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Four kids later and I’m not coping
I know it looks super cool to have a big family. I mean, our family photo’s are lit because there’s literally one of us in every single size and age group. But in reality, I feel as if I’m not coping. Four kids later and I kinda want to take a permanent vacation somewhere not here. Please? Okay, let’s stop being dramatic for like, a few seconds.
It all started this morning (I’m talking about the mini-emo session that I’m currently having) when I realized that I drove to work on fumes. I had forgotten to refuel the car because we were in a hurry to get the kids to school and ourselves to work. By the time I eventually rocked up at the office, I realized that it was probably the good Lord himself who safely delivered me here because the cars fuel light had been flashing since yesterday afternoon. No jokes.
Life has been crazy with a capital “cray”. Jo is a baby, so that speaks for itself. Kari… well, she’s turning three years old soon and she’s as diva as they come. And this is not me bragging. Kyle and Seth are writing exams soon and then there’s the guilt that we aren’t doing enough for them and with them. Pair this up with the fact that we only have one car now, and can you see where I’m going with this? (Or not going. One car, remember?)
Besides for just not having enough time or like, mental capacity, to parent four children and stay sane at the same time, you must remember that we also need to pay the school fees of four children. So a lot of side hustling happens regularly, with me writing and Chris computer-ing and music-ing (what else would you call it), but this means that we’re permanently busy. Oh and I didn’t even mention the other commitments we have. To top that off, we are married! Granted, it’s to each other and we can cut each other some slack on the married front, surely. But still. I can’t remember the last time I held my hubstopher’s hand, for FUN.
Anyways, so with that said, I’ve decided to take this moment and write a little emo post. Mainly because I know that “this too shall pass” and because I want to have this moment documented somewhere for the day when it does, so that I can look back and go “ahh, see, it did pass.” But also because I know that I’m not the only mom going through a complete season of overwhelm right now.I’m not saying it’s “okay” to be overwhelmed. But I am saying that it’s okay to feel as if you don’t have all your ish together, all of the time. So this ones for you mom, who feels as if you’re not coping too. I see you, girl. You’ve got this. This too shall pass. This too shall pass.
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Myang sun hats brings the shade this summer
Myang did what I thought would be impossible: they made my seriously adorable kids look even more seriously adorable. Seriously. Well I already knew that the proudly South African boutique are stockists of the most delightful baby and toddy accessories and clothes. But when when I opened a package containing their newest edition, funky sun hats, I literally “aacked” out loud. (AOL?) -
When you’re not exactly the perfect parent
This week I had to make peace with the fact that I’m not always a “perfect parent”. Let me explain: I know that children are a beautiful gift unto our wombs and all of that, but I’ve been feeling especially overwhelmed lately. The need to be the perfect parent seemed to be clashing with the fact that, oh look, I’m a human being too. Has this ever happened to you?
This past week, a vast majority of my household cautiously clambered their way out of
the pit ofthe worst case of gastro known to man. Just when I thought things would return to normal baby Jo then developed a really bad case of thrush. The thrush infection quickly escalated, eventually infecting his digestive tract. My baby boy could not hold a feed in for three days straight. Picture me driving like a crazy lady between work and my sister’s house, as I try to balance being a mother versus having a job.As if that wasn’t enough, Kari seemed to be particularly energetic this week. Her levels were peaking last night, while we tried to ‘shush’ her during the speeches at an event. Guys, let’s just say, I made a speech while she was tugging on me, while loudly (and obnoxiously) letting everyone know that she wants a blue cupcake immediately please. The beautiful thing about having a baby while trying to raise a toddler is that you can’t lose your ish, even though you really want to. Oh wait, did I say “beautiful thing”? I meant to use the words “crazy mess”.
When I eventually got home with my sick kid, my needy kid and my teenage kid, I had to nurse a headache the size of the iceberg that hit the Titanic. Except that I felt like the Titanic in this situation. It was at this point that I decided that I want to toss out of adulting altogether. I wasn’t in the mood to cook a healthy meal. I didn’t want to tidy the house or make sure my children were bathed. I wasn’t keen on reading them bedtime stories or checking homework.So I didn’t.
I felt like a loser parent, I’m not going to lie to you. I mean, I should be doing this better, somehow. But then I realized that I need to give myself a flippen break man! I’m not a “perfect parent”. Heck, I probably wouldn’t be one, even if I busted by chops trying! And anyways, I’m sure my kids aren’t looking for super mom. They just want to be loved (and for me to turn on my wifi hotspot now and then). Those are two things I definitely can work my way around doing. So I ended up giving the minis a quick wash, got them into PJ’s and camped out in my room with blankets and tea. Kyle made sandwiches for supper (gasp, somebody call child services) as Kari and I watched ‘Storks’ for the umpteenth time. My “perfect parent” theory nothing more than a puff of smoke as I feel the steady breathing of my sleeping baby, against me. All was right with the world. We were okay. I did what I could for today. Tomorrow, we try again.
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Alove Creations turned my kid into a superstar!
I’m not saying I have a favorite child but baby Jo definitely has the best cheeks of the lot. So it just made sense when Alethea of Alove Creations picked him to be one of the clothing labels baby brand ambassadors! Those superstar cheeks won her over, I’m convinced. You might remember me raving about Alove Creations last year, when I gave away one of her fab summer kimonos. Ladies, guess what, she has recently extended her baby wear collection and it is stunning! Attending a baby shower soon? Well then, you must check out what she has to offer. (Plus there might be a giveaway at the end of this post… who’s to say..,)
The Blessed&Favored collection has a range of baby and kiddie accessories that are totally rad! My absolute fave are these snood and head band/beanie sets. Jonah and Ava did such a good job modelling these, don’t you think?I loved the look so much that I had to get a matching set for Kari and I. All the Alove Creations snoods and head gear is made with a chunky knit fabric and I love that the snoods are extra length. Aint nobody got time for short snoods, yo!
I am also a big fan of these ultra trendy swaddle sets. The set consists of a swaddle blankey and matching head gear. I’ve actually been using the swaddle blankey as a breastfeed cover as well. It’s light weight and easy to wrap your baby in, plus it makes you feel like a fabulous Beverley Hills mom. I mean, winning already, right?I’ve never really been a fan of the swaddling concept until I saw how soundly it made my baby sleep. Little ones feel safe and secure, when swaddled.
If you’re looking for a legit breastfeed cover though, the Alove Creations 4-in-1 breastfeeding infinity cover is the one that you want! (Ooh Ooh Ooh honey!)So this breastfeed cover is a (yep, you guessed it) discreet nursing cover, trendy pram cover, clever car seat cover and you can wear it as a top! Actually, I don’t know if the last one is a thing but I’ve totally been wearing the black one as a top. Yes, I’m that person. But also, it’s that versatile! Check it out, This is the perfect baby shower gift!
There are a bunch of other cool baby accessories in her collection such as wooden teethers and trendy pacifier clips. These are hand made and come in a range of amazing colors. Very, very cool.Bonus feature: Your tiny tots fingers will have a ball of time exploring the grooves of these wooden beads.
But hey, don’t take my word for it! I want to give a wooden beads teether/pacifier clip away to one of you amazing readers.
To enter, simply drop a comment below, letting me know who you’d gift it to. Make sure you’re subscribed to this blog, so that I am able to contact you if you’re a winner. (To subscribe, enter your email addy in the box on the top right corner… yep, the one right under my face…)
Update: Congratulations Laurissa Erasmus!
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My maternity leave is over and I’m excited
No, the title of this post was not written by tiny alien invaders who have taken over my body in an attempt to gain a deeper understanding of how the average mom brain works. (Suspicious sounding much?) But yes, I am excited that my maternity leave is over. Does that make me a weirdo?
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love lounging around (aka cleaning the house, doing the laundry and getting lunch and supper ready, all while holding a 8kg baby) but I need to get my life back. I find myself craving routine again. Can you believe it? It’s the spreadsheet brain talking, fa sho. Guys, I miss being a normal person. (If Hubstopher were here he would make a snarky remark about how I’ve never been a “normal person”.) Can anyone else relate? Did you find yourself craving the “norm” after four months of lying at home and doing nothing? I mean, it sounds like a sweet deal, but is it really?
If you read my previous post you would know that Baby Jo has been especially clingy. I could not get any work done while I was at home with him. He’s a really sweet kid and all but the fact that he preferred me over like, the rest of the world, literally all of the time (good taste, by the way), meant that I had no free time. Maternity leave is a fallacy, I tell you! A farce! They make you believe you’ll be enjoying an extended vacation period, all snuggled up with cute baby en tow. What they don’t warn you about is the sleepless nights, numerous amount of times you have to pick puke out of your hair and that you feel utterly unfabulous each day as you attempt to find an over-sized shirt that matches your fading gym pants.Look, it’s not all bad though. I mean, I did enjoy the fact that I could stay in bed during the colder Winter days. And Jonah has been the cutest, chubby-cheeked cherry on the cake, for sure! But I can’t wait to wake up with purpose again. I love being able to use my brain (for something other than remembering which boob was last emptied) and I love working towards a goal, whatever that may be. I have so many exciting ideas and campaigns that I can’t wait to get started on. And most of all… I miss wearing regular person clothes and make up man!
So here’s to you maternity leave. Thank you for the glorious four months of binge watching Greys Anatomy, drinking an overwhelming amount of tea and snort-laughing, in bed, as I scroll through Facebook and read about other people’s Monday blues. You’ve been kind but my season here is done. Luchae….out! -
Help! My baby won’t take the bottle!
My baby boy has decided that he only wants milk from his mama – literally straight from the cow’s udder, so to speak. (Me being the cow, in this instance) He refuses the bottle, won’t take it, not interested in it and don’t you dare try to make him! It seems like a wonderful problem to have, but is it really? At first I felt oddly flattered like, yeah man, this kid knows who his mom is! But as time passed by and we drew closer and closer to the end of my maternity leave (today’s the last day by the way) I began to panic. My baby won’t take the bottle! Aack! What do I do?!
The wonderful people of social media land shared their advice with me (seriously, thank you guys) and I’ve tried it all, to no success. I’ve attempted literally every single type of bottle teat ever made in the whole wide world (well it feels like it). I’ve filled said bottles with my milk, formula, dipped its tips in a little bit of sugar to lure him to suckle on it, heated it up, cooled it down, did somersaults while juggling it in the air and spinning on my head, but alas, nothing worked.
What makes it even more upsetting is that when the kid is hungry or tired, he goes into this frantic cry/scream that only the boob can comfort. Yes, I did try cup feeding. It upsets him so much that he chokes. I’ve tried the syringe. He’s not impressed. Yep, I’ve tried a sippy cup too. I’ve even attempted to give it to him, in the guise that it’s the boob. He gave me a “are you kidding me, lady?!” look and spat it out. And then I left home for three hours hoping that with me away, he wouldn’t have a choice. Nope. He knows his rights and stood for what he believed in. (Politician in the making?) We’ve found that the only way to get him to take the bottle is when he cries himself to sleep. It’s a horrible, torturous way to feed a baby. But he will only suckle on the teat after he’s cried for an hour and is now dozing off to sleep due to hunger/anger and frustration. Meh. For real. Double meh.So here we are… hours away from my first day back at work and I’m writing a post that basically documents how this whole bottle feeding thing has been a flop. So there you have it. Word of advice to pregnant moms: Yeah yeah yeah breast is best and give your baby the boob and all of that. But don’t neglect to introduce your baby to the bottle as early as possible (if you’re planning to return to work). The earlier you do it, the better your chances of avoiding bottle rejection. Ask me. Clearly I know.
Moms, any advice for mamas who, like me, are struggling to get their baby to take the bottle?
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Breastfeeding is a pain in the boob
Breastfeeding is a pain in the, well, boob. Yes, as I said the other day, it IS glorious and magical and makes you feel as if you’re floating on a rainbow cloud surrounded by glitter unicorns and chocolate waterfalls. But also it’s a pain in the boob. In a literal way actually, since your breasts experience quite
somea lot of pain at some point of your breastfeeding journey. And yet, we carry on, pushing through the pain and discomfort; ignoring silent side eyes given in shopping malls and the need to sleep as we power through 3am pumping sessions. We carry on because the pain in the boob act of breastfeeding is, quite honestly, one of the biggest miracles of being a mom!It wasn’t all sparkly for me when I started my breastfeeding journey though. Mainly because it hurts, guys. Well, in the beginning, anyways. And not a “oh I have a headache in my boob” kind of pain. Nope, during the first few latches, the pain is a toe-curling, deep down in your soul, kind of pain. And then, when you’re over the worst and you’re finally comfortable with having a baby physically attached to your breast, you have to face your next hurdle: breastfeeding in public. This was the most mentally challenging part for me, yo. I cringed every time I had to whip my boob out in front of other people (even though “in front of” actually means “discreetly hidden behind a super stylish breastfeed cover”).
Pumping milk was another challenge. Man, when I see cows being milked, a piece of my heart goes out to them because my pain is their pain. Maybe it’s the act of knowing that you’re doing something that should be happening naturally. Or maybe it’s the staring into oblivion as you listen to the rhythmic buzz of your breast pump. Maybe it’s the feeling of having something pull at your nipple or the packing and unpacking of all the equipment and meticulous way you need to store and look after your expressed milk. All I know is: Moms who pump regularly should receive a medal of honor!Fortunately the Medela Harmony hand pump and the Medela electric have been total lifesavers. I actually used my Harmony while on a flight to Cape Town. Yep, right there, in my seat, under my breastfeed cover, pumping away as the air hostess (who happened to be male) asked me whether I wanted milk in my tea. (Oh the irony) Someone needs to hand me my Noddy Badge immediately.
Oh and let’s not even mention the worry that you might not pump enough milk for the following days feeds. What you eat is extremely important and if you’re on a strict diet, good luck Chuck, because you’re starving half the time anyways!So yes breastfeeding is a pain in the boob. It is more than just a nipple in a child’s mouth. It’s a commitment, a tolerance and a sacrifice… but the very best kind!
Weird how we even fight for the right to do this one thing that is so physically demanding and mentally draining. That’s because the pain in the boob act of breastfeeding does not compare to its rewards. It’s totally worth it. And no matter what your breastfeeding challenge is, you will always feel like a rock star when your kid’s pediatrician weigh’s him and says “oh wow, that’s a healthy weight”. The painful nips and 3am pump session a forgotten memory as you hide a smile and quietly tell yourself “yeah, that’s all ME, boo”.
(Clip note, I never actually use the term “boo” in real life, but that last sentence felt like it needed some gangsta.)
Disclaimer: I do believe that “FED is best” and I salute all those moms who have powered through formula feeds because that in itself holds a lot of challenges and rewards, so big ups to you. But this week is in celebration of World Breastfeeding Week, so mention must be given to those who breastfeed.
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My breast milk is better than yours
I don’t know about you ladies but I am feeling particularly magical today. Why? Well, because it’s World Breastfeeding Week (Aug 1 – 7) and to commemorate, I read up a whole bunch of fascinating facts about breastfeeding and breast milk. I love that we were designed to nourish our infants. I love that my milk contains everything my kid would need in the first few years of his life. And I love that my body knows what to do and when to do it (except for that one time in Pick n Pay, when I sneezed and milk came out). Anyways, my body knows what’s up, okay? Just believe me, you won’t regret it. But hey, enough chit chat, check out these facts, Jack:
Your breast milk has magical powers
Okay, not magical powers per say, but it IS rich in vitamins and minerals, amino acids, enzymes, white cells, carbohydrates and fats (but like, the good ones) and more than 80% of water. Did you know that your mommy milk can apparently clear up eczema, eye infections and even heal cracked nipples? In fact, it contains antibodies that provide baby with natural immunity to any illnesses that you are immune to.Your breast milk changes at night
Yes, I am implying that your breast milk is a superhero. According to studies by researchers in Spain,night time breast milk is rich in tryptophan – a sleep inducing amino acid. In a nutshell, the more your kid gets the better his sleep cycle will be. Sounds like a superhero to me.Your breast milk matures with age
Much like a fine wine, your mommy milk actually changes as your kids needs change. So when your toddler needs that extra dose of immune boosters, your breast milk is all topped up with it, ready for action. I think it’s so cool that premature babies moms can produce milk that is just right for them – containing MORE calories, protein, sodium and all that other good stuff that they need. Makes you say WOW, right?Baby kisses changes your milk
So this is one that I enjoyed reading about: kissing your baby will help to boost their immune system! In a nutshell, when you smooch your little one, you sample or pick up pathogens on your kid’s skin, which is transferred to your lymphatic system. This is where you produce antibodies. The antibodies are then passed on to your baby via your breast milk. Ta daaaaa!!! So basically you’re a mommy ninja, knocking germs out one smooch at a time. I know, right?.It’s good for you too
Did you know that the longer a woman breastfeeds, the lower her risk becomes of getting ovarian and breast cancer, heart disease, and osteoporosis. I also read that breastfeeding helps your body to recover from pregnancy and childbirth more quickly. And yes, that may include weight loss. Currently: Feeding my baby and waiting around for my Baywatch beach bod to appear in a poof of smoke.There’s a bunch of other amazing facts about breastfeeding and breast milk over on these websites: Beautiful Breastfeeding and Conservamom.
Happy Breastfeeding Week to you, Super Mom!
Disclaimer: I do believe that “FED is best” and I salute all those moms who have powered through formula feeds because that in itself holds a lot of challenges, so big ups to you. But this week is in celebration of World Breastfeeding Week Aug 1 – 7, so mention must be given to those who have chosen to breastfeed.
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They said it would be easier… they lied
Whoop, there it is! You know… the “mom feelings” that tends to get all over the place while you’re trying to live your life. They have officially moved in. I thought that I had escaped it and that things would be different with this, my third baby. They said it would be easier this time around. I should be a pro by now! Somebody call Felicia Mabuza-Suttle… I deserve a feature already! Well, that’s what I thought anyways… until I realized that I had been catching mom feelings, yet again. And suddenly I was a pro no more.
Back story
If you hang out around here a lot you’ll know that the birth of my first two kids was extremely different. I mean, besides for the lack of husband or maturity that was prevalent when I gave birth to Kyle, more than 16 years ago, I also remember feeling really unprepared and inexperienced (which I was).It was a bit different when Kari was born. I was super duper “spreadsheet brain” prepared to the nineteenth degree of Oprah. I had read all the books, followed all the blogs, registered on all the websites. I mean, I could practically tell my OBGYN how to deliver my baby for me.
But as much as there were differences with my first two births, there were a lot of similarities too. I mean, when Kari was born it reminded me of the overwhelming sense of “this is my baby!” that I experienced when I saw Kyle for the first time, all those years ago. Those mommy feelings catch you unaware and you’re suddenly filled with an explosion of love, purpose and dedication to this tiny human. And it was the same with baby Jo – He’s mine! My baby!But, I must be honest, I was secretly hoping that those other mommy feelings would not follow too. I mean, with this smorgasbord of mom life surely I get to have a choice, right?
Well there were some things that I did NOT want, thank you very much. Things like getting so emotionally attached to your child that hearing him cry in the next room makes your heart jump out of its chest (and your boobs leak). And things like having second (and third and fourth) doubts about getting that babysitter, for a night out, because you can’t bare to leave your baby with someone else.
And let’s not even get into the dreaded “aaack my maternity leave is almost over and now my heart is broken” feeling. I did not want that. Thanks, but no thanks. Put it away, Penelope! I wanted to be independent of all those mommy emotions. I had planned to get out of bed, jet off to work, kick butt and take names (and all those other really cool ways to say that you did a good job today), without sitting and pining at my desk hoping that my little one is not missing me as much as I miss him.
And then, this morning, as I was staring at my beautiful Jo, I had to come to terms with the fact that I can’t escape it – I am his mommy! And yes, I have caught deep and heavy feelings. I’m utterly enamored with this fat cheeked boy! And I’m going to enjoy every minute of this feeling.It is in this vulnerability and weakness where we find our true mommy grit. That deep sense of compassion, fierce need to overprotect and overwhelming feeling of being inlove with this tiny human being who can’t even wipe their own bums yet… that right there is what ties you to this little heart. No one can love your child like you can.
So no, it never gets easier! Being a mommy never gets easier. Because the load is never light. Loving your kids will always weigh heavy on your heart and fill you with the deepest sense of belonging. And I’m okay with it.
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MyMum: What’s the big deal about muslin?
I love that there are so many new and exciting products available for our little ones. I mean, if I had to choose between today and having to wash my babe’s nappies in the river, with a rock, I would choose today and all it’s new inventions, hands down. With that said, I was especially pleased to learn about MyMum – a PE based baby and mommy brand – and their wonderful muslin and breastfeed friendly products. I got to try some of it out and we would like to give you the opportunity to do so too! (More on that later.)
