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Turning a breech baby – is it possible?
Now, I would never claim to be an expert of anything (expert chicken pops eater – is that a thing?) but when it comes to giving birth, I kinda know what’s up. And with this being my fourth pregnancy, I had planned to give natural birth once again, as I had with all my other kids. I was mentally and emotionally prepared for it.
Until a trip to my OBGYN revealed that baby is most definitely still breech, and at 34 weeks we kinda have a 3 week window period to ensure that he/she moves into position for birth.
Freaking out? Nay, not I, kind Sir. (I mean, I usually speak like a Shakespearean character, nothing out of the ordinary here).
But I would obviously prefer to give birth the only way I know how, as opposed to a C-Sec. Also, given the lengthy healing period and the fact that I have many other children to care for, I would say that a C-Sec (though manageable, I’m sure) would throw a spanner in the works for me.
Anyways, so with that said, baby needs to get his/her little butt into position, so to speak. After talking it out with Hubstopher (who is chilled about it all, as per usual) I did what any normal, sane pregnant woman would do: I Googled (because who are you evens if you aren’t using the Internet to find the solution to your medical problems).
I found a few interesting tips on the interwebs and were more drawn to the ones that did not sound as if it would put my unborn child in danger (because duh). And then I thought, hey I should share these with my readers because even though some of it sounds ridiculous I’m sure there is another pregnant mom with a breech baby situation, scouring the internet for a blog post of this very nature. I’m here to serve. You’re welcome.
Anyways, here are 7 (naturalish) ways to possibly get your breech baby to turn:
1. All about the music
You guys, no jokes, but some websites say that you must put headphones on your pelvis (toward your pubic bone), while playing classical music, and baby will naturally gravitate towards it. Apparently 10 minutes, six to eight times per day will do the trick.2. The breech tilt
So apparently, if you lie on your back with hips slightly elevated and knees bent, you create more room in your belly and naturally coax baby to move into position. You should try this up to three times a day for atleast 10 minutes.3. Just keep swimming
So there are no hard facts but some say that swimming can be quite relaxing and therapeutic and can help to get baby to move into position, naturally.4. Be the light
You could use an amber or red light, moving it slowly from the top down towards your pubic bone, while you’re in a tilt position. This also supposedly coaxes baby into position for labour, since baby will follow the light.5. Forward-leaning inversion
So I read that rocking back and forth on your hands and knees or even doing some gentle pelvic rotations, for about 10 minutes before bedtime, can help to relax the pelvic muscles and increase the gravitational pull inside your uterus.6. Sweeten it up
Eat or drink something sweet (fruit included) and lie on your side with your hips positioned higher than your feet. The sugar rush will get baby moving and your body’s position will coax baby to get into that birthing position.7. Using cold
They say that placing something cold on your belly will encourage baby to move into the correct position. The cold will cause them to react and move and you could basically coax your little one into position, as they try to move away from the cold.So what do you think, friends? Interesting, right? Have you tried any of this at home? I’ve heard of other (more invasive) methods, which I am a bit wary about. Have you tried any of those? Please do share your experiences down below.
Resources:
Today’s Parents
Baby Centre
Parent24
Very Well Family -
Co-parenting: I failed my child
I chat about single parenting, co-parenting and the blended family a lot on this here blog. But I always try to keep it neutral when it comes to sharing the deets of my own life and situations, simply because my story isn’t only MY story and I want to respect the privacy of all parties involved in our co-parenting journey. So you’ll often find me referencing a friend or family member when chatting about these topics… I mean, most blended families experience the same kind of challenges anyways.
But today I need to share from my own personal experience. I need to tell you guys what is on my heart. And I need to be transparent or else the guilt will consume me.
So this past weekend we celebrated my boy’s Matric Dance. It was a huge deal for me (as I explained here) because I single-parented my way through most of his schooling since his dad lives in another part of the country. So yes, guys, I hired the backdrop, made sure my family wore matching outfits and I even arranged tables of finger foods (you know, old school style) because it was a worthy celebration.
I thought that I had done right by my child, but alas, all was not well. He wasn’t happy. The puffy eyes told me so.
It turns out no matter how fancy his photo backdrop or how delicious the finger foods were, one thing was missing for him. His dad. The boy needed the reassurance that only a bio dad can give, I guess. But all he got was silence.
I knew this would happen. In fact, I spent the week EXPECTING the guy to be a no-show. Kinda WANTING him to prove me right, so that I could have that “I told you so!” moment and somehow feel vindicated. I mean, that would prove to everyone that I’m not just a disgruntled “baby mama” who nags about everything (as we do, apparently)… right?
But when the day of said vindication came, instead of feeling as if I won, I felt like a loser… like I had failed my child. Seeing the longing on his face totally broke me.
I was completely at war with myself… blaming myself for what could have been. I mean, I could have done more to give my child what he so desperately needed that day… a little bit of his bio dad.
I’m a creative lass. I could have made a plan to get the kid’s father to somehow be present… booked a plane ticket, bus ticket, whatever it took.
Or maybe I should have gotten his dad and “other” family to send through video clips congratulating him. I could even have made a photo collage or a video montage, to give the kid the feeling that his bio dad is here, even if just in thought. I should have let the boy know that his bio dad is proud of him, even if he didn’t actually say this with his own mouth (to me, atleast).
Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda.
After some deep introspection, I realised that I needed to let go of the guilt. I had been walking around with anger (towards the guy and towards myself) and it wasn’t helping the situation. I mean, instead of wanting the kid’s dad to be a great father, I kinda set him up for failure (in my heart, atleast) by expecting the worst. And instead of reassuring my child, I allowed myself to operate in spite.
I was reminded that, as the baby mama, spitefulness and vindictiveness will only HURT YOUR CHILD. Your child’s heart is more important than the need to be proven right. I mean, sure you can’t force the other parent to be present, but wouldn’t you want that for your child anyways?
I learnt that the key ingredient to successfully co-parenting your kid is to remove your ego. I can’t control you (or make you respond to my messages) but I can control me and my motive. It’s my job to be the best parent to my child… whether my ego likes it or not. Walking in grace and forgiveness isn’t a temporary thing for “when I feel like it”. It’s constant and it is meant to be applied to ALL relationships in your life… even the challenging ones that involve your kid’s other parent.
I am so thankful that God’s mercies are new every morning and that we get an opportunity to try again, no matter how messy the situation seems.
Clip note: I married the BEST man in the whole entire world, friends. Hubstopher totally stepped up and did everything and more to fill the missing hole. After the dance, the two of them had a great heart to heart, which I do believe brought a lot of healing.
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Newborn checklist: My stripped down list of must-haves
When you’re a bit of a baby aficionado, like I am, you kinda know what’s up when it comes to baby stuff. I mean, the running joke is that my next baby’s entrance into the world will be so easy, that it’ll probably appear wearing a whole outfit, including matching beanie and socks. *insert crickets chirping*
But regardless of how, uhm, experienced you are at child rearing, preparing for a little bebe can seem very daunting especially when you eye those extravagantly long lists on the internet, put together by mothers who are – for lack of a better term – next level extra.
I mean, we’ve all been that “next level extra” mom. Aint nothing wrong with that… I mean, I kinda still am, sometimes. But truth be told, my fellow mamas, you actually need very little for baby’s first few days on earth. In fact, if you compare those (very long) lists with the amount of stuff that are very necessary, you’d be surprised at how minimal your baby list should actually be.
Now the only reason why this topic is coming up on my blog today is because I am tired. (Yes, this is the mantra of my life right now, bail a sister). And because I am tired, I haven’t even attempted to do any baby shopping for baby Williams arrival at the end of August. But, in my defense, I know that I only need these 7 things to get by during those first few weeks:
1. Onesies
I love little baby crawlers and onesies, especially for the first few months, because quite honestly you guys, no one is seeing that outfit underneath swaddle blankets. Snap crotch vests are life (I said that here, remember) and comfy crawlers and onesies are perfect for baby’s transition from womb to world. I stan a cute onesie, over a pair of 0-3 month skinny jeans, any day!2. Blankets
Talking about blankets, these are obvz a must. Swaddle sets are cool because it helps you to keep baby feeling safe and tucked in. (Remember, that’s what they experienced in the womb too). So a couple of swaddle blankets, some receiving blankets and a larger fleecy one is basically all I’ll get for my baby right now. I am also planning on using my The Gro Company baby sleeping bags, for safer sleep. (I literally aaacked when they sent me some! I’ll tell you all about it soon).3. Big ticket items
Stuff like your cot, your car seat and your sleep positioner (like this one) is super duper important. I also prefer having a bath seat (like this one), to help me to wash that little body without being a cluts. A good quality baby bag is also a must. Things like a play mat, a feeding chair and a Bumbo seat are great things, but I would probably only aim to get those things later on.
4. Breastfeeding gear
My Medela breast pumps, breast pads and nipple ointments are an absolute MUST! You guys, I switched to Medela, when Jo was born, and my life has never been the same again! (Indulge me as I over-dramatise this moment) Seriously though, Medela was so kind to send me their mini-electric pump and I am planning on getting a Harmony hand pump again, because it works so well for quick pumps. (The pic above was taken in a plane, you guys, I’m a gangsta-pumper).5. Nappies
Because, duh. Nappies and wet wipes are essential commodities, when you have a newborn. Stocking up on nappies and wipes are definitely a life goal, when you’re expecting a little one. You can totally use cloth nappies too (Simone wrote a very interesting article about it here). I must admit, the idea of cloth diapering, while being a working mom with a 2 year old and a 4 year old, totally overwhelms my spreadsheet brain. And yep, baby will be going to a day mother, so no help at home either. So I’ll probably kick it old school and stick to the Huggies I know and trust. Oh and the more wet wipes the merrier!
6. Bottles and pacifiers
I mean, if you plan to breastfeed, you may not want to invest in these just yet. In fact, besides for Jojo, none of my kids even took to pacifiers. But when it comes to bottles (because let’s face it, even if you exclusively breast feed, you may want to express milk and bottlefeed) I would definitely stick to the Tommee Tippee brand. The Closer To Nature range helped me to combo feed Kari and made the transition from boob to breast a bit easier for my girl. It’s a definite must-have for me. (Oh and duh, if you’re bottle feeding, you would want a top notch bottle cleaner, bottle rack and sterilizer).7. Toiletries
Top-to-toe wash and baby lotion is probably the only must-have on my toiletries list. I don’t use powders and oils on my little ones, just because I feel that their delicate skin doesn’t really need it. A solid bum cream is a must though – fans of Sudocream, hollar! (I never thought I would be a fan, of like, a bum cream, but here I am wanting to follow it on Instagram).So that’s my very doable list of baby goodies that I absolutely need to get, like, soon. My spreadsheet brain is also all about that forward thinking, so putting money onto a Baby City (or retailer of choice) gift card every month, during your pregnancy, is a great way to ensure that you have funds to buy those necessary items, once baby is here.
Disclaimer: This post was NOT sponsored by Baby City 🙂
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Motherhood: a stripping
I vaguely remember those days of bliss (painful bliss?), after birthing my babies. I mean, how much detail would you expect a stitched up, overly exhausted, hormone-wrecked new mom to remember? Post-birth days are a blur.
The one thing I do remember is the way I instantly fell inlove with each baby. Like, immediately. There is no feeling like it, right ladies? I lived in that euphoria for days post-birth… the pain and broken body not as important as the sweet smell of my baby.
And even when my sister and I jokingly chat about how scary I look post birth, I know that it’s in jest and I honestly couldn’t care less about my appearance or what other people think, in that moment.
But one comment that a visitor made after seeing me (in all my unkept glory) kinda stuck with me.
It had been about three days, post birth, and I was frazzled and in pain. Our visitors arrived with supper (praise the good Lord) and quietly had a peek at baby, before heading home (and again I say, praise the Lord). But not before I hear one innocently whisper to the other “yoh, motherhood strips you!”
At the time I remember thinking, gosh are these people really going to comment on my underwhelming appearance right now?! I mean, I was both mortified and uncaring about the whole situation. It didn’t bug me enough to want to, you know, block people on Facebook. But it did make me want to contour my face into perfection and put on a push up bra, like, immediately. (I did neither, btw.)
Looking back now, as I sit in pain with baby number five in my belly, I’m reminded of that comment. Motherhood strips you. How true those words are!
A close friend of mine shared that she learnt a lesson in being undignified the day she birthed her kids. There is nothing quite like the raw abandonment a mother feels, as she births her child. At that moment, you literally don’t care who sees your what.
Well thought out Brazilian waxes and tanned calf muscles are unimportant, as you thrust your legs up, on either side, to pretty much whoever wants to hold them, so that you can get the kid out asap. Your pretty Woolies bra and face beat really not that impressive, as you clutch your newborn tightly while they latch onto your raw nipple, drawing blood.
Those first few days of motherhood strips you and you become someone else – well, still you, I guess, but like, the undiluted version. You’re overly aware of your body and your child’s needs and, honestly, making sure that both are okay becomes the primary concern. All the other frills and bows are just… well, froth. You know, froth: the top part of a cup of really good coffee that gives it that pretty aesthetic but doesn’t determine how great the java is.
And as for the rest of Motherhood… yep, pretty much the same thing! Your children take priority – numero uno (have you seen Kari and I dress for church? She’s model chic and I’m “can someone tell Luchae that her top is on inside out”). Your priorities are never the same again!
I am reminded of this journey and just how much we go through to successfully carry, birth and raise our children. Reminded of the stripping… the vulnerability of the human body and how a mother abandons her own dignity, to ensure that her child is safe, alive and healthy.
I’m not saying that there is ugly in the birthing process. No matter how you’ve come to meet your child – whether it be on a hospital table or through a tear-streaked filling out of forms – it is beautiful… satisfying… a hot mess of emotions… but so fulfilling.
And if you think about it, a stripping HAS to take place. Because you’re pretty much never the same again.
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All stepparents are monsters, right?
Stepparenting is not for sissies. Yes, that’s my opening line. Whaaat? It’s the truth you guys. A recent conversation with a very emotional friend made me realize that the average stepparent has to deal with a lot more junk than they actually deserve.
Now, allow me to add a little disclaimer: it is possible to have a healthy blended family dynamic. So the thoughts in this post may not be for you (you go girl, keep up the great work!) but I’m sure it will speak to the hearts of those who are experiencing challenges on the stepparenting front.
We all know that parenting is super hard at times. And stepparenting is next level, yo! It’s not always easy and it doesn’t always have great rewards. But for those of you who are in that position, I’m sure you’re not just sticking it out for the half-hearted Happy Mother’s Day mumble. We do it because we actually care for the kid and we want to create a healthy and happy family environment. But based on the amount of messages I’ve received and the type of situations I’ve experienced, I’ve gathered that trying to be a good stepparent is not the easiest thing in the world.
Why?
Well, because ultimately you’re a bonus… an add on … you’re not really needed but you’re not going anywhere. You do the work, you put in the time, you make the commitment. Sometimes it appears to not be enough (because, you know, you could do better, get off your phone Cathy!) but then other times, you give off the impression that you’re doing too much (because, you’re not the kid’s real parent so can you just put your emotions aside, gosh!)
It’s a thankless job and you’re kinda dealt with a whole bunch of different blows that you literally just have to take, for the sake of keeping the peace. (No one wants to be the stepparent who throws a hissyfit every time they feel disrespected… it’s ugly Jane, we don’t roll like that.)
Your every decision and movement is often scrutinised (how dare you give the child chores to do, you monster!) and more often than not, you’re the bad guy before the movie even started, because that’s the way Holywood writes these scripts.
Besides for being the unspoken bad guy, you’re also the person whose opinion and feelings don’t really matter as much. I mean, duh, it can’t matter because you’re not the parent (add on/bonus, remember?)… you’re just there for show. So what you have to say and how you feel doesn’t really count.Stepparent’s get alot of flack. I can say this because I’ve given the flack, I’ve received the flack and I’ve helped to evenly distribute the flack, many times. Guilty as charged… there are no pretenses here. I’ve had conversations with friends about their kid’s stepparents (tssk tsssk, who does she think she is?!) and I’ve been part of conspiracies to not include stepparent’s at certain events because “he needs to learn”. It’s ugly.
Who made this universal rule that stepparents are not important? Who decided that the stepfather’s intention is not always good? Who told you that the stepmother can’t possibly love the child as much as she says she does? It’s a silly stereotype, honestly Jackie. Cut it out.
I mean, sure, the bonus parent happens to be there because of marriage and all that, and sure we don’t really need them, but guess what we do want them to love our children and treat them well. Oh the irony.
And then we laugh at them behind their backs, at gatherings, exchanging stories and rolling our eyes because, you know, they are only the stepparent and more importantly, we need the entertainment. (Brown people, where you at.)
I guess what I’m trying to do, with this post, is to stick up for bonus parents all around the world who are trying really hard but can’t seem to break out of that evil stepparent stereotype.
You guys don’t have to love the kid and you probably don’t have to put up with the back biting and snarky comments and, you know, being treated like a hobo at the beach trying to direct traffic for a few coins.
You’re there because you want to be there and you love the child because you want to. And even though others may not see your heart, I do. I get it. I see you. And I want you to know that you’re doing a great job.
Disclaimer: Thank you for your blog post suggestions. I love hearing from you guys. If you have any other topics that you’d like to me/us to chat about, hollar at your girl! To my friend who is experiencing this very real heartbreak right now: sending thoughts and prayers your way.
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Easy homemade wet wipes
It’s no secret – wet wipes make the world go round. Well, okay, maybe not “go round” but they sure do make life a lot less stickier! I have my favorite brands and we buy copious amounts of the stuff, because it’s just so darn convenient! But, imagine a day, my friends, when – GASP – you’ve run out of wet wipes and you have no way to get to the shops to purchase more! Well, that was me last week Saturday. A plan had to be made!
Now, yes people, I do have a spreadsheet brain, but I’m not your average crafty mom. I mean, I’m not out here wanting to sow my own shoes and grow my own vegetables. But after watching a couple of Youtube tuts on how to make your own wipes, I figured that this is easy enough for even me to make. (So you must know it’s super easy.)
Easy homemade wet wipesTo make your own wipes, you will need:
A cylinder shaped container – The taller, the better, in my opinion.
A roll of extra thick paper towel – The thicker, the better, in my opinion.
Baby wash – Using baby wash is the super easy way. I love the smell of the JOHNSONS top-to-toe baby wash so I chose that.
Baby oil – Again, you can be as fancy as you want.
About 2 cups of water – I boiled mine first and left it to cool
Method: Start off by measuring your paper roll to your container, and using a sharp knife, cutting it down to size. You want your paper towel to fit into your cylinder container neatly, once the lid is on tightly.
Mix together your water, 2 tablespoons of baby wash and 1 tablespoon of baby oil. Pour the contents over your paper towel, seal the container and turn it upside down, to ensure that the entire roll is seeped in the mixture.
Now, the big challenge for me was to gauge how much of the mixture I was going to add to my paper towel. You don’t want it to be to wet or soggy. I’ve played around with 1 and a half to 2 cups of mixture to find the consistency that I like. You can do that too – find what works best for you!After about 15 minutes, open your container, and remove the inside cardboard of your paper towel roll. It should slide out quite easily by now. And ta daaaa your wet wipes are ready to go!
Disclaimer:You’ll notice that I kept it super easy, because, honestly I get tired when I see recipes on the internet that requires me to find leaves from a tree only found on a hill in Timbuktwo or essence of pomegranate that grows on the outskirts of Jamaica. Like, I’m not here to be fancy right now. But you can be as fancy and as all-natural as you want. No judgies. Other moms have included things like drops of lavender and other essential oils and sometimes substitute the baby oil for coconut oil or aloe vera.
So what do you think, friends? Will you try this at home? If you do, hit me up in the comments section and let me know how it goes!
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‘YouTube for kids’ is freaking me out!
So I’m sure you guys have learnt about the freaky YouTube hacks that have been found peppered throughout some of our kid’s favorite YouTube and YouTube Kids videos. Yep, I’m talking KIDS videos… you know, the ones that are seemingly safe and harmless. The ones our children are glued to, when they are enjoying their screen time, each day. Malicious people are hacking dem videos, you guys, and adding content that basically encourages your little one to self harm, or even worse, end their lives or that of their families. Shocked yet? I know, right.
Pediatrician, Free Hess, found a bunch of YouTube and YouTube Kids videos that included tips on how to commit suicide… and they’ve been around for as long as a year, you guys! A mom friend of hers made her aware of the epidemic when the friend’s son discovered an eerie edit in one of the YouTube videos he was watching. Basically, in the middle of the footage, a guy appears, instructing kids to slit their wrists. “Side ways for attention, long ways for results.” (You can watch the video here.)
To date, Hess has reported numerous dodgey YouTube videos. Some contain content that promotes suicide, sexual exploitation and abuse, gun violence, human trafficking and domestic violence. All cleverly hidden in seemingly innocent videos that our kids are consuming!
The most recent disturbing YouTube content that I’ve stumbled on is the Momo Challenge. So basically Momo is a freaky looking character that targets young kids, by encouraging them to text a number on Whatsapp. This person then sends them disturbing challenges – instructions that they need to complete – ranging from performing daring acts, to engaging in self-harm and even taking their own lives.These Momo challenges appear midway through Peppa Pig, Fortnight and other Kids YouTube videos. Momo also freaks kids out by telling them that “everyone will die” and “I am coming for you”. Children are left traumatised and some are afraid to sleep alone. A three-year old, who had been exposed to Momo, while watching Peppa Pig, on YouTube Kids, told his mom ‘they’re going to kill everyone!’
I don’t know about you guys, but I am completely freaked out by this! My children will not be seeing YouTube anytime soon! But hey, I often relied on the safety of YouTube Kids, when my 4-year old wanted some screen time (and I wanted some, you know, adult time). But surely there are safer alternatives to YouTube… right? Well yes, yes there are. Here are few alternatives I found online:
1. Download your own videos, maaan! Instead of feeding YouTube content to your kid, find safe videos online (you might want to screen each video first), and save them to the device, so that your kid can view offline. You can actually buy a subscription to YouTube Red, that allows you to curate your own videos and save them to offline. Same thing. Tip: Always make sure the device is not connected to the internet.
2. Subscribe to Netflix, you guys. Netflix has a host of safe kiddies programs that are better alternatives than simply letting them go rogue on YouTube Kids. I love that Netflix has a developed a login that ensures your children are viewing kid-friendly content. Read more about those kid-friendly controls here.
3. Curated apps, like DisneyNOW, and PBS Kids are a great alternative. I mean, they produce their own content, so you won’t find Freaky Fred popping up on the screen anytime soon.
But either way, you guys, we need to be chatting to our small kids about online stranger danger. My 4-year old needs to know that there are bad people out there who may try to influence and scare her. Having these types of conversations are important. Let your children know that they must not be afraid to tell an adult, if they come across anything that makes them feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
Do you allow your kids to watch YouTube? What are some of the ways you safeguard them against the creepy content creators of this world?
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Confessions of a super woman
I sometimes cringe when people ask me how many children we have. I mean, you never know what their response will be once they find out that we parent and co-parent a collective of four kids.
I mean, when it comes to responses, we’ve heard it all. From the “don’t you guys own a TV” (do you know that co-parent means we didn’t physically birth four kids together?) to “yoh, you guys are crazy!” (Thanks)
Most of them shake their heads in disbelief (because it’s like, sooo shocking, and stuff) and say “wow, that’s a lot!” I guess they’re referring to the fact that they don’t know where we get the time, energy and money from to rear four children.
“How do you do it?!” They’d ask, with big eyes. And my response would probably always be a shoulder shrug followed by “I don’t know either” or “must be the Lord!”
Now, I know that most people mean well and probably can’t help for their reaction. This post is not about that.
This post is about their replies when I say I don’t know how I do it. They would then usually tell me that we make it look easy and we’re so blessed and that I’m such a super woman and we are great parents and all of that.
And it’s ’round about this time that my eyes glaze over and I begin to hear montage music, as replays of my life flash before me.
Sorry, I’m not trying to insinuate that their kind words are insincere. It’s just that most days, I don’t feel like a super woman and I find it hilarious when people say that we make it look easy. I mean, hilarious in a non-funny way. Because it’s not. It’s NOT EASY.
It’s not easy being the parent of two small kids under the age of 5, while co-parenting two other kids who are nearing adulthood at an alarming pace. It can be heavy, emotionally (especially the co-parenting gig) and yep, co-parenting means we don’t have the full responsibility of raising the kid, but it doesn’t make it any easier yo.
It’s not easy when you have to make sure you’re distributing love evenly and consistently, to all kids, even though one of them does not live with us and two of them don’t even refer to us as “mom” and “dad”.
It’s not easy when you literally don’t have time for each other. Like, I’m not just saying so because it’s a cool thing to say on a blog. The last time I even sat next to my husband was probably at the doctor’s surgery a few weeks ago. No jokes.And guys, try raising a 2 year old and a 4 year old without the help of screen time and copious amounts of mini cheddars, while having a successful career of sorts and a clean house. Not easy! (Yes, I’m raising processed food eating hermits. Somebody call Oprah.)
It takes a lot of balance and planning and pre-planning, when it comes to working out school fees and food and clothes and extra-mural activities and how to get everyone from point A to point B and to still find time for yourself in the middle of it all.
But more than that, it can be challenging to not lose yourself, in the mix. I often have to remind myself of the point of it all… that this story is bigger than me and my ego and how I feel.
So when people refer to me as a super woman, I can’t help but want to point out all the ways that I feel like I’m failing as a mother and wife, daily. The term “super woman” feels like a fraudulent statement… as if they’re only seeing the shiny side of the coin. And I wonder if my positive outlook on life falsely advertises a challenging lifestyle by, you know, passing it off as easy, doable and without trial.
Can you successfully rear a big family, in this day and age? Sure you can! Are you able to raise well-balanced kids even though half of them did not originate from both you and your husband’s loins? Yep, that’s a definite!
But I don’t want to be the one, out here, selling false hopes and pipe dreams. It’s not easy and I’m not a super woman. We are not super, duper people who can do no wrong on the parenting front. In fact, we’re just ordinary people (I know, John Legend should pay me royalties for pimping his song this much). And we would be a hot mess without our faith and our constant drive to live our lives on purpose, with purpose.
So there you have it. How do we do it? Well, the truth is that we’re not the ones “doing it”… and that’s why it works. Like, honestly you guys, if I didn’t have Jesus as my firm foundation, I would probably be in a mental asylum right now (or still partying my life away, in a mini skirt and hooker heels).
Through all of the dips and peaks of parenting our brood, I’ve found myself clinging to God, because honestly, He is my only constant. People fail you and hurt you and make living life even harder than it should be. Things fall apart, you guys. Tomorrow is not promised. Success (or our perceived version of it) is fleeting. But God’s promises for us are timeless, never changing and faithful. It’s the only surety we have. Clinging to the rock that is higher than I is the only way I know to survive.
And that’s how I do it.
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Living with teenagers can be annoying!
If you’re the parent of a small kid, or, in my case, a gang of small kids, and you’re thinking that your life is “woes” right now, allow me to bring some clarity to the situation. This level of “woesness” is nothing compared to when your tiny angels are full grown adults, who have opinions of their own.
(Disclaimer, if you’ve come here for advice, move along Jackie. But if you’re looking for a kindred heart who has had to stop herself from, you know, throwing shoes and cutlery at her grown son, then welcome friend! This post is for us.)
No one makes me as angry as my 17 year old son does. His newly developed sense of self annoys me. There, I said it. And the thing is this parents, I shouldn’t be annoyed. I should be nurturing, supportive, helpful. But nope, I find myself super annoyed every single day. And hey, I own it. I’m the one being annoyed. He’s the one simply being a teenage boy. So I’m not saying I’m right. But I am saying that… heck yeah, I’m annoyed!
Well, for starters, I’m annoyed at his decision making skills (or lack thereof), at his endless “Mom, can I” requests, at his demanding nature when he feels that he is entitled to something.
I’m annoyed at how opinionated he is… teenagers believe that they are experts in every field. They are also not open to reason or new ideas. My son, in particular, believes that he knows it all! He loves a good debate and I can flip my biscuit lid when he tries to get into it with me!
He has no filter and will say exactly what he is feeling/thinking, which irks me! And guys, be warned: this new generation of teen knows about freedom of speech and believe that they can practice this in the comfort of their homes!
I’m super annoyed when he does his own thing, even after I have
given instructionoffered advice. Worse than that is when he disagrees with me silently, but then goes along with what I’ve asked him to do, with a grudge on his shoulder, mumbling his discontentment under his breath. Or when he responds to my requests with a question, as if we’re on Felicia Mabuza-Suttle and he’s interviewing me. “Are we seriously going to do this right now?” and “So you really want me to do this now?”The typical teenage lack of urgency and consideration annoys me like nobody’s business! We can be running late for work/school, and the kid will continue to move at snail pace, as if nothing in the world matters except how he perfectly executes the application of his school shoe. Like, seriously, catch a wake up!
But more than all of this, I’m annoyed that he is growing up and becoming his own person. I don’t like this… not one bit!
I guess a lot of the annoyance comes from the fact that I can’t “control” him anymore… well, not like you would a younger child who still relies on you for everything. He doesn’t rely on me for everything. And soon (once he’s out of the house, with a fam of his own) he might not rely on me for anything, at all! And that annoys the living daylights out of me and I don’t know how to make it stop.
The truth is, I love this annoying teenage child of mine so much. He’s the one who graduated me into mommydom when I was still a teen myself. He was my “ride or die” when I was a single mother, trying to make ends meet (like a Julia Roberts movie). He’s the one I first dreamed big dreams for and the kid that I put my whole life aside for, as I tried to navigate the choppy waters of young adulthood. And now he is almost an adult too. And I’m annoyed.
Is it irrational? Probably. Should I know better? Yep. Can I be a better parent? Always. Reminding myself that I’m actually raising someones dad, husband, boss, friend, helps me to remember how important this season is and how much influence I have, even though he pretends that he doesn’t care what I have to say. So for now, I say a prayer, swallow my annoyance and try to be the adult that I want him to grow into.
And yes, I guess that means no throwing shoes at him. Dammit.
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Practical Valentine’s gift Ideas for the spreadsheet brain
So I have a spreadsheet brain (but you guys already knew this) and because of my spreadsheet brain, I simply cannot allow my husband to spend copious amounts of money on flowers and chocolates, when February 14th hits. I mean, when he does, I totally appreciate it. But the spreadsheet half of my heart is busy calculating exactly how much he spent and what we could use the money on (I know, it’s bad, this is not me bragging, yo).
Anyways, in light of my spreadsheet brain and Valentine’s Day and you know, buying flowers and chocolates, I thought to put together a list of practical Valentine’s gift ideas, for those of you who are just like me (yep, semi-looney). Here are my findings:
Diamonds and Pearls
They say that diamonds are a girls best friend. Which may be accurate if you’re that kind of girl. I’m not that kind of girl (spreadsheet brain calculations and all of that). But I do love me some pretty and sentimental jewelry! I love receiving well thought out gifts like mood rings, lockets and bracelets. When my Hubstopher finds something that reminds him of me, regardless of price, I immediately love it!
Spa Day
Trust me guys, if you’re looking to find the perfect Valentine’s gift, a day at the spa will probably give you serious brownie points. I actually booked a spa day a few months ago, when I wanted to spoil Chris for his birthday. He loved it! Men love a good pamper too, yo! And most of the spa’s have romantic couple’s treatments that will have you feeling super relaxed and super, you know, in love all at the same time. Winning.Make My Life Easier
If you really want to creep into my mama heart, you’d get me gift vouchers for those every day spoils that I can’t afford. You know, things like a cleaning service (someone else cleaning my house… heck yeah!) or a laundromat (because folding laundry is the spawn of evil). What about a dinner box subscription, where meals are sent to your door every week? Ooh or even a pamper voucher, for nails and hair. Those are the types of things that I would never dream to spend money on (because many kids, remember?).
Sweet smells
The idea of opening a gift filled with perfumes and sweet smell makers totally makes me feel like love is in the air, yo! And if you’re sentimental like I am, you’d probably keep the perfume bottle until you’re old and grey with a whole vanity filled with empty bottles. We’re our own special kind of crazy. But yes, a perfume set, filled with your loved ones favorite scent, is a definite winner!Shoes and Bags
Men, women love shoes and bags. That’s that. Need I say more? (Clip note: if you’re unsure of the type style she may be into, enlist the help of a friend or sister who can point you in the right direction!) In my opinion, a practical gift like this will make me squeal a whole lot more than a box of chocolates, yo.
Practical Extras
I’m a fiend over things like notebooks, cute mugs, travel mugs, stationary sets and decorative desk stuff. Yeah, I have a Typo and Cum Books in my head… along with the spreadsheet brain. It’s pretty crowded up there. My point is that if your loved one is into this sort of thing, there are a range of amazing goodies at these stores, and they are quite affordable too! Cum Books is one of my faves and I love their range of Valentine’s “Love” inspired mugs and notebooks (pictured above).So there you have it fam. Which of these are a winner, in your eyes? Hit the share button below and tag your special someone if you’re wanting to drop a hint!
