needs me to be her mommy. Does that make me sound a tad bit psycho?
It’s okay, we’re all friends here, you can be honest with me. Hubstopher does not share the same sentiments that I do. And I get it – having kids is pretty darn expensive! Oh and let’s not talk about how we sleep sitting up sometimes. My tired is tired. It’s no easy feat parenting four kids. But somewhere, deep down in my heart of hearts (Where is that even? Narnia?) I feel as if there’s a little girl out there that belongs to me.
I know what you’re going to say… it’s hormones… I’m emotional… I’m just broody again etc. Maybe you’re right. I mean, I’ve been broody before. And although I can’t relate with someone who struggles with infertility (I’m as fertile as a turtle, you guys!) I kinda know what it feels like to want a baby so much that your heart aches. That’s how I felt right before I fell pregnant with Kari. But strangely, this time around, I’m not even contemplating housing another little one in my mommy-incubator. Like, that factory is closed, yo! Instead, the ache is a different one, it’s almost as if I’m waiting around for another little child… and I don’t even know if she’s coming.So I had a casual chat with a social worker and she confirmed everything that I already knew. Screenings are vigorous – they don’t just put a random child into a random family’s care all because you get the “feeling” that you should adopt. No lady, they need to check that you’re emotionally and mentally able to love and care for someone else’s child. Also, can you afford it? What’s your home situation like? How’s your marriage? Adopting sounds good on paper and makes for a really cool Disney movie. But the realities of it can be quite challenging.
Anyways, for now, I’m content with raising the gifts that God has given me. I mean, I’m not exactly filling in adoption forms. But I just thought to find out if any of you has ever felt this way and what you’ve done about it.
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International Women’s Day, for what?
So apparently today is International Womens’ Day and I’m just out here wondering when someone is going to bring me gifts and money to thank me for being a woman. No one then? Okay, so what’s the point of this day?! And more importantly, besides for the Mother’s Days and Women’s Days of the world, do you as a female human being feel as if you’re being celebrated every OTHER day of the year?
Don’t get me wrong, I totally love that the world at large will be taking a moment to ponder the achievements of women throughout history and across nations. I like that us girls did it for ourselves, way back in the 1900’s by striking and protesting due to unfair work conditions and wages. We took this day for ourselves! And that’s totally rockin’.
But I DON’T like that we literally had to burn our underwear to be taken seriously. Now you want to give us a whole day as a pat on the back, and yet you still offer the promotion to John because Sally has ovaries and we all know how a reproductive system affects the quality of work ethic. You want to give us a glorified day to make up for the many other days where you hire attractive female sales
sex symbolsreps to sell your product and tell breastfeeding mom’s that they need to put their boobs away. You give us a whole day but your maternity benefits suck. You give us a day while our sisters have to watch what they wear and where they walk in case it comes across as too inviting.
Am I angry? Maybe. Am I frustrated? Probably. But I am thankful for change and education and the fact that we are shifting mindsets – albeit slowly but surely.I love being a girly girl and I love that I get to raise one too. It’s sad that I sometimes feel as if I am coming across as weak and impressionable when I’m being my girliest self. I mean, being girly does not mean that I don’t have clever ideas. I am more powerful than you know, Sir! This girly girl can change the world, yo! And that’s exactly what I plan to teach my very own girly girl.
So this International Women’s Day, may we remember the fight of our sister’s who are victims of verbal and physical abuse, gender discrimination and unfair practices. May we celebrate the fact that we are GIRLS girls, and THATS OKAY! And may we work together to bring about indelible changes that will benefit our daughters and our daughter’s daughters.
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How much do you spend on your childs birthday party?
I think it’s ridiculous to spend thousands of rands on a kids birthday party. There I said it. *hides away* Hello? Is it safe to come out now, after dropping that bomb? I know, it’s not a popular thought but guys, the extent that some go through to throw that designer kiddies party is just plain crazy man! Moms, be honest: How much do you spend on your childs birthday party?
Hundreds? Thousands? I mean, it is a bit loopy, don’t you think? Because those thousands could possibly have covered a pretty birthday cake, bought your kid a really legit gift and you’d have cash to spare which you could put away towards their education. The difference is that you would not have had an audience to cater to. You might not have had quirky theme related serviettes or a party pack that would rival the snacks section at Woolworths.
Your “miniscule” celebration might not have had a professional photographer or designer cupcakes included in the budget. Or matchy-matchy decor. It might not have covered the costs of a fancy kiddies venue. But would your kid have enjoyed himself? Yes. Probably.
So why go through the motions of spending a crazy amount of money to host your kids party? Hey, don’t get me wrong, I’ve done it too. And a lot of fun was had by all (except my bank balance, that is.) I guess we do it because we love our little munchkins so much that we will do whatever it takes to ensure they have the BEST memories of their childhood. And hey, if you can afford it, then why not.But if you can’t… that’s okay too! In fact there are ways to be “extra” on a “basic” budget. Fancy doesn’t have to be expensive. But to be honest, all your kid needs is a couple of balloons strung up in your living room, a cake with candles on it, perhaps a hot dog and some ice cream and a bunch of friends to enjoy it with. Literally that is all it takes. All the other frills and bows are OUR doing, moms! We want those things. Essentially, you’re throwing a kiddies party for yourself, in honor of your kid. There, I said that too. If I had a mic I would drop it.
Like I said, I’m not immune to the “fancy birthday party” disease. I mean, I’m planning Kari’s party as I type this (literally my brain is buzzing with ideas) and her birthday is only in October. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not totally opposed to parties held at venues (because guests would then have to leave after two hours and I don’t have to clean my house, win-win) but I’m also not totally opposed to putting the money towards her college fund.
I know… what you spend your money on is none of my business. I get it. But please, humor me, I would love to hear your thoughts on this. How much money do you budget towards your kids birthday party? What’s the most you’ve spent? Do you have any birthday party budget tips? Please hit me up in the comments section below. But like, don’t physically “hit me up” because of this post. I’m fragile. And I have a birthday party to plan.Images: All the lovely pics in this post, of Kari’s first birthday cake smash, was taken by the talented Michelle of Cutepix Photography (she made the props by hand too!) Check out more in this post.
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I was never ready to be a grandmother
Guys, I’m on the lighter side of 30 and so not ready to be anyone’s grandmother. Well, that’s what I discovered last week when my 16 year old came home, plopped a 2,5kg bundle of joy in my arms and declared “Congratulations! You’re an ouma!” I was never ready. I mean, seriously? A grandmother? Me? Firstly, no thank you, I’m too young. Secondly, no thank you, you’re too young! Thirdly, just no thank you. That is all.
After much debating, he politely let me know that it is in fact a school project, and even if he wanted to ditch the 2,5kg bag of flour (accurately dressed as a bouncing baby by his partner aka “babymama”) he couldn’t because he needed to pass his Life Orientation assignment.Anyways, I soon got over my feelings of animosity (mainly due to the fact that it’s actually a bag of flour and not a real baby) and we all found ourselves taking turns to hold the “baby” (who is oddly named Germaine for some reason) when Kyle had to go to the loo or wash the dishes. It was pretty awkward… and normal… in a weird way.
The initiative is part of the schools plight to teach students about teenage pregnancy and what it takes to raise a baby. He’s not allowed to leave Germaine without a babysitter. He has to feed Germaine and make sure “he” is clean and “comfortable”. Germaine can’t be left unattended and can’t be stuffed into a school bag. He must be treated like a real life baby and visitation times gets rationed between Kyle and his partner.
When asked how he feels about the project, he said that he already knows all about raising babies because he helps out with his baby brother and sister. It’s true though, he is an amazing big brother to his sibs! I sometimes joke around and call him our ‘deputy parent’. But he soon found out that having your own kid is not the same as helping out with your siblings. He had this to say about the flour baby project: “It doesn’t really affect me but it confirmed that I still only want to have a child when I am married.”
He says that the hardest thing about looking after Germaine is not forgetting the “baby” when he already has a bunch of other things to carry. I was like, yeah buddy, that’s life with kids! Having to juggle everything and still provide your offspring with attention and intentional care. Welcome to my world.He also says that sharing Germaine with his partner has made him realize that being a married parent is easier than being a single parent. “Single parenthood is tough!” He exclaimed. Followed by a “Mom, you’re a super mommy!” (referring to the first 12 years of his life, pre-Hubstopher, when it was just Kyle and I.)
As for me? Well, Germaine has taught me that I am not ready to be a grandmother. I have too much going on and even though we only help out when needed, this 2,5 kg bag of flour really slows me down. I blame it on the fact that I currently have two kiddies under the age of 4. They need to be grown first, before I can properly celebrate the idea of having grand babies. So let’s chill on the “grandmother” story, well atleast for a couple of more years, okay? -
I love you, I love me not
So Valentine’s Day is around the corner and I’m bracing myself for the onslaught of chocolates, roses and exaggerated “i love yous”. I mean, that’s what the big V Day is all about, right? Buying sweet treats and pretty flowers for the one you love? Right? Well, what if I challenged you to use this month of love to do something else… something even MORE special… something that most of us (females) are not good at doing… What if I challenged you to love YOURSELF this Valentine’s Day. What would that look like?
Now as cliche as this sounds, please know that I’m not here to promote obnoxious self-love. Loving others and caring for others is important – it is our mandate! But I’ve found that as wives and mother’s, we’ve somehow been duped into thinking that looking after your family and your home is a way of loving yourself. We mistake the fulfillment that those tasks bring for, well, self-appreciation. And it’s not. I mean, yes your heart is full because it is in our nature to care for the ones we love. But this is not self-compassion.
Self-compassion means you recognize your OWN worth and your OWN need to be looked after, and guess what, you aren’t sitting around waiting for someone else to do it. Self-compassion means you understand the importance of self-respect… of standing for what you believe in and being unapologetic about what you allow in your life. You can love others and not be a door mat at the same time, guys.
For some of us, self-appreciation could mean going for that pamper or a fresh hairdo. Or it could mean taking a spiritual regroup every morning, in the quiet of your home, while everyone is sleeping. Rest your bones, revel in the silence, speak to God, remind yourself that your life has purpose and you are more than just a dish washer/clothes folder/lunch maker. It’s okay, no one is looking.Single ladies, self-compassion means being okay with being okay. You don’t need a man to “complete” you. And you don’t need to entertain conversation that implies it. Want roses this Valentine’s Day? Buy some for yourself, girl.
Heck, for me, self-compassion involves washing my hair and then watching Grey’s Anatomy with a cup of tea! It may not look the same for all of us, but the one thing in common is that you feel rejuvenated afterwards. You are reminded of your value. It’s like you’re saying “Oh hey, I think I’m kinda special!” or “Oh hey, I deserve to have a break!” And guess what, you don’t have to feel guilty for thinking that way.
Anyways, where am I going with this? Well, I’ve decided that for the month of Feb, I’m going to be showing Luchae some guilt-free love! Why? Well, because you can’t pour from an empty cup. So I’ll be reading ALL the books, doing ALL the foot spa’s (at home, duh, let’s not get crazy) and using my quiet time to fill the pages of my beautiful journal. I dare you guys to do the same! When last have you shown yourself some love?
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