My spreadsheet brain
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Telling our kids we are pregnant
When you have as many as we do, you kinda brace yourself when breaking pregnancy news to the kids. Telling our kids we are pregnant was a pretty big deal in our home.
I mean, the older ones help out with the younger ones (thanks Kyle), so a new baby means more smallies to run after. It helps that Kyle is almost 18 and that Seth (who lives with his bio mom anyways) is 13. But you guys, Jo (2) and Kari (4) are a handful on their own. Kari thinks that Jo is a handful too (I know this because she says it). Jo… well, he’s just outchere being cute and cherub-like. But he’s two years old. So I wasn’t sure if #demkids would appreciate the addition of yet another little Williams. And I don’t blame them.
Another child means that time, money and other frivolities will have to be rationed between five whole children now and not just four. Again, I can’t stress enough how helpful it is (such a weird thing to be thankful for) that the older boys have whole other families in their lives. I mean, it eases the load, if you know what I mean. But we still need to consider things like one on one time (dating your kids is a real thing), the paying of school fees, making sure they are clothed and fed and other important stuff like that. Oh and the WiFi. Someone needs to pay for the WiFi.
The thought of one more can be extremely overwhelming. I totally have moments where I’m like “aaack, I’m having another baby, am I CRAZY?!” Of corse, those moments are few and far between the more predominant moments of “Oh my goodness, I’m having another baby, heart melt!”
I get it. It’s alot with to deal with mentally… well, for me atleast, and I’m their MOTHER. So let’s just say we were a bit wary when breaking the news to the kids.
We waited a very long time before we told them. Well, we waited a long time before we told anyone. Mainly because of health reasons (wanted to be sure that we’re in the safe zone first) but also because we wanted to keep the information to ourselves (you can read the reasons why over here).
When we finally told #demkids we were kinda stunned at their responses.For starters, Kari (who had been the “mommy please have another baby” champion in our home since December) was completely overwhelmed at the news. In fact, she had no words. Our girl. The outspoken one. She was silent. It took her a while to absorb the information, but once it hit home, she was a ball of energy planning out her journey, as a big sister, in detail.
Jonah… well, he was being his cute and cherub-like self. Also, he’s two. We didn’t really expect him to understand.
The older boys were a lot more optimistic than we had expected you guys! I mean, the immediate debate was that the child must either be named Kyle Seth Williams or Seth Kyle Williams. But I gladly encouraged it, because it meant that they were not running around, pulling their hair out at the news.
Both boys were kinda nonchalant about it though. They say that they have enough siblings to know what goes down when another is added to O Town (see what I did there) and they feel that they are ready for it.
All in all a good response, I think. I know. I’m still in shock. I mean, they handled it better than some of the adults we know. So that’s something right there.
Anyways, with that said, we’re still super excited (me, still super overwhelmed sometimes) and really looking forward to doing life with our crazy, big family! Big families are the best! And we be havin’ it! Somebody give me a high five, immediately.
(Watch a very short kids response video below.. recording stopped mid-way through the big reveal, don’t know how that happened. )
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And then there were five
Luchae and Christopher Williams are excited to announce that they will be adding one more little Williams to their brood. That’s right! We’re pregnant! (Well, I’m pregnant. If there was an option for us to take turns, I would definitely say that this should be Christopher’s round. But alas, I’m the oven and he is the chef. So….. oh kay… now that this awkward little monologue is over…)
To answer the series of questions that usually follows an announcement of this nature, when you have a bunch of kids already: Yes, we are serious! No, our baby is not a mistake. Yes, we are well aware that being pregnant usually results in the need to feed and clothe a whole other person. And no, we are not overwhelmed. Well, not anymore, atleast. #realtalk
Now, I had written out a whole other birth announcement post. This other post was way more chiller, and in it I explained the series of events that ultimately led to me taking a pee stick test. But, when I told a few people about our HAPPY news, we were met with a bunch of really negative responses that literally shattered my soul.
People said things to us like: “Oh my gosh don’t you guys use protection?” and “You’ve got to be kidding me!” and “Couldn’t you wait another year?!” and “Don’t you have enough children?” and “You know that self control is a fruit of the spirit” and my favorite, “What is wrong with you guys?!”
Those very real, very painful comments made me realize that I shan’t be sharing the detailed birth announcement post because I don’t owe anyone an explanation. And I most certainly don’t need to explain myself to someone who clearly has a different set of ideals and beliefs that I do. Especially the ones who don’t pay for my kids nappies. (So that’s, like, everyone.)
The truth is this, you guys, if Chris and I came into our marriage, sans any other kids, then there would be a lot more celebration and excitement for our baby number three. But, because we have a very real Seth and a very real Kyle (our stepkids), we are now suddenly grouped together with those mass breeding cult families who literally do nothing but procreate. (You get that we’ve only had two babies together, right? We don’t “pop them out all the time”.)And anyways… who cares?! Well, everyone does, apparently, because in this day and age, you’re only allowed to have a certain amount of children in order to be deemed socially acceptable. I mean, I can’t tell you who made up this rule because my grandparents had seven children and I don’t think they were stoned to death by the town folk.
We get it, five kids feels like A LOT but we’ve managed thus far, by the grace of God. He has sustained us through each uphill and every challenge and I’m 100% confident that He will do it again. He is faithful you guys.
Also, have you seen our other children? There’s another one of those beauties a-cookin’ in my belly as I type this! Eeeeek! So yes, we are happy and excited and feeling all those “aack, we’re having a baby!” feelings and it would be GREAT if you could celebrate with us! In fact we need you to celebrate with us. Will you, please?
Obviously more updates to follow but for now, just this one little public service announcement:
We’re having a baby! AAAAAAAAAAAACK!
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10 ways to be lekker in life
Since it’s about a month away from my birthday, and I am, you know, turning a whole year older and all of that, I find myself contemplating life and growth and how to be a better person without having to stop binge watching The Voice UK. And a few things came to mind … you know, things that some would call common sense. I call the list “10 ways to be lekker”… because being a crappy person is so out of season and no one wants to walk around feeling like you’re invincible when everyone else is wondering why you look like you need a hug and a Coke. Here’s a list of things I remind myself everyday:
1. Don’t be that person who tries to debate with someone on a Facebook post or in a Whatsapp chat. Like, seriously, the other person is not sitting there with bated breathe, hoping you’re going to say something that will change their minds. They can’t hear your tone or context. They cannot see your facial expression. In some cases they probably don’t even read your extra long essays. (I know I don’t.) So the debate usually ends up being a waste of time and brain power. Arguing with someone on Facebook is such a time suck because people are usually in it for the long haul! They are rife for the debate and they WILL NOT STOP until you do. Be lekker, don’t be a troll.
2. If people have ish going on, and you know about it, you don’t have to do anything because guess what, Winona Rider, their information is not yours to steal and share without their permission! I’m sure we’re all pretty over the village gossip who finds joy in sharing about other people’s challenges and pains. And yes, telling your mother/sister/family member under the guise of “ag shame” still makes it gossip. Be lekker man, Winona, don’t be a gossip.
3. How about let’s not take our issues to social media, and make subliminal status updates about it. Well, this is something I remind myself often. Stay classy. Don’t air your arguments where the world can see them. It’s the year of the mature adult conversation. You know, saying things like “I feel this way when you do that” face to face, instead of posting something putrid about someone, without really naming them. Be lekker, don’t be a subliminal update poster.
4. And while we’re on the topic, you don’t have to like everything that everyone says. I often remind myself that everyone has their own opinions and different ways of doing things and hey, Martha Stewart, guess what, THAT’S OKAY. If we all had to be a carbon copy of you, this world would be very bland. No offense. Be lekker, don’t be a robot.
5. Stop re-sharing fake news in your Whatsapp groups and on social media. It’s not kwaai man! I mean, you’re spreading mass hysteria, and you can’t even prove that it’s right. Can we leave that type of news sharing to, you know, the actual newspaper? Be lekker, don’t be dramatic.
6. Don’t assume that everything is always about you. Man, the way I’m tired of people reading something and thinking that it’s shade thrown at them. And I’m not immune, yo! I do this too! Its so not lekker. Like, what if your friend Maggie simply felt like posting a mullet hairstyle meme. What if Maggie did not even think about you and your mullet, while posting the meme. What if, and let this one sink in, the world did not revolve around you?! Be lekker, don’t be a narcissist.7. Stop being the friend/family member who encourages someone else to player hate. If your friend is out of line or being unreasonable, say the thing! I mean, we’ve all been there – we know exactly how hurt and anger can turn a mole hill into a mountain. True friendship does not mean agreeing with everything your friend believes. I want my friends to lovingly correct me if I’m wrong. Why would you willingly want your friend to make wrong decisions?! Be lekker, don’t be a bad friend.
8. If you see someone else doing really well in their field of interest, tell them they are doing a good job man. I mean, congratulate them instead of talking them down to your family and your friends at the office and your neighbours uncle. I get it, maybe selling bicycles online is not your thing. That’s okay. But if Patricia is doing well with her online bicycle sales, then more power to her and her success! You don’t understand online bicycle sales, that’s why you’re selling carpets. Be lekker, don’t be a hater.
9. Perception is a BIG word (and I’m not just saying so because I struggled to spell it for a minute). I mean, your perception of someone else can totally influence how you respond to them. Sometimes you need to take a minute to remember that (que John Legend) “we’re just ordinary people!” We’re all on a journey and we respond to things differently. I cannot control the next person. I am only in control of myself and my responses. So just be lekker, don’t be unreasonable.
10. And lastly (this one is for free), if you ever find yourself offended for some absurd reason, justifying your silly offense with silly reasoning, instead of name calling and insulting someone else, rather take a selah moment. Say a prayer. Stay classy. Look yourself in the mirror and say: Hey, be lekker man, don’t be offended for stupid things. Life is too short and there are way better things to be concerned about!
So these are the sweet, sweeet reminders when I feel like I need to remember the point of it all (especially now, in my old age, right?) At the end of the day, being lekker is the opposite of being miserable, difficult to get along with, and bitter. And we all know which one we’d rather be.
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5 easy ways to be healthier
This year I vowed to take my health seriously – seriouslier? more seriously? – I want to be healthier, okay? But I knew that I needed a “5 easy ways to be healthier … without really trying very hard …” kind of list, because, let’s face it, another fad diet was not going to cut it for me.
I’m just going to say it: I’m not the healthiest person on the planet. I mean, I’m not proud of it. Don’t look at me like that Dr Phil, I know that I have problems. I love food, okay? Geeez give a woman a break!
So yes, If I have to force myself into a eating routine of sorts, I would fail immediately. Immediately.
Instead of trying to guilt myself into eating better, I decided to work on making little changes, over longer period of time. I mean, the key word is consistency. I figured that if I change small things, over a longer period, I will see results.
So here are my five easy ways to be healthier. You can applaud me for my “geniosity” at the end of the post.
1. Substitute my favorite drink for waterI’m a coffee fiend. I love me some java! But I knew that going cold turkey on it would basically cause my body to point and laugh at me. So, instead of deciding to not have coffee anymore, I resolved to rather have a whole glass of water before my coffee.
This means: if I usually have six cups of coffee per day, I would now also have six whole glasses of water, that I would consume before the coffee. You could literally do this with whatever drink you consume the most of.
The pay off is that usually, after the glass of water, I’m not really in the mood for the cup of coffee anymore. Am I not a genius?! Somebody call Kris Jenner, I think I need a manager!
2. Take the stairs
I’m a lifts and elevator kind of girl.
Whaaat, don’t look at me like that Jessica. I don’t like to physically exert myself. But the thing is this, guys, your body needs you to do some sort of movement, in order for it to stay in prime condition.
I knew that waking up at 5am to go to the gym is not “my thing” for many reasons (main reason: children, second reason: lazy). So, instead, I am now walking around more, taking the stairs when I can and basically trying to get as many steps in, per day. You can actually download an app on your phone, that helps to monitor how many steps you take per day. This is a cool way to motivate you to reach that daily goal.
3. I don’t do bread
I love bread, you guys. Like, A LOT. Like, if I were a teenager, bread would be my secret crush that I just can’t stop thinking about. Yes, it’s that bad.
But I realized that a lot of my bloatedness is due to my heavy consumption of bread. My body is just not happy when I’ve consumed copious amounts of carbs.
So, instead of telling myself that I cant eat all the carbohydrates in the world ever again, I’m just not eating bread anymore. So that means I might still have a little pasta now and then, and you’ll probably find me dunking my chip in your tomato sauce here and there. But I draw the line when it comes to actual breads. They are not my friend.
4. More fruits and veggiesVeggies are boring, right? But I feel like this is one of those duh moments, because (duhhh) everyone knows that consuming more fruits and veggies is what one does when you want to be healthy.
Well, guys don’t be shocked, but I’m not a fan of either. I wouldn’t normally go out of my way to pack fruits or veggies into my lunchbox. So, instead of forcing myself to do this, I try to keep some fruit in my draw at work, so that it’s on hand and readily available when I want to snack. I’m more likely to consume fruits and veggies when it’s easily accessible. I’m also learning how to make more yummy, veggie-laden foods, because who said that veggies are boring? (Me, I literally said that a minute ago).
5. Batch cooking
Okay so batch cooking is another clever way to prep healthy food, for the week ahead. The many perks include not having to cook during the week AND you get to pre-plan healthier meals.
I also found a bunch of really great ways to add more veggies to your meals. Yep, a lot of them involve hiding the vegetables away because my kids will start an actual riot if I present them a dish with too much green stuff in it. Also, you could totally make your batches big enough to have a serving of last night’s leftovers for lunch the next day. This should totes make you a bit more intentional with what you put into your body (and that of your family, yo). Spreadsheet brain is loving it!
So those are my five (very clever, highly genius) ways that I plan to be more healthier this year. Do you have any similar (health) tricks up your sleeve? Share them with me in the comments section below.
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A late recap of 2018 because I can
As the snotty title of this post implies, I’ve only now woken up and realized that I did not post my mandatory recap of the previous year yet. I blame this on the lazy holidays and my brains inability to function when I’m not wearing any make up. (Anyone else find it hard to focus when you’re not dressed for a work day?) Anyways, excuses aside, I’ve decided to do my 2018 recap, even though we’re one week deep into 2019 because I can and I want to and you can’t make me stop! (Childish tantrum, anyone?) Anyways, here’s a bit of a recap on the past year:
January
I had decided that my theme for 2018 would be “do the thing“. So eloquent, so powerful. Basically what this meant is that I would nail my goals, no matter what, no excuses allowed! A lekker holiday always makes you feel like you can conquer the world. I also chatted a bit about my faith and how I feel that people discriminate against me, because of it, sometimes. We also had all the Day Zero water saving tips making its rounds and I told you guys that my Hubstopher likes it when I give him the silent treatment. Pffft!February
The month of love brought on feelings of “argh why did I eat so much chocolate last year” and I ended up writing an emo post about my body issues. But hey, to balance that out, I also wrote an inspiring post about loving yourself (it’s all about balance, yo) and I told you guys the truth behind Valentines Day. Oh and in Feb we had our very first Purge Party, you guys!March
March 2018 was a difficult month for me, as I grieved the loss of a friend’s baby. It reminded me just how overwhelming Motherhood can be – overwhelming in the sense that you throw your whole entire heart and soul into loving this little person, before you even meet them, and you find your life completely changed by the very concept of them. I also told you guys that I want to adopt. Nothings changed – I still want another baby. Call me crazy. But not to my face.
April
I don’t know what on earth I was going through in April but I wrote a bunch of rant-posts. I mean, I wrote about how my husband MUST be cheating on me and also how to deal with people who don’t like you and I told you guys all about how I plan to get revenge. So dramatic. I also addressed the issue of the newborn baby that was found in a drain.May
May is Jojo’s birth month, so there was a lot of birthday party planning and I ended up going with a birthday play date instead. Best decision of my life! The birthday play date was so lekker! May was also the month of royal wedding you guys! We swooned over it for a wee bit (see what I did there?) and I confessed that I, too, married a prince. If you can recall, we spoke about making sure your kid is smartphone smart and I let you in on all our #ECMeetUp excitement and my hair drama.June
June was all about my new hair (well, in my mind it was hahaha). I also made my own chocolate at the Cadbury Factory and I told you guys all about how to be a blogger. Oh, don’t worry, I did get all emo (as I do) and wrote a post about how crappy it is to celebrate Father’s Day when you’re a single mom struggling to get your dead beat baby daddy to step up. You’re welcome.July
My kids a model. Seriously! Kari modeled for Lil Punk in July and we were blown away! My Jojo also got infront of the camera, for Cutepix Photographer, as a model for Michelle’s latest offering: Paint Smash Photo Sessions. How adorbs is this munchkin?! I also asked you guys to stop encouraging your man, when he calls his ex psycho. It’s rude. And also, I spoke about the many reasons why I probably shouldn’t have another baby. Hahahahhaha and look at me now, picking out imaginary baby names. Oh how the mighty has gotten broody.
August
August was all about the fashion and I showed you guys Kari’s photo shoots with KrulKop Society and The Little Closet. I also offered you a range of advice (because apparently I’m Oprah now) such as: How to ignore people who think you’re annoying, How to be as dramatic of a wife as possible, How to not fall for fake news, How to keep your kids safe from abduction and how to spot if someone is being abused.September
In September I was very sick. I told you guys about it in two whole posts. Thank you for reading. I also eventually got around to sharing about human trafficking and what the experts are saying about whether you should share your kids pics online.October
In October I introduced my #dateyourspouse concept to you guys and you loved it! I also asked you to please stop thinking that your Facebook is hacked – for the love of all that is good, staaap! Oh and I reminded you that your kids watch your every move.November
In November, you guys rallied behind me, after I shared a post about some bullies who had made fun out of my limp. THANK YOU again, friends! Your support was amazing! We also got festive up on the blog and I shared a bunch of lekker things to do during the silly season, including: My top five Christmas party games, our Christmas Tree Night traditions and some fun end of year party themes.
December
December, oh oh, December! Since it was December and all (and all) I shared some cool tips for hosting a family game night. We had our final #ECMeetUp for the year and it was so lekker! We ended off the year with the 10 things I learnt in 2018.And what did I learn in 2018? Well, I learnt that those who matter won’t mind (when you do you) and those who mind don’t matter! I learnt that the pie IS big enough for all of us and I also learnt that what you put into relationships is what you’ll get out! Looking forward to a year of abundance in 2019… it’s time for new things!
What are some of your highlights of 2018? What are you looking forward to for 2019?
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Christmas Crazy: I blame my family for Christmas
I blame my family for Christmas. Most of my childhood memories are centered around the festive season and you guys, this explains a lot about why I’m Christmas Crazy! I mean, growing up, Christmas was always been the BEST time of the year.
I grew up with a bunch of sweet Christmas traditions,that made it really hard to hate the season, if you know what I mean.When I was younger, Christmas usually meant new clothes (right down to the undies, yo), fresh hair, going to church in the morning and coming home to open presents and enjoy family time. In our neighborhood, the kids would go from house to house, to knock on doors and wish aunty-so-and-so a happy Christmas, with the hopes that you’d score a 50c from her. We were always loaded on Christmas day… with coins AND with food. In typical brown people style, the food was always overly excessive… 5 different types of meats, enough salads to start a Spur salad bar, and a fine selection of main courses that would rival even the best buffet restaurants. Oh and when you’re done with your seconds and thirds, there are atleast six desserts to choose from.
My grandmother would set up trestle tables in her living room – for the aunties and uncles of course. The kids would have their own table… and we didn’t mind at all. I mean, we were too busy comparing outfits and Christmas gifts and funny stories. Grandma’s Christmas tree was always the biggest and our eyes would go wide with amazement, as we spotted dozens of gifts under it. Ahh those were the times when aunties and uncles could afford to buy gifts for every single child in the family. These special gifts were placed under Grandma’s tree and, to be honest, they probably were the highlight of the day. Because, hello, you get your presents at home, and then you get even more presents at your grandmother’s house. Double score!
So yes, Christmas has always been the best time for me. I think it’s just because I love presents and food so much. Agree to disagree. Anyways, because of this, I’ve really enjoyed getting into it with my kids, as they grow older. I usually go all Christmas Crazy on the blog too.
And that’s where you come in friends. Is there something specific you’d like to read about, during this festive season? Maybe you’re looking for gift ideas for your mother in law, or perhaps you’d like a super easy Christmas cake recipe. (hmmm caaaake)… Or perhaps, like me, you just have no questions at all, you simply love this season and you want to read all about how much I love it too. Hey, that’s a blog post right there!
Fill me in, guys! Simply drop me a comment below and then keep your eyes peeled to this space as I begin to roll out the cool Christmas competitions and festive blog posts over the next few weeks!
This post was originally published in 2018 and was edited in 2020.
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Update: A letter from a sick persons bed
If you’re reading this please know that my common sense has prevailed and prevented me from running with the completely morbid opening sentence that I had originally intended for this piece of writing. Hello. Welcome. Shalom. How are you? I’m fine, thank you. Well, I’m 100% percent sure that my body is healed and it just has to catch up with the truth that it’s healed, if you know what I mean.
The past two weeks have been completely insane, as far as weeks are concerned. Besides for singing my tonsils out at our church conference and DVD recording (only to later discover that, oh joy, my tonsils aren’t very happy about being sung out) I’ve also been really not healthy through all of this. Couple that with a strangulated hernia, and Bobs your uncle who is actually a doctor and telling you that you can’t leave your bed for a whole week.
For those who don’t know what a strangulated hernia is, congratulations. May this dreaded fate never befall on you. Okay, okay, maybe you still want to know what it is, anyways. Well, for various reasons that I shall not go into over here because the drugs are kicking in fast and I don’t know how much longer I can hold up with this banter, just know that some moms suffer from a condition called Diastasis Recti. This occurs post birth, when your tummy muscles have separated and cannot find their way back, thus leaving a gap down the middle part of your belly. This also means that the muscles are not protecting or encasing your intestines etc. An umbilical hernia (what I have) is when the intestine gets a little bit too friendly with your belly button cavity, and slips into that spot, gets stuck there and then throws its toys out of the cot. Okay, it doesn’t actually have toys to throw out of the cot, but it does get really painful, since all blood circulation is cut off etc. This can lead to a damaged colon, infections and even death.
So yes, all of this (minus the death part) happened to me on Saturday, at the church conference. Literally, on the bathroom floor, for all the world to see. It was very exciting, in a “everyone can see me crying for my mommy like a baby aaack” kind of way. A kind doctor gently pushed the intestine back into place (yes, with his finger) and the pain was immediately gone. But he insists that I have it surgically repaired. Now to get my medical aid to agree. Woohoo. Not.
Anyways, couple that with a severe case of tonsillitis and the fact that I can’t hold food down (extreme nausea, like every waking minute) and you’ve pretty much got the pilot episode of my newest reality show… Living in the Loo with Luchae. Hahaha I literally just made that up. I told you the drugs are kicking in fast.
But hey, it’s not all bad, you guys. For starters, I get to rest this week, which I wasn’t planning to do, to be honest. My very clever friend told me that I need to work on my physical wholeness… so I’m picking up the flack, and getting my body back on the healthy track. (And that was not meant to rhyme, but here we are, rhyming now). So that’s what I’m focused on right now.
I have so much blog stuff that is literally sitting up here, in my head, just giving me dirty looks. For starters I have a whole blog post dedicated to the child abduction thing. You won’t believe the level of frustration I’m feeling. I mean, I even did the homework!!!!! Now to actually get the info typed out. Meh. I also have two fantastic competitions that I am meant to run. Maybe next week? Okay, fine. Next week.
But other than that. Nothing interesting going on this side of the world. Nothing to see here, folks. Move along…
Clip note: Thank you for all the beautiful messages, Whatsapps and attempted phone calls. I haven’t really been taking calls due to eina throat. I’ll respond to messages eventually, I promise.
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My husband unfollowed me on Instagram and other completely unnecessary wifey drama that he puts up with
How’s your “completely unnecessary wifey drama” looking? Well here’s mine: the other day my husband – the only one I have – unfollowed me on Instagram and I was outraged!
Is nothing sacred?! I mean, unfollowing me on Instagram is basically the same as unfollowing me in LIFE! I was flabbergasted. And while I sat there, fuming, in a pile of my own feelings, I decided to drop him a very heated Whatsapp message just to let him know what I think of him and his uncouth behavior.
He responded with a smirk emoticon (gasp – the audacity) and a one liner that said “I’m teaching you a lesson”.
Uhm, hello? This husband of mine – the only one I have – was under the false pretense that he could teach me (his most cleverest wife) a lesson. How hilarious. How insulting. Something had to be done.
I obviously had a very strongly worded reply ready, like only a wife will have. We carry strongly worded replies around with us, in our hand bags, like one would a tazor or a pepper spray. It does the same amount of damage.
Anyways, my reply was going to say something along the lines of: if he feels this passionate about education, he can gladly get a Funza Lushaka Bursary and learn how to do it professionally. But I was like, no, let’s not do that. Let’s bring out the big guns. We’ll play a little bit of “whose shoulder is the coldest”.Mind you, I realized my genius because it is, in fact, actually seriously cold in real life, anyways. Winter has made a comeback (and she’s brought reinforcements). So my cold shoulder would be in 3D, thanks to the weather.
Anyways, minutes turned into hours (it’s cray how slowly time moves when you have a vendetta and a plan) and I cold-shouldered and only replied to his messages using “mmms” and “if you want to”. I was convinced that I was winning.
But just to make myself feel doubley better, I chatted to concerned friends and they offered advice such as: “Steal his phone and follow yourself” and “Kick his ass” and “Shame, maybe he’s trying to be romantic.”
One even suggested that I put my anger to paper, and so I wrote a clever poem about it. It goes like this:
I once had a husband named Chris
Who has always been top of my list
Until one day the ham
Unfollowed me on Instagram
GASP! I know, what a diss!Please, hold the applause.
Anyways, ladies, this story does not have a happy ending. Or any ending at all actually. The chop is still not following me on Instagram. I am now filing for divorce.
Kidding!I’m honestly not that cut up about it. This whole post was written in jest. I love the bugger and his guitar-player fingers (even though one of those traitor fingers hit the unfollow button, but let’s not dwell on the past.)
It’s just been a funny story to tell people. You know, the unsuspecting ones, standing around the coffee machine, who don’t really care… and possibly don’t even know what my name is.
But all jokes aside you guys, this must be said: the only time I’m bugged about my husband not following me on Instagram is when I feel like I’m looking particularly cute today. I mean, how do I show him? Right? We all know that one cannot simply Whatsapp your dude a cute pic of yourself without looking like a complete dweeb. It has to be all mysterious and accidental and like “by the way, look at what you married, you’re welcome.”
Anyways, so that’s my completely unnecessary wifey drama for the day. What’s yours?
Clip note: People have been asking me why he wanted to “teach me a lesson”. Well, I accidentally unfollowed him first and then re-followed him. But The Gram does not forget. And so lessons had to be learnt. Oh Internet, what a complicated web you weave.
Clip note of a clip note: Before you say “Oh my gosh, this woman seriously wrote a blog post about her husband not following her on Instagram.” Yes, Margaret. Yes I did. And you just read the entire thing. Surprise!
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Can you please stop falling for fake news?!
My friends, I love you. But I seriously need you to stop falling for fake news on the interwebs. I mean, seriously. No, they did not find a mermaid off the coast of Jamaica. And no, there has not been a UFO siting in Japan. And for the love of all that is good, NO, Facebook is not going to delete your account unless you copy and paste a poorly worded status update.
The thing about hoax news is that it can be damaging. That’s right. I said DAMAGING.
Ask the teens, from Durban, who can’t leave home because someone played a prank on them by posting their pics on Facebook with the caption “look out for these two, they are stealing children”. Do you guys know that in India, atleast 20 people have lost their lives due to mob justice because of Facebook hoaxes of this nature?
And what about the mother and daughter whose pic was stolen from a social website, and then used in an article claiming they are having a sexual relationship. Not such a fun time for them, I’m sure. Heck, I’ve even been the target of a Cat-fisher – you know, someone who has used my own photos, to spread lies. It happens. And when we unknowingly share these stories and articles, without checking the facts, we become a catalyst – part of the PROBLEM and not the solution.
And I hear you, friends. You don’t mean to cause harm. You actually want to help out, which is why you’re sharing that article warning your friends not to flicker their head lights at night because it’s a gang initiation. And I totally get where you’re coming from. I mean, sure, I want to be kept informed too.
But if you’re telling me that they attempted to rip a child away from his father, in a mall in Cape Town, you’re making me paranoid about having my own kid ripped from my own arms. What you didn’t tell me is that the guy shoplifted and the undercover security guards were trying to apprehend him.
And sure, I want to know about missing people and want to do my part, by sharing the information. But friends, if the person was found like, 6 years ago, then WHY are we still re-sharing these posts?! Surely there are more urgent reports that need our attention? Checking the date/facts literally takes a couple of minutes.
Please, don’t get me wrong, my lovely friends. I want to be kept informed with the latest news. I really do. But please don’t tell me about impending disasters, fake diseases I can catch in elevators, fake comets about to hit earth and fake reports about poisonous foods on the shelves of our favorite stores if you haven’t double checked the news source and date of the report.
The scary truth is this:
1. Fake news travels faster than real news.
2. The fake news is usually quite horrifying/scary/freaky, and it has the potential to unsettle a large amount of people, unnecessarily.
3. Fake news can create an under-confidence in, say for example, the police force or your local government or even your schooling system. And hey, this isn’t an open door for a debate. I’m not asking you what your thoughts are on these institutions. All I’m saying is, don’t spread lies about it.
4. Fake news comes with a price, you guys. It lowers our trust in actual journalism, it lessens the value of actual scientific research, it damages the reputation of businesses who might not deserve the backlash and it creates a misinformed public who then makes decisions based on the wrong information.
5. It’s just not lekker man.So that’s all I have to say about that. Do the right thing.
Image: Freepik
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My top 5 parenting posts are full of drama
Apparently this space is called a parenting blog. I say “apparently” because when I started blogging I didn’t like, have a formula or a specific niche in mind. I just enjoy talking. And singing. I sometimes sing while I’m talking. But that’s not the point. I have a lot to say, man. And I loved that this blog space allowed me to say what I want, without anyone tell me to be quiet.
I’ve met a bunch of really fabulous mamas while on this blogging journey. Yep, I’m talking about you guys… the ones who message me with tips and tricks when I’m struggling to get my child to make a poo. Or the ones who send me words of encouragement when I act like a pansy about the fact that I’m getting a hair cut. Or the ones who DM me to ask for advice about situations that you’re going through… thank you for choosing me to be your safe space. You guys are amazing.
And hey, thank you for reading. I mean, without you, I’m pretty much just outchere talking to myself (not uncommon, but like, thanks for not letting me man).
Anyways, with this in mind I thought to list some of YOUR top 5 parenting posts, shared on this ol’ blog, over the years. I quite like these too, so you guys have excellent taste. Here they are:
Not worthy for Mother’s DayI often chat about my introduction to parenthood. I mean, I was like, 19 when I gave birth and totally not ready for it. Which is why I so loved the Embrace Motherhood campaign. This campaign is targeted at new moms who, on Mother’s Day, may be feeling overwhelmed, ill-equipt and not worthy to be someone’s mom. That’s exactly how I felt on my first few Mother’s Days. Read more…
Boy or Girl: Fun baby gender prediction testsWhen I found out I was preggers with Jonah, I was more than a little shocked. He was a surprise baby – a blessing on top of a blessing – and we were okay with it being a boy or a girl. Before we got the gender result from the doctor’s blood test, we tried out a bunch of gender prediction tests to see which one would give us the more accurate result. Anyways, turns out Jojo was a… well, a Jojo. As we all know now. But it was so fun to try all of these out while we waited to find out what the gender would be. Read more…
When you’re dating a single momThis post was especially close to my heart. I was a single mom for a few years before I met my Hubstopher and let me tell ya, those were perilous times! It’s so hectic to juggle a love life with being ..errr.. kinda EVERYTHING your child needs, all at the same time! My wise friend once told me: “single mom does not mean single heart!” and that is so true! If you’re a single mom, navigating the treacherous waters of the dating sea, my prayers are with you sister! Read more…
10 Perks of having kids at a young ageI wrote this post a couple of years ago and people still seem to find it relevant (and by “relevant” I mean “awkward but amusing”). I’ll admit, having Kyle at the tender age of 19 was anything BUT amusing. But being able to watch him sail through his teens, while still being a teen myself (cough)… priceless! I highly recommend it. Check the post for terms and conditions though. Read more…
Ever had to deal with that baby mama dramaLook, the traditional family looks a lot different now a days, compare to like, nineteen-voetsek. Blended families are a thing. Being a “baby mama” is not something you only see in movies. And baby mama drama is not uncommon. You know I’m right. What’s my point? Well, what I want to say is that I know what baby mama drama looks like because I am that very same baby mama and I’ve caused drama before. There, I’ve said it. This post resonated with a lot of you. Heck, it STILL resonates with me sometimes. And that’s okay. Read more…
Which of these are your faves? Or which of my other parenting posts hit the nail on the head for you? And, most importantly, what would you like me to chat about next? I’m asking because I sometimes have no cooking-clue what to say and having a little guide would help. Hit me up in the comments section below.
