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Even when it hurts
Recently faced with overwhelming loss, as friends of ours grieve the death of their beautiful baby boy, Conor, I found myself thinking: “God, where are you?!” Where is He when tragedy hits? Where is He when a family is forever shattered and lives are indelibly changed? And what am I meant to do in the moments when I don’t know how to function because the enormity of the situation feels bigger than my faith? Am I meant to cling to hope even when it hurts?
I struggled with all of these questions on the inside, while trying to be hopeful and expectant for a miracle on the outside. Conor’s mommy was pregnant with him and, a few days before her due date, found out that his little heart had stopped beating. She was devastated. We all were. I mean, how can I tell my friends that God is faithful, if He allowed this happen to them? You were meant to be faithful God… You’re in control. How could you let this happen to them… to their little boy? And then someone said something that hit me square on the jugular: God is not “in control”.
Well, He’s not “in control” as we understand the term “in control”. He IS sovereign, that is correct. But WE have freedom of choice and we can decide to either live by faith – in hope – or, in utter hopelessness. The truth is that tragedy happens… heartache and loss are a part of life. It’s not all His doing. It’s not God’s fault. Conor’s death is not God’s fault.
The message that carried my friends, through this ordeal is that they believe that God was with them through it all. The amount of strength and bravery I’ve witnessed from these two, is so inspiring! They explained: “He was sitting there with us, crying with us, because He hates seeing His children go through the pain that is in this world. Nobody is immune to pain or bad things but that we have a God that is right there with us in the darkest hour and He sits with us regardless of who we are, what we did. But because He loves us unconditionally. He always has and He always will.”
I was reminded me of a scripture that I had read in Matthew a few weeks ago. It says “blessed are you when you are at the end of your rope… with less of you, there is more of God and His rule.”
With tears in my eyes, I read this scripture over and over and eventually felt total peace. The glorious rainbow at the end of the storm is being able to find comfort, peace and healing in His arms. We somehow find ourselves clinging to Him, closer than ever before. Where is He when it hurts? Well, He’s hanging around waiting for us to reach out to Him… waiting to be invited into your heart so that He can fix it.
So this morning, as we try to make sense of the tragedy, and as my friends yearn for their baby boy and our broken hearts ache for their loss, I choose to trust God, even when it hurts. I choose to believe in His promises, even when it hurts. I choose to thank him for Conor’s beautiful life, even when it hurts. And I choose to believe that He makes all things work out for our good… even when it hurts.
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Gifting with intention: Why DVD’s are great Christmas gifts!
I love giving gifts that have meaning. Intentional gift giving (and receiving) is my thing. I get it though. Sometimes a “grab and go” gift makes more sense than a “this made me think of you gift” because: LIFE. But that’s why I love gifting books and DVDs. You can literally check their ratings and synopsis on the internet, make your decision, and then pop into a store (or online, yo) to quickly pick it up. Christian Art Media has an amazing selection of books and DVD’s, this Christmas, that will help you to gift with intention! Plus, have you been following my Christmas music giveaway? It closes tomorrow, and I’ll be adding something from this DVD collection to the prize! Whoop whoop!
Superbook
You guys, I LOVE the latest Christian Art Media release – CBN’s Superbook. It’s an animation series, telling the story of real Bible heroes whose success came from trusting God and following His direction. Your kids will learn valuable, lifelong lessons of faith and victory! Seth reviewed these for me, and he was so impressed with the quality of the graphics (he’s 11) and found the storyline to be compelling. In fact, we learnt a bunch of things that we didn’t know, about some of these Bible stories. CBN’s Superbook team is made up of Emmy-winning artists and storytellers, whose credits include Mulan, The Lion King, and Beauty and the Beast. Together they are collaborating to completely reimagine the classic Superbook series using the latest 3D CGI technology. The new Superbook honors the life-changing legacy of the classic series and introduces the stories of the Bible to a new generation. I LOVE THIS! This is such a great Christmas gift! Check out more on the Superbook website.
Who needs Christmas
I’ve recently been glued to Andy Stanley’s thought provoking teaching, Who Needs God. Andy is the founder and senior pastor of North Point Ministries and I love his way of dissecting the word of God. He brings you facts, arguments and an almost unbiased look at what the word of God says versus what the world says. The teachings are available on DVD (the first segment is called Athiest 2.0 and is especially interesting). Stanley also has a teaching called Who Needs Christmas. I mean, I get it, the details of Christmas can seem a bit sketchy. On the DVD, Stanley goes into the story and talks about WHY we have a “Christmas” and WHY a “Christmas” was needed. Argh, this is so good, I can’t even form the correct words to express it. If you’re looking for a gift that is deeper than your average box of chocolates, then this is it!
Something for everyone
With a wide selection of fiction and non-fiction, story-based or teaching-filled DVD’s available, there is literally something for everyone! How about grabbing that Christmas-themed movie dvd, as the perfect festive stocking filler? If you like to be a little bit “extra” (like me), use a marker to write your special message on the DVD cover. Ta da! The perfect keepsake.Pick these DVD’s up at CUM Books or shop online, to check out their wide variety of Christmas inspired gift ideas.
Remember that I’m giving away a collection of Christmas themed CDs? Well, I’ll be adding something from this post to that set, as well. Yeah, you might not have to hit the shops for Christmas gifts this year, folks! The giveaway closes in 12 hours you guys, so complete the rafflecopter below, asap! Winner will be anounced on my Facebook page tomorrow.Find the rest of the reviews (and more about the giveaway) here:
Lauren Daigle – BeholdMatt Redman – These Christmas Lights
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Oh hi there, ridiculously overpriced festive season…
Look, whether you’re all “tis the season to be jolly” or not, December is only a few sleeps away. And with it comes the ridiculously overpriced festive season that probably has a few of us tossing and turning at night. I mean, the kids need new clothes and fancy gifts. My home needs to be refurnished and repainted to domestic perfection and my hair needs to resemble something out of a Tresemme advert, or else does it even count as hair? Then there are all the staff and ‘end of year’ parties that require you to pay per head. Secret santa gifts needs to be bought and uhm, you didn’t think that I was going to that, wearing this, did you? How does one even keep up?!
Well, I’ve decided that this year, I’m simply just NOT. That’s right. I’m NOT going to keep up. Why? Well, because you’re not a Kardashian… and girlfriend, neither am I. And hey, don’t get me wrong, I am all for big Christmases, but not this year, Patricia. It could be the newly added fourth child that suddenly has me more cash conscious than Scrooge McDuck on a budget saver, but suddenly all the unnecessary things just seem so… I don’t know… well, unnecessary.
For starters, do I REALLY need to buy new curtains for every single window in my house? And if I do, why get them all over the December period? I’m sure my guests aren’t visiting me, during summer, to check out my window fixtures.
And seriously, how many new “outfits” does one kid even need? And if I must buy them something new (which I must, at least, shame guys) there are many stores that make shopping for those summer essentials a lot more affordable. And as for summer entertaining… we’re going retro up in here, kids! I’m talking picnics, walks on the beach and playing Monopoly and Scrabble at the dining room table! (All of which costs a small fee of nothing! And I thank you for that.) Fortunately, I live in the most beautiful city on earth and Nelson Mandela Bay Tourism has a really affordable pass that makes holidaying in our city a lot more affordable. #sharethebay
Then there’s the issue of food. I mean, guys, I get it, holidays means eating. But why. Why guys. Why why why why?! (that’s me breaking out my inner, mis-phrased Rihanna song). Why do we spend so much money on food, in December?! I’ve decided that we’re not doing takeaways every single night of the week (and the crowd goes mehhh) (and by “crowd”, I mean my children). Also, I finally understand why my mom buys in bulk for the festive season! It’s friggen genius, really! I mean, shopping for that bring and braai can be done in your very own refrigerator.
Then comes the issue of gifts. Look, I am a self-professed “Christmas Girl” and gifts kinda are my love language. I can’t wait to show you guys some of my fave gift ideas. I don’t know about you, but I’ve made provision (financially) for those cool Christmas gifts. I mean, I love presents, you guys! What is a Christmas tree without a foray of gifts underneath it?! This year, we’re sorted. Call it clever shopping (every other month of the year that is not December)… call it budgeting… as you wish. We don’t get emotional up in this piece. We think ahead. We strategise.
And talking about strategy… how often do you even wear the stunning heels you bought last Christmas? Or the “wedding outfit” you forked out a wad of cash on, two years ago? Recycle, girl! No one remembers, I promise you. You don’t have to wear something new to look good.
Okay, dramatics aside, how many of you can relate? It’s okay to admit that you’re not rolling in the dough this December. (Because, seriously, who wants to roll in dough? That stuff’s a disaster to get out of your hair). Anyways, I thought that this would be a great space to get some cool money saving tips going! Please share your tips in the comments section below because sharing is caring… and atleast we’re not asking you for money.
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Click here if you need a break
You need a break. Yes, I can tell, from all the way over here. Granted, I only picked it up because I need a break too, so I know all about what “needing a break” looks like. It’s usually a symptom that comes with a classic case of “holding it all together” and “being all things to everyone.” I believe one will most likely find this behavioral pattern common among mothers, wives, daughters, sisters and over all wonder women. They all need a break. And so do you.
The fact of the matter is that you become ineffective when you fail to maintain your own mental and spiritual health. I love spending time, at the beginning of each day, in reflection – a spiritual “wooosahhh” if you will. It helps me to stay sane and keeps me connected with God. And once a year, I do a BIG woosaahhh at the annual Arise Conference – a women’s conference, in Nelson Mandela Bay, that aims to see women from all walks of life become who God has created them to be. I’ve attended every single conference for the past few years and each year I discover new things about myself, who I am meant to be, what I should be pursuing and how God is in the midst of it all helping me to win!
I love that each conference features dynamic guest speakers. These women, hand picked to share their wisdom and story with us, usually ninja chop me out of a stagnant mental space into a place of victory. Seriously, ladies, we can be our own worst enemies sometimes.
Besides for the talks from our guest speakers, there are also really fabulous workshops to attend. Over the years we’ve enjoyed practical training on topics covering divorce care to business chats, parenting talks and photography to party planning. I’m a member of the official Arise Music and Creative Arts team, so I always enjoy the amazing worship team, dancers and creative arts. And I’m not just saying so because that’s me, singing, in the pic above. Oh and friends, if you love a good competition like I do then you’ll have so much fun during the cool giveaways! These run over the duration of the conference and as always, there are a bunch of phenomenal prizes to be won!
Another fave of mine is the much needed pamper zone, where I enjoy my ‘once a year’ full body massage. (And it’s super affordable too). I mean, I need a physical wooosahh too. And the food. Always the food. This year, delegates will be spoiled for choice, with a bunch of seriously hip – and seriously delish – food truck vendors on premises, ready to
feed our facestantalize our taste buds. As always, the Arise lounge will be set up, offering guests a place to rest their tootsies and mingle with newly made friends, in the true spirit of sisterhood.
So if you’re tired, like I am, and you need a “wooosahh” weekend too, join me at the Arise Conference. Need some more nudging? Well, consider these reasons:
Reason number 1: It is an investment into your well being
Reason number 2: Your family deserves to have the best version of you possible
Reason number 3: You need a break – you deserve it!To register, check out deets on their website. Unable to attend the whole conference? That’s cool – register for one day/session only. I’d love to hang out with you if you’re coming, so let me know in the comment section below or drop me an email!
Arise 2018: The “grand extravaganza” opening takes place on Friday, September 7th and runs until Saturday, September 9th.
https://www.facebook.com/AriseGirlfriends/videos/2308303395862861/
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Preggy update: Husbands are sometimes right too
Preggy update: I’ve been especially hard on myself the past few days. Why? Well, mainly because I am STILL pregnant and I don’t know how to make it stop! If you recall from my previous posts, my doc would like to induce me later this week because this kid is a giant and I really want to give birth naturally. So, for the past few days, I’ve been trying out old housewives remedy’s and modern mama theory’s to try to get baby Jo to make an appearance. And still nothing. -
So, what’s up with Easter?
Oh look it’s public holiday time again! (And the crowd goes wild) What’s this one about? National Siblings Day? Braai Day? Edgars Red Hanger Sale Day? Okay, I digress much… let’s start at the top: This weekend we celebrate Easter! As you know, many of us associate Easter with chocolates, rabbits, pickled fish, hot cross buns and, oh hey, maybe we’ll go to church. But what’s the big deal anyways and why do we get time off from work to celebrate days like “Good Friday” and “Easter Monday”?
Well, traditionally, Easter is the remembrance of the life and death of Jesus Christ. Some of us believe that this guy really DID walk the Earth a couple of years ago and really DID die a horrible death. I know that the very idea of Jesus seems a bit far fetched – and I get that. I mean, if there is a God, why would he send a man (who calls himself God’s “son”) to this crazy planet?
Well, I think that it was totally genius of God to come meet with us, on Earth, in human form. I mean, think about our brain capacities, as human beings – human form was the only way that we would be able to relate with him. I mean, if Jesus looked like an alien, how well would we have responded to him? Or if God came to meet with us as a giant unicorn or a ball of fire or a massive winged angel, would we have been able to relate with him? Clever move, God, clever move.
Anyways, so this Jesus was born, as a normal human being and grew up as a (guess what) normal human being, with brothers and sisters and parents. As he grew older people were instantly drawn to him. Philosophers and wise men spoke of this guy and his radical teachings. People could not understand his talks of a God who loved them unconditionally – back then they had to sacrifice their babies on altars of fire to get recognition from their “gods”. And here comes this man saying that all they need to do is open their hearts.I’ve heard of amazing ancient history books (not the Bible) documenting the life of this Jesus. Soldiers reported about Him, in their log books, saying that the stuff he and his followers were saying, caused an uprising among the people (who all worshiped rocks and metals back then).
They eventually found reason to arrest him (basically, the locals made the #Jesusmustfall hashtag trend) and the dude in charge couldn’t decide if he should be punished (because, basically, all he was doing was talking), so the public took it on themselves (think: mob justice) to do something about it.
They beat him up, whipped him, mocked him, spat on him and taunted him. This beating was so severe that at times victims would not survive it in order to go on to be crucified (another norm back then). Those who were flogged would often go into hypovolemic shock, a term that refers to low blood volume. In other words, the person would have lost so much blood he would go into shock. This explains why, after Jesus died and a Roman soldier thrust a spear through Jesus’ side (probably His right side, piercing both the lungs and the heart), blood and water came from His side just as John recorded in his Gospel. (John 19:34)
Anyways, he died. They put him in a tomb and had guards surround the tomb, because Jesus had spoken of his death and said that he would rise again in 3 days (I mean, he knew they were going to kill him. Hello, bells should be going off). They were like, this guy’s followers will probably try to steal his body, so let’s guard the tomb and make sure that they don’t get away with it! I mean, logical thinking, right?
Except that days later, he actually did rise from the dead. The guards ran away in terror. (Shame. You had one job.)
What does all of this even mean?Here’s what it means: God loved us all so much that He took on human form to come and mingle with us locals. He knew that if we were left to our own devices, there would be no way we would ever be able to have a relationship with Him, because He is pure and perfect and we are not. He needed to establish a way for us to be close to Him. Jesus became our scapegoat, so to say.
Jesus sacrifice on the cross meant that we are now able to trade our old for new, literally by accepting it, believing it and confessing it in our hearts and with our mouths. Like, that’s how you sign the contract. That’s it. No sacrificing of babies on alters and no slaughtering of goats required.
I also love that Jesus referred to God as his “Father”, thus giving us a way to relate with God… as our Father. Isn’t it beautiful that the God who actually made everything – like the whole Universe – wants us to know Him as a Father?
Anyways, this supernatural fact is what makes Easter such a supernatural period and a special time for me. God is alive and He is real. I love me some chocolate, but THIS right here is what love looks like. Beat that Easter bunny!
Originally posted on April 12th 2012. Updated on April 13th 2017.
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When you’re dating a single mom…
I was a single mom for a good chunk of my adult life. If you recall, I gave birth to my boy when I was about 19 years old. His dad and I split up soon thereafter. Being a single mom has it’s highs and lows. But I found that one of the biggest challenges was dating. Yep, dating a single mom: it’s complicated!
For starters, there’s a whole other life to think about, which is sometimes hard for guys to understand. Single mom does not mean “single heart”. In fact, there should be an unspoken rule of the universe: Never break a single mom’s heart!
As a single mom, you have so much to consider – a deeper sense of responsibility and demand. There is simply no time to play relationship games or nurse a broken heart. You are everything to your child! And, as a functioning parent, planning what’s for supper, how to make a human skeleton out of toothpicks and making sure that there are clean shirts for school, seriously takes priority over ‘crying yourself to sleep because he broke up with you AGAIN’.
With that said, gentlemen, when you play mind games with a single mother you are messing with more than just one heart. If you’ve been fortunate enough to be around her kid/s, you kind of have a responsibility to not treat their mom like an old shoe. I’m not saying force yourself to make it work – but heyo, be a gentleman. Having manners is for free. Bow out respectfully and hey, better yet, if you’re not in it to win it, then don’t tap in at all. Do you know what sucks worse than a broken heart? Having to tell your kid why Uncle So-and-So didn’t greet him at the shopping mall today. Kids don’t get it. And they most certainly don’t deserve it.
And if she doesn’t allow just anyone around her kid, that’s okay too! You know the kid is there. They exist. They aren’t going anywhere. Don’t make senseless, selfish demands, as if she has all the time in the world to spend with you. You are not her everything. Maybe you can claim a top spot on her list of priorities one day when you put a ring on it . But until then, recognize that this amazing super woman has a lot more than you on her mind. Encourage her, support her and applaud her.
And anyways, breaking up is harder when you’re a single parent. You don’t have the freedom to take your mood out on those around you – because chances are “those around you” are your kids. You don’t get to lie in bed for days on end, refusing to function because the hurt is unbearable. And you don’t have the space to allow ‘drama’ into your world. Your child’s stability comes first. Your baby’s mental and emotional well being is more important.
What worked for me? Well, I met an amazing man who was interested in being my friend FIRST, which made room for us (my son and I) to befriend him as a family. This guy took the time to get to know us, as a unit and individually, and he genuinely cared. No strings attached! No promises! No demands! I ended up marrying him.
So maybe you’re a single mom and you don’t want to sound like a desperate, needy “I’m not dating unless it’s serious” kind of girl. But hey, guess what, treating your heart (and your children’s lives) with the highest respect, IS serious business. You are a package – a bonus deal, if you will. It’s a beautiful thing! Treat it as such and you will unconsciously give others permission to do that too.
Disclaimer: I’m not saying that single mom’s hearts deserve more looking after than that of other women’s. We should all be treated with dignity and respect. But this one is for the babymamas.
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Books that help you get rid of that stinking thinking
Is it December yet? No? It’s still January?! Boy, this year is just draaaagging by! But hey, this means that there’s optimal opportunity for us to get our growth on. This year, I’ve decided that I am going to work towards WINNING in every area of my life (remember, I ranted about it last week). And that means thriving on a mental level as well. My goal for January is to get rid of that stinking thinking by dropping crappy habits and picking up some really legit ones. Christian Art Media sent me a bunch of books that will help me do just that! And I’ve got a few to give away to you. But first, more about the books. -
2017: Winning! (Without a new year’s resolution)
Hey, here’s a pretty bold statement to make: I’m not a fan of new year’s resolutions.
Say whaaaa? Yes, really. While I appreciate that the start of a new year seems like a really good time to find purpose or make a change, guess what, you don’t have to start on the 1st of January. And, quite honestly, expecting an immediate change, after making a resolution (at any time of the year) is a bit of a long haul. What have I decided for this year though? Well, quite simply, 2017: Winning! Here’s what that means: -
Preggy update: Falling down stairs and ripped jeans
We all know that I am a very calm, unemotional, undramatic person, right? (Humor me) So you can imagine my surprise when I got all emo, after falling down a few stairs at work last week. Yes, baby is okay, and I’m okay too (thanks for asking) albeit a few bumps and bruises on my legs. But if you had asked me how I was on the day of the incident, I might have replied in a wail and a sob. I felt exceptionally sorry for myself and my bruises. And also, my near-new preggy jeans were busted! The only jeans that actually fits me right now, forever scarred by an ugly hole at the knee (See? I fell REALLY hard!). But then I reminded myself: 2017 is for WINNING! So I took my ripped jeans and ripped them some more!
