Heart matters
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What’s in your hand
You know, the fun part about having a blog (or even a social media account for that matter), is that you get to go back ‘into time’ and check out where you were at yesteryear. The other day I checked out a few of my previous blog posts and found something that I had posted on 15 July 2011 that totally hit me right in the face. The post, titled “I’m a writer, because I write“, speaks about how I feel that I cant be a writer because I’m not authoring a book, or penning for a magazine. I did not feel good enough. I love this post because I remember the revelation that I received from it: What’s in your hand?
What is on your heart? What do you feel that you have been called to do? Does it seem impossible/big/unreachable? Well, most times, if it’s a God-dream, then it probably will look bigger than you. And that’s great! Because that means that He has set it up so that you NEED Him to do this with you. You can do anything that you can dream! Why? Because God is the dream-giver and He equips us to do exactly what we were born to do. That’s why!
In 2013, I followed my heart, and contacted Gateway News, asking Andre if I could assist as a freelance reporter. Keep in mind that I am unschooled in the area of Journalism. I did not study it. I know nothing about it, besides for what my Journo friends have shared and what I saw on Anchorman (whaaaat?) Andre took a chance on me, as he does with so many other people with a heart to serve in his ministry, and after the first 2 articles I knew that this was what I was meant to be doing. I’m not exactly Debora Patta. But I know that God did not place a dream on my heart and a skill in my hand for me to sit around with and feel sorry for myself. Since joining Gateway, my writing skill has grown and I totally enjoy being the online newspaper’s official music reviewer.
I have friends who have left their steady incomes, and risked it all, to follow their hearts and become restaurateurs or small business owners, full time musicians, full time students and work from home parents. It works because it’s been designed to work. The bigger risk is to try to live life outside of the grand design and outside of the will of God!
Can I just encourage you today to take a step of faith towards YOUR destiny – to be who you are meant to be and do what you are meant to do. Take a leap today! You will not regret it.
Here’s a snippet from my 2011 post:
“Being a writer… being a ANYTHING… would require you to START. If I want to be a singer, it would mean that I sing. If I am a horse rider, it means that I actually go out and ride horses. And If I am a writer, it would mean that I write stuff. These things do not require me to have some sort of a social status. The monetary value and popularity of my works do not add or take away from them. All it needs is DOING. And my lack thereof, would lessen the truth in the title. With that said: I am many things.” -
Girl: Interrupted
For as long as I can remember, I was someones mom. I gave birth to my eldest on the 29th November 2001 at the tender age of 19. (Me, not him.) I can’t comprehend a young adulthood without the added pressure of having to look after another little person. I remember admiring other (childless) young adults who were making life decisions, like whether or not they should Au pair in America or even go out to a movie on Saturday night, and it looked glorious! I did not have that luxury. My fate was to stay at home and raise a baby.
I gave birth to my little boy when I was fresh out of high school, just finishing my 1st year at varsity. I actually wrote my 1st year finals with an extremely big belly. Yip, I got all the stares and tsk tskkksss and ag shames and snickers. Especially when your bladder demands to be emptied every 5 minutes and the examination room is a distance from the loo.
My then boyfriend was my childhood sweetheart and he was legit – It wasn’t a “wham bam thank you ma’am” kinda thing. He was my first love and I was his and we were both dedicated to our kid and to each other. But love and dedication aside, we were ill equipped for the task of raising another person. I mean, we were still kids ourselves and we also had alot of growing up to do! Finding out we were going to be parents was kind of exciting. We spoke about names and who the baby would look like and what baby would be like. But as much joy as our baby brought to both families, it also changed things so much. I mean, I didn’t have the freedom to be a young girl anymore. I call it girl interrupted. I left varsity to find work and my baby’s dad also had to give up dreams that he had… Raising a child is not cheap! Suddenly life got real and not quite the fairy tale we had dreamed of while eating ice cream on the couch, admiring my preggy belly.
For the longest time I felt stuck – like I was destined to struggle for the rest of my life, especially after my sons dad and I split up. As a single, young mom, living on her own, with a little boy, I felt totally hopeless. How could I give my child a good life?! How would I even have a life of my own?!
I felt stuck… hopeless… as if I had no future. But guess what, I DID have a future. Jeremiah 29:11 said so. I started believing that my life is destined for success and not failure! I learnt to make GOOD decisions and surrounded myself with people who lifted me up and encouraged me to be the best mom I can be. It’s easy to focus on your failures or miscalculations. It takes a lot of guts to say, “you know what, that didn’t work out, but hey, let me try something else!” I decided to get gutsy.
Through the grace of God, his dad and I managed to find compromise. We made a lot of unselfish decisions, ego’s aside, that would help us to raise our boy with pride. Yep, it meant that both of us had to work HARD (still have to yo!) because we chose to have sex before we were married (and before we even understood the enormity of what that actually means!) so we had to bare the consequences and make the best of it! It took a lot of sacrifice to give him the best that I could but if I had a choice, I would STILL choose my son over and over again.
God is not limited to our circumstances and our human mind sets. He places dreams in our heart and He helps us to fulfill them, if we let Him! God always has a better plan than ours and as you know from previous stories, my hubstopher came along at just the right time, with just the right stuff. We have been blessed with the best.
My son went on to be the deputy head boy at his primary school (moms brains, duh) and is having such a good time in high school. I know that everything God had promised me in Jeremiah 29:11 applies to him too. I am so excited for his future and I am SO thankful for his life.
Through it all, I am grateful that amidst my hopeless situation, God came in and did miraculous things! He has restored us and given us a hope and a flourishing future. And if He can do it for us, then He can do it for you too.
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How to control your “Control Freak”ness
Photo: Absolute Misdemeanor As a self professed control freak, I am learning a couple of hard lessons about when to loosen the harness of my tightly roped life. I really do thrive when things are predictable and well planned but that has become detrimental to a few really important relationships in my life.
For starters, life with a teenager is far from predictable.
I don’t get my son. I just don’t get him!
I tell him so too.
We are the total opposites. He doesn’t even wear matching socks sometimes!
Photo: From The Left Field We have a totally crazy morning routine of me waking him up for 20 minutes and then me rushing him to get done for 20 minutes. It just does not work because we leave home LATE anyways! I’ve just decided to let him take his time, which resulted in him getting to school late a couple of days in a row, which meant he gets Friday detention. And you would think that that would shake him, but no, he still does everything PAINFULLY slow in the morning.
I’m talking, literally taking 10 minutes to put on his shirt. LITERALLY.
I’ve watched him do it!
We’ve had “bad mornings” for the past few months now and it really gets to you, to have to start your whole day off in a yelling match. (I yell. He ignores.)
Photo: Pinterest But then I started realizing how this is affecting us.
It makes us all feel negative and just creates a bad atmosphere in our home. It also made me realize that I cant control that boy and reminded me (yet again) that I can only control MYSELF… as is the case with almost everything else in my life. So no matter how many minutes my spreadsheet has allocated to me brushing my teeth, chances are, he will take an extra 10 minutes on it.
But hey that’s who I am, and that’s who he is and we are not the same person!Our children grow up so fast and we are the greatest influencers in their lives.
I’d really like to try to be less “AACK YOU’RE MESSING UP MY PLANS’ and more well, nicer, I guess. Anyone else feel this way?For starters, I am waking him up a bit earlier every morning now, which means I sacrifice my sleep but he gets more time to prepare. And then I found that since I am way nicer in the mornings now, he responds differently to me.
(When I DON’T yell, then he actually hears me. Figures.)The truth is that when I try to plan, replan and over plan, I tend to be SO self focused that I forget to value the relationship at hand.
My relationships are more important than my plans.
Woah, that was a big one.Hope I made you think 🙂
xxxL -
Things we lost in the fire: Are your kids emotionally aware?
I recently spoke to a man who had lost 2 children in a fire that ate up his home and all his possessions. I remember meeting him a few years ago right after the fire had occurred. I was working in the cellular industry and because of the fire, his insurance had to replace his cellphone – that’s where I came in.
Our introduction was a bit shaky… he came to our store to get his new phone and I remember that there were complications and he was so rude and disruptive. I did not know his story. I mean, I saw the bandages on his arms (where he tried to rescue his boy) and I saw the red rimmed eyes, but I looked past all of that, thinking “What on earth is this mans PROBLEM?! How DARE he speak to ME that way!” Later on I learnt about the fire and felt the empathy towards his situation and I immediately regretted my initial perception of him.
How often do we do this? We often judge people based on the way they make US feel, without knowing their story or their pain.
We’re deep in an era where everything is about me me me! There is a culture of utter SELFishness and the scary thing is that it has become the norm. Our children are programmed to put themselves first. Sure, we tell them that sharing is caring but in the same breath, we teach them that they have to be better, look better and achieve more than their classmates do. Are your kids emotionally aware of others?
What about you? Now I am not talking about giving your old shoes to the homeless kid on the corner. Those are very nice things to do for other people. I am talking about considering the next person’s feelings before you speak and act. Being sensitive and emotionally aware of others means showing care and love, without expecting anything in return. It is our non negotiable purpose on earth. I often need to remind myself that I was not created for ME. (Sometimes I need to remind myself A LOT, yo!) We were created for God and for Him to use us in other peoples lives. The rest of the stuff are fabulous perks.
Anyways, back to the customer and the fire. So it’s years later and he brings up the fire and all that he had lost. I was a bit shocked, because I thought the topic to be taboo and a painful one at that. But here he is, telling my colleague all about it, not missing a detail. He then goes on to say that it was a difficult time but he pushed through and that God has been so good to him since then. I looked at this man and thought WOW, I sure can learn a thing or 2 from him! Not only did he feel it okay to remember the fire, but instead of sowing seeds of sadness and regret (to milk empathy and attention) he rather used the opportunity to spark the faith of others – to sow seeds of encouragement! What a selfless act and what a huge lesson learnt!
I don’t know about you but today I choose to take the opportunity to allow God to heal the scars of my “fires” and to use it to be a light in someone else’s life. My world should not revolve around my pain. And my pain should not affect the way I love others.
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Call him Bruce
Photo: US magazine Can I start by saying I really hope I don’t offend anyone 🙂
I’m not a Kardashian follower, neither am I a transgender expert or someone who actually KNOWS Bruce Jenner, but I must say that reading his story yesterday totally broke my heart for him.
Here sits a man, who is so broken and hurt by his own father, that he seemingly lost who he is and mistook it for the need to be the one thing in life he has always been surrounded by – women.
I am not going to pretend to know what is going on deep down inside of him, but one thing I am sure of is that God does not make mistakes. If God gave Bruce Jenner male organs, male DNA and male hormones, then guess what, God had intended for Bruce to be a man.
The fact that he is not interested in being with another man proves this to me.
Surely if you’re actually a woman “on the inside” then your desire would be to be with a man? Maybe there is something deeper going on here…With that said:
Changing your outward appearance will not fix what is going on, on the inside.
Changing how you look will not satisfy the longing in your heart.
I know that there is always hope in a hopeless world though, so…
Today, I pray that through this whole transformation Bruce Jenner begins to open himself up to God. And I pray that Bruce finds exactly what his soul has been yearning for this whole time!#thatisall
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But did it kill you? Well then, keep quiet!
Hold on – Let me descend from my proverbial soap box before I fall off and hurt myself!
There. That’s better. Whew! This post was suppose to be about complaining. But as I began typing, I realized that I was complaining about… well… complaining! It was a full circle moment for me. A little voice inside asked me: Luchae, but did it kill you? And no, it did not kill me. I’m still very much alive, thanks. But it got me thinking about how easily we allow our emotions to spill out of our mouths.
We have SO much to say about life, the economy, the government, our next door neighbor, our bosses, and the beat goes on. We’re not living in the easiest of times (although, hey, I’d take today over 600 years ago’s wiping your bum with a banana leaf situation) and yes, there are many reasons why it’s easier to feel more negative than positive. But my question to you is: but did it kill you?
Chances are, it did not kill you. (My reasoning is that you’re still alive right now, so I’m pretty sure that I’m right about this one.) And if it did, in fact, NOT kill you, what’s the point in moaning about it? You’re alive! You still have air in your lungs and purpose running through your veins! That should be motivation enough to be the best you can be.
In my attempt to avoid speaking (and thinking) negatively, I try to stay away from negative conversations. You know, the whole “accept the things you can’t change, change the things you can, and know the difference between the two” and “stay silent if you don’t have anything nice to say” shpiel. It’s actually not bad advice.I’m also so mindful about what I consume on social media. I mean, social media has wonderful perks but, when used incorrectly, it can be such an easy way to spread hatred, lies and negativity. Not a good look.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that life and death is in the power of the tongue – the Bible says so in Prov 18:21. This means that you have the power to create with your own mouth! You can choose whether you want to speak blessing or curses – which may seem a bit “Liewe Heksie”, but by that I am referring to speaking positivity vs speaking negativity… speaking life verses speaking death!
Not sure whether you can pull this whole “speaking life” thing off? Well, here are a few filters you can use, before letting your words misrepresent you.
Ask yourself
Does, what I have to say, build up or tear down?
Are my motives for saying this good or bad?
Is this meant to be confidential?
Is this truthful, partly truthful or do I have no proof at all?
If the person I am talking about was present, would I still say this?Something to think about today! I, certainly, have a lot to repent about and am definitely going to be more aware of what comes out of my mouth. How about you?
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Being offended doesnt make you right
I’ve developed ninja-skills when it comes to holding a grudge. I mean, come on lady friends, we’re pretty good at keeping an offence, right? And the thing is this, it’s easy to be offended or angry at another persons actions. I think that the hard part is showing kindness and tolerance even when you feel the other person does not deserve it. And offence is a big pile of stinky poop anyways. There is nothing good about it. I mean, life is so short and precious and filled with way more important things than to mull around about the actions of OTHER people and how wrong I think they are! Being offended doesn’t make you right, darling. It makes you irrational.
Human beings are extremely good at this! I know of sisters who have not spoken to each other for years, all because of a little offence. “Being offended” has broken up families and relationships – much more wreckage that it is actually worth! I, myself, have been in countless situations where I sat with huge hurts on my heart and instead of sorting it out properly, I walked around with a major chip on my shoulder. Holding on to resentment is a burden… there is no freedom in it.
The funny thing (it’s funny because it’s not really funny) is that offence is TAKEN and not given – so you have the power to choose whether you want to live in this anger/hurt/hatred or not. And, you know what Margaret, ultimately you are not in control of the other persons actions. Your anger or offence will not lessen the value of their opinions or even their lives. Like, you will find no joy in it.
I think that being the self proclaimed queen of efficiency has made me look at an offence with the question: But what’s the point?! It’s not adding to my day. It’s not adding value to my life. It’s slowing me down. It’s throwing a spanner into my system. It’s stunting my growth and affecting how I make my decisions. No thank you please.
Yes, I agree, there are times when someone has wronged you and it is what it is. But YOU have the decision to forgive. Make the decision to move on and to grow. Every opportunity to forgive is a life lesson learnt, yo.
And so, my friends, even though being offended has become the new social norm (yeah, you know what I mean, we are so opinionated now a days!) I dare you to stand out. Choose freedom and forgiveness over the burden of resentment and offence. I mean, unless you enjoy feeling like a big pile of stinky poop. Which is slightly weird. Life without the poop is way better, trust me.
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Choosing life for my family
Life is challenging, yo. Let’s keep it real, shall we? It’s easy to paint a perfect picture of your amazing marriage, well behaved children and super rewarding career.
But what goes down when no one is looking? The reality is that even the most amazing husband can be slightly annoying at times (and slightly more than slightly, at other times). The well behaved children are not always well behaved and the rewarding career not always the life of a rock star that you had dreamed about.
After an especially challenging week of coming home to dishes and annoying husbands and misbehaving children, you just feel like throwing in the towel and saying all the negative words you can think of! But I’ve learnt that choosing life for my family is a daily decision.
What does “choosing life for my family” even mean?
Well, I saw this message this morning and it totally says everything that I can’t: Women can make or break the attitudes of our homes. Let’s build our houses with the knowledge of God that changes our behavior, the wisdom to communicate this knowledge to others, and the understanding to live out our faith. Because “charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30.
The amazing thing about God is that He has given us freedom of choice. We have the power to choose what we allow into our lives and into our thoughts. We choose how we react to situations.
We choose what we release into the atmosphere.
And sometimes we need to guard our hearts and our mouths – especially at home yo, when we’re not wearing the masks we put on to face the outside world. Home is where we’re most comfortable and often the most unaware of how we’re affecting the atmosphere.
I was just thinking that with the heinous amount of crime (even the small stuff) that takes place on a daily basis, it is so easy to become a statistic. It’s something we do our best to guard our family against. We put up security fencing and gates. We install alarms. We take out insurance policies. We take ACTION to guard our families against the “enemy” outside. But what about the “enemy” that we allow inside?
How often do we guard our family against negative words? What I’m saying in front of my kids? What do I allow them to confess over their own lives? What are my children seeing me do? What are they seeing me NOT do? How do I handle conflict, in my home?
As the mother of my household, I try to stay aware of my attitude and decisions knowing that it directly affects my kids and husband. I mean, I’m no super hero, but choosing life for my family means that I want to TRY to be the best I can be for them.
Today, I am challenged to choose to speak life over my household. I am challenged to not entertain anything that would hinder their growth. How about you? Will you choose to be a light, wherever you are? I dare you.
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What they didn’t tell you about: “…..Then comes a baby in a baby carriage”
Luchae and Christopher, sitting in a treeK-I-S-S-I-N-GFirst comes love, then comes marriageThen comes a baby in a baby carriageAnd then comes no more cuddling or alone time or lying in bed till 11am on a Saturday morningAnd THAT’S how that poem is meant to end!It’s the part they fail to mention, when you’re all smitten, with hearts in your eyes, planning your life and your perfect family with your perfect guy. Babies are hard work! And extremely demanding! Cute, but demanding.I had a moment this morning where I suddenly missed lying in my hubstopher’s arms while watching a movie.Or just lying in my hubstopher’s arms, period.Our baby co-sleeps – something I do not regret and am planning to do until she is 1 years old and no longer breastfeeding.But until then, no cuddle cuddle for him. Or me.Fortunately, I married the best guy in the whole entire world, and he is totally patient and supports our reasons to co-sleep but I think that we need to somehow work our way around it.Maybe more date nights? Maybe put her to bed earlier?So obviously, the first thing that came to mind now was to create a romantic cuddling rendezvous spreadsheet time table, so that we could work out exactly WHERE AND WHEN we can have some time together.How special.But hey, amidst the high school drama, homework, cooking supper, worship team commitments and other stuff, fitting in some cuddle time might be near impossible if we do not schedule it.And this, dear readers, is why it is SO important to marry for LOVE 🙂xxxL
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Changing my hairstyle one meal at a time
I have firm faith that 2015 will not end the way it began.
I mean, its so easy to ramble by, year after year, wearing your hair the same way, doing the same kinda things and being around the same kinda people.Not that all of this is bad all the time. I mean, some of the time, its kinda nice.But not this year… not for me.This is shocking because I hate change… which is why I’ve been wearing my hair the same way every year since the history of hair. So this is kind of a big deal.
Various pics of my (same) hairstyle spanning 2008 to present. I use to think I’ve got the whole Pocahontas hairstyle thing going, but yeah, its pretty much me doing absolutely nothing with my hair.Now, I’m not saying that I’m going on a huge hair cutting spree quite yet.I am slowly INCHING my way towards change. Just not the hair right now.But I am planning to do a whole bunch of other things different this year for the sake of growth and destiny and not being stagnant! I feel like there is soooo much happening in the spiritual realm and we kinda need to take steps of boldness to make it manifest in our lives.Some of the things I plan to work on this year (yep some are pretty deep but this one aint) is that I want to actually cook more than just the 10 or so dishes that are a favorite in our home.I’m not a terribly terrible cook, but I’m not exactly Nigella or Jamie.I guess what I’m trying to say is that, even though I actually own a cheese cutter – which is not a cheese grater, contrary to popular (my) belief – I don’t know the first thing about using it or why I would actually WANT to use it!Same goes for my herb cutter.Same goes for my whisker thingie.Same goes for my casserole cooker and ceramic serving dish.Yeah, it’s that bad.SO what I’ve done, in true excel-spreadsheet-brain style, is devise (i love that word….deviiiise) a list of recipes that are quite different to what I’d normally prepare for my guys.These are easy to make and look very interesting, oh and they are easy to make! (baby steps mmkay?)My spreadsheet has a list of each recipe and in a separate column, all the ingredients I’d need to make each recipe.So once I sort the column, I can then print a list of ingredients I’d need for a fun month of “Oh look I can make a casserole too”.I’m actually feel pretty chuffed that I am taking the first step towards doing something different in 2015.They say a change is as good as a holiday.Bring on the vacation!!!xxxL
