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Faith over Fear: Lets talk about faith
Guest post – Lets talk about everything that’s been going on in our country. Protests against Gender Based Violence, #enoughisenough, wearing black on Friday and all the things that come with it.
It’s been a harrowing week for women and children in our country, but it didn’t start recently. It’s been coming over years and years. Time has passed and our society has become so numb to violence, so conditioned to accept things for what they are, and to just live a life of fear. I have read so many posts on social media when the news broke of Nene and little Amy-Leigh’s kidnapping about how women were afraid. How they try to have strategies to escape being a victim, and how they can’t sleep at night or fear walking down their own street in broad daylight.
I can totally relate.
I’ve been afraid, I’ve been cautious in my routines, I’ve always made sure I park my car in a crowded place, I don’t walk alone and I sleep with my dogs and kids in my bed when my husband is away.
But do I shrink back and allow fear to overtake me? Do I become a nervous wreck when I need to leave the house?
No!
And here’s why.
As a Christian, we have a wonderful book FULL of advice and truth and some of those are:
- 2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
- Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
- Psalm 91:5 You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day.
- 2 Corinthians 7:5 & 6 For when we arrived in Macedonia, our bodies had no rest, but we were pressed from every direction—conflicts on the outside, fears within. But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the arrival of Titus,
I have learned, over the years, that Fear disables us, it’s stops us from living a full life. Fear keeps us captive and oppressed. It not only disables us, but when we allow fear to take root in our hearts and minds it makes us ineffective as believers in bringing the Salt and Light to those around us.
I have faced many seasons of fear, been tramped down in my thinking by the aftermath of an experience. I’ve had to take it to God and ask Him to give his perspective on it, I’ve had to allow God to show me that He has never left my side, He’s been with me through everything. I’ve come to understand that the choices of others (with regards to hurting others – emotionally and physically) are their choices and there is nothing I can do to change that, but I can change how I respond to it. I cannot allow the enemy to silence me, I cannot allow the forces of evil to stun me into silence and doubt of who’s I am and how much God loves me.
So I have come to the conclusion through all of the news and social media posts that, yes, we are allowed to be outraged and protest and share our experiences, but as believers, we have a mandate to FIRST go to God and allow Him to direct our opinions so that they match up with his word. Let us sow words of hope, joy and encouragement. Let us sow seeds of love and truth. We cannot live in fear for our lives, we must boldly declare the truth of God over our minds and our hearts and walk it out, with the help of Holy Spirit.
I know it’s hard, I struggle with fear every day, but the key here is to keep walking the walk believing the truth above the facts of the current conversations.
My anchor scripture on this whole thing is Romans 15:13
May the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and PEACE as you TRUST in him, so that you may OVERFLOW with HOPE by the POWER of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13 (emphasis mine)
AuthorThis guest post is part of my Faith over Fear series. The author, Kim van Vuuren, blogs over at Kimvanvee, where she chats about life, food, faith and fun. You can follow her on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. -
Are all men trash?
When I was about 10 years old, a friend’s grandfather tried to French kiss me. I remember his gums and gaping mouth coming towards me, as he gingerly put his arm around my shoulders and tried to pull me close. The old guy had invited me into his house knowing full well that my friend (his granddaughter) wasn’t there. He had intentions.
Fortunately, I was a fiesty thing. I broke away from him before he could ensue damage on my young body, and ran all the way home. I did not see him again and I didn’t tell anyone. And, the funny thing is that despite the gross memory, I feel like I’m one of the lucky ones. I mean, my story could have ended differently. I was fortunate enough to not have another man’s unwanted hands on my body.
But after the recent surge in femicide awareness, I realise that I still feel like a victim of abuse, to an extent. I mean, abuse is a strong word to use, but I don’t know how else to express the feeling.
And honestly, my feelings of abuse has nothing to do with the old man.
My feelings of abuse is tied to every single guy who has crossed my path and objectified me simply because he saw a body and wanted to get his piece of it.
Let’s call this guy a “he” and let’s say he is a decent, respectable young man who would never try to harm a girl.
My question to “him” is: what does femicide look like to you, Sir?
I mean, sure “he” didn’t rape me. But he has made advances on me solely with the intention of wanting to have sex with me, whether I gave him the impression that I wanted to or not.
Sure, he didn’t physically assault me, but when he went back to his friends to talk about what a tease I am and how I look in “those jeans”, he kinda assaulted my dignity.
Sure, he didn’t end my life, but when he pretended to be someone else until he could “get one thing” and then dumped me for another girl, he kinda made me feel like the person that is Luchae, doesn’t matter.
He didn’t touch my body, but the crude way in which he spoke about it to his gang kinda undressed me already, whether I liked it or not.
For far too long, men have been treating the female body like a commodity. Some of them know how to sweet talk us into believing that they have our best interest at heart, go behind our backs and do the same thing to 3 other girls, and then they wonder why we call them trash.
What I’m saying is: sure give yourself a hand clap for not being a rapist or a murderer. Well done.
But if you’ve ever objectified the female body, disrespected a girl by discussing her anatomy, devalued a woman’s worth by dating and dumping for a better model because you can’t be satisfied or hey, maybe all you did was enjoy the new Bruno Mars video… you know, the one with the bare butts, dancing along to the music. Well then, Sir, you are part of the problem.
Take that as you will.
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My birth story: an unplanned C-Sec that changed everything
You know I’m always joking around about the fact that I’m a (self-acclaimed) preggy expert since I’ve been pregnant very many times in my life. And when it comes to birthing my babies, I’ve always opted for natural labour (unmedicated for the most part) because I know my body and I understand the birthing process and what needs to happen.
But when I was admitted to hospital on Monday afternoon, for an induced labour, I had absolutely no peace about it at all. In fact, I ended up crying (no jokes) because something did not feel right. But let’s start at the beginning:
“Imma push this baby out!”
We visited our OBGYN on Monday morning and he confirmed what we already knew: Asher was a big baby and if I wanted to birth him naturally, I would need to be induced. I mean, that wasn’t exactly what I had hoped for (you can read Jonah’s induction story here) and I wasn’t exactly thrilled at the prospect but I was just so darn eager to see my little bebe and I knew that if he were too big, there might be complications.
Anyways, fast forward to Monday evening. By this point they had already initiated induction, but they were going easy on my body (for many reasons, but I think it’s because I’m old haha) and were taking it slowly. By Tuesday morning nothing was happening you guys. And if you know my insides (which you don’t, also that’s gross, sorry) you would know that I usually labor very quickly and easily… especially after an induction.
It was at this point, that I lay in my hospital bed, sobbing… literally sobbing… because I did not have peace. I phoned Hubstopher a few times at this point begging him to convince my OBGYN to “cut me”. I gave him a gazillion reasons why I needed to have a C-Sec… none of them absolutely, like viable. But I was ready to announce that there was an alien growing in my belly, if it meant that they would rather opt for a C-Sec, over pushing the induction.
This, in itself, is absolutely a shocker… I mean, hello, spreadsheet brain here. The spreadsheet brained Luchae would never beg for a C-Sec (especially if I could labour naturally). But, you guys, I prayed. I asked God for peace. I cancelled this feeling of fear (or what I thought was fear). I pep talked myself and listed the very many reasons why I was probably being silly and why I needed to suck it up and give birth naturally, as I usually would.
But alas, no peace. Just an overbearing feeling of “something isn’t right” and “I can’t do this!”
My lovely doctor eventually made his rounds and after a brief chat, he was absolutely convinced that I know my body and I know what’s up and he is going to go with what I suggest: A C-sec. My very first one, ever in my life.
“Cut me, doctor!”
Joy to the world! Right? (Hahaha tell that to my tummy muscles right now). Anyways, the prep for the op went smoothly (albeit I was a bit freaked out, having watched enough episodes of Grey’s Anatomy to score me a doctor’s license) and I lay on the operating table literally still crying you guys. In hindsight, I must have looked like a damn fool, laying and crying while the other occupants in the room were cheerily chatting and going about their business.
A few seconds into “opening me up” (is mos), my OBGYN calls Hubstopher and says, you need to see this! The umbilical cord was wrapped around my little baby’s neck, not just once, but TWICE! The doc was in shock – we certainly had not picked this up via the ultrasounds. Doc reckons that if they had induced labor and tried to get me to push, baby would have been strangled, without a doubt.
My ‘feelings’ (now known as God who spoke to me) were correct… natural labor would have harmed my baby. Having that unplanned C-Sec saved his life. You can imagine the waterworks, after I heard that. I literally lay on the operating table, in a pool of my own snot and tears as the entire room erupted with laughter, as our boy, Asher, was born. A whopping 4,29kg of absolute gorgeousness!
Everyone knew that we did not know his gender, so it was kinda quirky and cool that when doc pulled him out, he immediately started peeing everywhere, as doc announced “it’s a boy!”… I mean, how like a boy, right?Anyways, we are currently recovering (and by “we” I do mean me and all my feelings) and yep, healing after a C-Sec is totally different when compared to natural labor. Guys, I have new found respect for moms who have done this more than once.
But more than that, I am so thankful that God’s hand was on Asher’s life on the day he was born. It could have ended a lot differently. He is so faithful! And I am so very thankful.
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Dear unborn baby: you are SO loved, I promise!
Guys, I can speak on this from every level possible… as a teenager, who just did a pee stick test in her best friends bathroom; as a newly wed, who planned to only have kids after a few years of “settling down”; as a well seasoned mother of many, who thought that her womb’s work here on earth is done. I know what it feels like to be pregnant and wonder how on earth you got to this place.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, our baby number 3 is totally loved and wanted and this is something that our hearts needed. BUT there have been many times, during this pregnancy, where I found myself going: WHAT ON EARTH WAS I THINKING?!
Now, come on friends, I know that a few of you can relate. Maybe your pregnancy was totally planned, but like me, you find yourself bathing in sheer exhaustion, wishing you could have a break. Or maybe it was a surprise pregnancy and you don’t know how you’re going to manage a newborn on top of all the current drama and challenges in your life. Or perhaps you’re currently trying to perfect the magic balancing act of home/career/marriage/don’t-mess-up-your-kids-lives.
Whatever your story: I hear you, girl.
I’m not here to justify those feelings… but I am here to say that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. I consider this Land of Overwhelm to be a place I sometimes visit, but NOT a place that I will settle down in. I mean, I refuse to make it the mantra of my life. But I’m totally not putting pressure on myself to be a robot and masquerade all these feelings of “aaack” simply because I need to paint a pretty picture for the rest of the world.I take a breath and acknowledge that I’m in a very crazy season right now. And that’s okay. This pregnancy is different, when compared to the first two. And that’s okay. My body is in a permanent state of giving-me-the-stink-eye, so everything is a bit harder right now. And that’s okay.
I mean, real talk, resting my body has become an island holiday. There is no Journey Journal, no carefully thought out plans and, hey, I haven’t even purchased a single little outfit and I’m due like, next month. But I’m in total peace and I feel totally prepared to welcome this gorgeous bundle of Williams into my arms.
Yep, I’m overwhelmed sometimes… but is this child a beautiful blessing anyways? Yes! A thousand times yes! My baby is loved and adored and so wanted! It’s just different this time around, that’s all.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that, if this is you, if you’re overwhelmed sometimes because motherhood is just that rough, there is NOTHING wrong with you. I see you. I understand the complete overwhelm. And I know that it doesn’t mean that your children are unloved and unwanted. You aren’t living in a glass cage of emotion and regret. You’re just going through a crazy season, that’s all.
Rest in the promise that this is just that: a season. I read that there is a season for every single thing under the sun. And once this one passes, you’ll be able to reflect back on the beautiful memories and marvel at how hard you thought it would be. In retrospect, it will be a raindrop in the ocean of your life.
And then you’ll give yourself a pat on the back, because you’ll realise that you, my friend, are a lot more bad-ass than you know.
Images: Pics taken at the Penelope&Bella photo shoot many moons ago, when I was pregnant with Jonah.
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10 random perks of being married
Hi, I’m Luchae and I love being married. Yes, this may be a well known fact but I sensed the need to lead the conversation with it because I feel like I complain about my beautiful, wonderful, amazing Hubstopher a bit too much on this here blog. Granted, his heightened sense of humor let’s me get away with saying just about anything (except Liverpool… we don’t diss Liverpool). But still. I felt it my obligation and duty to let you all know that I do, in fact, love my husband and that we are, in fact, happily married (soccer nights included).
I mean, marriage is a trip, you guys. The elation of finding your “one” mixed with the deflation of having to deal with someone else’s irks and quirks till death you do part is kind of bittersweet in the best way. But if I could choose between not being married to him and having to pick up his socks (you know, from the staircase, under the bed and hidden away behind my couch cushions) for eternity, I would probably choose this man and his stinky socks till death us do part.
Granted, there are the occasional disagreements (and irks and quirks) to deal with but the perks are actually quite perky. I mean, the perks totally make up for it. I don’t know what your marriage perks are… but mine are quite random. Sure, it includes all the mandatory “loves me, loves his kids, doesn’t shoot stray cats with his pellet gun” stuff. But there are a bunch of other random reasons why I love being married to the guy. Things like:
1. I don’t have to ask for directions
I mean, my husband knows what’s up (cough) and probably never has to ask for directions too. Right? Husband’s always know which way to go. But mine is a techno fundi and probably has a gazillion GPS apps on hand, just in case the rare occasion arises where he needs to ask for directions.2. I don’t change light bulbs
Look, I’m no damsel in distress, but I totally enjoy the fact that Hubstopher can do those arb home repairs like, you know, changing the light bulb or fixing the wonky door handle. In fact, I’ve totally sat in darkness waiting for him to come home to change said light bulb. The fact that I can do it myself is not the point here, okay?3. He knows whats up with the car
I don’t do car things. I mean, sure, women are capable of knowing car things. It’s good to know car things. But my extensive knowledge of car things does not give me the power to overthrow my husband as the “Car Things Gatekeeper.” I mean, he checks the oil and changes the tyre and, just being real, he even drives us places most of the time even though I have a very real driver’s license.4. Spiders
‘Nuff said.5. He can be a donkey
Guys, my Hubstopher is the parent who would go down on his hands and knees, pretending to be a donkey for my kids. He gives the best piggy back rides and plays wrestling with the big boys and is the only one who would allow them to use him as a trampoline. And I say thank you for that.
6. He knows kung fu
Okay, he doesn’t really know kung fu, but best believe when I hear a weird sound in the living room at 3 in the morning, I won’t be the one doing the investigating. Husbands do the “weird sound” investigating. It’s just like, the rule of life!7. I don’t have to do physical labor
Again, this does not speak to my lack of ability but rather to my Hubstopher’s abundance thereof. Need a heavy box lifted? Can’t open that pickle jar? Does the dirt need to be taken out? Do not fret or fear, Hubstopher is near!8. He holds my hand in public places
I don’t know, there is just a tangible safety of sorts, when you’re ambling through a crowded area and you’re able to walk a few steps behind your person while holding his hand. I have nothing more to say on the matter because I feel like you guys know what I’m talking about, right?9. He talks to people
I mean, sure I can also talk to people, but when it comes to the mechanic and the petrol attendant and the person who fumigated the house and the DSTV installer, chances are Hubstopher would be the one who would do all the talking.10. He loves me
For some weird, overly bizarre reason, this guy finds me the most attractive when I’m donning my oldest comfy clothes, with my hair in some sort of a messy bun (if “messy” was “chaotic”). He loves me in my natural state… you know, the person that is Luchae when noone is looking. And that right there is the biggest perk of being married to him.Can you relate with any of these? What are some of your weirdest and most favorite perks of being married to your husband?
Disclaimer: This post was not meant to be sexist, painting women as the weaker sex. Women can do all things and girl power and rah rah rah, but I sure do love that I have a Hubstopher around to do some of the heavy lifting for me!
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Confessions of a super woman
I sometimes cringe when people ask me how many children we have. I mean, you never know what their response will be once they find out that we parent and co-parent a collective of four kids.
I mean, when it comes to responses, we’ve heard it all. From the “don’t you guys own a TV” (do you know that co-parent means we didn’t physically birth four kids together?) to “yoh, you guys are crazy!” (Thanks)
Most of them shake their heads in disbelief (because it’s like, sooo shocking, and stuff) and say “wow, that’s a lot!” I guess they’re referring to the fact that they don’t know where we get the time, energy and money from to rear four children.
“How do you do it?!” They’d ask, with big eyes. And my response would probably always be a shoulder shrug followed by “I don’t know either” or “must be the Lord!”
Now, I know that most people mean well and probably can’t help for their reaction. This post is not about that.
This post is about their replies when I say I don’t know how I do it. They would then usually tell me that we make it look easy and we’re so blessed and that I’m such a super woman and we are great parents and all of that.
And it’s ’round about this time that my eyes glaze over and I begin to hear montage music, as replays of my life flash before me.
Sorry, I’m not trying to insinuate that their kind words are insincere. It’s just that most days, I don’t feel like a super woman and I find it hilarious when people say that we make it look easy. I mean, hilarious in a non-funny way. Because it’s not. It’s NOT EASY.
It’s not easy being the parent of two small kids under the age of 5, while co-parenting two other kids who are nearing adulthood at an alarming pace. It can be heavy, emotionally (especially the co-parenting gig) and yep, co-parenting means we don’t have the full responsibility of raising the kid, but it doesn’t make it any easier yo.
It’s not easy when you have to make sure you’re distributing love evenly and consistently, to all kids, even though one of them does not live with us and two of them don’t even refer to us as “mom” and “dad”.
It’s not easy when you literally don’t have time for each other. Like, I’m not just saying so because it’s a cool thing to say on a blog. The last time I even sat next to my husband was probably at the doctor’s surgery a few weeks ago. No jokes.And guys, try raising a 2 year old and a 4 year old without the help of screen time and copious amounts of mini cheddars, while having a successful career of sorts and a clean house. Not easy! (Yes, I’m raising processed food eating hermits. Somebody call Oprah.)
It takes a lot of balance and planning and pre-planning, when it comes to working out school fees and food and clothes and extra-mural activities and how to get everyone from point A to point B and to still find time for yourself in the middle of it all.
But more than that, it can be challenging to not lose yourself, in the mix. I often have to remind myself of the point of it all… that this story is bigger than me and my ego and how I feel.
So when people refer to me as a super woman, I can’t help but want to point out all the ways that I feel like I’m failing as a mother and wife, daily. The term “super woman” feels like a fraudulent statement… as if they’re only seeing the shiny side of the coin. And I wonder if my positive outlook on life falsely advertises a challenging lifestyle by, you know, passing it off as easy, doable and without trial.
Can you successfully rear a big family, in this day and age? Sure you can! Are you able to raise well-balanced kids even though half of them did not originate from both you and your husband’s loins? Yep, that’s a definite!
But I don’t want to be the one, out here, selling false hopes and pipe dreams. It’s not easy and I’m not a super woman. We are not super, duper people who can do no wrong on the parenting front. In fact, we’re just ordinary people (I know, John Legend should pay me royalties for pimping his song this much). And we would be a hot mess without our faith and our constant drive to live our lives on purpose, with purpose.
So there you have it. How do we do it? Well, the truth is that we’re not the ones “doing it”… and that’s why it works. Like, honestly you guys, if I didn’t have Jesus as my firm foundation, I would probably be in a mental asylum right now (or still partying my life away, in a mini skirt and hooker heels).
Through all of the dips and peaks of parenting our brood, I’ve found myself clinging to God, because honestly, He is my only constant. People fail you and hurt you and make living life even harder than it should be. Things fall apart, you guys. Tomorrow is not promised. Success (or our perceived version of it) is fleeting. But God’s promises for us are timeless, never changing and faithful. It’s the only surety we have. Clinging to the rock that is higher than I is the only way I know to survive.
And that’s how I do it.
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The house with many rooms
When I was in my early 20’s, my granny (my mom’s mom), had a “death bed” dream about me. She was sick, in hospital, and during one of our more quiet, melancholy visits, she whispered to me that she needed to tell me about a dream she had the night before. I know it sounds dramatic, but the dream was actually really beautiful and at the time, I was just so honored that out of all the many grandchildren, she would have a dream about little old me, during such a pivotal time in her life.
In this dream, she saw me living in a house with many rooms. And each room was filled with beds – lined up in a row “like a hospital or hotel” she said. She urged me to take note of this dream and the knowing in her eyes spoke words that she could not express. She passed away a few days thereafter.
At the time, I wasn’t very aware about how prophetic and telling detailed dreams could be. I didn’t know the story of Joseph (in the Bible) and other people like him, who received messages from God through dreams. And even now, I can’t prove to you that God spoke to my granny, on her death bed, showing her things that He was trying to tell me.
But, strangely, I keep having similar dreams. Even on days when my granny’s dream is the furthest thing from my mind.
Dreams of my house with many rooms. Dreams of me visiting a house with many rooms. And, more than that, dreams of all the beds… one in every nook and cranny… of each room. What really brought it to my attention was when other people started having similar dreams about me.
Now some would think that this means that I might own a hotel or Bed and Breakfast one day. You know, something along those lines. Something that makes sense. But, in my latter years (love how I’m calling my late thirties my latter years… the drama, yo) I’ve now come to think of it as something else.
For starters, ever since we’ve been married (it’s been five years, you guys, so long, so hard, so burdensome. Jokes.) we’ve probably had a border living with us, for every one of those five years. Mind you, I think the longest stay has been about six months and we never really demanded them to pay part of the rental or anything like that (although, duh, they would offer to pay for certain amenities, because life, and we expect you to help out around the house atleast). Anyways, now that I come to think about it, each year, we’ve shared our space (and offered up a bed) to someone who needed it.
This was not planned at all. In fact, every single house guest “moved in” on a short term basis and ended up staying for a few months. And I’m not saying that I’m, you know, the Martha Stewart of hosts, with freshly pressed towels, home cooked breakfasts and mints on their pillows. I’m actually quite the opposite. We have schedules and commitments and children (many children), so looking after a whole other adult is not up there on my list of things to do.And more than that, I’m not one to share my space. I’m an introverted extrovert (hey, I’m making that a thing, okay!) and as much as I enjoy people, I also enjoy being able to retract into my personal space, like a hobbit, shutting myself off from the world.
Having someone else in your space makes this kinda hard.
But thinking about all of this (literally, I was just thinking about this) it makes me wonder: Could this be the “house with many rooms” that my granny, and countless others, saw in their dreams? Could it be that the “house with many rooms” refers to our heart space, more than a physical space?
It just reminded me about comfort zones. I love my comfort zones… my “single life” privacy, peace and quiet definitely was a comfort zone. But, was I really thriving? Are you really living your best life, when you play it safe? And am I really doing well, when all I want to do, is to surround myself with the “easy”?
Each time we said yes to a house guest I was way out of my comfort zone. I mean, the idea of helping someone thrilled me. The idea of sharing space annoyed me eventually but deep down I knew that it was something that I had to say yes to.
I often wonder if that was God, nudging me in the right direction. He uses these “out of my comfort zone” things to equip us, build us and train us up for our next big adventure. Maybe God wanted me to learn how to have an open heart, without being concerned about how much of myself I’m giving. Maybe he wanted me to let people in – especially when I don’t want to. Maybe he wanted me to expand the corners of my heart, so that it could fit more people in.
In a funny turn of events, I now live in a crazy house, full of kids. And we would eventually like to add more children to our growing brood. Out of my comfort zone? Heck yes! I often crave the peace and silence that living alone brings. I probably won’t get that back for a very long time. But I’m okay with that now. I love my children and I can’t imagine living in peace and silence, if it would mean being without them.
Maybe this is my “house with many rooms”. And maybe God has been stretching me, in preparation for it, all along.
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The dangers of being too nice
So it’s the start of a new year, yet again. I love how it always brings with it introspection and promise. This time around, I sit and reflect on the past year and, friends, I realised that I spent most of it, regrettably, trying to be a “nice person”.
Yes, I know what the word “regrettably” means. It means that I feel deep remorse about the fact that I was “nice”, last year. Well, it’s the truth. I wish I could take back my niceness. There, I said it. Do you sometimes feel that way too?
Real talk: I’m super good at acting happy and being all chipper, even when I’m feeling really bad. It’s not real life, you guys. It’s a mask. I’ve come to realize that my “being nice” can be pretty superficial. And if I was superficially nice for a whole 12 months, then that means that I spent most of the year trying to, basically, water a bundle of poop and hope that it would grow flowers. (Poop flowers?) And then beat myself up at the end of the year, when my (poop) garden refused to bloom.
When you’re almost 40 (okay, granted, I’m a few years away, but humor me in my old age), you kinda find yourself developing a low tolerance for (internal and external) rubbish. And the start of this year has awakened a new resolve in me. A resolve to stop walking around with the concept of “but I’m a nice person” when I come across said rubbish.
Because the truth is this: some situations call for you to not be nice. Some situations need to be dealt with sternly and, dare I say it, abruptly. Some situations might not even deserve your attention! But your “niceness” becomes an excuse, letting you believe that it’s okay to be mistreated because you’re nice and you can take it. And then, you find yourself unwillingly giving those demons airtime in your head, all because you’re too nice to say NO!
As a “nice person” I often “felt bad” about making other people feel bad, and so I would avoid addressing issues that would make them uncomfortable. I avoided calling out shade, or letting someone know that I’m aware of their stinky behavior (remember, I still wrote about one such incident here) because I believed that I was SUCH a nice person (insert eye roll) and I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.I mean, I’m not saying that empathy is a weakness, you guys. But this is such a silly notion. Because, truthfully, I put on my “nice girl” hat to protect MYSELF, not someone else, and then I allow myself to believe that I’m doing the world a favor when honestly, I’m just avoiding confrontation.
I’ve learnt that healthy confrontation is a good thing. Healthy confrontation is powerful. And if I really value the relationship, I wouldn’t mind telling someone when I feel bad about something. Because, chances are, walking around wearing my “Miss Nice Girl” hat all the time, will eventually cost me a relationship or an opportunity or mental and emotional health (Que: Drake – In my feelings).
I mean, you can be as nice as you want, Martha, but at the end of the day, it will catch up with you and you will have to ,eventually, deal with it.
And how do we deal with it? Well, we deal with it by confronting the issue, talking it out, forgiving and moving on. My point is that you can kinda do all of that way back in the beginning already, instead of waiting for the poop to build up. (I say poop a lot in this post, don’t I lol)
So that’s my (kinda) resolution for the next season. No more nice-nice. And a lot more transparency and honesty. Anyone care to join me?
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Inspiring Christmas gift ideas for teens
Buying gifts for my teen is a bit like extracting teeth. Yep, it’s painful, for the most part. And that’s only because I never know if the kid is actually going to like the gift. But more than that, I hate getting him gifts that are meaningless and just for show. I know, I come across as all hip and stuff (humor me, please), but in reality, my brain is like a spreadsheet (hence the name of this here blog) so I gauge everything according to how useful it’s going to be in the long run. Anyways, long story short (because let’s face it, I was babbling) I found a bunch of seriously cool gift ideas on the Cum Books online store the other day.
My kid is transitioning from young person to young adult (aaaack!) and I need to prepare the kid for the big world. My prayer for him is that he will remain the stable, level-headed guy that he’s somehow growing into and I thought to gift him with things that can encourage this. Here they are:
Man, if I had a teenage daughter, I would totally be getting her this gorgeous Inspire Bible for Girls. If you’ve been following my story for a while, you’ll remember that I have my own Inspire Bible. I love that these Bibles are decided to unlock your creativity, as you spend time getting into the Word of God. I mean, if you struggle to concentrate during your quiet times, this is the best thing! The new Inspire Bible for Girls is aimed at girls aged 8 – 12 years and is jam packed with things like: devotions, written by the amazing Carolyn Larsen, over 800 pages with space for creativity and amazing graphics for colour-in sessions, journaling prompts and Bible facts. Totally worth it at R399.95There are a bunch of really rad, creative Bibles for teen guys too! Check out the Cum Books online store for more.
If your kid loves arts and crafts, she’ll fall inlove with this Bible Journaling Kit. I mean, how cute is this? I want one for myself! The kit comes complete with Bible journaling supplies that is sure to inspire creativity, as she grows in the Word. I’m talking about the good stuff, like washi tape rolls, a black ink block and stamps, column inserts, sticker pages, glitter gel pens metallic gel pens and even a journaling template. Grab it for R549.95
This year, I am getting our boys some Christian resources as part of their Christmas gifts, because the kids need to learn about Jesus, yo! Fortunately, the wide selection of “teen gifts”, at Cum Books, makes it easy to find products that they will actually enjoy.
The 365 Daily Devotions By Teens for Teens immediately sparked my interest. These are written expressly for teen boys or teen girls, by actual teenagers who understand your kids lingo. The unique devotional is filled with personal experiences that are relatable and heart-felt. Through the stories of others, teens see how God works in our lives when we open ourselves to Him. The devotion includes hundreds of teen authors and teens love reading what their peers have written. Price: R189.95
Dave Strehler’s Amazing Stories for Young Believers is another one that immediately caught my interest. How cool is this devotional, you guys?! It contains 366 devotions for kids aged 8 – 12, and tells stories about Bible characters and the great things they did for God. Each day’s devotion gives a practical application based on a specific passage from Scripture, as well as another Scripture verse that reinforces the lesson for that day. A topical index at the back of the book arranges devotions according to themes. Dave is a children’s ministry stalwart, who has devoted more than twenty five years to equipping children and young people, by helping them to understand the Bible and enjoy reading it. Price: R189.95
I think the one I am most excited about is The Action Bible. I love everything about this illustrated version of the Bible! Firstly, it has more than 200 fast-paced narratives in chronological order, making it easy to follow the Bible’s historical flow and reinforcing the build-up to its thrilling climax! Secondly, the stories are illustrated in such a contemporary way that your teen will not be able to resist turning the page to learn more. This compelling blend of clear writing plus dramatic images offers an appeal that crosses all age boundaries. It’s a bargain at R399.95You can also pick up The Action Bible Guess It Game – a guessing game, derived from The Action Bible. I’ve added this one to our family game night and you guys, it’s so much fun! The 99 cards each has 20 questions about people, places or things, from the Bible. You have to correctly guess the identity of the person/place/thing, with as few clues as possible. Great for traveling or family game night, these action-packed cards will help expand youngster’s Bible knowledge in a fun and interactive way. Price: R129.95
WIN a Christmas hamper compliments of CUM Books!CUM Books is one of the largest stockists of Christian and inspirational books, Bibles, music, resources, movies and gifts, in South Africa! CUM Books focus is on spreading the Good News to the homes and hearts of people across South Africa. I’m also especially pleased that we can now shop online – the Cum Books online store is a dream!
But hey, I know why you’re here! You want to win an amazing Christmas hamper, compliments of Cum Books! We’re giving away TWO hampers, a His and a Hers, and you have until 16h00 today (Friday, 15 December) to enter!
For more deets check out these blog posts:
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Inspiring Christmas gift ideas for him {Giveaway!}
I get it. Buying a cool Christmas gift for that special guy in your life can be a tad bit difficult. I mean, unless he’s okay with getting socks and underwear every year. Men are a fickle folk though and I know that my Hubstopher has faked many a “I love it!” exclamations over the past few years, because, let’s face it ladies, socks and underwear is not that exciting. But they’ll never tell us this. (Bless their hearts) So I thought to investigate and find a few really cool and inspiring Christmas gift ideas for him, with the help of Cum Books.
How trendy is this Galatians 6:14 stainless steel water bottle? I mean, I want one for myself! It’s just so classy! Set in a valiant font type, this Galatians 6:14 stainless steel water bottle, is a thoughtful reminder of Scripture and how we must be honorable in our behavior and give God the glory in all things. It has a 500ml capacity and all-day hot or cold insulation. It is packed in a really gorgeous cylinder gift box. (Price – R249.95)Pair this up with the captivating autobiography by reigning CrossFit World Champion, Rich Froning, titled ‘First’. Froning is hailed as ‘The Fittest Man on Earth’ but, in shares how he has had to toughen up mentally and spiritually as well, in order to compete and win at an elite level. InFirst, readers come alongside Rich as he trains for and competes in back-to-back-to-back CrossFit World Championships. Along the way, Rich shares invaluable training tips, motivational techniques, and spiritual insights that, in keeping with the CrossFit philosophy, will prepare you to respond to any real-life physical, mental and spiritual challenge. (Price – R274.94)
If the special man in your life is an Angus Buchan fan, he would totally appreciate some of the fantastic Angus Buchan products available at Cum Books. The luxe leather daily planner, for example, is filled with daily devotional thoughts by the renowned author and evangelist, Buchan. It even has a one-year Bible reading plan and a space to schedule meetings. (Price – R249.95)Uncle Angus (as he is fondly called) also has a really cool daily devotional called Potato Faith for Every Day. You will find encouragement and strength to run the race God has set before you with themes like proclaiming the Gospel of Jesus Christ, strength in His presence, inner peace, trust in God’s unfailing love, the power of prayer and family values. (Price – R249.94)
The CSB Baker Illustrated Study Bible would make for a pretty impressive Christmas gift! This fully illustrated, information-packed study Bible provides fascinating insights into the Scriptures and the world in which they were written. It calls attention to the personal aspects of the biblical message, making it easy to understand biblical theology. It also features things like full-color illustrations, charts, maps, time lines, and photos. I like that it also includes cross-references, an extensive concordance, and notes that unlock connections between passages. (Price – R699.95)
Pair this up with the lux leather Cross Bible Study Kit, to make your gift a bit more intentional! the Bible study kit includes all the essentials he needs for study, including a study notebook for jotting down key messages, a highlighter for study, four micro pens in an assortment of colors, slip pockets for storing church bulletins or study handouts, and a zipper closure. (Price – 499.95)I fell inlove with this classic, suitcase style leather-look Bible Cover. The design features include a back slip pocket and a cross-engraved zipper pull. Inside, a zipped mesh pocket and pen loop offer extra functionality. The large size comfortably holds bigger Bibles. (Price – R399.95)
WIN a Christmas hamper compliments of CUM Books!CUM Books is one of the largest stockists of Christian and inspirational books, Bibles, music, resources, movies and gifts, in South Africa! CUM Books focus is on spreading the Good News to the homes and hearts of people across South Africa. I’m also especially pleased that we can now shop online – the Cum Books online store is a dream!
But hey, I know why you’re here! You want to win an amazing Christmas hamper, compliments of Cum Books! To enter, simply follow the prompts below:
1. Find the specially marked post on Instagram and follow instruction to grab 1 entry.
2. Find the specially marked post on Facebook and follow instruction to grab 1 entry.
3. Comment below and let me know which gift idea your favorite guy would appreciate, to grab 1 entry.Disclaimer: the hamper does not look like the one in the pic above.
Giveaway open to SA residents only. Winner announced on 14 December and has 24 hours to claim prize. Keep your eyes peeled for the rest of this week, for more entry prompts!
