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Meet the #ECMeetUp 2017 bloggers!
Once upon a time, in a land far away, lived a group of exceptionally creative people who excelled in the art of ‘oversharing with style’. These people were called the #ECMeetUp 2017 bloggers. -
I’m going to Sri Lanka
Dreaming of a trip to a far away land where English is a second language and the smell of spicy food fills the air? Yeah, me too! Our last trip away was in December 2016 and with my growing belly and very active toddler keeping me super busy, my 2017 is definitely lacking a holiday. I’ve been Googling holiday destinations (let’s call it planning in faith) and I’ve decided that the colourful and interesting Sri Lanka is where it’s at! It was voted as the number one tourism destination in 2013/2014 by Lonely Planet and in terms of value for money, you get more experience for your buck! My kind of holiday. -
Not worthy for Mother’s Day
I spent the latter part of my teenage years pretending to be a mother to my baby boy. The word ‘pretend’ may seem a bit harsh, but when you’re 19, being a mother is kinda the last thing on your list of things to do. I so clearly remember the day I gave birth. Seconds after the delivery, I laid there, in shock, thinking “I have a baby now”. I, Luchae, am someones mother! How did that happen?! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I was always aware that being pregnant usually resulted in a baby. But my young, impressionable mind did not realize the enormity of what that meant, until I saw my son for the first time.
My very first experience, as the recipient of a Mother’s Day greeting, left me feeling awkward and unworthy. The friendly greeter was a much older family friend and (even though he had the best intentions in mind) I was horrified that he was making such a public statement about my previous failure. I was a teen mom! How could I celebrate such an amazing day?! Where is the celebration in all of this?! How could I be celebrating something that had brought shame to my family and anguish to my parents?
Years went by and I treated each Mother’s Day with the same disregard – it was something that OTHER mothers celebrated. And hey, I’ll help them do it! Out came the fancy card decorating and the pretty present wrapping. I would help my son give his aunties and grandmother’s cute Mother’s Day gifts. But for me? Nothing. No thanks. I don’t want it. Deep down I believed that my admission into this wonderful world of ‘motherhood’ was forced, unnatural and before its time. My role in the grander scheme of all things “mom” was to play the background – be as inconspicuous as possible – and NOT brag about it!
It was only later on – after I had learnt to embrace my position as my sons mother – that I recognised the importance of my role in his life. Sure, the situation had not been ideal and I lacked the wisdom and experience needed to take on this big job. But the love and support showed to me by family members and friends made up for that a gazillion times over. At the end of the day, I had to GET OVER myself and my own inadequacies. This kid needed a strong, resilient mother figure in his life. I was being totally selfish by not allowing him to celebrate me on Mother’s Day.
These days I am mom to more than just one and I LOVE being celebrated as their mother. I cherish what that means to them and to me.
It is for this very reason that I love and fully support the Embrace #MothersDayConnect initiative. To think that there are hundreds of young women, around the country, who like me joined our motherhood tribe feeling overwhelmed, ill-equipt and unworthy of celebration! I know how that feels.
It is with this in mind that I would like to encourage you to share Mother’s Day, this year. No, we don’t need you to make a grand gesture, or give a lecture, or collect money. We’re simply asking you to help us let as many new moms, around the country, know that: “I see you. I see your baby. Thank you for your sacrifice, Mama, and Happy Mother’s Day!” Mothers based in Port Elizabeth, Cape Town, Joburg and Durban will be offering up one hour of their Mother’s Day to simply sit with a new mom – one woman to another – and make her feel less alone. Your smile and kind words are more powerful than you think!
I am hoping to lead a group as we visit one of Port Elizabeth’s state hospitals (Dora Nginza) to spend a few minutes with some of the moms and new babies there. Are you keen to join me? I would like to put special packs together and maybe even offer the mommy a baked treat, as a Mother’s Day gesture. If you’re in, drop me a comment below or email me at admin@spreadsheetbrain.co.za to let me know. YOU can be a light to a mama in need, this Mother’s Day.
For more information join the movement on Facebook.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=uRlU_wGIcbM%2520frameborder%3D0%2520allowfullscreen
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Dressing the bump: Penelope & Bella
I love maternity clothes that are comfortable, beautiful AND able to fit after baby is born. Who has the time (and money) to buy outfits that you are only able to wear for a short season? (Okay put your hand down, Margaret Moneybags, we’re not talking to you) I had the absolute pleasure of checking out Penelope & Bella’s Winter range the other day and fell inlove! Paula is a woman after my own heart. Her PB Originals are practical and stunning – you can tell that this Eastern Cape born beauty is a mama too and that she takes the needs and comforts of her clients seriously. I also love that she designed her entire range herself. But hey, enough words, check it out for yourself: -
Bath time with Oh So Heavenly
I’ll admit I’ve been feeling super guilty lately. My toddler is a mere 2 years (and a couple of months) old and soon, she’ll be relinquishing her title as “baby of the house”. Sob! My little pink curly girly will be a big sister curly girly! How could I do that to her?! Okay, okay, I’m calming myself down. I know that it’s probably just the preggy hormones. I’ve been finding different ways to emotionally and mentally prepare the both of us for the new addition to our space. I try to spend a lot of time with her and instigate conversations around baby Jo and what life will be like once he is here. This weekend we did a girls pamper, thanks to Oh So Heavenly, and we had a few random pamper day conversations (I mean, are toddler convos anything BUT random?) and here’s what went down: -
Do you keep your friend’s secrets from your husband?
I’ve only been married for a few seconds (give or take 4 years) but few things have baffled me about marriage the way this dilemma does: Should I be telling my husband my friend’s secrets? We know that marriage is built on foundations of trust, mutual respect and open communication. But is there a line that must be drawn when it comes to sharing information with your spouse? Wives, please tell me, do you keep your friend’s secrets from your husband? -
Do you feel like you suck?
“Meh. My life sucks.” A mantra.
Yeah, what a weird way to start a blog post, right? But come on, we’ve all been there. We’ve all had to deal with thoughts of worthlessness or inadequacy sometime in our lives. Me, probably a heck of a lot more than I’d care to admit. But the truth is that I often compare myself – my life and my achievements – with that of someone else’s. And the weird thing is that (DUH) it can’t look the same because we all have our own unique experiences and paths. DUH. And yet we still do this thing and then call ourselves “sucky” when we feel that we fall short.
Can you relate, or nah?
Maybe you’re measuring yourself up against Super Duper Mom who seems to have it all. You know, the mother who regularly goes on beach resort holidays with her family, all while keeping her house spotless, kids disciplined, bills paid and nails perfectly manicured.
Or perhaps you’re trying your best to impress your manager at work but you always fall short of that promotion – your skills and abilities seemingly just not good enough to wow the big guns.
And let’s be honest, who here is convinced that she sucks at being a wife? I mean, I don’t always have the energy to iron my hubstopher’s shirts on demand and my sugar sweet “okay babe” is often tinged with growls of “no, do it yourself!” My well prepped, well balanced meal ideas often replaced with something that is quick and easy because: tired.
I recently went through a crazy season of dealing with feelings of inadequacy. And as I navigated my way through hormone changes and irrational thinking, I realised that we often put unnecessary pressure on ourselves. We set the bar high and then wait for other people to make us feel validated and as if we’re doing a good job.
But the truth is that being a woman – being a super woman (cause that’s what we are, yo) – takes a lot of self-motivation. Who says that someone else’s opinion of you and how you’re doing counts as more valuable than your own opinion of yourself?! Who made up that rule? I need to have a word with that guy… in his face… with a chair… (juuust kidding, say no to violence)
When I realised that I had been dealing with unnecessary thoughts of “not good enough” I literally had to give myself a pep talk. It usually takes a lot to make me feel as if I suck because I am generally, mostly optimistic. I am aware that my thoughts impact my decisions and emotions. And so, if I feel like I suck, it’s purely because I DECIDED to feel that way.Your thoughts of “not good enough” are just that – YOUR THOUGHTS… an opinion that you’ve given life to. It doesn’t make it the truth. It just makes it the truth that you chose to believe. (Spreadsheet brain psychology, at your service). We take on this slave mentality and wonder why we don’t feel as if we’re free. We tell ourselves that we’re not good enough, based on the actions and reactions of others, and then we wonder why we feel as if we’re not good enough.
I know… mind blown.
So today, I encourage you to be free – breathe, stretch, shake, let it go! You are not in control of everything… and that’s okay. You are more than enough, just as you are… and that’s a fact. And no, you don’t suck. I promise.
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So, what’s up with Easter?
Oh look it’s public holiday time again! (And the crowd goes wild) What’s this one about? National Siblings Day? Braai Day? Edgars Red Hanger Sale Day? Okay, I digress much… let’s start at the top: This weekend we celebrate Easter! As you know, many of us associate Easter with chocolates, rabbits, pickled fish, hot cross buns and, oh hey, maybe we’ll go to church. But what’s the big deal anyways and why do we get time off from work to celebrate days like “Good Friday” and “Easter Monday”?
Well, traditionally, Easter is the remembrance of the life and death of Jesus Christ. Some of us believe that this guy really DID walk the Earth a couple of years ago and really DID die a horrible death. I know that the very idea of Jesus seems a bit far fetched – and I get that. I mean, if there is a God, why would he send a man (who calls himself God’s “son”) to this crazy planet?
Well, I think that it was totally genius of God to come meet with us, on Earth, in human form. I mean, think about our brain capacities, as human beings – human form was the only way that we would be able to relate with him. I mean, if Jesus looked like an alien, how well would we have responded to him? Or if God came to meet with us as a giant unicorn or a ball of fire or a massive winged angel, would we have been able to relate with him? Clever move, God, clever move.
Anyways, so this Jesus was born, as a normal human being and grew up as a (guess what) normal human being, with brothers and sisters and parents. As he grew older people were instantly drawn to him. Philosophers and wise men spoke of this guy and his radical teachings. People could not understand his talks of a God who loved them unconditionally – back then they had to sacrifice their babies on altars of fire to get recognition from their “gods”. And here comes this man saying that all they need to do is open their hearts.I’ve heard of amazing ancient history books (not the Bible) documenting the life of this Jesus. Soldiers reported about Him, in their log books, saying that the stuff he and his followers were saying, caused an uprising among the people (who all worshiped rocks and metals back then).
They eventually found reason to arrest him (basically, the locals made the #Jesusmustfall hashtag trend) and the dude in charge couldn’t decide if he should be punished (because, basically, all he was doing was talking), so the public took it on themselves (think: mob justice) to do something about it.
They beat him up, whipped him, mocked him, spat on him and taunted him. This beating was so severe that at times victims would not survive it in order to go on to be crucified (another norm back then). Those who were flogged would often go into hypovolemic shock, a term that refers to low blood volume. In other words, the person would have lost so much blood he would go into shock. This explains why, after Jesus died and a Roman soldier thrust a spear through Jesus’ side (probably His right side, piercing both the lungs and the heart), blood and water came from His side just as John recorded in his Gospel. (John 19:34)
Anyways, he died. They put him in a tomb and had guards surround the tomb, because Jesus had spoken of his death and said that he would rise again in 3 days (I mean, he knew they were going to kill him. Hello, bells should be going off). They were like, this guy’s followers will probably try to steal his body, so let’s guard the tomb and make sure that they don’t get away with it! I mean, logical thinking, right?
Except that days later, he actually did rise from the dead. The guards ran away in terror. (Shame. You had one job.)
What does all of this even mean?Here’s what it means: God loved us all so much that He took on human form to come and mingle with us locals. He knew that if we were left to our own devices, there would be no way we would ever be able to have a relationship with Him, because He is pure and perfect and we are not. He needed to establish a way for us to be close to Him. Jesus became our scapegoat, so to say.
Jesus sacrifice on the cross meant that we are now able to trade our old for new, literally by accepting it, believing it and confessing it in our hearts and with our mouths. Like, that’s how you sign the contract. That’s it. No sacrificing of babies on alters and no slaughtering of goats required.
I also love that Jesus referred to God as his “Father”, thus giving us a way to relate with God… as our Father. Isn’t it beautiful that the God who actually made everything – like the whole Universe – wants us to know Him as a Father?
Anyways, this supernatural fact is what makes Easter such a supernatural period and a special time for me. God is alive and He is real. I love me some chocolate, but THIS right here is what love looks like. Beat that Easter bunny!
Originally posted on April 12th 2012. Updated on April 13th 2017.
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Dear friend who is no longer my friend
Dear ‘friend who is no longer my friend’. I know it’s been a while since we last spoke. Even though we’ve exchanged online glances… and real life ones, as we avoid each other in shopping malls, pretending not to see.
How are you? You popped into my head space a few times this past month (thanks a lot Facebook ‘On This Day’). I know that we’ve totally moved on from each other… let’s keep it real, we don’t even have the same interests anymore. But I was wondering if you still remember all those great moments we shared. Those were the best times.
Remember your cousins wedding? We danced so much and cried through all the speeches – the passion and zeal of our youth overtaking us and making every single moment the most important moment of our lives. I also remember when I caught my (then) boyfriend attempting to cheat on me (to me it was world changing… to him, it was just Tuesday). You told me that I was worth more and that if I don’t stop running after him, you’ll beat me up with a stick. I remember the time you got into a car crash with your mom’s car. I don’t regret staying by your side the entire time, as you gave your statement to the police.
What changed? Well, that’s a bit rhetorical – I know what changed. I changed. You changed. And that’s okay. I mean, who wants to be the same person for the rest of your life?! It’s a pretty mundane expectation. I can’t apologise for being a different girl to the one you knew… the one who had no direction in life and partied with you until the sun came up and sat on beach chairs, drinking vodka, until it went down again. That is not who I am anymore.And hey, my transformation had nothing to do with you. In fact, it had everything to do with me and the God of my life. He had a bigger plan and I decided to roll with that. Somehow, in the middle of the whirlwind, as I gave up my old life (and my old habits) for something else, our friendship fell away too. I don’t think it was intentional – for either of us.
I’m sorry if you feel that I neglected our relationship. And I’m sorry if my sudden changes made you feel as if I was saying that your way of doing things is inferior. I’m sorry if I acted as if all our special quirks and memories meant nothing. But I can’t apologise for being who I am today. I hope you understand.
Anyways, I don’t expect this to resurrect an outdated friendship that we’ve both outgrown. It just feels weird to not acknowledge you when we have a deep well of history together. I believe that certain relationships are planted in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I hope that my season in yours was fruitful and that you look back at all our crazy with fondness and not regret. Because I certainly do.
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Dressing the bump: The maternity shoot edition
Looking for ways to style your maternity photo shoot? Wait… you’re not having a maternity shoot?! Gasp! You totally should! I love that pregnancy unlocks a special, hidden beauty, in every woman. Your skin glows, your hair is fuller and healthier and you actually get to celebrate every lump and bump on your body – instead of trying to hide it away! It is this very thing that made me so keen to get in front of the camera for my #dressingthebump campaign. (If you didn’t know, I tried my hand at modelling the Penelope&Bella, Love My Body and Yummy Mummy clothing ranges) If you’re not sure where to start when it comes to styling your preggy shoot, look no further! Here are my fave maternity photo shoot looks and settings, to give you a boost of inspiration:
