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Who really wins when you give him the silent treatment
Let’s face it, when it comes to having disagreements in a marriage, nothing makes you feel more vindicated than a solid silent treatment session. I mean, how else are husbands going to learn?!
When you give him the silent treatment, he will feel the wrath of your anger and, if you stretch out your vow of silence long enough, it will eventually make him long to hear your voice again. I mean, that’s how it works right? It’s practically science!
But ladies, I’m starting to feel as if my Hubstopher actually enjoys it when I give him the silent treatment. Gasp!
I mean, the other day after a carefully curated vow of silence I realized that he was happily singing a song at the top of his voice, while tinkering on the computer. No look of misery on his face. No puppy dog eyes, begging me to please say just one word! He didn’t even flinch when he asked me a question and I responded with a shoulder shrug.
In fact, he probably didn’t even know that I was giving him the silent treatment! He was just… well… enjoying the silence! ENJOYING it, I say! It made me think, who actually wins when you give him the silent treatment?
Do you guys think that our husbands are out here praying that the well of information we have to share with them on a daily basis never runs dry? I mean, I don’t know about yours, but I am pretty sure that my Hubstopher is not burning with the intense desire to know what’s on my mind, after he’s had a long day at the office. (EVERYTHING is on my mind, by the way. ALL. THE. TIME.)
The truth is that the silent treatment literally gets you nowhere. If your relationship is a highway, the silent treatment is the car that has run out of fuel on the intersection, and is now blocking all the other traffic from passing. How’s that?I mean, if you think about it, it’s actually a bit passive aggressive too and, hey real talk, if it goes on for long enough it actually can be a really hurtful form of abuse.
Giving your spouse the cold shoulder is counter productive because there is no closure and the issue at hand is not addressed and it will not be addressed until words are exchanged. Consider yourself on a never ending carousal of having the same argument and repeating the same behavior, over and over and… well, you get it.
And anyways, the silent treatment usually ends in a non-silent uber explosion of word vomit that may or may not have you saying words you did not intend to use. I mean, being quiet while you’re feeling a plethora of emotions (hurt, angry, sad), simply causes those emotions to expand and, well, it has to go somewhere eventually, right?
Does it feel good? Heck ya! Is it damaging to your relationship? Definitely.
I mean, unless you need some time to process your feelings, and you mention this to your partner who then gives you space to deal with yourself before talking it out.
But other than that, friends, your silent treatment is pretty much a bundle of poop in the bath water of your marriage. I guess what I’m trying to say is that putting your pride aside, instead of basking in your anger or hurt, will get you much better results.
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Click here if you need a break
You need a break. Yes, I can tell, from all the way over here. Granted, I only picked it up because I need a break too, so I know all about what “needing a break” looks like. It’s usually a symptom that comes with a classic case of “holding it all together” and “being all things to everyone.” I believe one will most likely find this behavioral pattern common among mothers, wives, daughters, sisters and over all wonder women. They all need a break. And so do you.
The fact of the matter is that you become ineffective when you fail to maintain your own mental and spiritual health. I love spending time, at the beginning of each day, in reflection – a spiritual “wooosahhh” if you will. It helps me to stay sane and keeps me connected with God. And once a year, I do a BIG woosaahhh at the annual Arise Conference – a women’s conference, in Nelson Mandela Bay, that aims to see women from all walks of life become who God has created them to be. I’ve attended every single conference for the past few years and each year I discover new things about myself, who I am meant to be, what I should be pursuing and how God is in the midst of it all helping me to win!
I love that each conference features dynamic guest speakers. These women, hand picked to share their wisdom and story with us, usually ninja chop me out of a stagnant mental space into a place of victory. Seriously, ladies, we can be our own worst enemies sometimes.
Besides for the talks from our guest speakers, there are also really fabulous workshops to attend. Over the years we’ve enjoyed practical training on topics covering divorce care to business chats, parenting talks and photography to party planning. I’m a member of the official Arise Music and Creative Arts team, so I always enjoy the amazing worship team, dancers and creative arts. And I’m not just saying so because that’s me, singing, in the pic above. Oh and friends, if you love a good competition like I do then you’ll have so much fun during the cool giveaways! These run over the duration of the conference and as always, there are a bunch of phenomenal prizes to be won!
Another fave of mine is the much needed pamper zone, where I enjoy my ‘once a year’ full body massage. (And it’s super affordable too). I mean, I need a physical wooosahh too. And the food. Always the food. This year, delegates will be spoiled for choice, with a bunch of seriously hip – and seriously delish – food truck vendors on premises, ready to
feed our facestantalize our taste buds. As always, the Arise lounge will be set up, offering guests a place to rest their tootsies and mingle with newly made friends, in the true spirit of sisterhood.
So if you’re tired, like I am, and you need a “wooosahh” weekend too, join me at the Arise Conference. Need some more nudging? Well, consider these reasons:
Reason number 1: It is an investment into your well being
Reason number 2: Your family deserves to have the best version of you possible
Reason number 3: You need a break – you deserve it!To register, check out deets on their website. Unable to attend the whole conference? That’s cool – register for one day/session only. I’d love to hang out with you if you’re coming, so let me know in the comment section below or drop me an email!
Arise 2018: The “grand extravaganza” opening takes place on Friday, September 7th and runs until Saturday, September 9th.
https://www.facebook.com/AriseGirlfriends/videos/2308303395862861/
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Apparently teenagers turn into adults eventually
So my baby boy has just returned from his bi-annual visit to his dad in Cape Town and suddenly the kid looks more ‘man’ than ‘kid’. Not impressed. Not impressed at all. I don’t know what sorcery you Capetonians practice, but if you could return my baby boy to me in baby form next time, that would be great. Oh wait… I forgot, teenagers turn into adults, apparently. I believe it’s a condition that is most likely not reversible (unless you’re Benjamin Button, that is). So I guess I’m stuck with an ‘almost adult’ child. -
Books that help you get rid of that stinking thinking
Is it December yet? No? It’s still January?! Boy, this year is just draaaagging by! But hey, this means that there’s optimal opportunity for us to get our growth on. This year, I’ve decided that I am going to work towards WINNING in every area of my life (remember, I ranted about it last week). And that means thriving on a mental level as well. My goal for January is to get rid of that stinking thinking by dropping crappy habits and picking up some really legit ones. Christian Art Media sent me a bunch of books that will help me do just that! And I’ve got a few to give away to you. But first, more about the books. -
Pregnancy: Things people don’t tell you about the first trimester
The thing about finding out that you are pregnant is that you think you’re going to hang around, living your life and having fun, before the preggy signs and symptoms kick in. Not true. Not true at all. There’s a bunch of stuff that people don’t tell you about the first trimester of pregnancy. I mean, before I knew that these symptoms were an actual thing, I thought that I was simply being dramatic. Do you feel that way, pregnant fairy? Well, I’m here to tell you that you are NOT dramatic at all. Call me the preggy myth buster if you must. These first trimester feelings that you’re having are all totally legit! -
Looking for a house to call home…
To say that we are ‘homeless’ is an outrage because we actually have a roof over our heads, while some have none. But we’ve been in “home limbo” for the few months now – and it sucks!We moved out of our old place a few months ago and due to reasons (out of our new landladys control) we’ve had to postpone moving into our new home. This is why owing your own property is important, kids!
Eventually, after a lot of back and forthing, we took it as a sign from the Lord that the new place was not the one for us. It was such an anti-climax, but it made sense. I mean, why all the delays? Anyways, we had a chat with the landlady (who is very nice btw). She was so understanding about it, apologizing for the delays etc. But I think we both realized that this wasn’t the one for us. It was back to the drawing board for team Williams.
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To Hubstopher, on his birthday
Today the man that I call Hubstopher celebrates a birthday. To him it’s just another day. To me, it’s a reason to celebrate his life and all that he means to us. You see, the thing is this, he often disregards all the wonderful attributes that make him unique and wonderful to me… things like being able to forgive someone who wronged him 5 minutes ago or offering to give someone a ride home, even when he is utterly exhausted or can’t afford it. Stuff like that. Being able to put another persons needs before yours may seem like the trait of a meek personality, but in my opinion it is one of the bravest, boldest characteristics to have.
He has a lot of friends… so many that we almost had 10 groomsmen in our wedding party. People enjoy being around him. He’s the guy who would stop to chat, in the middle of a shopping mall. (When I’m trying to bob and weave past people, because I have things to do!) He loves people! And he’s good at making them feel loved.
He is super, duper creative and an excellent musician. This guy can play more instruments than I have grey hair (so that’s like, a lot) and he is a top notch producer. He is extremely smart and most times would play his brilliance down, because he always feels like there is so much more to still learn and do.
My Hubstopher is the guy who would say “Okay, how can I fix it” if a complication arises. And if someone walks all over him he shrugs his shoulders and defends “ag, it’s okay.” Not because he is to weak to fight back. But rather because he is to smart to fight back. And hey, real talk, I sometimes don’t understand it and try to force him to stand his ground. But to him it’s just a whole lot of work doing something that is not going to give the right results. He always chooses peace, over ‘being right’. That’s wisdom right there.
My Hubstopher is the guy who would give up his last because he is that confident that God will provide his next. He’s the guy who laughs at the dumbest things (seriously, sometimes I’m just over here like “whaaa?”) but he’s also the guy that would shed a tear, quietly, when a friend loses a parent.
And hey, don’t get me wrong… the guy’s not perfect. He has his flaws – we all do. He’s made mistakes. But his finer qualities far outweigh his weaknesses, in my opinion. And in times of struggle, I’ve seen him choose life, over and over again.
My Hubstopher is a wonderful father to our kids. He loves our daughter so fiercely that she’ll probably still believe that she is a beautiful princess, way into her 20s. And it would be true. Our sons adore the living daylights out of him. Sometimes, I’m just over here like… “you guys know I’m one of your parents too, right?” He sees them all as unique and gives them exactly what they need, emotionally.One of my favorite things about him is that he gives so much of himself to my son, even when Kyle has an attitude. Instead of being an angry step father, he’ll look Kyle straight in the eye and say “Kyle, I love you and I only want what’s best for you.” He also has an undeniable bond with his own son. The boys adore him. He is more than okay that Seth has a step dad… another dad… in his life. He sees it as a bonus that there are 2 strong, Godly men in Seth’s life, shaping and influencing him. That says so much about his character.
He is gentle and passive but also extremely passionate about the things that are important to him. I probably don’t say this enough but I am so thankful for him. My man allows me to shine my light, without getting jealous or insecure about it. In fact, he’s the one who pushes me to shine brighter!
Happy Birthday to my Christopher – he’s the best of the best, he’s the greatest! 🙂 #mushymoment *andscene*
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World Hunger Month: Adding hope at Oosterland Youth Centre
October 1st will mark the start of World Hunger Month. Yes, a whole month to focus on hunger. In my opinion 1 month is not enough, yo! Did you know that over 11 million South Africans do not have access to proper nutrition and go to bed hungry every night? The saddest thing is that 3.1 million of these are kids. I was shocked to learn that hunger kills more people every year than AIDS, Malaria and Tuberculosis combined. Woah, that’s a scary way of looking at it. I mean, AIDS, not so easy to fix. Hunger, we can fix. Why are we not fixing it? -
Fail: Judging a book by its cover
A while ago, I was reminded of the silly reasoning behind judging a book by it’s cover. I would love to brag and say that I am SUCH a good person and I never, ever judge anyone, ever! But come on, I’m not perfect. I’ve been as judgey as an Idols judge, plenty of times. I guess it’s something that kinda just happens TO you. I try to keep myself in check all the time, because appearance does not make a man. Well, that’s what I read here. And I’m sticking to it. But the damage that ‘judging a book’ can cause only really hit me when I became the topic of discussion. -
My spreadsheet brain VS Life
The thing about having a spreadsheet brain is that I want my life to be like that too. You know, ruled and equated by formula; Easily sorted in numerical or alphabetical order; Colour coded at the click of a button. So you can imagine the amount of smoke signals exiting my ears these past few weeks as I said goodbye to a career that I had known for almost 10 years, for something completely different!WARNING! WARNING! UNIDENTIFIED DATA FOUND IN THE SYSTEM! ABORT MISSION!
Okay, that might be a tad bit dramatic. But it pretty much summed up my thought process as I bid farewell to the comfortable. Suddenly, nothing made sense anymore. My formulas were not adding up and the sort function had malfunctioned. Nothing was the same! Aaack! Change! Everything’s chaaaanging! Damn you, Stefano DiMera!
