• Girl: Interrupted

    For as long as I can remember, I was someones mom. I gave birth to my eldest on the 29th November 2001 at the tender age of 19. (Me, not him.) I can’t comprehend a young adulthood without the added pressure of having to look after another little person. I remember admiring other (childless) young adults who were making life decisions, like whether or not they should Au pair in America or even go out to a movie on Saturday night, and it looked glorious! I did not have that luxury. My fate was to stay at home and raise a baby.

    I gave birth to my little boy when I was fresh out of high school, just finishing my 1st year at varsity. I actually wrote my 1st year finals with an extremely big belly. Yip, I got all the stares and tsk tskkksss and ag shames and snickers. Especially when your bladder demands to be emptied every 5 minutes and the examination room is a distance from the loo.

    girl interrupted

    My then boyfriend was my childhood sweetheart and he was legit – It wasn’t a “wham bam thank you ma’am” kinda thing. He was my first love and I was his and we were both dedicated to our kid and to each other. But love and dedication aside, we were ill equipped for the task of raising another person. I mean, we were still kids ourselves and we also had alot of growing up to do! Finding out we were going to be parents was kind of exciting. We spoke about names and who the baby would look like and what baby would be like. But as much joy as our baby brought to both families, it also changed things so much. I mean, I didn’t have the freedom to be a young girl anymore. I call it girl interrupted. I left varsity to find work and my baby’s dad also had to give up dreams that he had… Raising a child is not cheap! Suddenly life got real and not quite the fairy tale we had dreamed of while eating ice cream on the couch, admiring my preggy belly.

    For the longest time I felt stuck – like I was destined to struggle for the rest of my life, especially after my sons dad and I split up. As a single, young mom, living on her own, with a little boy, I felt totally hopeless. How could I give my child a good life?! How would I even have a life of my own?!

    I felt stuck… hopeless… as if I had no future. But guess what, I DID have a future. Jeremiah 29:11 said so. I started believing that my life is destined for success and not failure! I learnt to make GOOD decisions and surrounded myself with people who lifted me up and encouraged me to be the best mom I can be. It’s easy to focus on your failures or miscalculations. It takes a lot of guts to say, “you know what, that didn’t work out, but hey, let me try something else!” I decided to get gutsy.

    Through the grace of God, his dad and I managed to find compromise. We made a lot of unselfish decisions, ego’s aside, that would help us to raise our boy with pride. Yep, it meant that both of us had to work HARD (still have to yo!) because we chose to have sex before we were married (and before we even understood the enormity of what that actually means!) so we had to bare the consequences and make the best of it! It took a lot of sacrifice to give him the best that I could but if I had a choice, I would STILL choose my son over and over again.

    God is not limited to our circumstances and our human mind sets. He places dreams in our heart and He helps us to fulfill them, if we let Him! God always has a better plan than ours and as you know from previous stories, my hubstopher came along at just the right time, with just the right stuff. We have been blessed with the best.

    My son went on to be the deputy head boy at his primary school (moms brains, duh) and is having such a good time in high school. I know that everything God had promised me in Jeremiah 29:11 applies to him too. I am so excited for his future and I am SO thankful for his life.

    Through it all, I am grateful that amidst my hopeless situation, God came in and did miraculous things! He has restored us and given us a hope and a flourishing future. And if He can do it for us, then He can do it for you too.

  • Guilt free baby lovin’

    guilt free

    In a perfect world I’d be a stay at home mom. I would also be a size 6, freckle free and have a rich husband. But this is not a perfect world. So here I am, in all my size 10 glory, a 9 to 5 working mom with a 9 to 5 working husband. Life’s pretty decent and I get that I am at my place of employment for a season and a reason, but I must admit that it sucks a lot when I have to leave my baby with a babysitter every morning, and only get to see her again when it’s dark outside. I guess I have a severe case of what I’ve dubbed ‘guilt free baby lovin’.

    I felt this even more so yesterday, when I had a particularly hectic Saturday and only picked baby up at 4pm. We then went to visit friends, where an aunty took baby for a bit to say hi and for some play time. A couple of minutes later, I spot aunty and baby, and I see my baby’s head is down on auntys shoulder, as if she is tired. But she cant be tired. She’s just had a nap. I then realized that my poor baby probably thought that I had left again and had resigned to just laying there, on auntys shoulder, until I came back. KariOh my heart broke at the sight! I immediately went to get her from the kind aunty and when baby saw me, she was instantly full of joy and energy, so excited that mommy isn’t gone after all!

    I know that millions of moms all around the world have 9 to 5 jobs as well and their babys have grown up to be mentally sane and emotionally balanced and all of that. But this doesn’t make it easier for me to be away from mine. With my first born I was ever thankful when someone took him off my hands, allowing me some free time to do whatever I needed to. But with this little one it’s so hard for me to be away from her. I prefer staying at home with her, rather than going out. I’ve said no to many an invitation and have even declined hubstophers request for a weekend (or even a night) away from the kids. I’m not ready yet. Fortunately my husband is understanding and he is okay with this. And I’ve decided to be okay with it too.

    I have had people tell me not to “spoil” her by holding, kissing her playing with her too much. Uhm. No thank you lady, I’d prefer holding and kissing and playing with my kid. Her dad is crazy about her and she semi freaks out (good freak out) when she sees him. She gives him the best shrieks and belly laughs when he does silly antics for her. I will never ever deny her that. I don’t think it is “spoiling” her. I think that it is giving her a sense of belonging and security. Her parents love her and we want to always make her feel that she is loved.
    KariWari

    And you know what, she will only be a baby for so long and I plan to enjoy every single second that I have to spare, with her. I am okay with lavishing my love and attention on our little girl and I am okay with being selfish with my time. Our older kids have each other and yes, they also get the attention that they need, but obviously, since she is 9 and 12 years their junior, she requires a bit more. We all understand this. It makes sense in our world.

    And hey, maybe one day Ill attend that party or go away for a weekend. Maybe one day I won’t rush home from work, just so that I can see her. One day. But not right now. No guilt here. No shame here. No unresolved issues here. Just pure guilt free baby lovin and I’m going to savor it for as long as I can.

  • Maternity photography: how to keep it classy

    Maternity photographyDo preggy photo shoots make you cringe? Well, they don’t have to! In fact, there are really stunning maternity photography ideas online. Okay, okay, I’ll admit, while prepping for my maternity shoot, I found some that literally hurt my eyeballs. But it was a big help because I immediately knew what I wanted (and DIDN’T want) in my photos. Let’s call them the what’s hots and what’s nots of maternity photography, shall we? But hey, see for yourself:

    Not hot: I knew that I wasn’t particularly fond of having my undies on display. I didn’t want over the top nakedness either. There are ways of showing off your bump, that does not include exposed nipple. I’m convinced. (Not sure what the tyre is doing in Pic 2 there. But yeah, that too.) Maternity photographyNot hot: I knew that I wanted to incorporate something that I really love into my shoot. Which is what guy with gun (Pic 1) is probably trying to demonstrate? With that said, I wanted it to look like I’m not a crazy person (reference to Pic 2). Also, yes, I had to deal with stretchmarks (don’t we all, Kim Kardashian?) but I wasn’t about to make it a permanent feature in my maternity photos. Maternity photography Not hot: I never fully understood why the dad has to be naked in maternity photos. Why dads? For the love of all that is good, WHY?! I wasn’t comfortable with having my hubstopher’s skin on display. He’s not pregnant, anyways. I am. So that settled it. Maternity photography

    So with all of this in mind, this is what my maternity photo shoot ended up looking like:

    Maternity photography

    Maternity photographyMaternity photography

    Maternity photography: How to prepare
    1. Know what you want and what you don’t want! Get pics to show the photographer.
    2. Get your hair did! Get your make up did! You need to feel beautiful and like the babe that you are!
    3. Decide on whether you’d want specific props or things to feature – try to make the shoot uniquely you.
    4. Take snacks and have a nap before the time!
    5. Make sure your photographer has a heater in studio (weather dependent). It was quite chills on the day of our shoot and our photographers heater really helped.
    6. Explain to Dad that you carry the cargo, so you are the main feature 🙂 Dads are usually very understanding about these kinda things. He must also decide on the full extent of his nakedness in these pics.
    7. Find out by your photographer if she/he has a preggy/newborn package. Some photographers have really sweeet deals which includes your newborn photo shoot.
    8. Try to remember that you’re still sexy and drop dead gorgeous. So you don’t have to have a cheesy “yeah, I’m a whale right now but that’s okay I’ll just smile” look on your face. Flirt with the camera. Try.
    9. Most photographers understand that mommy can only sit in certain positions for a short period of time, before it becomes uncomfortable. Don’t be too timid to speak up if you’re not happy.
    10. Have fun!

  • The Journey Journal

    journey journal

    Pregnancy and weddings have a couple of things in common. Well, for starters, they are flippen expensive. But that aside, I love the excitement of a new season and the expectancy of a new change on the horizon! And also, isn’t it amazing how you plan the “big day” for a couple of months and you literally sneeze and all those precious moments are finished. It is with this in mind that I started a journal while I was pregnant with our Curly. In fact, I began documenting every, single moment from the minute I found out I was pregnant. (spreadsheet brain, remember?).

    I used it as a diary of sorts, to jot down my gynae visit dates and lists of things I would need to do as we began prepping for her arrival. I also wrote down my thoughts and daydreams, including photos, little stories, keepsakes that was special to me during this time. Before I knew it, the journal was filled with pages and pages of my heart, hopes and dreams, for my girl and a bunch of stuff, like advice and life lessons, that I would want to pass on to her one day. I plan to give the journal to her when she is 18 or 21 or on her wedding day, or something.

    journey journalI recently had this revelation about her JOURNAL being a part of her JOURNEY. That’s what life is all about though, right? It’s all about the journey… the road you choose to take… the decisions you make, the memories you collect and the life lessons you learn and grow from! I want my girl to know that the journey of her life started when she was but a seed in my belly and that she was loved even then! I want her to know that God knew her name before she was in my womb and that she has purpose and every part of her life is special!

    Working with youngsters has shown me that there are so many who go through life believing that they are not as important as so-and-so OR not as pretty OR not as talented etc. The truth is that there are a lot of kids, out there, who simply lack the affection and love of a parent. We can blame it on social media or the Kardashians or heavy metal music but we really only have ourselves to blame. There is a lot more emphasis on living life a certain way and a lot less emphasis on the basics… quality time spent, words of affirmation, guidance and loyalty. We are rearing our kids in a hardhearted society where you get told that you have to be a certain way, in order to be deserving of love.

    journey journal

    So yes, part of the reason why I started the journal was to share all these overlooked truths with her: You are enough. You are loved. You are perfect, just the way you are. But also, other significant things like the importance of being kind, loving those that other’s would deem ‘unlovable’ and acknowledging that every, single life is valuable and precious.

    Ah if only more children could experience the kind of love that would help them to love themselves and OTHERS! What would our future look like, then? It is my prayer that my girl will grow into the kind of woman who knows what she wants and where she is going to! I want her to be a light in dark places and be a difference maker in her sphere of influence! I am so thankful that she is a part of my journey and so grateful to be a part of hers.

    Mom, what sort of keepsakes and memorabilia have you set aside for your children?