Marriage
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Five things husbands do that drive their wives crazy
According to my lady friends, if this were a wildlife program, and I had to point you guys in the direction of a husband “in his natural environment”, I might just be showing you the way to the loo.
My conspiracy theory is that they use the confines of the lavatory to, you know, hide away from their families. Or perhaps there is a portal in there? One that helps them to escape into the magical world of unlimited sport, gaming videos and other such marital witchcraft. Who knows.
But it got me thinking about this strange phenomena called “husband” and all the random things he does that I just don’t understand! You know, things like:
1. He can never find anything! I mean, even if it’s right there, on the 2nd shelf, where I had told him to look. He can’t find it. I call it “marital blinkers” and I’m convinced a set of these automatically grows onto husband’s face, as soon as he says “I do.” He can also never remember where we keep anything… the paper towels, the kids swimming clothes, the light bulbs. It’s the same place we’ve kept them for five years. But he never remembers.
2. His kiddies fashion style is putrid. Asking your husband to dress the kids, without – gasp! – actually laying the clothes out before the time, is a bit like playing fashion Russian Roulette. You never know what you’re going to end up with. My husband once brought Kyle to my work and the kid was wearing a shocking yellow t-shirt, a shocking pink shorts and shocking blue sneakers. I was almost blinded. Husbands and kids fashion is not a good mix, you guys.
3. He is able to slip into his “nothing box” in an instant and he won’t even admit that he was there. You know what the nothing box is, right? It’s that mental space that husband’s venture into, where they don’t hear a word you’re saying. Sometimes they slip into this box, while staring at the TV screen. Other times they actually fall asleep in mid-sentence, while you’re having a deep convo, because the allure of the nothing box is that strong. And when you accuse them of not paying attention, their response is: “I AM listening!”
4. He has this weird inability to multitask that grates my nerves like nobodies business, you guys! Like, he can’t bath the kids and consciously make an effort to keep the bathroom tidy, while doing so. Making a sandwich and then packing all the sandwich-making goodies away as he is doing it, is an impossible suggestion! Nope, he needs to make the sandwich. Eat the sandwich. Then clean up an hour later. Him: chilling. Me: Losing my mind.
5. When he’s sick, nothing else matters in the whole world, except for the fact that he is sick. The man-flu is a real thing. Quite frankly, ladies, I don’t know how we survive it! I don’t know about yours, but when my husband is sick, he literally lays in bed and moans, like a dying person. He pretty much expects me to wipe his forehead with a damp cloth, while feeding him chicken soup.
Truth be told, you guys, the list of things that I love about this man far outweighs the list of things that annoy me. They say men are from Mars and women are from Venus, which is just a clever way to remind us that, yep, we ARE different. But our quirky little differences is what makes our marriage interesting. Right?
Can you relate to any of this? What are some of the strange/annoying things that your husband does?
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#dateyourspouse without leaving your house
If you’re married with kids, like I am, #dateyourspouse comes with its own set of challenges. I mean, for starters, who has the time to do these things? Secondly, after the many post-salary debit orders, we’re looking at each other like, are we really going to spend more money on taking each other out to a fancy dinner when we can eat at home? But more than that, most nights we’re just tired, man! Like, even right now, I’m tired. And honestly, sometimes just the thought of getting all dolled up to see each other in a different building, is tiring.
Yes, I know, this is simply the spreadsheet brain talking. And yes, friend, I know, we kinda do need to make the effort to spend quality time with our spouses. It’s so important to have that moment of intimacy where you only have eyes for each other. I mean, real talk, when last have you sincerely enjoyed being together? Alone. And no, sleeping doesn’t count.
Well, we tried to be all spontaneous on Friday night. It had been weeks since our last date night and it was starting to show. My darling Hubstopher decided that we would go away for the evening. A staycation date of sorts, if you will. He arranged babysitters, got me to pack my bag, dropped the kids off and then… insert cricket sounds here… we ended up not going anywhere! A bunch of different things popped up (including the fact that the staycation venue was a couple of hours away and we needed to be back home at a certain time the next morning… it was just not going to work out).Anyways, we ended up driving back home, contemplating on whether we should rather have our date night at a local eatery. Until we got home and realized that… hey look, we’re at home, and there are no children here! And that’s how ‘date your spouse without leaving your house’ was born. And we didn’t even plan for it to rhyme, that just happened all by itself.
We got into our jammies (because pajamas are cool, okay?), took out some pens and paper to play a couple of “pen and paper” games and scrolled through the Uber Eats app to order in some food. You guys, Uber Eats seriously saved the day. I mean, once you’ve typed in your location, the app shows you a list of Uber Eats affiliated restaurants near you. We ordered and hit “track” to keep tabs on the preparation and delivery of our meal. Now, if you’re following me on Insta, you’ll know that we hit a snag with the Uber Eats app the last time. But guys, honestly we tried it out a few more times after that and it has been smooth sailing. In fact, it took us about 20 minutes from ordered to delivered, this time around. And the delivery fee is only R10! You can download the Uber Eats app from the iStore or Play Store.
Now, if you’re like us, and you are totally okay with spending your date night taking an uninterrupted nap, all cuddled up, then more power to you. Sleep is a currency when you have kids. But, if you’re planning a “date your spouse without leaving the house” night and you’re looking for fun activities to do at home (because, seriously, married people often forget how to enjoy being alone together), I’ve listed a few “pen and paper” game ideas below.
And yes, Margaret, I know what you’re thinking… Luchae, seriously, I’m alone with my spouse, I’d rather be playing a different type of game if you know what I mean. Well, firstly, yes I do know what you mean. And secondly, calm down Margeret, this is a family blog! But yes girl, I hear your heart. And my answer is this: you know what you guys are in to. Maybe you enjoy listening to good music, or perhaps you’d prefer watching a movie together, or spending the evening in deep conversation. Whatever your jam, make sure your cellphone is on silent and all of your attention is on your spouse!
Rewards Jar
Hubstopher and I enjoy playing little pen and paper games. It started when we were courting (back in the day), we always had this fun, competitive vibe between the two of us. Now that we’re married, we sometimes give each other cute little rewards for winning. (i.e. a back rub to the one who wins the next round etc). If you’re looking to add an element of marital fun to your games night, create a rewards jar by filling a jar with slips of paper, detailing various types of rewards the winner of each round could choose from. I mean, make it as romantic or steamy as you wish. You could even have a more thoughtful rewards jar (if that’s the direction you want the night to go in) by filling the jar with conversation starters, instead.
Fun games to play on your “date a spouse without leaving your house” night: - Dots and Boxes
You begin the game by drawing a grid of dots. With each of you using a different colored pen/pencil, take turns to draw lines between the dots – one line per player, per turn. The goal is to complete a box and to prevent your opponent from doing so. Don’t forget to put your initial in each box that you’ve completed.
- Hangman
Player one draws gallows, with an empty rope and blanks for each letter of a word, below it. The other player has to guess the missing letters of the word. Each incorrect guess with result in another part of the “hangmans” body to appear (head, arms, legs, torso etc) If the player guesses the entire word, before the hangman is completed, the player wins. If not, the player who chose the word, wins.
- Tic-Tac-Toe
This one is more commonly known as ‘XO’. Take turns filling grids of two vertical and two horizontal lines, with X or O, as each player takes his/her turn. Your goal is to be the first to have three marks in a row (horizontally, vertically or diagonally).
- Pen and Paper Pictionary
This one is just like normal Pictionary, except that you would have to write down your categories on strips of paper and user a timer to make it more interesting.
- Categories
I have fond childhood memories playing this game. We called it “Girl, Boy” – a bit of a duh name if I think about it now. The easy explanation is this: simply choose five to ten categories, and write them at the top of your page. (Each player will have their own page). The most common categories we played with are: girl, boy, fruit, vegetable, animal, place, colour. At the beginning of each round, a letter of the alphabet is decided on (you can figure out how you’d like to do that – we simply wrote all the letters of the alphabet on a separate page and took turns blindly choosing a letter). The goal of each round is to list atleast one item, under each category, starting with that letter. Oh btw, you only have 60 seconds to do this! (eg. If the letter chosen was ‘A’, then you could write down ‘apple’ under fruit). Give a point for each unique answer and half a point for every common answer (i.e. if more than one person wrote apple, you would get half a point each).
So what do you think about a stay at home date?
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#dateyourspouse at Isango Gate Boutique Hotel
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#dateyourspouse at Isango Gate Boutique Hotel
My Hubstopher is a man of great adventure, always willing to try anything. So, for our October date night, I surprised him with his first ever spa experience! I mean, even though the guy doesn’t like to be touched (by people other than his beautiful wife, cough), he seriously needed to unwind. So I booked a Couples Bliss package at Isango Gate Boutique Hotel and knew that I had struck gold! (Plus, it helped that it was his birthday.. because I could call him old, if he didn’t want to do it.)
The Couples Bliss package at Isango Gate Spa comprises of a 90 minute treatment package that will leave you and your spouse feeling relaxed and definitely in the mood for romance. Wink wink, nudge nudge. The package includes a Rasul ceremony, a back, neck and shoulder massage and a Jacuzzi session, complete with champagne and privacy!
With a beautiful setting, Isanga Gate Spa is a haven of well-being. The staff are friendly without being too invasive… I mean, all your focus should be on your spouse. Needless to say, we especially enjoyed the privacy because, what is a date if we’re going to have an audience every step of the way? The Rasul ceremony is a traditional Arabian cleansing ritual, involving steam and in some cases, mud. The Isango Gate spa Rasul chamber is a small steam room, lit up by a starry sky (ala tiny lights, in the lowered ceiling), that make it really romantic.The back, neck and shoulder massage was Hubtopher’s favorite thing because he had a tense neck situation and really needed expert hands to loosen the knots. I really enjoyed the outdoor Jacuzzi session. It was so tranquil and relaxing, being able to talk to each, and honestly just enjoy being close to each other, without an onslaught of “mommy where’s my” questions. The Couples Bliss package costs R800 altogether (yep, both you and your spouse!)
The Couples Escape package is a 180 minute treatment package, that includes all of the above, a salt scrub and a mud wrap, with a full body massage. This package costs R1200.
Once the pamper was complete, we joined the wonderful Isango Gate staff at the Penda Pendu Restaurant for a 3 course dinner. The setting is beautiful, opening up onto the deck, with a view of the lovely infinity pool. The food was exquisite you guys. And we love eating, so this says a lot! Chris had the lamb shank and I enjoyed the stuffed chicken roulade that was served with a bacon and blue cheese beurre. Devine and totally worth the spoil! The total cost of our meal (including starters and dessert, excluding drinks) came to about R500.
If you’re looking to stay at Isango Gate Boutique Hotel, these tastefully designed suites will not disappoint! The hotel boasts fine linen, the epitome of luxury and all the modern facilities that one would need. The rooms are massive and the setting is simply stunning. Staycation anyone?
If you’re looking to splurge a little, the Couples Package Special is something to look into. The special is valid until the 10th December and includes a stay in one of their luxurious double rooms, a full English breakfast and a 30 minute back, neck and shoulder massage, all for R2400 per couple, per night.
Our night together, at Isango Gate, was like a breath of fresh air. I mean, life gets in the way, and we sometimes need to be reminded to see each other as lovers, and not just partners. I dare you to book that special spa treatment, for you and your spouse!
Isango Gate Boutique Hotel
Atmosphere and Ambience: Tranquil and private
Service: Friendly, accommodating staff
Facilities: Stunning
Cost: Can get pretty pricey, but so worth it
Contact them: Website / Email / FacebookHeader image and image of the spa courtesy of Isango Gate Boutique Hotel
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#dateyourspouse without leaving your house
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#dateyourspouse: I mean, if you like being married, and stuff
Hands up if you’re married and you love your spouse but if someone had to ask you to describe your marriage using one word, you would say: “Ehhh”. Firstly, eh is not a word, but we’ll talk about that later, Sarah. Secondly, you are not alone, my friend!
I’m a big girl, so I don’t mind telling you guys that up until a few weeks ago, my marriage was a bit on the shaky side. And it’s not even because we were fighting the whole time. No sir, it was more a case of us living past each other and not really connecting because, dude, life is crazy when you have four kids! But hey, I’m not out here trying to blame the cray on the kideos. We’re both super busy… so busy that we had lost the art of keeping that fire burning, if you know what I mean.
Anyways, after an especially disconnected week of us barely speaking and, honestly, not even touching each other, I knew that something needed to be done. And this is how the #dateyourspouse campaign was birthed.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Luchae, why must you start a whole friggen campaign, all because you want to rekindle that marital fire with your husband?! Geez, calm down woman!” (Okay that last part was me talking to myself.)
Well, firstly, have you seen the abundance of marriage related posts that I’ve got going on here?! It’s one of my favorite topics for some reason. Hubstopher seems to think it’s because I enjoy talking about him.
Secondly, I thought to start a whole campaign around the idea because I love sharing resolutions and new routines on the blog. Honestly guys, it’s a great way to stay accountable because I have all of you to keep me in check, because I’m kinda not good with sticking to new things.
But, lastly, and more importantly, I realized (after chatting to a few wives who felt exactly the same way I did) that this ‘stranger in my house’ phenomenon is pretty common around us married folk. We’re so good at putting our marriage on the back burner for, well, insert any other area of your life here. The #dateyourspouse campaign is basically a way to encourage all you other hot mamas/papas to, yep you guessed it, date your spouse – with intention!
It’s more than just a going for a quick bite. Nope. It’s about committing to a regular date night (monthly? bi-weekly?) and actually putting effort into making sure that you connect with your spouse on more than just a “but when you fed the dog, did you use the big scoop or the small scoop?” level.The #dateyourspouse campaign will obviously include giveaways, because I enjoy having my Oprah moment every now and then. I will also be reaching out to experts in the field, and regular peeps like you and I, who will share tips with us. And I’ll be doing reviews of the cool date night venues and experiences that are available. I mean, if you’re anything like me, you never leave your house. The #dateyourspouse review section will serve as a “what’s hot” guide complete with pics, ratings and even the cost (because mama’s got to budget).
I want to encourage you to join me on this journey, friends. Book that babysitter and set aside that one night of the month for you and your spouse. I promise, you will reap the rewards… in more ways than one.
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My top 6 marriage posts will probably make you cringe
Look, I’m just going to be honest about this: marriage is no nap on a hammock, if you know what I mean. There’s no down time… no vacation… you don’t get to take a break from each other. It’s a little bit annoying, very much comforting, and a lot of trying to remind yourself that you actually are a whole other person, all by yourself, when your husband is not around.
Well, I’ve shared ALOT about my marriage on this blog. And if you had to go by my blog post titles you’d think that my Hubstopher and I really hate each other. This could not be further from the truth. I mean… sure, there have been challenges. But we’ve also experience a lot of wins. And I guess that’s what makes it worth it… because we go through the challenges together and we experience the wins together.
Anyways, in light of oversharing, I thought to list the top 6 marriage posts that I’ve shared on this blog. I mean, I talk alot. We all know that. But Google Analytics says that these are some of the marriage-related things that you guys enjoyed hearing me talk about.
Who really wins when you give him the silent treatmentYou guys seemed to really relate with this post… I mean, come on, we’re all experts at giving our hubbies the cold shoulder. How else will the man learn?! But, as I’ve discovered (and I’ll quote from the post): “Silent treatment is pretty much a bundle of poop in the bath water of your marriage.”
Now, coming from a mama who has literally had to scoop pieces of poop out of Jonah’s bath water the other day, let me tell you, poop in bath water is not your friend! It’s messy. It floats everywhere. It gets stuck in between toes. Remember that, the next time you give him the silent-violent treatment. Read more…
“Being married sucks!” I told him
We’ve all been there, we’ve all had moments of intense frustration, within our marriage. You know what I’m talking about Barb… those intensely frustrating moments where you just don’t want to see each other’s faces because you’re that intensely frustrated.
I mean, that’s why this post was so popular. The truth is this: marriage does not suck. But as people, we have the capacity to, uhh, suck, when we aren’t considerate and aware of how we’re making each other feel. And when you’re not putting your spouse first, chances are they’ll think that YOU suck. We all want to feel loved and special and chosen and important. I try to remember that through the arguments and especially when I have my moments of “being married sucks!” Read more…
What do you do when husband says no to the dressOoh girl! The drama! When I wrote this post, a while ago, some women were not impressed that I allow my husband to tell me what I can and can’t wear. They totally misunderstood my intention behind the post.
I mean, I wasn’t saying that the guy beats me into submission and that I don’t wear certain things because I fear him. No ways. I honor him. I want to please him. And I want him to want to please me too. And so, if he feels that the dress is too short, then I won’t wear it. And that’s that. You can read more about my decision and make up your own mind about yours. Read more…
Hubstopher’s near death experienceYou guys know that I thrive in silly moments. My life is a sitcom, ya’ll. So I just HAD to share my husbands “near death experience” with you. It involved a dimly lit restaurant, freshly manicured nails and a very confused boyfriend who was as oblivious as only a man can be.
Needless to say, he is still very much alive, and we’ve moved on from this moment. But it has now become our party trick, when people share silly stories at braais. Read more…
Dear husband, you’re not doing a good jobThis post really hit home with a lot of you, because we all have psycho tendencies.
Whatever, Patricia, you can look at me like that. You know you’ve had these moments too.
We honestly expect our intelligent husbands to JUST KNOW how we feel. Right? They must figure things out. I mean, duh, the information is right there infront of them anyways! But ladies, let me tell you something, they STILL need us to spell it out for them. Well that’s what I learnt. Read more…
He must be cheating on meThis one got so much attention, I had people calling me up to ask me who my husband is cheating on me with. Firstly, do you guys not actually click on the link to read the WHOLE post?
Secondly, I often write something that is not necessarily related to me, but it is applicable to someone I know who is going through something. OR I’ve been there and my heart is heavy enough with the burden, that I want to share.
Lastly, it’s a flippen good topic and I’m glad so many of you contacted me via inbox and comments. We sometimes get shy and timid about our fierceness because we are told that we need to look a certain way and do certain things in order to be perceived as beautiful or accomplished. What rubbish! This post dispels all of that and writing it has definitely brought me some form of release. Read more…
So there you have it… some of my top marriage related posts. I love sharing my heart with you guys. It brings me freedom to get to work through my own short falls, by putting it out there on the blog. I mean, this is a great way to be held accountable, yo! So I hope that this has blessed you as much as it has me!
Which of these posts are your favorite?
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To be the wife of a prince
So this past weekend women all around the world sighed infront of their television screens at the beauty that is Meghan Markle as she walked down the aisle to marry an actual prince. Meghan – a 36 year old divorcee, who is probably as “royal” as I am – was whisked off into the royal sunset by His Royal Highness The Duke of Sussex – also known as the very dashing Prince Harry. I mean, this is what dreams are made of – to be the wife of a prince. Right?
Hands up if you had a “sigh, I wish a prince would whisk me away into the royal sunset too” moment on Saturday. I had this moment, friends. Well, I had many moments, if I’m going to be really honest with you. But, the truth is that as glamorous and amazing as Meghans new life has just become, there are some parts of marriage that is unavoidable, no matter how dashing your prince is. Stuff like:
1. Even though he’s pretty to look at, after a few years of marriage, he’s probably going to annoy the living daylights out of you now and then. Granted my annoyance is because he doesn’t change the toilet roll holder and yours might be because he stepped on your toe, in the golden carriage. Same thing girl. Husbands get annoying.
2. You might not always agree with or understand (or want to agree with or understand) his side of the family and the way they do things. I mean, this speaks for itself in so many ways. We learn how to adapt and compromise. We learn how to speak up and stand for what we believe in. We learn how to put ego aside, to make it work.
3. Hey, I don’t care how dashing your prince is, when bedtime comes around (and you’re exhausted and not in the mood) I won’t judge you for turning on that fake snore, girl! Generations of women all around the world have fake snored and you, Princess Meg, too can do this. No judgies.
4. It can be difficult for a strong, independent woman to let go of her “I can do all things” attitude, to allow her husband to steer the ship. No matter your race, religion or culture, allowing your man to be the man can be challenging. Hey, can you imagine how much harder it might be if your man is in fact on auto pilot due to royal protocol and tradition? Exactly. Taking all of my metaphorical hats off for Meghan.
5. Staying connected and working on your marriage is applicable in and out of a royal castle. Wearing a tiara does not make you immune to a complacent relationship. You’ve got to keep the fire burning, yo! I would imagine that this applies to our lovely royal couple too. I mean, wait until they start pooping out babies… white Givenchy dress for what?!You know, the only royal thing about my Hubstopher is that he’s a royal pain in the neck sometimes. (Please don’t tell him I said so) But (and you can tell him this) I love my royal pain in the neck. What I’m trying to say is that: it’s all about love. Love is the thing. And I love the way these two love each other. It’s beautiful really. But more than that, it’s necessary.Castles and designer dresses and fancy royal galas aside… without love, spending a lifetime with this other person becomes kinda tedious. Love makes it easy to overlook the flaws and irritations. Love makes it worth it to roll up your sleeves and graft at making each other happy. Love opens up doors to show grace through the hardship and forgiveness when it hurts. Loving each other, even when it’s hard, is what makes your marriage a royal marriage!
So even though I may not have been carried off into the sunset by a prince on a white horse of sorts, I still consider myself lucky to have found the prince of my heart. Being married is a mind trip, you guys. You learn the art of putting yourself aside for a whole other human being. But you also learn the power that comes with making difficult decisions that sometimes results in you taking the back seat now and then. You don’t need a crown to be a queen.
So congratulations Ms Markle, you’ve found your prince, and I’ve found mine. Now the real work begins!
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Header: time.com
Body: Cutepix Photography -
He must be cheating on me
He must be cheating on me. My husband, that is. I’m convinced that he is seeing someone else. And I know who it is too.
It’s probably the pretty, curly-haired girl at the office. It has to be. I mean, she’s so pretty and she wears high heels to work every day. Who does that?! It’s not even a special occasion. He probably notices things like that. He probably wonders why I don’t wear stilettos every day.
And I think he’s also cheating with the neighbor across the road… the one without kids who goes on hikes every weekend and smiles cheerily when she greets us in the morning. He probably thinks she’s fun and adventurous. He probably hates my boring routines. He probably wishes his life was fun and adventurous too.
No wait, he’s cheating with his ex-girlfriend. That’s a definite. I saw her at the mall the other day. She looked so put together and happy. We locked eyes and I tried hard to show her how amazing my life has been since I “won” the title of being Mrs-So-and-So. But the truth is I can’t remember when last I felt as if I won. All I feel is tired and disgusting. I wonder if he ever texts her to tell her what a huge mistake he’s made. He probably wishes he could turn back time. He probably sees me in my yoga pants and stained t-shirt and wonders how he ended up here.
He’s cheating on me. I’m sure of it. And I get it too – he wants to be saved from this life of schedules and potty training; play dates and the mundane. Evidence? I don’t need evidence. The evidence is in the way he looks at me – as if I’m exactly who he needs me to be. It’s such a lie. I know he’s not telling the truth when he calls me beautiful or sexy or the only one he wants to be with. What a joke, I can’t be that wonderful. I mean, I smell like porridge and wet wipes. My fashion sense has no sense at all and the last time I wore anything tight fitting was when I could barely fit into my maternity jeans. The last time I did anything worth noting was when I managed to get the baby to fall asleep before 7pm.
Or maybe he’s not the one cheating. Maybe it’s me. I’m cheating on myself.
I cheat myself of praise, everyday, when I compare my beauty to someone else’s convincing myself that my body is too flabby and my lips are not full enough. I rob myself of satisfaction when I deny my talent and creativity, by believing self taught lies that say I’m not as brilliant as I’d like to think. I steal my own joy when I entertain thoughts that I am not strong enough, not clever or bold enough, not fun or daring enough. And I rob my marriage of its passion and contentment when I go to bed angry at night, irrationally convincing myself that I am unworthy of all of my husbands love and affection.I don’t know it but I cheat myself of fulfillment when I believe the lie that I can’t be a hands on mother, a fun and exciting friend, a lady on a mission, and a beautiful and desirable wife all at the same time. I am more than enough, just as I am. And on days where I don’t see my worth and my substance, he does.
And that’s how I know he’s cheating on me. My husband, that is. Because he sees someone else when he looks at me.
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Hey husband, remember me?
Hey husband, remember me? I’m your wife. Well, atleast I think I am. Okay, I was your wife the last time I checked and we still live in the same house, so I’m more than sure that I actually am your wife. How are you? No, I mean, how are you reallly? Oh, me? I’m okay, I guess. Slightly tired. Mainly exhausted. Wait, those two are the same thing. Anyways, I came here today to chat to you about the fact that it sometimes feels as if you’re not my husband anymore.
No, I mean, it feels as if you’re not MY husband. I know you’re A husband because you’re a pro at being a hubby and a daddy. It’s weirdly attractive. But I digress. What I meant to say is that sometimes it feels as if you’re not MY husband. You know? The guy who has been set apart just for lil ol’ me? Yeah, that one. I miss that one.
What went wrong? I guess it’s more along the lines of what went right. And the answer would always be our children and the home we’re building together. It’s the best part about being yours and you being mine – the fact that we get to raise these bundles of poopjoy together and watch them figure the world out while we pay their school fees (sigh… school fees).But, husband, what I actually want to say is: please don’t forget me? I know, the rent needs to be paid and the oil in the car needs to be changed and someone needs to check if we have enough life insurance (and I nominate you to take care of these exciting things). But in the midst of all of the life-living, don’t forget me. Don’t forget to hold my hand and give me little hugs while I’m cooking. Don’t forget to tell me I look nice or that you missed me after a long day at the office. Don’t forget to tell me you love me. I still need to hear it. Like, all the time. No seriously, all the time.
And I promise, I won’t forget you. I won’t forget the guy I married, who is buried underneath all of the husbanding and fathering that you do. I won’t forget how hilarious I once thought your silly sense of humor was. Or that you like it when I rub your shoulders. I won’t forget how much words of affirmation mean to you and that it means a lot when I cook you special meals.Because, the truth is that, as much as our children need us to parent them, they also need to see us loving on each other. Our version of a healthy, happy marriage, is a blueprint for theirs. Loving each other and working through conflict and trials together – as a unit – is the greatest lessons we can teach our kids, without having to say a single word to them. Maybe we can work on showing them that we are more inlove with each other, than we are annoyed. (Fine balance sometimes, I know.)
So husband, remember me. Remember me and all that you love about me. I mean, I’m still the woman you fell head over heels with many years (and pants sizes) ago. The one who you find insanely attractive and wildly interesting. I’m still here, somewhere. And yes, sometimes you may have to dig a little deeper to find her, but I promise, I’m worth the search.
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The truth about Valentine’s Day
So today is the big V Day and judging by the amount of red and white outfits I spotted on my way to the office, people are really getting into it. But I was wondering, do you know the real story behind Valentine’s Day and why we celebrate it? I decided to pay Google a visit to find out the truth about Valentine’s Day and what I found was pretty interesting! Want to know more about it? Well, it goes a little something like this:
Story #1: Valentine – he was an actual guy
Some stories suggest that Valentine is actually a priest who served during the third century in Rome. Legend says that then ruler, Emperor Claudias II, had decided that single men made better soldiers than those with families because they fought more carelessly not having to worry about the wife and children at home waiting for them. So he basically outlawed marriage for young men. Yep – unmarried men could not put a ring on it. Anyways, realizing the injustice of the decree, Valentine unleashed his inner toyi-toyi and defied Claudius by performing secret marriages for young lovers. When Claudius discovered what Valentine was doing he ordered that he be put to death.Other stories suggest that Valentine was actually killed for attempting to help Christians escape Roman prisons (where they were beaten and tortured). Another suggests that Valentine was actually imprisoned and he sent the first “valentine” greeting to a girl he fell inlove with… The “soap opera” version implies that the young girl possibly was the jailor’s daughter and that she visited Valentine during his confinement. Before his death (which was supposedly very gruesome) he wrote her a letter and signed it “from your Valentine” and that’s how the expression was born.
Story #2: Valentine – a cover up
So some people say that Valentine’s Day was actually strategically placed in mid-Feb, by the ancient church, in an effort to “Christianise” the pagan celebration of Lubercalia. This event was a fertility festival dedicated to the Roman god of agriculture – Faunus. So at this festival, goats and a dog would be sacrificed and skinned in a cave that is said to have housed twins Romulus and Remus (who was nursed by a she-wolf… ya). Anyways the blood covered hide would be used to “gently slap” women and crop fields, in order to induce fertility and to “purify” the women. This act is said to guarantee easy childbirth too. Later on, young women in the city would place their names in a big urn and the city’s bachelors would take turns drawing a name of a dame that they would be paired with. The matches would sometimes end in marriage.February was also the month in which the Romans celebrated Juno Februata – the goddess of febris (fever) of love, women and marriage. So apparently on February 14, billets of paper, each holding a name of a teen girl, was put into a container. Teen boys would then draw a name and the pair would become a couple. Yep – a bonafide love lottery. They would be expected to join in erotic games, feasts and parties, which was celebrated throughout Rome. After the festival, they would sometimes remain together for the rest of the year. You guys, I’m not making this up, the custom was observed in the Roman Empire for a long time.
So there you have it. Happy Valentine’s Day!
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Getting that fresh breath fix with Sunstar GUM {Win a hamper!}
February has been dubbed “relationship month” and I’m a fan of the festivities that go with it. I love that we get to celebrate relationships and love and intimacy. But, to be honest, Valentine’s Day in our home, at the moment, looks a lot like every other day. So I’ve made it a point to make sure that my time alone with Hubstopher is extra special. Yep, I might even wear lip gloss to bed.
Pretty pajamas and smooth legs aside, smelling good and having fresh breath are always a priority! Bad breath can be such a buzz kill. But hey, since it’s February (and also National Fresh Breath Month by the way) rather than getting in a twist about bad breath, it’s the ideal time to treat the tongue to a fresh breath fix. Experts say the tongue is often the cause of bad breath, and recommend daily cleaning as part of an effective oral care routine. Seriously though, when last have you intentionally cleaned your tongue? Exactly. When it comes to bad breath the tongue is often the culprit.
Looking good and smelling sweet are important factors when I schedule in some alone time with my love. (Yes, we have a lot of kids and literally have to schedule our quality time). I want to look good for him! And I want to make sure that the garlic roll I devoured an hour ago doesn’t come back to haunt me when I’m whispering sweet nothings in his ear. This is why I love the Sunstar GUM Tongue Cleaner, you guys! It has a brush on one side and scraper on the other for maximum effectiveness. Pair this with the unique GUM Technique Plus toothbrush (designed to provide advanced cleaning with its quad-grip handle), some GUM Original White floss and GUM Original White mouth rinse and you’re good to go!
Treat your tongue to a #FreshBreathFix this February
Does this sound like something you need? Well Sunstar has partnered with me to give one My Spreadsheet Brain reader an awesome Sunstar GUM hamper worth over R600, packed with all the oral care tools you need for a healthy mouth and fresh breath. Each kit includes a Sunstar GUM Tongue Cleaner, plus a toothbrush, floss, interdentals and Original White paste and rinse for a naturally brighter smile. Use the Rafflecopter below to enter. Winner will be announced on my Facebook page, so make sure you’re following me there.
