Parenting
-
Combo-feeding helped me breastfeed longer
Few things in life are as deeply satisfying as seeing your baby’s content face after they’ve been fed and burped. I mean, that’s the ultimate goal, when they are that little… you know, to get them to a place of contentness (i.e. dry, fed and burped). We do this because, well, for starters it’s against the law to starve your child. But also, we do it because when your child is content and happy, you are at peace and can finally rest.
And so when I started on my breastfeeding journey with my newest munchky, Asher, I knew that something was up when I wasn’t feel this peace and rest even after he had happily dozed off post-burp. I wasn’t at peace because I was kinda bracing myself for his next feed. In fact, I secretly hoped and prayed that the kid would sleep for as long as possible, cringing every time I hear him cry because that would mean that I would need to feed him again. Yeah, no drama, it was that bad. I was ready to give up.
The truth is that the start of our breastfeeding journey was bumpy. I had just experienced my first C Section (unprepared) and when he first latched, I didn’t consider the fact that laying in a flat down position (because of C Section) would mean that he wasn’t latching properly. The intense nipple pain that followed for like, 5 weeks, is something that you would find in a Stephen King novel… horrific. I’m talking “Bride of Chucky” bad.
It was then, during those painful early days of breastfeeding that I introduced my baby to the bottle for the first time. I expressed milk using my beautiful Medela mini electric pump and the kid took to bottle like a flippen champ. (Thanks to the cleverness of the Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature bottle, soother and nipple shields. No lie, it’s genius!)My plan was to toggle between bottle and breast until my nipples were somewhat healed and then go back to exclusively breastfeeding. But guys, something else happened… my two littlest kids (who were 4 and 2 years old at the time) started acting up. They were missing their mama and couldn’t understand why this new guy was hogging all the attention. It’s kinda hard to snuggle with your other kids when you permanently have a baby attached to your person. My kiddies needed me, but I didn’t want to stop breastfeeding Ash (who was cluster feeding as if he was permanently starving). All these barriers kinda stole away from the joy of breastfeeding. It suddenly felt like a burden.
It was ’round about this time that I had to make the decision… give up the boob OR attempt to combo feed. I chatted to a few moms and discovered that combo-feeding was a thing and people have been doing it, successfully, for many years (apparently I live under a rock). I mean, it wasn’t a foreign concept.
And so our new routine was birthed. He now bottle feeds once or twice a day and the rest of his feeds are still with me.
Friends, I know, breastfeeding is beautiful and magical and all of that but combo feeding totally freed me up! (Also, my nipples are rather ecstatic.)
I no longer feel “trapped” (for lack of a better word) when it’s feeding time but I have other things to take care of. My baby is fed and happy… which means I’m calmer and at peace, able to care for the needs of ALL my kids. Oh and double score: Ash still gets his breast milk straight from the, uh, cow, majority of the time.
Mood: Feeling like a Unicorn Mom.
I’ve learnt that breastfeeding is not an all or nothing situation… I mean, I can still breastfeed my child AND give him a bottle (and formula nogals) now and then. Obviously the more breast milk baby gets, the better. And there are great perks to exclusively breastfeeding… it’s probably the most magical experiences on earth (besides for actually giving birth to your baby, and like, going to Disney Land and stuff like that). You can read more about the magic of breast milk in a post I wrote here.
But, hey, sometimes a mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do to stay mentally and physically healthy enough to love and care for her kids without putting her sanity on the back burner. No regrets here, whatsoever.Also, I’m quite chuffed with my kid for being clever enough to take both boob and bottle without, you know, throwing his toys out of the cot (see what I did there). I mean, who can blame him… he has a Unicorn Mom.
If you want to know more about how to successfully combo feed, you can read these:
Baby Center
-
The pros and cons of having a big family
I sometimes wonder if I give off a false sense of “okayness”. I mean, I’m not sure if I accurately portray the fact that it’s flippen challenging to parent many (many) kids while maintaining your sanity, career and marriage all at the same time. I’m sure that having a big family (AND a blended family, nogals) may appear to be very Kardashian-esque… you know, all quirks and light-hearted bickering while eating salad in the kitchen at midnight. But having a large-ish family is not all TV sitcom moments and learning life lessons the quirky way.
So to prove a point (aka my kids are all napping and I have nothing to do because I’m boring), I thought to list the pros and cons of having a big family:
Pro – After giving birth many (many) times, you’re basically your own midwife and your babies practically “walk out”. I know, the visual is gross, but you get the gist. You kinda know what to do and you’re more aware of your body and what it is capable of, so birthing your third, fourth and fifth kid is less daunting.Con – After giving birth many (many) times, your body forgets what shape it was in, pre-babies. I don’t know what “alone” feels like anymore. It also takes a touch longer to “snap back” because you have additional lives to care for.
Pro – You become an expert memory maker because you have a few more people to make memories with. I mean, now that we’re more than 4 people everything is ‘next level’ and I can’t help but be a little bit (read: alot ALOT) extra, when planning special celebrations, or weekend activities.
Con – You become an expert memory maker and therefore you are permanently tired and broke. Consider the fact that you now have to feed many (many) faces and paying a 50 bucks entrance fee is suddenly not as affordable because there are six of you.
Pro – You permanently have little arms around your neck or little voices filling your head with entertaining stories or older kids bombarding you with their big ideas and dreams. And when you’re sitting at the supper table, enjoying the symphony of voices, as everyone tries to tell their story at the same time, you catch your husbands eye and share a “isn’t this moment absolutely perfect?!” grin. It feels good to belong to a grand group of various sized people who each have their own personality.
Con – You permanently have little arms around your neck… like, constantly. Like, my child is practically a limb I never knew I had. Also, their voices do not have a volume control or mute button. And yes, its wonderful to hear your older kids big dreams but seriously, they often aren’t that realistic and it takes all the patience in the world to not want to tell them to go read a book. You catch your husbands eye and give him a death stare while trying to say the words “take your children away from me!” without, you know, actually saying it because that would make you a terrible parent.
Pro – When it comes to marriage, adding many (many) kids to the package makes it somewhat sweeter. I mean, you have miniature versions of both of you running around being all cute. The two of you get to work towards the common goal of raising your kids to be decent and successful adults and you feel a sense of accomplishment at each prize giving and school concert.Con – When it comes to marriage, adding many (many) kids to the package sometimes means that you forget that your husband was your boyfriend a few years ago. He has since graduated to driver, dog poop pick upper, shop runner and the person who allowed the toddler to tear your tissues up into tiny pieces while he was watching a soccer game. It takes some effort to maintain the spark in your marriage when you’re both drained emotionally and physically. And no, attending yet another school concert does not qualify as a date. Put some effort in, would ya?!
Pro – Your family photos are lit. I mean, there are a whole bunch of you and you’re all wearing outfits in the same colour scheme, so it’s very much Brady Bunch vibes. People see your photos on Facebook and Instagram and comment to let you know how blessed you are and how inspiring your family is and that you guys are parenting goals etc. I mean, life couldn’t get any sweeter than that.
Con – Your family photos are lit. No, I mean, one of your kids actually set your photo album on fire, while you were trying to cook, bath the baby, help with homework and have a constructive conversation with your husband, all at the same time. Jokes aside though, people see your photos on Facebook and Instagram and comment to let you know how blessed and inspiring you are and you say thanks (with a smiley face emoticon and/or a ‘lol’) but deep down you KNOW that its merely a fluke and the work of the Lord that you’re all still in one piece because raising a large family is pretty intense!
Okay, okay, I must admit, I gosh-darn love my big family! Is it hectic? Uhh yes! But do I regret having many (many) children? Uhhh yes again! KIDDING! I love my kids… I can’t imagine having a quiet life and being able to actually sit on a couch without someone needing me.
So even though I joke around about it, I am so thankful for my many (many) children and I look forward to receiving many (many) returns on investment once they are able to buy me Mother’s Day gifts.
Disclaimer: Whatever family looks like to you, I’m sure it’s beautiful! I am simply sharing from my own personal experience – i.e. a large family, with many (many) kids.
-
Safe sleep for your baby
It’s 2am. I should be sleeping but I’m wide awake, my eyes fixed on my baby, who is sound asleep in his cot. I don’t want to a miss a thing! I mean, what if he stops breathing in the middle of the night?! What if the blanket isn’t as secure as I thought it was, and he ends up with a blankey over his face? What if he overheats? Is he warm enough? What if, what if, what if?!
Yep – I’ve been that psycho mom probably all four times, with each of my kids. I would check on them literally every half hour, and (here’s the “psycho mom” part) if they are sound asleep I would rouse them a bit just to make sure that they are still alive and breathing.
Have you been a psycho mom? Join me, friend! I have snacks. We can sit in a semi circle and sing kumbaya while staring at our sleeping babies, simultaneously.
Seriously though I am such a fiend when it comes to sleep safety. Not to be a bummer, but sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) aka cot death usually occurs during sleep, you guys. Although the exact cause of SIDS is unknown, factors that could come into play include baby overheating and accidental suffocation.
I was so excited when one of my fave brands, Tommee Tippee, introduced me to their sleep time products. From sleep bags to comforting toys and night lights, they’ve thought of it all you guys. I want to cry tears of joy! I probably did cry tears of joy. But let’s pretend that I am not still raging with post-birth hormones, shall we?
GrobagThe Grobag baby sleeping bag provides safer sleep and is a better alternative to loose sheets and bedding, in the crib. This product is recommended by The Lullaby Trust – the UK’s leading charity for safe sleep. Here’s why I love it: it keeps Ash warm, without overheating him (choose a grobag weight that will suite the temperature in your room for better sleep). According to a study done in the UK, 71% of babies slept for more than 6 hours at a time, when using the Grobag. It’s made of 100% cotton, is machine washable and the YKK zipper has a chin guard that prevents schaffing on baby’s skin.
These bags come in various weights, keeping baby at a safe sleep temperature. How flippen genius?! They include a nursery thermometer and what to wear guide.
Groegg2Okay, to be honest, when I first learnt of the Groegg2, I was like, “uhhh why would I need a fancy night light?!” And then I learnt that this “fancy night light” is actually a room thermometer and I was floored! You guys, the Groegg2 changes color, letting you know immediately when the temperature in the room has changed. Why is this helpful? Well, remember that you need your baby to be at a safe sleep temperature to, well, ensure safe sleep.
I mean, I too thought that piles of blankets and heat is just what a baby needs to thrive. But nope, studies have shown that high temperatures increase the risk of SIDS.
AND the amazing thing is that you can use your Groegg2 in conjunction with your Grobag, ensuring that baby is in the correct bag for the temperature of the room. I KNOW, RIGHT?! Somebody call Oprah! Also, I’m here for the color changing… hello lava lamp vibes!
Groegg Shell
You can personalise your Groegg2 and give it a bit of personality with this totally adorbs Groegg Shell. Choose between the Oona the Owl, Mikey the Monkey and Percy the Penguin egg shell companions. The shell simply fits on top of the Groegg2 and it gives your room thermometer/night light that little something extra, to make it even more of a cute feature in baby’s room.
GrolightAlso, while on that topic of “fancy night light”… you’d think that you won’t need a night light for your baby. And then you spend a whole night bumping into things, in a dark room, because your baby won’t fall asleep with the light on. (Based on a true story)
The Grolight is genius because it is attached to your light fitting. So yes, this means you can toggle between your normal overhead light or night-light, in one switch! I think it’s amazing because the night light glow then fills my entire room (and not just one little corner, ala traditional night lights). Also, I get to keep a (psycho mom) eye on my little one, without disturbing him with a bright overhead light. Win-win, really.
GrofriendsI was also impressed with the Tommee Tippee Grofriends… plush buddies that help your baby to sleep better by playing music and white noise when they wake up.
I mean, it’s practically a ninja, because your Grofriend can detect and activate when baby cries, soothing them back to sleep. The Grofriend sounds include a heartbeat, rainfall, white noise static and beautiful Brahms lullaby. What’s more, your Grofriend also lights up, acting as a gentle night light! The volume and light are both adjustable.
You can choose between the Ollie the Owl and Percy the Penguin characters (both equally adorable, in my opinion) and you can attach your new buddy to a car seat, crib or stroller thanks to the velcro fastening.
I must admit, I wish we had all these nifty gadgets and contraptions “back in the day” when Kyle was born. These are so helpful and help you to ensure that your child gets a SAFE, good night’s sleep. Also, I get to keep my “psycho mom” tendencies at a minimum. Kinda.Which of these Tommee Tippee Gro products are you keen to try out?
Disclaimer: This post was done in partnership with Tommee Tippee, but the opinions shared are my own.
-
A swallowed coin and a trip to the operating room
There are few things in life that challenge me the way that parenting does. I mean, if you think about it, you’re responsible for keeping a whole human being alive. Easier said than done, sometimes. Well, this is what I learnt on Friday night when I heard my 2 year old gagging.
Now, disclaimer: Thanks for saying my family is beautiful but here’s the (hard, ugly) truth about having three kids under the age of five… you often have to put one kid’s needs on hold, while you’re seeing to the other one. I mean, it’s not exactly ideal. So when the baby made the biggest poo of his life (you know, the type that goes practically everywhere), I had to leave Jo alone with Moana (thanks Disney) while I quickly changed baby. In those few minutes, my Jo managed to find a 10 cent coin (I mean, who even has coins these days?! I have NO IDEA where he got it from!) and he decided to find out what the coin tastes like.
And that’s when he accidentally swallowed it.
Even though I didn’t see him swallow anything, I know my child. The gagging and coughing totally freaked me out and I could immediately tell that something was wrong. He started crying and I noticed that he was drooling a lot and his chest was wheezing. Since I watch Grey’s Anatomy (I’m practically a doctor), I knew that the drooling and sudden wheezing could mean that something is lodged in his throat/airway. He also said that it’s eina, pointing to his throat.
We rushed him to the ER, where a very polite doctor looked at me as if I need to keep my drama in check, telling me TWICE that the kid has tonsillitis and that’s it. I mean, as the doctor pointed out, I didn’t exactly see the kid put a foreign object into his mouth. I had no proof. But at this point, I just knew.
Now, my friends, if I’ve learnt anything it’s that the spirit of God speaks to us – if we care to listen! And so, because of this, when I get a “feeling”… a surety… I trust that instinct. Needless to say, our facial expressions told the doctor that he can point out the kids tonsils to us as many times as he wants, but we still want an x-ray to prove that nothing is lodged in his throat.
A trip to the radiology department later and yup, a whole 10 cent coin was stuck in my baby’s esophagus. The feelings that ran through my body were a mix of: Ha! Take that doctor!/Oh my gosh I’m a terrible mother!/Thank you God, it didn’t constrict his breathing!
There is nothing that comes close to the feeling of sheer terror when you realise that you could lose your baby. And even though the doctor said that the coin is essentially in the “right” pipe (not blocking his airway), I needed it to be removed like PRONTO! The surgeon suggested a bronchoscopy procedure, where they put him to sleep and then use a device, inserted down his throat, to try to grab the foreign object. This could only be done the next day though, so he had to overnight at the hospital. It was quite an experience. I mean, a whole 18 hours with a foreign object stuck in your throat is not a fun time for a bouncy toddler. And, as a parent, not being able to do anything to relieve the pain and discomfort, well, that totally sucked.
I’m so thankful to say that the procedure (which took all of 20 minutes) was successful and our boy was back to his usual ball-of-energy self, as soon as the anesthetic wore off.
My biggest takeaway from this experience was the reminder that God’s hand is on my children’s lives. I mean, Jonah was a promise birthed in our hearts before we were married!
Did I feel guilty that I wasn’t around to prevent my two year old from sampling a shiny 10 cent coin? Uhhh, yeah. Honestly, you guys, I had to move away from the feelings of guilt and fear that threatened to consume me. It is overwhelming to realise that you can’t protect your child from everything. You aren’t able to be around them every second of their day. And even so, eventually they grow up to live their own lives and you have even less control over them then!
So this experience reminded me that all I can do is pray and partner with God. All I can do is trust that He will equip me to be the best parent I can be, and that the “still small voice” will continue to instruct and empower me to make the best decisions concerning my family.
So yeah, this parenting gig is quite a challenge. The hours are crazy and the pay is terrible. But the perks? Well, that makes it all worth it.
-
Motherhood: a stripping
I vaguely remember those days of bliss (painful bliss?), after birthing my babies. I mean, how much detail would you expect a stitched up, overly exhausted, hormone-wrecked new mom to remember? Post-birth days are a blur.
The one thing I do remember is the way I instantly fell inlove with each baby. Like, immediately. There is no feeling like it, right ladies? I lived in that euphoria for days post-birth… the pain and broken body not as important as the sweet smell of my baby.
And even when my sister and I jokingly chat about how scary I look post birth, I know that it’s in jest and I honestly couldn’t care less about my appearance or what other people think, in that moment.
But one comment that a visitor made after seeing me (in all my unkept glory) kinda stuck with me.
It had been about three days, post birth, and I was frazzled and in pain. Our visitors arrived with supper (praise the good Lord) and quietly had a peek at baby, before heading home (and again I say, praise the Lord). But not before I hear one innocently whisper to the other “yoh, motherhood strips you!”
At the time I remember thinking, gosh are these people really going to comment on my underwhelming appearance right now?! I mean, I was both mortified and uncaring about the whole situation. It didn’t bug me enough to want to, you know, block people on Facebook. But it did make me want to contour my face into perfection and put on a push up bra, like, immediately. (I did neither, btw.)
Looking back now, as I sit in pain with baby number five in my belly, I’m reminded of that comment. Motherhood strips you. How true those words are!
A close friend of mine shared that she learnt a lesson in being undignified the day she birthed her kids. There is nothing quite like the raw abandonment a mother feels, as she births her child. At that moment, you literally don’t care who sees your what.
Well thought out Brazilian waxes and tanned calf muscles are unimportant, as you thrust your legs up, on either side, to pretty much whoever wants to hold them, so that you can get the kid out asap. Your pretty Woolies bra and face beat really not that impressive, as you clutch your newborn tightly while they latch onto your raw nipple, drawing blood.
Those first few days of motherhood strips you and you become someone else – well, still you, I guess, but like, the undiluted version. You’re overly aware of your body and your child’s needs and, honestly, making sure that both are okay becomes the primary concern. All the other frills and bows are just… well, froth. You know, froth: the top part of a cup of really good coffee that gives it that pretty aesthetic but doesn’t determine how great the java is.
And as for the rest of Motherhood… yep, pretty much the same thing! Your children take priority – numero uno (have you seen Kari and I dress for church? She’s model chic and I’m “can someone tell Luchae that her top is on inside out”). Your priorities are never the same again!
I am reminded of this journey and just how much we go through to successfully carry, birth and raise our children. Reminded of the stripping… the vulnerability of the human body and how a mother abandons her own dignity, to ensure that her child is safe, alive and healthy.
I’m not saying that there is ugly in the birthing process. No matter how you’ve come to meet your child – whether it be on a hospital table or through a tear-streaked filling out of forms – it is beautiful… satisfying… a hot mess of emotions… but so fulfilling.
And if you think about it, a stripping HAS to take place. Because you’re pretty much never the same again.
-
The big gender reveal
Well, I’m more than half way into cooking a whole baby in my belly and we have yet to reveal the gender to anyone. More so because we don’t know our little youngling’s gender either. And guess what you guys, we don’t plan to find out anytime soon.
Our big gender reveal will most likely only take place when baby Williams is actually here. Yep – we’re going ‘royal family’ and will only find out baby’s gender once he/she is born. As you can imagine, this was totally and completely Hubstopher’s idea (because I have a super intense spreadsheet brain and I need to know everything all the time). I had, in fact, planned many an elaborate gender reveal parties in my head (Imagine us skydiving out of an aeroplane and when our parachute opens up, it reveals either pink or blue! Genius, right?!) But alas, I will not be having my Youtube moment.
Current mood: Aaaaaack!
For the most part I’ve managed to keep my emotions in check and even though I try to read my ultra sound scans with a doctor’s eye (hey, I watch Grey’s Anatomy, I’m practically a doctor anyways), I’ve still not been able to decipher whether our little one has a winky or a wonky.
I mean, okay, you’ve got to give it to Hubstopher… not finding out the gender is pretty quirky and cool. But it DOES hold serious implications.
I mean, for starters, (and most importantly) do I buy pink or blue clothing? Fair enough, I have spotted really pretty baby wear in greys and tans and muted yellows and mint greens. But that’s not the point. Do I get pink or blue?! Huh?!
The other thing is that our sissie is convinced that it’s a sister. We’ve been trying to prepare our smallies for the impending birth of baby Williams, and we refer to it as “the baby” or as “baby brother or sister” but, you guys, she’s so convinced that it’s a sister that she’s actually convinced me too. (I do realize that it’s probably a boy, just because I think it’s a girl. Such is my life.)Not knowing the gender kinda deters us from deciding on a name. I mean, I’ve already decided on a name that is unisex (much to Hubstopher’s disdain). And when I say “decided” I mean, I’ve pretty much personalised items with the name on it. He says I’m rude for not waiting for his approval. I say “How many of our children have you birthed from your actual body? Exactly.” And back and forth we go. So we’re currently sans name.
I guess other cons to not knowing the gender is that it might be a bit harder to bond with baby… well, that’s what the internet says. I haven’t had that problem though (praise God) and to be honest, I’m actually a lot more excited about the birth than I thought I would be (natural birth yo, without any pain relief at all… it’s a trip!)
I guess finding out the gender at birth will be the cherry on the cake, after giving birth to three kids in a span of five years.
If you’ve held off finding out what your baby’s gender is, until birth, please drop me a message in the comments section below and let me know how it all went down!
By the way, current mood is still aaaack!
-
All stepparents are monsters, right?
Stepparenting is not for sissies. Yes, that’s my opening line. Whaaat? It’s the truth you guys. A recent conversation with a very emotional friend made me realize that the average stepparent has to deal with a lot more junk than they actually deserve.
Now, allow me to add a little disclaimer: it is possible to have a healthy blended family dynamic. So the thoughts in this post may not be for you (you go girl, keep up the great work!) but I’m sure it will speak to the hearts of those who are experiencing challenges on the stepparenting front.
We all know that parenting is super hard at times. And stepparenting is next level, yo! It’s not always easy and it doesn’t always have great rewards. But for those of you who are in that position, I’m sure you’re not just sticking it out for the half-hearted Happy Mother’s Day mumble. We do it because we actually care for the kid and we want to create a healthy and happy family environment. But based on the amount of messages I’ve received and the type of situations I’ve experienced, I’ve gathered that trying to be a good stepparent is not the easiest thing in the world.
Why?
Well, because ultimately you’re a bonus… an add on … you’re not really needed but you’re not going anywhere. You do the work, you put in the time, you make the commitment. Sometimes it appears to not be enough (because, you know, you could do better, get off your phone Cathy!) but then other times, you give off the impression that you’re doing too much (because, you’re not the kid’s real parent so can you just put your emotions aside, gosh!)
It’s a thankless job and you’re kinda dealt with a whole bunch of different blows that you literally just have to take, for the sake of keeping the peace. (No one wants to be the stepparent who throws a hissyfit every time they feel disrespected… it’s ugly Jane, we don’t roll like that.)
Your every decision and movement is often scrutinised (how dare you give the child chores to do, you monster!) and more often than not, you’re the bad guy before the movie even started, because that’s the way Holywood writes these scripts.
Besides for being the unspoken bad guy, you’re also the person whose opinion and feelings don’t really matter as much. I mean, duh, it can’t matter because you’re not the parent (add on/bonus, remember?)… you’re just there for show. So what you have to say and how you feel doesn’t really count.Stepparent’s get alot of flack. I can say this because I’ve given the flack, I’ve received the flack and I’ve helped to evenly distribute the flack, many times. Guilty as charged… there are no pretenses here. I’ve had conversations with friends about their kid’s stepparents (tssk tsssk, who does she think she is?!) and I’ve been part of conspiracies to not include stepparent’s at certain events because “he needs to learn”. It’s ugly.
Who made this universal rule that stepparents are not important? Who decided that the stepfather’s intention is not always good? Who told you that the stepmother can’t possibly love the child as much as she says she does? It’s a silly stereotype, honestly Jackie. Cut it out.
I mean, sure, the bonus parent happens to be there because of marriage and all that, and sure we don’t really need them, but guess what we do want them to love our children and treat them well. Oh the irony.
And then we laugh at them behind their backs, at gatherings, exchanging stories and rolling our eyes because, you know, they are only the stepparent and more importantly, we need the entertainment. (Brown people, where you at.)
I guess what I’m trying to do, with this post, is to stick up for bonus parents all around the world who are trying really hard but can’t seem to break out of that evil stepparent stereotype.
You guys don’t have to love the kid and you probably don’t have to put up with the back biting and snarky comments and, you know, being treated like a hobo at the beach trying to direct traffic for a few coins.
You’re there because you want to be there and you love the child because you want to. And even though others may not see your heart, I do. I get it. I see you. And I want you to know that you’re doing a great job.
Disclaimer: Thank you for your blog post suggestions. I love hearing from you guys. If you have any other topics that you’d like to me/us to chat about, hollar at your girl! To my friend who is experiencing this very real heartbreak right now: sending thoughts and prayers your way.
-
‘YouTube for kids’ is freaking me out!
So I’m sure you guys have learnt about the freaky YouTube hacks that have been found peppered throughout some of our kid’s favorite YouTube and YouTube Kids videos. Yep, I’m talking KIDS videos… you know, the ones that are seemingly safe and harmless. The ones our children are glued to, when they are enjoying their screen time, each day. Malicious people are hacking dem videos, you guys, and adding content that basically encourages your little one to self harm, or even worse, end their lives or that of their families. Shocked yet? I know, right.
Pediatrician, Free Hess, found a bunch of YouTube and YouTube Kids videos that included tips on how to commit suicide… and they’ve been around for as long as a year, you guys! A mom friend of hers made her aware of the epidemic when the friend’s son discovered an eerie edit in one of the YouTube videos he was watching. Basically, in the middle of the footage, a guy appears, instructing kids to slit their wrists. “Side ways for attention, long ways for results.” (You can watch the video here.)
To date, Hess has reported numerous dodgey YouTube videos. Some contain content that promotes suicide, sexual exploitation and abuse, gun violence, human trafficking and domestic violence. All cleverly hidden in seemingly innocent videos that our kids are consuming!
The most recent disturbing YouTube content that I’ve stumbled on is the Momo Challenge. So basically Momo is a freaky looking character that targets young kids, by encouraging them to text a number on Whatsapp. This person then sends them disturbing challenges – instructions that they need to complete – ranging from performing daring acts, to engaging in self-harm and even taking their own lives.These Momo challenges appear midway through Peppa Pig, Fortnight and other Kids YouTube videos. Momo also freaks kids out by telling them that “everyone will die” and “I am coming for you”. Children are left traumatised and some are afraid to sleep alone. A three-year old, who had been exposed to Momo, while watching Peppa Pig, on YouTube Kids, told his mom ‘they’re going to kill everyone!’
I don’t know about you guys, but I am completely freaked out by this! My children will not be seeing YouTube anytime soon! But hey, I often relied on the safety of YouTube Kids, when my 4-year old wanted some screen time (and I wanted some, you know, adult time). But surely there are safer alternatives to YouTube… right? Well yes, yes there are. Here are few alternatives I found online:
1. Download your own videos, maaan! Instead of feeding YouTube content to your kid, find safe videos online (you might want to screen each video first), and save them to the device, so that your kid can view offline. You can actually buy a subscription to YouTube Red, that allows you to curate your own videos and save them to offline. Same thing. Tip: Always make sure the device is not connected to the internet.
2. Subscribe to Netflix, you guys. Netflix has a host of safe kiddies programs that are better alternatives than simply letting them go rogue on YouTube Kids. I love that Netflix has a developed a login that ensures your children are viewing kid-friendly content. Read more about those kid-friendly controls here.
3. Curated apps, like DisneyNOW, and PBS Kids are a great alternative. I mean, they produce their own content, so you won’t find Freaky Fred popping up on the screen anytime soon.
But either way, you guys, we need to be chatting to our small kids about online stranger danger. My 4-year old needs to know that there are bad people out there who may try to influence and scare her. Having these types of conversations are important. Let your children know that they must not be afraid to tell an adult, if they come across anything that makes them feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
Do you allow your kids to watch YouTube? What are some of the ways you safeguard them against the creepy content creators of this world?
-
Living with teenagers can be annoying!
If you’re the parent of a small kid, or, in my case, a gang of small kids, and you’re thinking that your life is “woes” right now, allow me to bring some clarity to the situation. This level of “woesness” is nothing compared to when your tiny angels are full grown adults, who have opinions of their own.
(Disclaimer, if you’ve come here for advice, move along Jackie. But if you’re looking for a kindred heart who has had to stop herself from, you know, throwing shoes and cutlery at her grown son, then welcome friend! This post is for us.)
No one makes me as angry as my 17 year old son does. His newly developed sense of self annoys me. There, I said it. And the thing is this parents, I shouldn’t be annoyed. I should be nurturing, supportive, helpful. But nope, I find myself super annoyed every single day. And hey, I own it. I’m the one being annoyed. He’s the one simply being a teenage boy. So I’m not saying I’m right. But I am saying that… heck yeah, I’m annoyed!
Well, for starters, I’m annoyed at his decision making skills (or lack thereof), at his endless “Mom, can I” requests, at his demanding nature when he feels that he is entitled to something.
I’m annoyed at how opinionated he is… teenagers believe that they are experts in every field. They are also not open to reason or new ideas. My son, in particular, believes that he knows it all! He loves a good debate and I can flip my biscuit lid when he tries to get into it with me!
He has no filter and will say exactly what he is feeling/thinking, which irks me! And guys, be warned: this new generation of teen knows about freedom of speech and believe that they can practice this in the comfort of their homes!
I’m super annoyed when he does his own thing, even after I have
given instructionoffered advice. Worse than that is when he disagrees with me silently, but then goes along with what I’ve asked him to do, with a grudge on his shoulder, mumbling his discontentment under his breath. Or when he responds to my requests with a question, as if we’re on Felicia Mabuza-Suttle and he’s interviewing me. “Are we seriously going to do this right now?” and “So you really want me to do this now?”The typical teenage lack of urgency and consideration annoys me like nobody’s business! We can be running late for work/school, and the kid will continue to move at snail pace, as if nothing in the world matters except how he perfectly executes the application of his school shoe. Like, seriously, catch a wake up!
But more than all of this, I’m annoyed that he is growing up and becoming his own person. I don’t like this… not one bit!
I guess a lot of the annoyance comes from the fact that I can’t “control” him anymore… well, not like you would a younger child who still relies on you for everything. He doesn’t rely on me for everything. And soon (once he’s out of the house, with a fam of his own) he might not rely on me for anything, at all! And that annoys the living daylights out of me and I don’t know how to make it stop.
The truth is, I love this annoying teenage child of mine so much. He’s the one who graduated me into mommydom when I was still a teen myself. He was my “ride or die” when I was a single mother, trying to make ends meet (like a Julia Roberts movie). He’s the one I first dreamed big dreams for and the kid that I put my whole life aside for, as I tried to navigate the choppy waters of young adulthood. And now he is almost an adult too. And I’m annoyed.
Is it irrational? Probably. Should I know better? Yep. Can I be a better parent? Always. Reminding myself that I’m actually raising someones dad, husband, boss, friend, helps me to remember how important this season is and how much influence I have, even though he pretends that he doesn’t care what I have to say. So for now, I say a prayer, swallow my annoyance and try to be the adult that I want him to grow into.
And yes, I guess that means no throwing shoes at him. Dammit.
-
Choosing the right school for your child and other parenting headaches
I grew up in (what our brown people lovingly refer to as) the hood, in Port Elizabeth. You know… the type of suburb where all the kids in the neighborhood would play with each other, in the street, literally, because we didn’t have big yards or grassy side walks. It was a time of unsolicited nicknames (because we all knew a “China” or “Blou” or “Koppe”) and anyone’s parent was allowed to give you a group spanking if you misbehaved.
Back then, the unspoken rule was that when your time for schooling came, you would attend one of the public schools in the area. I mean, my parents probably knew exactly which primary school and high school I would attend before I hit five years old. There were only so many to choose from in our neighborhood.
Sure, some of our more fancier friends were carted to and from the “white areas”, attending posh schools with exorbitant school fees that our parents could not afford. They wore blazers and hats and sometimes spoke in accents and had derby days and cool extra mural activities.
The rest of us would walk to and from our public school (mostly in groups), stopping to buy 20 cent packets of “samoosa leaves”, “bompies” and “wind chips” along the way. We probably didn’t have the same opportunities as our fancier friends but I must say, my years at public school was pretty legit. I made great friends, had excellent teachers, participated in all the activities (seriously… ALL) and even entered my high school’s beauty pageant (no jokes). I would say that I had a well-rounded schooling experience.
This week, while Hubstopher and I were chatting about finding the right school for our little girl, all of these thoughts popped into my head, you guys. I mean, we want to give our kids the best life possible.
We want them to have the best birthday parties, and get them the best equipment for that hobby that they love. We want them to make really good friends who will stick with them through the bad stuff. We want our kids to find the job of their dreams and hey, eventually meet the one who will want to make them happy for life.
And, as we were chatting about all of this, I realized that schooling plays a big role in how it all turns out. I want my kids to have the same amazing experiences I had, when I was at school. And hey, I’m not naive, I know that we can’t control everything and that a lot of it depends on the child’s attitude. And anyways, sometimes you have a really stinky schooling experience, but still end up with a great life. I know. But still.If the little bit that I can do includes finding the right school for her, then I will darn well make sure I do the best job doing so.
And so the investigation starts, as I hop from one school website to another, trying to find the school that will fit our needs. Things that come into play are:
1. Location – Is the school in close vicinity to our jobs or home? What will transportation needs be like?
2. Aftercare facility – Are there aftercare facilities close by, that won’t cost, you know, the same price as your mortgage per month.
3. Affordability – This is a big one. I often talk about how school fees x 4 is the mood kill in our marriage. Okay, that’s me being dramatic. But seriously guys, if we’re wanting to add one more kid to the mix, we need to consider how much we’re willing to spend on school fees and aftercare fees. Also, some schools have really unnecessary extra expenses that I just can do without, thanks.
4. Extra-murals – My girl child is going to be a total replica of me… I can feel it! Kyle isn’t really one for extra murals, but this girl of mine will probably do as much as possible, and I love that! So we’re also looking for a school that is rich in extra-murals, artsy and cultural activities.
5. Values and school culture– Since we are Christian, our first prize would be a school with strong Christian values and beliefs.
6. Academics – Besides for having great teachers, the ideal school will also have a lot of support structures in place. Class size is also important and would play a big role in whether we sign up or not.
7. The fluffy stuff – Other little things that I would look out for is to find out which school her friends are going to. I mean, it wouldn’t entirely change my mind, but it is an important factor, in my opinion. I love chatting to other moms, with kids in grade 1, to find out what their experience has been like at the school that their kid attends.
We’ve narrowed it down to 3 schools and will be applying to all of them. But boy, has it been a trip! I’m telling you guys, parenting is a headache. The best kind! I mean, if you consider the fact that your decisions will kinda impact the type of grown up your child becomes, suddenly choosing a school is more than just a “which one is more popular” and “which one is more impressive” game. Right?
Anyways, after all of that monologue-ing, I would like to hear from you guys. What type of factors did you consider, when you were choosing a primary school for your little one? Share your advice in the comments section below.
