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Mom guilt: Needing time away from your children
I’ve been dealing with some mom guilt over the past few weeks. You know, “mom guilt”… when we, as mothers, beat ourselves up for various reasons beyond our control. Things like not keeping your home clean enough to eat an egg from the kitchen floor, or not cooking enough healthy meals with 27 food groups in it, or not spending enough time finger painting and making skeletons out of popsicle sticks with your children. Things like that. My recent (very serious) case of mom guilt was brought on by the fact that I did not want my toddler to be around me every second, of every minute, of the day. Ever crave some time away from your children? Well, I was there. I needed a BREAK with a capital B-R-E-A-K! What type of mom thinks that about their kid?! -
The Spur debacle and why I don’t care
So the whole Spur debacle has everyone talking and I’ve over here like, “what do you mean no more Monday burger special?!” Look, I don’t mean to sound cavalier about what went down at the eatery. In fact, I am down right appalled. But I was even more shocked at the response of South Africans – far and wide – who (get this part) was not even AT Spur at the time of the incident. That’s right ladies and gents. You were not there. -
Books that made me appreciate life
Whenever my birthday comes around, I find myself valuing the gift of life, love and family. We are so blessed! All of us. Yes, even without Kim Kardashian hair. I’ve been enjoying a few amazing reads from Christian Art Media, that made me appreciate life even more. These books helped me to self reflect, clear my head space (which is usually difficult if you have a spreadsheet brain) and realign my thoughts. They say you are what you think. It’s the TRUTH! I’ve found that when I focus my thoughts on that which is good, my mood is instantly lifted, my goals become clearer and I am able to face challenges with a smile on my face! So, to say happy birthday to me, I’d like to give some of these amazing books to one reader. But first, more on the books: -
6 practical gift ideas for your pregnant friend
Is it just me, or is pregnancy contagious?! It seems that I’m always surrounded by preggy women, when I am pregnant. I love it! It’s as if you have your own little tribe who can share in your experiences. They know exactly what you’re going through! (I mean, who else will “get it” when you complain about the fact that your underwear doesn’t fit anymore?!) And so, with the influx of expectant moms, I’ve found that I need to think out of the box when it comes to gift ideas, when birthday season hits. But I’m prepared (and no, my preparedness does not involve me putting a shiny bow onto a pack of nappies). Check out these awesome gift ideas for your pregnant friend:
Pamper sessions
My girlfriends and I love pampers. We actually joke about it sometimes, because it’s our go to spoil when we want to make one of our own feel special. Most spa’s offer unique “mummies with tummies” packages, for expectant moms. They include things like back rubs, foot soaks, ‘facials’ for your tummy and head massages. (Doesn’t reading that make you want to go for a pamper session too?!) Brands, such as Oh So Heavenly, also stock really sweet maternity care packages that would make for excellent gifts. I’ve tried it out and it’s delicious!
Preggy journal
When I was pregnant with my Curly, I enjoyed documenting every inch of my pregnancy. I filled the pages of my ‘Journey Journal‘ with photos, stories and heart moments that I will later share with her. If your friend is the sentimental type, a beautiful preggy journal might be the type of gift that she would appreciate.
Fancy maternity wear
Looking to spoil your preggy friend? How about a pretty maternity top or dress, as a gift. I’ve been so blessed to be able to try out various maternity ranges. Some of it can be really costly though, but I love that most ranges (check out the Love My Body range here) are flexible and they can be worn AFTER baby is born too. If you have a close relationship, you could also consider splurging on expensive maternity underwear, for your bud. When you’re pregnant EVERYTHING expands. Bra straps become tighter and undies tend to be a bit more uncomfortable to wear. Maternity undies are comfortable and breathable, and most of it can be used post-baby too (like breastfeed friendly bra’s).
Body pillows
The one thing that most pregnant women crave is a good night’s sleep. I’ve managed to get mine in, with cleverly placed pillows, cushioning my bump and all my other body parts. (Yep, no cuddle-cuddle for Hubstopher at the moment, shame.) If you’re looking to splurge on your friend, you could consider getting her a body pillow. These are designed to give your preggy friend’s body all the support it needs, in order to get a good nights sleep.
Mani and pedi
I don’t know when last I saw my feet. Okay, that’s a tad bit dramatic. I’m looking at them right now. But I can imagine that there are moms who haven’t had the time or energy to do their toe nails. Perhaps a voucher to get their nails done would be the perfect gift for your pregnant friend, who is in her third trimester and unable to reach her tootsies.
Photo shoot
Taking preggy photos is one of my favorite preggy things to do! (It’s only been three times ya’ll. I’m making it sound like a hobby.) If it’s not something that she would normally spend money on, I’m sure your friend will appreciate a voucher for a maternity photo shoot OR a newborn shoot! Some photographers even have combo deals, that include maternity and baby shoots.
Pajamas, gowns and slippers
This is probably one of my favorites, simply because you can never have too many pjs or slippers. When purchasing those pj’s for your preggy friend, take into account the fact that button ups are probably more practical (for breastfeeding). Two piece sets are more useful and more modest, for her hospital stay. Oh and practical does not have to replace “pretty”. There are really stunning pajama and gown sets that will have your preggy friend swooning.What are your favorite go-to gifts, when shopping for a pregnant friend?
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the punishment of pregnancy
I sometimes feel the punishment of pregnancy. It’s there… the unspoken, acceptable norms, that make life as a female a little bit more difficult than before. There are just so many challenges to overcome – legalities that shouldn’t be an issue – when you are expectant. Moms, did you also feel this way when you were pregnant? I did not realize how much it affected me until I visited my OBGYN yesterday. She took one look at me and exclaimed “wow, let’s see how many are in there!” Gasp, twins?! (insert instant freak out here) I’m sure we could handle two babies at the same time… right?! I mean, we already have three children, for crying out loud. What’s two more? -
It’s all in the name: quirky and popular baby names
In the deep recesses of my spreadsheet brain, I secretly want to have hundreds of children, just so that I can name them. I like naming things. And yes, I do realize that admitting this makes me seem slightly weird. Love me for me. Anyways, where am I going with this? Well, deciding on a name for our newbie was a no brainer because Hubstopher kinda named him way before he even proposed to me. But, when I found out I was pregnant, I still thought to look up other possible names (because spreadsheet brain and all). Some of the suggestions I received were slightly more ‘off beat’ than I would dare take on. But hey, don’t take my word for it, check out these… uhhh interesting… and popular baby names:
Colors
So I was assured that if you’re “with it”, naming your kid after a hue of the rainbow is probably the most hippest thing you could do. Names like Indigo, Crimson and Gray were quite trendy yesteryear. Let’s not forget Blue Ivy – the offspring of power couple, JayZ and Beyonce. Those are all really pretty, in my opinion. But once you start going, “Oh hey, meet my son, Orange,” or “this is my daughter, Khaki,” please know that I WILL be giving you a side eye.Fruit
Look, the lovely Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter, Apple, is a real cutie patootie. And I could totally fall inlove with the name Berry or even Peaches. But you’re pushing it when you decide to name your offspring something crazy like Pomegranate or Grape. “Banana, can you please let go of your brothers hair?!” Just doesn’t work, does it?
Character
So a big trend was to name your kiddo after a strength or character that you admired. Names like Loyal, Verity, Patience and Honesti were the most popular. Hmmm. I met someone named Integrity once. She wasn’t very reliable. *ba-dum-dish*Planets
Another trend was to name your baby after a planet or object of the solar system. Names like Moon, Mars and Jupiter grew in popularity. The name, Starr, is also very pretty. But you might be pushing it when you’re swaying more towards names like Meteor and Milky Way. (And yes, people have totally contemplated using these as first names)The older the better
So older names are making a comeback big time. People have been digging through the archives to pull out names like Mildred, Barnabas, Berta, Mabel and Ebenezer. It’s an acquired taste, in my opinion.Keeping it Bible
I’m sure you’ve noticed that going Old Testament is the new “in thing”, when deciding on a baby name. (Me, I’m guilty of this). The most popular were Caleb, James, Samuel and Isaac.Which off these quirky names are your fave?
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When you’re dating a single mom…
I was a single mom for a good chunk of my adult life. If you recall, I gave birth to my boy when I was about 19 years old. His dad and I split up soon thereafter. Being a single mom has it’s highs and lows. But I found that one of the biggest challenges was dating. Yep, dating a single mom: it’s complicated!
For starters, there’s a whole other life to think about, which is sometimes hard for guys to understand. Single mom does not mean “single heart”. In fact, there should be an unspoken rule of the universe: Never break a single mom’s heart!
As a single mom, you have so much to consider – a deeper sense of responsibility and demand. There is simply no time to play relationship games or nurse a broken heart. You are everything to your child! And, as a functioning parent, planning what’s for supper, how to make a human skeleton out of toothpicks and making sure that there are clean shirts for school, seriously takes priority over ‘crying yourself to sleep because he broke up with you AGAIN’.
With that said, gentlemen, when you play mind games with a single mother you are messing with more than just one heart. If you’ve been fortunate enough to be around her kid/s, you kind of have a responsibility to not treat their mom like an old shoe. I’m not saying force yourself to make it work – but heyo, be a gentleman. Having manners is for free. Bow out respectfully and hey, better yet, if you’re not in it to win it, then don’t tap in at all. Do you know what sucks worse than a broken heart? Having to tell your kid why Uncle So-and-So didn’t greet him at the shopping mall today. Kids don’t get it. And they most certainly don’t deserve it.
And if she doesn’t allow just anyone around her kid, that’s okay too! You know the kid is there. They exist. They aren’t going anywhere. Don’t make senseless, selfish demands, as if she has all the time in the world to spend with you. You are not her everything. Maybe you can claim a top spot on her list of priorities one day when you put a ring on it . But until then, recognize that this amazing super woman has a lot more than you on her mind. Encourage her, support her and applaud her.
And anyways, breaking up is harder when you’re a single parent. You don’t have the freedom to take your mood out on those around you – because chances are “those around you” are your kids. You don’t get to lie in bed for days on end, refusing to function because the hurt is unbearable. And you don’t have the space to allow ‘drama’ into your world. Your child’s stability comes first. Your baby’s mental and emotional well being is more important.
What worked for me? Well, I met an amazing man who was interested in being my friend FIRST, which made room for us (my son and I) to befriend him as a family. This guy took the time to get to know us, as a unit and individually, and he genuinely cared. No strings attached! No promises! No demands! I ended up marrying him.
So maybe you’re a single mom and you don’t want to sound like a desperate, needy “I’m not dating unless it’s serious” kind of girl. But hey, guess what, treating your heart (and your children’s lives) with the highest respect, IS serious business. You are a package – a bonus deal, if you will. It’s a beautiful thing! Treat it as such and you will unconsciously give others permission to do that too.
Disclaimer: I’m not saying that single mom’s hearts deserve more looking after than that of other women’s. We should all be treated with dignity and respect. But this one is for the babymamas.
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10 budget-friendly, kid-friendly, life-friendly Valentine’s Day ideas
If you have a lot of kids and limited budgets (like we do) celebrating Valentine’s Day becomes something you watch other people do. Not that we’re sitting over here, moping around about not being able to spend copious amounts of money on gifts, suppers and flowers. But I do love that there’s a day to celebrate LOVE and all the mushy that comes with it. Surely there are ways to make your special one feel, well, special, without serenading them from a helicopter? Well, there are! Here are 10 budget-friendly, kid-friendly, life-friendly Valentine’s Day ideas to remind your partner that they are loved on Feb 14th (and any other day too!)
Lunchbox love
If your person takes a lunchbox to work, you could surprise them by getting up super early and making their favorite lunch. (I’m not saying go gourmet chef on them, but put a little thought into it.) Top it off with a love note and pop it into their bag without them knowing what you’ve just done, you super sleuthy love muffin you! You’re sure to get heart eyed emoticons sent to your Whatsapp later!
Love in a cup
Hubstopher’s favorite Valentine’s gift from me is a really cute mug I found (on special, at some grocery store somewhere). It says “Good morning handsome”. I think he quite likes being called handsome. That, and it’s a really LARGE mug, which does well for his coffee-holicism. Why not get your special someone a novelty mug (there are really inexpensive ones at your local grocers) and fill it with choccies (Smarties or Whispers would make me go aaack!), wrap it up with some cellophane and Bob’s your uncle.Romantic texts
Send them a mushy text/email every hour, on the hour, for the whole day! Run out of things to say? How about a ‘reasons why I love you’ theme. And wives, make those texts as steamy as you dare to. Yep, I know. Genius. You could take it one step further and send a photo slideshow or collage, complete with soppy music, to their inbox. Guaranteed to bring all the feels (and you didn’t have to spend a cent or get a babysitter).Make a mixed tape
Compile a list of your favorite songs on a CD. Don’t forget to complete the gift with a hand made CD sleeve! (Make it extra special by writing down a special message underneath each song, on the CD sleeve.)Mushy gift pack
Put together a sentimental gift pack complete with soppy little trinkets that sends the message: I love you! Clue: photo key-rings (remember those?). Or how about a nom-worthy gift pack filled with all their favorite snacks?
Message in a jar
Another cute idea is to write little love notes (as many as you’d like!) and pop them into a jar for your partner to enjoy whenever they need to be reminded of how loved they are.Hand made cards
Dig out your children’s art supplies and get creative on a special hand made Valentine’s Day card, for your loved one. Channel your inner primary school kid to cut out hearts, draw colorful borders and (this is a must) pen a romantic poem written just for your love! (Bonus points if you add their name to the poem. Double bonus points if it rhymes.)Coupon book
You could be extra cute and make a little coupon book filled with tasks and rewards that your loved one can claim whenever they want! Try to get a good mix of mushy AND practical. (i.e. I would love a ‘back rub coupon’ but I would also love a ‘night off coupon’ to just veg on the couch)
Next level ‘heart attack’
Remember the ‘relationship month’ heart attack idea I gave you, to spoil your family? You could take it to the next level by hiding love-note bedecked hearts all over the house and car, for your loved one to find.Just tell ’em!
Oh and this one’s for free: Simply TELL them that “hey, I think you’re cute and I really love and appreciate you, babe!” Nothing tops sincerity and an open heart. And you can do that any day of the year. Cool, right?And there you have it folks! Please, let me know what you ended up doing for your special one, on Valentine’s Day.
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The doctor said my baby could have down syndrome
A few weeks ago a phone call from my amazing OBYN turned my world upside down. She said that the blood tests, she had ordered, came back showing me as “high risk” for Down syndrome. My baby could have Down syndrome. My little Jonah boy had a 1 in 50 chance of being born with an intellectual impairment and/or physical abnormalities. She asked me to arrange an appointment to have diagnostic tests done so that we can know for sure. But I immediately knew that I was NOT interested in diagnostic tests. I did NOT want to “know for sure” if there was something wrong with my baby. There was just no room in my head for something like that. -
Give your family a “heart attack”
I love that February has been dubbed “relationship month”. I mean, if you’re not into Valentines Day and all the drama that goes with it, you are redeemed from the chocolates and red roses assault and can STILL enjoy the “month of love” by celebrating ALL the relationships in your life. It is with this in mind that I fell in love (pardon the pun) with the Valentines Day “Heart Attack” idea. Yep, I want you to give your family a “heart attack”. There, I said it.
This past Sunday, our wonderful Kingdom Kids children’s church at my home church, Word of Faith, sent home ziplock baggies filled with colorful paper hearts and the following instruction: “Starting Feb 1st, until Valentines Day, put a new heart on your kids door with a reason why you love them!”
I thought this was a brilliant idea for many reasons:
1. I am trying to develop a culture of speaking positivity and life over my kids. A “pick up your socks, why are you so lazy?!” speaking habit is such an easy trap to fall into. Our words have the power to build!
2. It IS the month of celebrating relationships anyways and why should that be limited to romantic partnerships? My children are important too!
3. It’s always a good time to let your children know why and how much you love them!
4. Let’s be honest, I’m not a craft mom and I probably never will be (because: lazy). This task seems easy enough and the reward is worth it!If you’re looking to spoil your husband, you could do something similar (I would probably not stick it on our bedroom door though – I mean, who knows what these hearts could potentially say! If you know what I mean. *cough*). My brain wave is to have a romantic suggestion written behind, for him to cash in. A heart voucher, of sorts. How clever am I?Okay, I’m not really clever. Well, I am… but not in this instance. So, a big thank you to our wonderful Kingdom Kids leaders, for taking this fantastic initiative! (BTW they attribute it back to website Skip To My Lou.)
What will you be doing for your loved one/family this February?
