-
When you’re not exactly the perfect parent
This week I had to make peace with the fact that I’m not always a “perfect parent”. Let me explain: I know that children are a beautiful gift unto our wombs and all of that, but I’ve been feeling especially overwhelmed lately. The need to be the perfect parent seemed to be clashing with the fact that, oh look, I’m a human being too. Has this ever happened to you?
This past week, a vast majority of my household cautiously clambered their way out of
the pit ofthe worst case of gastro known to man. Just when I thought things would return to normal baby Jo then developed a really bad case of thrush. The thrush infection quickly escalated, eventually infecting his digestive tract. My baby boy could not hold a feed in for three days straight. Picture me driving like a crazy lady between work and my sister’s house, as I try to balance being a mother versus having a job.As if that wasn’t enough, Kari seemed to be particularly energetic this week. Her levels were peaking last night, while we tried to ‘shush’ her during the speeches at an event. Guys, let’s just say, I made a speech while she was tugging on me, while loudly (and obnoxiously) letting everyone know that she wants a blue cupcake immediately please. The beautiful thing about having a baby while trying to raise a toddler is that you can’t lose your ish, even though you really want to. Oh wait, did I say “beautiful thing”? I meant to use the words “crazy mess”.
When I eventually got home with my sick kid, my needy kid and my teenage kid, I had to nurse a headache the size of the iceberg that hit the Titanic. Except that I felt like the Titanic in this situation. It was at this point that I decided that I want to toss out of adulting altogether. I wasn’t in the mood to cook a healthy meal. I didn’t want to tidy the house or make sure my children were bathed. I wasn’t keen on reading them bedtime stories or checking homework.So I didn’t.
I felt like a loser parent, I’m not going to lie to you. I mean, I should be doing this better, somehow. But then I realized that I need to give myself a flippen break man! I’m not a “perfect parent”. Heck, I probably wouldn’t be one, even if I busted by chops trying! And anyways, I’m sure my kids aren’t looking for super mom. They just want to be loved (and for me to turn on my wifi hotspot now and then). Those are two things I definitely can work my way around doing. So I ended up giving the minis a quick wash, got them into PJ’s and camped out in my room with blankets and tea. Kyle made sandwiches for supper (gasp, somebody call child services) as Kari and I watched ‘Storks’ for the umpteenth time. My “perfect parent” theory nothing more than a puff of smoke as I feel the steady breathing of my sleeping baby, against me. All was right with the world. We were okay. I did what I could for today. Tomorrow, we try again.
-
Our amazing oyster farm boat cruise with Experience Days and Stampede Cruises!
Visiting the eastern part of South Africa any time soon? Well, firstly, give yourself a round of applause. You’ve chosen to enjoy one of the most beautiful (and historically rich) parts of the country and clearly have good taste. Well done! Secondly, pay special attention to the Experience Days website to check out some of the amazing Stampede Cruises experiences! The chartered tours around Algoa Bay, in Nelson Mandela Bay (Port Elizabeth), are relaxing and fun with just the right amount of adventure and edu-training thrown in for good measure. A bunch of us joined Rod and his crew on the scenic Oyster Farm Boat Cruise to the Zwembesi Oyster Farm, this past weekend, and it was all sorts of fun! -
Five reasons why you should come to our 2017 #ECMeetUp mini meet!
And we’re at it again. Miss JustEllaBella (okay that’s not really her name) and I are busy prepping and planning to give you the best 2017 #ECMeetUp mini meet this side of town! “But Luchae, what is a mini meet?” I hear you ask. Well, dear friend, a mini meet is a smaller version of our annual giant, colossal meet up! But still just as uber cool. I promise.
For those who don’t know, we had our annual meet up in May this year and it was pretty dope. Even if I do say so myself. Which I do. We all wore unicorn horns, heard from very clever speakers, drank craft beer and Masterton’s coffee, ate delish foodies and gawked at our fully loaded goodie bags. I know, I know, you’re wondering what this years mini meet has to offer because really how much radder can it get than that?! Well, check it:
Five reasons why you should come to our totally bodacious, ultra trendy 2017 #ECMeetUp mini meet:
1. Meet the brand: This meet up is aimed at connecting brands, pr reps, bloggers and influencers (much like your beautiful selves). We’ve opened it up to industry reps and are encouraging as much hobnobbing and elbow rubbing as possible. You may need to wear safety gear. And bring business cards.
2. Tips and tricks: We get to hear some “how to work with brands” tips from… you guessed it… actual brands! Woohoo! Albeit the talks won’t be as long as they are at a regular meet up, but we’ll be prepping our speakers to share quick nuggets of mind blowing wisdom that is sure to take your blogging game from 10 to, well, insert any obnoxious number over here.
3. Food: Guys, the venue is The Boma, and if you recall our previous Boma meet up, you’ll know that Sarah and Ralph don’t make jokes when it comes to dishing out delicious food.
4. A time to chill: We asked, and you answered: Everybody wants a few extra minutes to hang out. We get it and give you a meet that will be more ‘celebratory’ and less ‘conferencey’. Is that okay with you? Expect some music, a little bit of glitz, a cash bar and a lot of selfie taking.
5. Goodie bags: Let’s not even get it twisted. We love goodie bags! Right? Although this isn’t the main meetup who would we be if we didn’t hook you up with a little something something? It is our unofficial, official “end of year party” after all. Christmas box anyone?
So there you have it. Five very serious reasons why you should be attending our next #ECMeetUp! If you’d like to get your hands on a ticket, simply use the bank deets in the banner above to make your transaction. Not able to pay right now but want to make sure your name is written all over a ticket? No probs. RSVP Luchae (that’s me by the way, welcome to my blog) by dropping her (me again) an email at: admin@spreadsheetbrain.co.za. Tickets cost R150 per person and all purchases must be made by Friday November 3rd. We can’t wait to see you guys man! -
Do you call your in-laws ‘mom’ and ‘dad’?
I just want to know who came up with the rule that said you have to call your spouse’s parents ‘mom’ and ‘dad’. Point me in the direction of that person, please. Don’t worry, I just want to talk, no funny business. Okay, all jokes aside though, do you feel comfortable addressing your in-laws as ‘mother’ and ‘father’?
A friend explained that calling her in-laws ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ just came naturally and it made sense for her to do so. I mean, when you get married, you become a part of their family. She explained that for her, it became more than just a show of respect. It was a way to fully adopt her husband’s mom and dad as her own. I love this concept so much! It wasn’t always easy for me though.
I mean, I have the best relationship with Hubstopher’s parents. They literally are my other set of parents, in every single way. I love them as a mother and father and yet, 5ish years later, I’m still not able to address them as ‘mom’ and ‘dad’. I realize that it has absolutely nothing to do with them, and everything to do with ME. My extreme shyness with regards to the matter just never subsided. Fortunately they are gracious and do not expect me to be anything other than my fabulous self (look at me giving myself kudos for doing absolutely nothing).
Anyways, so the other day I had a nice chat with a friend about her awkward situation. She also finds it a bit difficult to refer to her in-laws as ‘mom’ and ‘dad’, but her situation is not as gracious as mine is. Her mini rant was overheard by a few others and I was amazed at how many young people feel the same way. They said that calling someone elses parents ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy’ just felt weird. Some shared that they had such a close relationship with their own parents and could not bring themselves to giving that special title to anyone else. Others did not have a relationship with their own parents and therefore did not feel comfortable using the term of endearment at all.It made me think… is this a generational thing? I mean, my mom called my dad’s mother “mommy’, even after my parents were separated. Was it easier for previous generations to accept and feel welcomed in their spouses family? Does this new awkward way of dealing with in-laws speak to this generation’s concept of family and marriage?
This brought about another area of concern: “What do we call them instead?!” I mean, if you find it difficult to call your in-laws ‘mom and ‘dad’, what would you prefer calling them? I feel that using first names or “Mr so-and-so” seems a bit awkward and out of place. Or you could spend the remainder of your life just not using any first names at all, resorting to “you” and “your”…. which is pretty cras in my opinion.
So, with that in mind, I thought to take it to the blog. I’d love to hear from you! What do you call your in-laws? If it feels ‘weird’ to call them ‘mom’ and ‘dad’, what do you call them instead?
Clip note: All the pics in this post are, in fact, my wedding photos taken by the talented Donna van der Watt Photography.
-
So what’s my role in my childs education?
As a parent you have the added benefit of being involved in your kids schooling. I’m using the word ‘benefit’ loosely… hey, don’t give me that look Margaret, I’m not a fan of homework. But I often wonder what my role is in my children’s education. Besides for paying exhorbitant amounts of school fees, that is. Am I meant to be helping my son build the Eiffel Tower out of matchsticks? (Seriously, who comes up with some of these assignments?!) And should I be checking his homework? How can I help my kids get the most out of their schooling? Here’s what a couple of clever people suggested:
Get to know his teachers
Teachers… meh. Kidding! Teachers are wonderful and, contrary to popular belief, often appreciate it when parents show more interest. If your kid is struggling with a subject, or if you’d like to find out how to help them excel in a particular area, chat to the subject teacher. Chances are you might score some study material out of them and tips that could give your kid an idea on how to prep for that exam or assignment.Do homework
I feel like this is a given, but also, I don’t waaaaant to. Having to deal with my kid’s homework is giving me second degree school nightmares. But parents, seriously, the simple act of checking up on them while they do after school work will create a sense of accountability and might even encourage the child to be more intentional with their homework. The aim of homework is to effectively help your child to practice what they’ve learnt in class. It should also point out areas that needs to be worked on. Use it, don’t use it. (Use it… you really should) A clever teacher once advised me that there is no such thing as “I don’t have homework”. There is always an opportunity for your child to practice what they’ve learnt during class that day.Step away from the assignments
I’m going to be real… I can’t not get involved with my kid’s school assignments! The OCD in me refuses to take a chair when Kyle comes home with class projects that require heavy detail and/or any form of designing or creating. Aaack! I mean, what does he know about making the solar system out of styrofoam? I can do it so much better, right? Except that if you don’t give your kid the centre stage in the crafting of his own assignments, he’ll never learn anything.Flash cards
If you’re committed to the cause, a great way to test your kid’s knowledge is by making use of flash cards to help them prep for tests and quizes. And hey, double your points by enlisting the child to design and create their own flash cards! It creates another opportunity for them to get the work into their heads. Getting them invested in the project, and even simply writing the work down, really helps with committing information to memory.Draw up study schedules
Kyle has only recently realized the benefit of having a well thought out study schedule. The study schedule can take into account the amount of days left to study, as well as the amount of work that must be consumed. Remember to pencil in revision time as well. I love using old exam papers to help Kyle revise. I often design my own practice test papers and set up a mock exam room for him. The practice test would normally look similar to previous exam papers, and it would be timed as well.Talk it out
I’ve found that my kid retains more knowledge if he understands and is geniunely interested in the subject at hand. With that said, I’ve tricked him into learning his work by simply engaging in a conversation about it. One year, he aced an exam based on Ancient Egypt, simply because it had become the topic of conversation during supper, for a whole week. #parenthack See? Parents are clever too.Do you have any cool/clever/easy tips to share with us wrt helping your kid get the most out of their schooling? What do you feel is a parents role during school years?
-
Alove Creations turned my kid into a superstar!
I’m not saying I have a favorite child but baby Jo definitely has the best cheeks of the lot. So it just made sense when Alethea of Alove Creations picked him to be one of the clothing labels baby brand ambassadors! Those superstar cheeks won her over, I’m convinced. You might remember me raving about Alove Creations last year, when I gave away one of her fab summer kimonos. Ladies, guess what, she has recently extended her baby wear collection and it is stunning! Attending a baby shower soon? Well then, you must check out what she has to offer. (Plus there might be a giveaway at the end of this post… who’s to say..,)
The Blessed&Favored collection has a range of baby and kiddie accessories that are totally rad! My absolute fave are these snood and head band/beanie sets. Jonah and Ava did such a good job modelling these, don’t you think?I loved the look so much that I had to get a matching set for Kari and I. All the Alove Creations snoods and head gear is made with a chunky knit fabric and I love that the snoods are extra length. Aint nobody got time for short snoods, yo!
I am also a big fan of these ultra trendy swaddle sets. The set consists of a swaddle blankey and matching head gear. I’ve actually been using the swaddle blankey as a breastfeed cover as well. It’s light weight and easy to wrap your baby in, plus it makes you feel like a fabulous Beverley Hills mom. I mean, winning already, right?I’ve never really been a fan of the swaddling concept until I saw how soundly it made my baby sleep. Little ones feel safe and secure, when swaddled.
If you’re looking for a legit breastfeed cover though, the Alove Creations 4-in-1 breastfeeding infinity cover is the one that you want! (Ooh Ooh Ooh honey!)So this breastfeed cover is a (yep, you guessed it) discreet nursing cover, trendy pram cover, clever car seat cover and you can wear it as a top! Actually, I don’t know if the last one is a thing but I’ve totally been wearing the black one as a top. Yes, I’m that person. But also, it’s that versatile! Check it out, This is the perfect baby shower gift!
There are a bunch of other cool baby accessories in her collection such as wooden teethers and trendy pacifier clips. These are hand made and come in a range of amazing colors. Very, very cool.Bonus feature: Your tiny tots fingers will have a ball of time exploring the grooves of these wooden beads.
But hey, don’t take my word for it! I want to give a wooden beads teether/pacifier clip away to one of you amazing readers.
To enter, simply drop a comment below, letting me know who you’d gift it to. Make sure you’re subscribed to this blog, so that I am able to contact you if you’re a winner. (To subscribe, enter your email addy in the box on the top right corner… yep, the one right under my face…)
Update: Congratulations Laurissa Erasmus!
-
Car seats suck
Yeah yeah yeah, I hear you. If you don’t strap your kid in, you’re basically the worst kind of parent in the world. But the truth is that car seats suck. They are an inconveniencing pain in the neck. I am not best friends with the idea behind having to lug this thing around from car to car, just to make sure that my child is safe during the two minutes that it takes to drive from our house to the shop. If you’re a pro-car seats “I love my car seat soo friggen much” mom, good for you. This post is not for you. This post is for the rest of us, who think that car seats suck.
Look, I may be a tad bit dramatic (give or take a soap box or two) but I’ve been feeling especially overwhelmed since the addition of our newest baby. I mean, in my mommy bubble, car seats seem to be sucking even more lately, now that we have to have TWO installed. Kari will be turning three soon, and since baby Jo‘s arrival, there is little to no back seat space if both kiddies are strapped in. Oh, shall I remind you that when Seth is over, we have to make sure that all four of our kids are secure, when we’re travelling? It’s extremely fun.
I feel like getting from point A to point B is hard enough – with a crying baby, bored two year old and teenage son who wants to know “are we there yet”. Why must you make my life even more difficult, car seat?
But ‘mom-who-hates-car-seats’, just like you, I feel the mom guilt too. You know? That nagging feeling in the back of your mind that rebukes you for hating car seats because it could mean the life or death of your little child. We know that car seats are needed. Doesn’t mean we think it sucks less. And that’s why I am posting this today. Because I want you – ‘mom-who-has-a-lot-on-her-plate-already’ – to know that I hear you. I feel your pain. Nope, you are not a failure for hating the fact that you need to strap your kid in. You are not a loser mom, for detesting every single minute of having to lug your toddler’s car seat from one car to the other. Nope. You are human. And you are a super star for doing the right thing. We need to keep encouraging each other (hey, me too, yo!) to push on because yes, car seats suck. But seeing your kid fly through the windscreen of your car will suck considerably more.
#CarseatFullstop has been doing an excellent job at educating parents (like me) who find the inconvenience of car seats well… inconvenient. I’ve learnt so much and found myself a little bit more enlightened and inspired with regards to making sure my kids are strapped in. Because the truth is that whether you and I like it or not, there are more cars on the road. So that means there are more drivers on the road… and guess what, they are out of your control. So, whether you’re the best driver in the world, you cannot control the speed of your fellow road user, or his state of mind etc. The road is just not as safe as it was yesteryear.
So let’s decide that today will be day one. No judgies. You didn’t strap your kid in yesterday. That’s okay. Today is a new today. Look, no matter how we look at it, your kid needs to be strapped in. How about we hold each other accountable, and make sure that our kids are secure, in their car seats, each time that we travel? I can do that. Can you?
Some car seat facts that I’ve learnt through #CarseatFullstop:1. Car passenger deaths are the fourth leading cause of death in children in South
Africa.
2. Every child from birth until roughly 12 years old needs a car seat or booster seat to
be safe in a crash.
3. The latest research says that 93% of children in South Africa that need to be in a
car seat to be safe in a crash, are not in car seats.
4. A car seat belt is designed to be used by an adult male over 1.5m tall.
5. A car seat belt’s job is to distribute the force of a crash to the body’s strongest points – mid-shoulder, chest and pelvis.
6. The majority of car accidents happen close to home – one study shows 52%
within 8km and 77% within 25km. So “just up the road” means nothing.
7. On a child, a seat belt sits over their 2 most vulnerable points – the neck/throat
and the belly area containing all the vital organs. The seat belt becomes a
definitive threat to a child who isn’t using a booster seat to protect them from it.
8. A baby needs to be in a rear-facing infant seat until they are 13kgs or their head is
more than 1 inch from the top of the seat back. This is usually around 1 year’s old.
9. At 40km per hour the blow to your unrestrained child’s head making contact with
any part of the car is the same as dropping him/her from 6 meters (a second
story balcony) onto concrete.
10. The carry handle of an infant seat has a secondary purpose. When installing the
seat, you should pull the handle towards the backrest of the seat to create a “roll
cage” effect.
11. You should never buckle two children up in one seatbelt. The children could kill or
seriously injure one another in a crash or sudden stop. A car seat belt has also
only been crash-tested with one person, so there is no way to tell if or how it might
function with two.
12. In South Africa, it is illegal to travel in a car with a child under 3 years old not
strapped into an approved child safety seat.
13. Rear-facing car seats are far safer for developing bodies than forward facing car. They spread the force of a crash over the larger area of the back, as
opposed to the force being taken by the underdeveloped neck when the
proportionally big head of a smaller child is thrown forward.
14. . A bulky jacket, jersey or blanket underneath the car seat harness can create a
lot of slack between the harness and your child when the force from the crash
compresses the material. This can lead to your child being ejected. You should
rather place the blanket or jacket over the child once they are secured in the
harness.
15. You can currently purchase one approved car seat in South Africa that allows for
rear-facing up to 25kgs, which is between 4 and 6 years old.For more information, please follow #CarseatFullstop on social media and please feel free to share their posts to encourage others to follow along too.
#CarseatFullstop website
Email the #CarseatFullstop team
Connect with #CarseatFullstop on Facebook
Connect with #CarseatFullstop on Twitter
Connect with #CarseatFullstop on Instagram
Connect with #CarseatFullstop on Google Plus -
For those days when you don’t want to be married anymore
Sometimes I get why they call marriage an “institution”… because my Hubstopher literally makes me go mental. And the funny thing is, a couple of hours prior to that, I thought that unicorns and rainbows appeared when he pooped. How is it possible that someone, who is able to make your heart feel as if it’s beatboxing to a Justin Bieber song, can also, simultaneously, bring out the absolute worst in you? Look, ladies, let’s be honest, sometimes you just don’t want to be married anymore. Oh wait, is it just me then?
Yes, you heard me. Can we be real, ladies? I sometimes feel as if I don’t want to have to deal with another person and their needs and emotions and opinions. Being single seems pretty amazing at that point.
But then, eventually, when I’ve built the bridge, gotten over it, and stand there on the other side waiting for a cup of tea, I am reminded that this is what marriage is all about. The fluffy clouds and bare-butt cupids are one part of it, yes. But the “arrrgh can’t you just go away, but like also, stay here, because I don’t want you to leave me ever!” feelings are part of the package.
It has made me re-evaluate how I see marriage and weddings and all of that. Mushy messages and weekends away and roses are all great things. Love and being inlove is important. BUT are you willing to CHOOSE each other, over and over again for the rest of your life? Choosing each other means choosing to forgive no matter the cost… choosing to love through imperfection… choosing to be present and weather the storms, instead of bailing… and choosing to move on, after an upset. Like, if I had to remember each time Hubstopher and I had a disagreement, I would probably lose my ish.
The truth is that once everything has settled down, I’m just so amazed that this guy – in all his calmness – has decided that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and my (sometimes erratic) spreadsheet brain. The beauty of marriage is right there… in the mess. It’s there, deep in the ugly, when you’re having the worst argument ever and a couple of hours later, still find yourself wanting to love the other person.
And so even when I feel like I don’t want to be married anymore, I take a breath and remember that this feeling of complete overwhelm is just that… a feeling. This moment is but a ‘comma’ in our chapter. And I am thankful that even when I’m not being the best version of me, he still chooses me, every day. And I choose him too. And that’s what makes it worth it.
-
Sweaty hands? Iontoderma to the rescue!
Who’s ready for summer? That many of you, eh? Well, I concur! I love those long summer days in the sun, dips in the pool and friendly get togethers filled with ice lollies, watermelon and oh wait… sweating. (And the crowd goes “boo”.) Okay, calm down everyone. Yep, warm weather usually brings on excessive sweating. But if you’re one of those people who suffer from excessive perspiring there is an affordable solution for you. -
Schnooky Pie Girls Summer 17: Pretty and Practical!
I love that my only daughter is the girliest girl in all the land! She’s like, a proper girly girl. She wears my high heels and jewelry around the house and asks for lipstick and make up. I mean, who chooses to wear heels, at home, for fun?! This girl does. She was especially overjoyed the other day when we opened a beautiful parcel from Jaclyn of Schnooky Pie. The bow bedecked box gave us a sneak peak of the proudly South African clothing brand’s new Girls Summer 17 range. If you guys remember, Kari has modeled for Schnooky Pie before. You can read more about Jaclyn’s amazing story on this post I did over at SA Mom Blogs.
