Marriage
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Our Wedding Anniversary: The night out that never happened
16 December 2013 🙂 Photo: Donna van der Watt Photography Last Wednesday, December 16th (or National Wedding Day as JustEllaBella calls it) happened to be OUR wedding anniversary too. It’s only our second one, but it feels like we’ve been married for YEARS. I think that this is partially due to the fact that we entered the marriage with a kid each, which meant instant family. (Family in a box! Think about it… It could sell…) And then 2 months after our short lived honeymoon, I discovered I was pregnant. So it feels like we’ve been Brady Bunch from the get go.
Last year, we celebrated our 1st anniversary at a family member’s wedding. Our baba was a few weeks old and I was still breastfeeding… so I could not wait to get home to her! But this year… oh this year! We could actually relish in the fact that we chose each other 🙂 Our curly girly was old enough to stay with granny for more than an hour and we really took advantage of that.
We tried to get each other cotton gifts (you know… the anniversary themed gifts thing)… but it didn’t go as well as planned. I ended up getting him a bunch of stuff that included a box of Turkish Delights (his favs) and this Google Box accessory thing that he has been throwing hints about, like a SA spin bowler. You strap your cellphone into it and it becomes a portable 3D viewer. So you can play games and watch 3D videos.Yes, I know. Why would you evens want to. Anyways.
I must say, I was really surprised by the gift he gave me! In fact, when I saw the American Swiss box, I thought maybe he was playing a Leon Schuster on me and the box was empty because “all his love” was in it. But no sir, this was not the case! I opened said box and found a beautiful pair of heart-shaped diamante earrings and a matching necklace inside! This is a big deal and a surprise because he has never ever given me jewelry before (besides for my wedding and engagement rings) because I don’t really wear jewelry that much. But this is so pretty and simple… love it! Good job husband, good job.
And that’s how our anniversary morning kicked off. The rest of the day was spent out and about with our littlest one (her brothers were with their respective other parents). We took her out to breakfast (she climbed Spurs tables, threw their crayons on the floor to watch them drop and tried to give our waitress a smooch)
Then to meet Father Christmas (she was not impressed with the strange man wearing Winter clothes in the midst of Summer).
We had waffles at this cute place called Cereal Cafe, at The Boardwalk.
They literally use sugary cereal to top your dessert of choice. So fun! So tasty! So unhealthy!
We ended up at PE’s newest mall for a stroll and to buy a few things for our date night. This girl was so cute, in the trolley, munching away on cheese curls. (And then she got bored with them and left a cheese curls trail – think Hansel and Gretel style – down a fairly long aisle at PicknPay and tried to feed some to another customer).
I realize it may seem weird that we spent the whole day with her – I mean, it was OUR anniversary and all (and all). But I think that curly is our beautiful reminder that God restores! When Hubstopher and I met, we were both broken people, each sharing a kid with another person that we were not in a relationship with. And although I give kudo’s to single parents world wide, let me be real and say that it is HARD! No matter how great your relationship is with the other parent… Or if all the families involved have healthy home situations. It’s still hard. It’s hard to know that your kid will never know what it feels like to have mommy and daddy live in the same house. It’s hard to share your child with a whole other set of parents and family members. It’s heart wrenching when 1 parent only gets to see the Christmas morning face and the other half only gets to see the Christmas evening smiles. Or, in my case, not see any Christmas action at all. (My boy’s dad lives in Cape Town). But God restores. Having Him at the centre of it all has really helped us find balance.
And then came our curly girl! She was the cherry on the cake! And looking at her is a sweet reminder that she is OURS! And we are HER parents! Together! When I asked my husband what his favorite part of our 2 years of marriage was, he promptly said “Karis”. Well, he wanted to say Karis. But I was like, DONT SAY KARIS! And then he said “I don’t know”. Hahaha.
For our date night, we decided stay in doors 🙂 Curly was with her babysitter and we had all the time in the world to dress up and go out. But we figured, why be surrounded by lots of people when we can be indoors and just be the 2 of us. It was perfect.
I am so inlove with this crazy man!
And I am so thankful that God makes all things work for my good – even when it did not look so good in the beginning.He saved the best for last.
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Why having a “perfect marriage” is hard
Maintaining a “perfect marriage” is hard work. Yes, I have the perfect marriage. Don’t you? I mean, I married my husband and he’s the perfect guy for me. And since I am also perfect for him, and all of that, this must mean that we have the perfect marriage, right?
I mean, we planned our wedding before we even got engaged! In fact, we spoke about getting married before we started dating. Actually, we spoke about dating while we were still friends. It seems like we were always so over eager to get into a serious relationship that would result in us being married to each other. We could not wait!
I remember all the sleepless nights, lying in bed with my cellphone glued to my hand, typing away furiously and waiting anxiously for him to reply to my texts. And the days when we would drag out the moments between being together and him going home. I could not wait to get married then!
Fast forward a few years, a wedding and many kids later. Things look a little bit different to what we both had in mind. Marriage was meant to be sunshine and roses and me cooking the perfect meals while he secretly writes me love letters. Yeah, it’s not quite that.. It’s much more:“babe, can you go to the store please?” Â
“babe, have you left for the store yet?” Â
“baby, when are you going to the store?!” Â
“babe, must I go to the store myself???!!!!”
I mean, when you’re inlove you don’t consider the fact that married life is more than just staring into each other’s eyes. But reality check: Life is real! Kids need to be picked up from school, grocery shopping must be done and hey, someone needs to clean the darn house! Where’s the time to work on this perfect marriage we had dreamed of?
I’ve learnt that marriage is a journey… it’s not a destination. You don’t just say ‘I do’ and end up in a land where everything is rosy and perfect. It’s more like, you say ‘I do’ and then get on the train together and work towards being the perfect partner for your wife/husband. And yes, while being on said train, you might feel a bit overcrowded. Maybe you need to use the loo now and then, but you have a kid on your lap. Maybe you wanted the window seat and oh look, he insists on sitting at the window. The situation is not exactly perfect.
But when you wake up each morning and choose each other all over again and choose to stay together, well, then that means you have the perfect marriage FOR YOU.A big part of being married to someone who happens to not be an exact replica of me has taught me tough lessons on how to be selfless. I’ve learnt how to choose someone else’s plans over my (very elaborate, spreadsheet brain) plans. And I am learning the beautiful art of forgiving more freely and saying ‘I’m sorry’ more easily. After a while, who left the toothpaste uncapped is less important than being able to cuddle next to your husband. Peace eventually takes precedence over being right. And having the perfect marriage means being perfect for each other, more than self gratification.
The Bible says that he who finds a wife find a good thing. It also says that where there is unity God commands His blessing over it. I challenge myself to always remain that “good thing” in my Hubstopher’s life and to remember that we are at our strongest when we are united.
Having the perfect marriage is hard and stuff. But oh the perks of being the best kind of wife to my husband… so worth it all!
All images in this post were taken by the amazing Donna van der Watt, at our wedding on the 16 December 2013.
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How to survive being married to a musician
Being married to a musician has its perks. Strange perks (like when he decides to “beat box” to you ranting about something) but perks, nonetheless. Are you dating a muso? Well, girlfriend, this advice is for you!
How to survive being married to a musician
1. Learn to not look up when he refers to “Pooky” because it’s probably his guitar. Understand that he names his instrument. It will probably be an even mushier term of endearment than he has for you.
2. Expect him to spend a fair sum of money on things like strings, pads and sticks. (Clip note: they are not what you think they are.)
3. Never refer to a singer as a “musician”. You are only deserving of the title “musician” when you play an instrument.
4. Do not break into hysterics when you find him making this facial expression while listening to music:
No, he is not having a mild heart attack. This just means that he likes and admires what he is listening to.
5. Accept that you will be listening to music at its highest volume from here on or be okay with him wearing headphones all the time. Because there is no other way to really listen to music.
6. “Sound Check” – Definition:Â You will be at the event hours before anyone else is.Â
7. When the lights go on and everyone goes home after an event, keep calm while you watch him potter around on stage. Be prepared to hang around as he “jams” with the band… yes, the same band he just played with for the past hour.
8. Learn how to speak muso. Quick lesson:
- A “sick” bassline means that it’s good.
- When someone is a “beast”, they are quite skilled at playing their instrument.
- The term “shedding” does not refer to hair loss.
- “Breaks” does not mean someone broke something on stage.
- The terms “double time” and “half time” has nothing to do with sport.
These views and opinions are solely based on my experiences. Reference:Â
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Marriage and Melodies: Our feature in JStar Blomag
The nice lady (Mvokazi Mjayezi-Ncede) from JStar Blomag emailed me a few weeks ago asking if they could please feature Chris and I in the August edition. We obviaaasly had to say yes! What an honor!We got to share about how we met, what brought us together and what keeps us together!Chris and I met a couple of years ago and sorry Hollywood, it wasnt exactly “love and first sight”.We became really good friends first and I think that is so important! We got to know each others ins and outs before deciding if this was “the one”.I am no relationship expert, but since I’ve been in a few (the longest one – prior to Chris – being 7 years!) I am an advocate for “let’s first be friends”. I see sooo many people jumping from one relationship to another – how tiring!One of our church pastors said something profound once.He said that making up and breaking up all the time is kinda like desensitizing you to divorce.It becomes a learned behavior. It just made sense to me and looking around at all the beautiful marriages I see, I find that the people who have been less exposed to unstable relationships believe in LOVE and the “Happy Ever After” even more than those who have experienced constant break ups.I’m not slamming “dating”, but I do feel that going into a “serious” relationship is such a big decision. Why waste your time with someone who you do not want to spend the rest of your life with? Why waste THEIR time?Anyways, so in this edition of JStar, you’ll read more about us and how we met and what we believe to be the glue that keeps us together 🙂I love this magazine, besides for the obvious reasons haha :), because it features amazing stories, testimonies and advice for regular people, from regular people, on behalf of regular people.Regular.(Had to say it again).There’s no sugar coating, no flashy misconceptions and total truths that are sure to inspire you and help make you feel a little less crazy and a little more motivated to be a better you!Check out the Jstar site, to get the online magazine and to get the August edition with us in it.Heehee!I feel so faaaamous now and stuff! 🙂xxxL
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What they didn’t tell you about: “…..Then comes a baby in a baby carriage”
Luchae and Christopher, sitting in a treeK-I-S-S-I-N-GFirst comes love, then comes marriageThen comes a baby in a baby carriageAnd then comes no more cuddling or alone time or lying in bed till 11am on a Saturday morningAnd THAT’S how that poem is meant to end!It’s the part they fail to mention, when you’re all smitten, with hearts in your eyes, planning your life and your perfect family with your perfect guy. Babies are hard work! And extremely demanding! Cute, but demanding.I had a moment this morning where I suddenly missed lying in my hubstopher’s arms while watching a movie.Or just lying in my hubstopher’s arms, period.Our baby co-sleeps – something I do not regret and am planning to do until she is 1 years old and no longer breastfeeding.But until then, no cuddle cuddle for him. Or me.Fortunately, I married the best guy in the whole entire world, and he is totally patient and supports our reasons to co-sleep but I think that we need to somehow work our way around it.Maybe more date nights? Maybe put her to bed earlier?So obviously, the first thing that came to mind now was to create a romantic cuddling rendezvous spreadsheet time table, so that we could work out exactly WHERE AND WHEN we can have some time together.How special.But hey, amidst the high school drama, homework, cooking supper, worship team commitments and other stuff, fitting in some cuddle time might be near impossible if we do not schedule it.And this, dear readers, is why it is SO important to marry for LOVE 🙂xxxL
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The Thief: Our engagement story
I know I’ve been really bad at keeping my blogs up to date, so here I am to redeem myself with a very special engagement post. On the 30th of December 2012, Chris proposed and I said: YES! 🙂 <3
The gory details:Â
Chris made me rehearse for a whole afternoon because we were meant to do a song item at church. I sang my little heart out, trying to get this thing perfect. Chris ended up inviting our families to church and everything, so that they could see us do the item AND he was leading worship so it was a special service for us anyways. Little did I know that the dude had something else up his (cardigan) sleeve. ANYWAYS… After worship it was time for the song item… Chris and I made our way to the stage, and I stand there, with a mic in my hand, waiting for him to start the song with his guitar.And nothing happens. I’m thinking, oh no, the sound guy forgot to plug the guitar in or something… All of a sudden a DIFFERENT song starts playing… And I’m a bit confused… coz this is definitely not the song we rehearsed! Lo and behold, my Chrissy starts singing to me 🙂 Right there! On the stage! Of corse, the congregation cheered him on when they realized what was happening! It only hit me like, few seconds later. Talk about delayed reaction.
He sang a song by one of my favorite singer/songwriters, Brooke Fraser, called “The Thief”. I’ve always told Chris that The Thief MUST be our wedding song! And now it will be. Anyways, so there I stand, as my boyfriend serenades me in front of the church, family and friends. He then went on one knee and said: “Luchae, I cant think of a better place to do this… in front of God, our friends and family. I said that I would do this before the end of 2012, and this is the night. Luchae Gie, will you marry me?”Â
Well, something along those lines… I was to busy crying and trying to hide my face in my hair to hear him hahaha. The congregation was sooooo awesome… cheering him on and encouraging me (telling me to say YES lol). Which I did. Of course. It was the most perfect moment ever! Anyways… we’ve set our wedding date for the 16th December 2013, which gives us plenty of time to plan and enjoy this time of being betrothed. By the way, I forget to say that. AAAAAAACK!
See pics below 🙂 We got it at lots of different angles coz everyone at church took pics.
God is so faithful!!!!!
Happiness is me!! <3
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Duh! Yes, you’re suppose to read my mind!
Sometimes I wonder what God was thinking when He created the female brain. Coz I sure as heck don’t understand it. And I’ve got one! I was just pondering on the fact that sometimes I want Chris to do something, but I don’t want to have to say it. My thought processes are normally like:
I’m fine! 🙂  Â
I am SO not fine with this and if you don’t know that I’m not fine then grrr!ÂNo, its cool you don’t have to do it! 🙂Â
Boy, you BETTER do it, if you know what’s good for you!ÂWhat makes you think I’m upset?? I’m not upset 🙂 Â
AAAARRGH!!I dont mind if you do that! 🙂
Gasp! How dare you! Is nothing sacred anymore?!Ladies, do you feel me: there are some things that men are just suppose to get, right? Like, hello, you cannot watch rugby on Valentines Day and expect me to be okay. And no, you cannot take your friends to our secret romantic spot and “chill”. Some things are just suppose to be known. For everything else, there’s MasterCard. (As in, buy me food and we’re good).
But then, reasoning kicks in and I realize that I might need to give the poor guy a break. I mean, it makes me realize why he is always quiet when he thinks I’m upset – maybe its because he’s not sure whether I actually am upset. He’s just suppose to KNOW that I’m upset!! Why should I tell him?! Hmmf!!!!
Anyways, point: I do believe that I need to ease up on the guessing games. How will he know if I don’t tell him. Right? I mean, who am I, Professor Brain Doctor, trying to teach him how to pay attention to my every need and stuff? If I want an ice cream cone with chocolate sprinkles, I say “Hi, please can I have an ice cream cone with chocolate sprinkles?” and if I get the wrong one, then I can throw him with a chair or something. But why throw the chair if he doesn’t even know you want chocolate sprinkles? Save the chair until you have a good enough reason. The chair will always be there. The chair is faithful. The chair can be stowed away in a corner, half concealed, to serve as a threat and a reminder. Okay now I’m rambling.
If women are from Venus and men are from Mars, then this means that they should have a highly developed sense of ESP. This is my story and I’m sticking to it.
