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5 tips to setting up your home office
Whether you are burning the midnight oil for your own side hustle or bringing work home from the office, chances are you’d be a lot more productive in a cute home office space. Setting up your office nook doesn’t have to be a drag. There is a bevy of awesome tips on the internet! Superbalist also has the chicest range of office accessories, chairs, and desks. Visit the online store and explore more to find the style that works for you. Here are some other things to remember when setting up a home office:
Choose the right desk
While it may seem easier to simply repurpose a vanity or kitchen table, it is much wiser to find a desk for your home office. Dedicating a table or desk to your office space will help to cue your brain to get into “work mode” when you are seated at it. Consider things like size, colour, height, and functionality, when searching for your home office desk.
Lighting is everythingNo matter the size of your space, you can set the atmosphere with good lighting. Natural light is a winner, but try to incorporate a task light as well. Allow the lighting to sweep through the room, with metal and glass office accessories, and open shelving.
Use your walls
Use your wall space to set up a stylish gallery of printed or painted images that helps to bring across your personality, catering to what will make you feel more focused and productive. You can also use wall space to set up shelving and storage space. Patterned wall paper is a great way to bring some more dimension and colour into a tiny space.
Tame your cablesGive your office space a face list by hiding unsightly cords and cables. You can do this with cord covers and tubes. Making sure that your electronic equipment is close to outlets is another easy way to tame the jungle of cables in your space.
Sit easy
Considering the amount of time that we spend working, it’s so important to have a comfortable office chair for your home office. A comfy chair can help to make your workspace that much more productive. A quality chair will most likely be a bit pricier, but a lot more ergonomical. Consider the height of the chair (and whether it is adjustable), the back rest and the arm rests when finding the perfect office chair.
This post was sponsored by Superbalist.
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2021… uhhh I mean… 2022 update.
It’s been a while since I’ve shown my face around these here parts. How the heck are you? I know, I’ve been scarce… super lame. Sorry about that. Granted, I have many solid reasons as to why I’ve been quiet (you know, things like: work, kids, life, Netflix – just rewatched Bridgerton btw and am now referring to myself as ‘Your Grace’… that sort of thing) But, excuses aside, I realise that I’ve been pretty slack on the blogging front over the past year and I need to get back into gear. So here’s a young 2022 update for you.
But first, let’s start here: 2021 was a doozy. There, I said it. It wasn’t the best year, but it also wasn’t the worst (yeah, I’m looking at you 2020, come at me bruh).
2021 was a weird year. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I totally appreciated the fact that we all made it out of 2020 alive. And I was super grateful for all the good that we had in our lives. But I’ve never been this inundated with life-related dramatics before.
2021 reminded me of that friend that you are super excited to take with to a party and then you immediately regret it once you get there.
Some of the dramatics I had to, you know, endure include the usual forage of bills to pay, a couple of friendships to manage or release, a lot of weight to lose (I mean, aside from the friendships being released) and then there’s the job front, where I almost morphed into a “mean girl” because I so enjoy matching every stern question with an even more sarcastic answer. Let’s just say, 2021 definitely tested my Christianity.
And not only because we haven’t been able to attend church in-person. Even though we do our best to maintain our relationship with God, but not being able to attend definitely took a toll on us. (BTW our church IS having in-person services, but I have 3 children under the age of 8 years old and 2 of them don’t do well at Sunday School yet, so online services make more sense for my family dynamic right now.)
Aside for that, I found myself diving head first into my work and family, without allowing any quiet time or moments of reflection. A recipe for disaster, if you ask me. Anyways, by the end of 2021, I was malfunctioning.
You know what I mean – short-circuiting… cutting out… not computing… not performing on optimal level. You get the gist. Ek was so bietjie bedornerd.
I had become so programmed to “do, do, do” that I totally forgot how to simply “be”. It reminded me of a little saying that I had once heard about us being human BEings and not human DOings… yeah, I know, a “kapooof” moment for me too. When you’re more focused on doing and not focused enough on being who God calls you to be… well, a short-circuit is usually on the horizon for you, Sally.
And short-circuit, I did. To the point where I sometimes found myself just laying on my bed, and staring at the ceiling. My body felt the toll (giiiirl, let me tell you, I got joint-pain in places that I didn’t even know were joints). I definitely needed a break.
Anyways, at the start of the festive season, I decided to unplug as much as I could. This meant logging out of my emails and logging back into family life. One would think that this is something easy to do. For me, it definitely was not. My spreadsheet brain doesn’t allow me to just chill. I constantly have to be busy in order to feel, I don’t know, useful, I guess.A whole 3 weeks later and I’m starting to feel refreshed and ready for the new year. I’m determined to roundhouse kick 2022 in the face (so aggressive, who is this girl lol) because I will NOT have another crappy year again! Anyone else on this same level of passion?
I’m also thoroughly determined to not look like I am 5 months pregnant when I’m not. I mean, I am a huge “body positivity” stan, but let’s be honest, when you cant even make it up one flight of stairs without huffing and puffing, then something needs to be done. I need to start taking my health a lot more serious this year.
Other things I have my heart set on is: this blog right here! Man, I miss blogging. I miss it because I like that get to say exactly how I feel here. Social media is such a fickle space, and although I’ve been trying to put a lot more focus on those platforms, I realise that my whole heart lies with this blog. So expect a lot more blog posts in the coming future.
Well, that’s all from me. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the type of blog posts you’d like me to write. Please share your thoughts in the comment section below. And with that, I bid thee adieu.
Yours sincerely,
Luchae aka Your Grace
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What kind of friend are you?
I recently had a very long chat, with a very old friend of mine and it was filled with all sorts of complaints. We moaned about the fact that we are getting old. She showed me her swollen thumb. I laughed at the fact that I’m not hip enough to commit to 7 outfit changes for 1 Tik Tok. We both need more money.
I mean, if you were a fly on the wall, you would wonder why on earth we would dedicate a whole conversation to, well, complaining.
The thing is this though… why would we not?
I have a lot of friends – really great pals, all of them. People who will be there for me in a time of need.
Friends who cooked for me, after the birth of my baby and really amazing pals who don’t laugh when I get undressed in front of them.
Friends who comforted me during the big Covid losses of last year.
Friends who think I’m hilarious- even though we all know that my jokes are questionable and really special pals who tell me that I look nice when all I did was wash my hair.
I have friends who reprimand me when I don’t go to the doctor to tend to my ailments and friends who love my kids as if they are their very own. I have amazing pals who speak highly of me, even when I’m not around to hear it and pals who like my Instagram posts even though the post is about something that they have no interest in at all.
I have friends who I don’t speak to for, like, a whole year – but we still have that instant connection when we do and a select few – who I share my vulnerability with. These are the absolute gems who get to see my ugly. (The lucky fools muahaha)
Our convos usually go “I know I’m being rude right now but I don’t understand why…” OR “I’m sorry to say this but…”
For the most part, we allow ourselves to be open and vulnerable with each other. We offer insight and – hey – correction where needed. But we mainly find healing and freedom in being able to say exactly what we are thinking, knowing that there will be absolutely no judgement at all.
Because, at the end of the day, we all have insecurities. And, let’s be honest ladies, we often struggle to put these insecurities on display. I mean, we don’t want our insecurities to define who we are.
These unicorn pals are a safe place… a sounding board… a shoulder and an ear. And they usually understand your crazy, which helps.Anyways, after chatting to my pal, and reflecting on how I offloaded so much of my current concerns (some, totally irrational) into this one message to her, I marvelled at the beauty of our friendship. I mean, I felt a whole lot better after the conversation. I felt heard.
It also made me wonder: do I leave MY friends feeling the same way? What kind of friend am I?
Am I a “no judgement” friend? Is my friendship a safe space to someone? Do I allow my pals to be exactly who they are – no masks needed?
Or do my friends feel as if they need to be a specific person around me. Do I grant my friends the freedom to be express themselves, around me?
Maya Angelou said that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. I am committed to being more mindful of how I make my friends feel.
How about you? What kind of friend are you?
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It’s beginning to look a lot like…
“Iiiiiit’s beginning to look a lot like” … September. It’s September, people, calm down. And yes, when I speak to “people”, I’m actually talking to my spreadsheet brain… you know, “the girls” – my inner Susan and her sisters.
Anyways, soooo “the girls” want to start digging out the Christmas decorations already because my soul is in serious need of the over-the-top cheerfulness of the festive season. I need to feel some sort of renewed joy right now, like pronto, right this second.
To curb my enthusiasm (and mainly to avoid the wrath of a husband who is not ready for me to pump my Mariah Carey Christmas album), I’ve dedicated my pre-Christmas time to making my lists (and checking them twice… whaaaaaaat).
Mind you – it’s not all wasted time and longingly staring into the sky, in search of signs that Santa Clause really does exist. (I mean, is there even a doubt?!) I’m actually using this time to PLAN, my friends! Needless to say, “the girls” are so happy rn.
What am I planning? Well… Christmas gifts, for one. I figure that it’ll be super clever of me to begin my Christmas gifts shopping as early as possible. My December budget will thank me for this. I also want to use this time to stock up on Secret Santa gifts (we usually end up buying like 8 gifts for Secret Santa, because we belong to that many groups – its crazy! I mean, how many boxes of Clicks 2-for-1 chocolates does one really need?)It’s also a really good time to begin your Summer fashion shopping. Winter is the BEST time to go Summer shopping for kids! I’ve managed to get the kids some new cozzies and summery items already and I suspect my Black Friday hauls will help to add to the collection.
Guys – I’m even investigating my Christmas lunch options. This year, the fam and I are considering eating at a restaurant because let’s be honest, life is too short to stand around cooking huge pots of food and then to stand around washing copious amounts of dishes, while your pants button begs for mercy. Can’t do it. Won’t do it. Anyways – I am checking out the alternatives before they are fully booked.
Oh and don’t forget that January comes after December (amazing, I know, so mind-blowing). But what I mean by that is that you need to start prepping for that “back to school” spending now already, Patricia!
Don’t be like Old Luchae, who literally waited a week before school started, to make all those purchases. Old Luchae almost had a nervous breakdown. Old Luchae should be no one’s hero.
Anyways, my aim now is to try to buy any replacement school uniform items before December, so that I’m sorted in January. You can do the same with stationary lists (tip: find the next grades stationary list and use it as a guide).
There are a bunch of other things that I’ve been doing, to prep for the end of the old year and the start of the new one. (Whaaat don’t look at me like that Tiffany). You can check out that post over here. It’s filled with really good ideas, I promise.
I know I’m a bit pedantic with planning ahead – but it jingles my bells, okay? Have you begun planning for the festive season? The – uhhh- the girls want to know…
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Mommy, what happened to your tummy?
“Ew mommy, what happened to your tummy?” my little girl asked me, while keeping me company in the bathroom. Apparently I need supervision while I shower. Mind you, I knew the day would come when my kids would start paying attention to body parts. I just didn’t expect that MY body would be the first point of interest.
If I were to be sincerely honest – and I plan to be, because this blog is my therapy space – her question totally and completely devastated me. I mean, to say it nicely: it made me feel lekker junk.
It made me feel junk because, I mean, who has lus to hear about their flaws, and from their own offspring nogals.
But, it also made me feel junk because you kinda expect your child to think that you are a superhero (until they are 14 and detest the way you chew you food). I didn’t want my 6 year old to see me as weak or flawed, I guess.
Anyways… as this, and a billion other things (like: “dammit I need to go on that onion diet”) run through my head in a matter of seconds, I had to come up with a wise response to madam’s question.
Our conversation went something like this:Karis: Ew, mommy what happened to your tummy?!
Me: My tummy looks like this because I’ve had FOUR babies in it!
Karis: Is that alot?
Me: Well, yes, can you think of another mommy who has had four babies in her tummy?
Karis: (trying to calculate) Uhhhhhh no…
Me: There are many different ways to become a mommy, but not many mommy’s have had four babies in their own tummy’s. So yes, it’s alot. (Me trying to not sound defensive lol)
Karis: But mommy, I’ve seen other mommy’s who have tummy’s like yours too and I don’t think they’ve had four babies in it.
Me: That’s because a mommy’s tummy is a magical place… even if she’s only had 1 baby in it!
Karis: (scrunching her nose) Is that why your tummy is so big?
Me: Yes! Because a baby has to grow and live in a mummy’s time for a long time before it comes out! So that’s why my tummy is so fluffy.
(Can we all take a moment to collectively laugh at the fact that I called my tummy “fluffy”)
Karis: (thinking)
Me: (bracing myself for questions about how babies get into tummy’s in the first place)
Karis: Mommy
Me: Yes babes (trying to quickly put on a t-shirt before homegirl asks me why my boobs are so saggy lol)
Karis: I think I also want to have four babies one day…
Me: (burst into a flood of tears, as I rock back and forth, on the floor in fetal position)
Kidding. But I did have a moment of intense pride. And it totally did kick the butt of my insecurity. The conversation reminded me that I am the blueprint… If I want my daughter to love her body, I need to show her that I love mine. These days I am a lot more mindful about what I speak over myself, especially when I am around her.
My body – your body – is a gift. God’s grand design. I want her to grow up knowing that no matter how toned or not toned her ab muscles are, or how jiggly her thighs are or how wide her hips are… she is His precious masterpiece and her body was created with purpose and beauty in mind.
So that’s my reminder to you today my friend. You are a masterpiece. Fluffy tummy and all
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2020: The year that never was
Some would argue that it’s a bit too late to write a “year in review” post, since it’s day 3 into the new year already. Also, we are over 2020. There, I said it. I mean, 2020 is as tired as faux fur sliders. Some would even call 2020 “the year that never was” because it was so elusive and devastating. Much like faux fur sliders. But I digress…
Regardless of how I feel about 2020, a “year in review” post is a must! Well, because I am a creature of habit and changing this particular habit is not one of the goals on my 2021 list. (Whaaaaat).
Anyways, enough chit chat… are you ready for my annual “here’s what happened last year” blog montage? Legoooooo!
Recap of 2020January
Ag yinne, how cute we were in January, with our “this is MY year” and “new year, new me!” mantras. Let’s be honest shall we? This year kicked our little butts.
Blogwise, I started the year off with sweet anecdotes about how I plan to, you know, have the best year ever! You can check them out over here and here. The month wasn’t without it’s fair share of the usual helpful banter. You can read all about my tips on how to pump (breastmilk) successfully at work here, and find out how I usually prepare for my December festivities in January over here.
February
My maternity leave came to an end in February and boy was I happy! I guess I was tired of trying to work from home, with kids running around, stealing my attention. Can we quickly take a minute to laugh at this notion, because it would soon because the reality of almost every single working mama in, pretty much, the world! Anyways, I wrote a little ode to the end of maternity leave, and also gave you guys some tips on how to do a valentine date night from the comfort of your home (another quick laugh – I mean, how prophetic, right?).
We got a bit controversial with my “Do you have a favorite child” post, and I shared my thoughts on how to communicate with your spouse. We also started our Faith over Fear series in February. (I know.)
March
The Faith over Fear series continued with two really thought provoking entries over here and here. Soon thereafter, the Covid-19 poo hit the metaphorical fan and I was in a glass cage of emotion. I mean, half of me was like, nahhh we’ll be okay. And the other half was as jittery as a cockroach on the kitchen counter, when the light is switched on. (I know, what a visual, you’re welcome). Anyways, I wrote my first Covid post here.
Quickly followed up with a home school resources post, and then a unique Easter hunt post, because I knew that I was struggling to keep things as normal as possible for my kids and wanted to help you guys figure things out too. Oh and I wanted to entertain you, so here’s a whole post about my teenage crush. Mind you, March is my birthday month and not a single birthday related post in site. What is this life?!
April
During the heart of our very first lockdown experience, I realised how privileged I was to have things like Wifi and running water and more than 1 bedroom available for my family, during a time where the whole country was restricted to the confines of their home. I also realised how ignorant I had been about my privilege until that point. I repented.
In an attempt to keep some semblance of normal, I also shared a lekker recipe with you (it’s one that my Ouma shared with me) and tried to do a bit of a storytime (my attempt at distracting you) by telling you guys all about a smiling boy who kinda ended my childhood, without evening knowing it, when I was 12.
May
May was the start of my undoing. People were dying, due to Covid-19, and I didn’t lus to be perky and chipper anymore. I pushed through and told you guys about the lockdown lessons that I’ve learnt thus far. That was pretty much it.
June
In June we tried to be normal. A helpful post about slowing down in order to enjoy time with our kids and one about celebrating a birthday when you’re stuck at home was all that I could muster up.
July
July was more or less the same shpiel. At this point I was kinda tired of being a WAHM. I mean, it’s flippen hard to parent and work all at the same time. Goodness me! I did write a post about talking to your kids about career. Oh and I shared my Covid-19 testing experience. That was pretty much all I could churn out, as I battle with my own health and mourn the loss of someone close to our family. Little did I know that this was the first of 9 losses we would experience this year.
August
Asher’s first birthday photoshoot…. basically some light in the middle of thick darkness. But, I mean, are those baby cheeks not the sweetest in the world?! Do yourself a favor and check out this post.
September
I had a cheeky moment (it’s hard to be cheeky when people around you are mourning) so I wrote a post titled “Pregnant Again” which is basically a love letter to all the fun peeps who constantly remind me to make sure that I don’t fall pregnant again. I mean, what would I do without them? Such a selfless service they offer me, and at no cost too! #blessed
October
Ooh look at her, posting a whole four blog posts in October! It’s not that things were getting better… I guess I just got better at dealing with it. Okay so my first post in October was all about being a peacemaker and not a turmoil seeker… because (and I quote) “putting your pride and ego aside is a lot more exciting than holding on to your boring resentment.”
I also told you guys all about how I have been managing my “social media/really kaas year” posting. I am a firm believer in spreading peace, kindness and positivity. So even though it had been a tough few months, I tried not to let my platforms turn into a morbid sludge of depression. So ya, the post “My social media is a lie” was all about that.
Oh and not one, but two recipes! Look at that! One is for lekker Instant Pot creamy pasta and the other is for really delish broccoli sprout pesto.
November And then the Covid-19 rollercoaster of emotions caught up with me again and it all got a much in November, hence a post titled: Four funerals and a wedding.
December
I wrote an ode to 2020, basically talking about how much of a flop this year has been. I mean, ,at the end of the year, it’s compulsory to take out your achievements and admire them as you give yourself a pat on the back. This year, no achievements, no admiration and definitely no pats on the back. Although, hey, if you count being alive as an achievement then heck yeah, we made it, friends!
I ended the year with one of my favorite Covid-10 posts to date (never thought I’d ever use the words “favorite” and “covid” in one sentence). This post is basically all about the Covid-19 theories that are flooding our social media timelines and the ONE TRUTH that I know about coronavirus. It’s a goodie. See it here.
So ya, my final post will give you a glimpse into what I’m expecting for this year. As for the blog… I realise that I’ve been quiet. I plan to remedy that in 2021! If you have any blog post suggestions that you’d like to send to me… send away girl! Mama needs some inspiration.
BTW if you’re not following me on the socials, you totes can (if you want) (no pressure) (please say yes) (I’d appreciate it) because I share a lot of updates and even some giveaways there, that may not make it to the blog. You can follow me over here:
My beautiful header image was taken by Michelle of CutePix Photography!
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One truth about Covid-19
I’m convinced, we love drama. I mean, if you consider the amount of fake news and Covid-19 conspiracies that frequent our Whatsapp broadcasts and Facebook timelines, you kinda have to wonder who is writing the script for this nonsense. (It’s posted on Facebook so it MUST be the truth. *insert eye roll*)
If we had to be honest with ourselves we’d admit that at this point we kinda don’t know what to believe when it comes to coronavirus. Are the stats even real? Wasn’t it created by the Chinese government? Bill Gates wants to control our minds, right?
Dunno.
But there is ONE single truth that I DO know about Covid-19 and I thought to share it with you, as we enter into a new season/new year.
Before I tell you my one truth, here is an example of some of the Covid-19 theories that are making it’s rounds on our social media feeds.
We blame the 5G for coronaNow, I know that the whole 5G debate is up in the air. For those not in the know, conspiracy theorist, Barrie Trower, says that 5G is to blame for the rapid spread of Covid-19. Barrie says that even though scientists have confirmed that Covid-19 is transmitted via respiratory droplets, he disagrees and believes that the virus is being spread through 5G waves. How low income countries (such as Iran) who have no 5G towers have managed to get the virus, I guess is an unimportant factor. Moving on.
Steam clean the virus away
So apparently the virus sits in your nasal capacities before it is transferred to your immune system. Well, that is what some of the medical experts, with no medical degree, on my Facebook timeline has told me. Sounds legit. The virus can be killed on surfaces, with very hot water (about 70°C) AND chemicals. If the steam theory was accurate, your would need to then steam with extremely hot water, in order to kill the virus. Bringing hot water into close contact with your face doesn’t feel like a good idea to me. It only takes 3 seconds of exposure to 60°C water to cause a serious burn injury.
The virus was created in a lab
The scientists that flood my social media timelines all agree that the virus definitely was created in a lab. They have it on good report. Now, despite the fact that it has signs of a “zoonotic” origin (that means it has an animal origin, not an artificial one). And despite the fact that bats and rodents have actually given us Ebola, rabies, SARS and Mers, it still makes sense to believe the Covid-19 was created in a lab. Because… well, soma just. Also, its the darn Chinese people out to get us. I mean, I don’t have answers for you. But I do know that our brilliant friends, in the East, are able to manufacture just about anything. So it makes sense. Kinda.
Wearing a mask makes you sickSome of my fun friends over in the USA are so upset about wearing a mask in public that they’ve decided to boycott the mask altogether. They believe that wearing a mask makes you sick. They also believe that wearing a mask for extended periods will increase carbon dioxide intake.
In response to this, scientists and other clever people have pointed out that the cloth masks that we wear in public is very breathable, there is no risk of hypoxia (lowered oxygen levels) and carbon dioxide diffuses freely through the fabric. And hey, health care workers have worn masks for extended periods of time, for years, with no risk to their health. But, alas, my fun friends feel like that’s not the point and that wearing a mask is even more detrimental to your health than the actual virus.
Covid-19 doesnt exist
This is my most favorite theory of them all. Oh, to live in a world where Covid-19 doesn’t exist, would be the best gift of 2021! So the general plot is that global elitest are using this idea of a pandemic, to take away our freedom. It’s just flu… you aren’t even getting thaaat sick. You’re just panicking. Basically, all you need to do is steam and drink Vitamin C and rest and you’ll be A-Ok. But don’t buy into the hype. Because Covid-19 doesn’t exist. The cause of all the supposed Covid deaths is not even coronavirus related. It’s a hoax or a ploy of the government. But it’s not real, okay? Well that’s the general train of thinking, when you’re on Team Covid, What Covid?
The one truth
Honestly, my friends, just like you, I don’t know what the heck to believe anymore. Is it the government’s plot to try to control us? I don’t know. Does Bill Gates want to use the vaccine to implant a chip into our bodies? I have no idea. Is this World War 3? Dunno.
But here’s the one truth about Covid-19 that I CAN share with you: Covid-19 cannot steal your victory.
I mean, first of all, Covid-19 is not a death sentence. In fact, more people have survived the virus, than those who have succumbed to it. Is it deadly? Uh, heck yes. But does it change the fact that your life has purpose? No.
You are not doomed. Your family is not destined to tragedy. This won’t be the end of you.
Practice wisdom, yes, but you don’t need to tip toe into 2021, with fear and gloom as your portion. Run victoriously into the new year, remembering all of the GOOD that you’ve witnessed and experienced in 2020. Run with eager expectation that 2021 will be a better year yet. And run with the knowledge that Covid-19 does not determine what type of outcome you and your family will have.Peace is a commodity. Hope is a necessity. Faith is a life line and clinging to God, during this period will help you to find peace, hope and faith when you need it the most.
At the end of the day, friends, God didn’t promise that we would be without trials or tribulations. I mean, death is a given. But he did promise that when the poo hits the fan, He will make it all work together for our good and for the good of our families. This means that no matter what happens (be it sickness or death) it doesn’t mean that we are destined to live a crappy life of hopelessness and despair.
If you let Him in, He promises to turn your pain into beauty and your tragedy into victory. Victory is your portion… and nothing can take that away from you. Not even the coronavirus. And that’s the one truth about Covid-19 that I’m hanging on to.
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An ode to 2020
There are so many things that I wanted to accomplish in 2020. I had jotted it down in my diary, in January, planning events and strategies way in advance. You know mos – spreadsheet brain, and what not.
But, alas, as fate would have it, 2020 would be that drunk uncle at family gatherings. You know, the one that starts out all cheerful and chipper, and then later causes havoc and destruction. Kidding. Let’s not blame an actual year for all the poo that we’ve had to endure. We blame the coronavirus. 2020 is just an innocent bystander.
Anyways, blame games and finger pointing aside… it’s been a rather rough past few months. 2020 has been a journey, ya’ll.
Some may liken this journey to a pensive trip abroad – you know, ‘eat, pray, love’ vibes. Challenging, but reflective. A moment to ponder on the wonders and beauty of life. Also, a time to binge-watch Netflix shows, while eating baked goods.
For others, the journey through 2020 has been rough. Clinging to a life raft, during high tide, in the rain, oh and there are sharks, rough. Businesses closed down. Lives were lost. And no amount of baked goods could fix the heartache. Not even the type with the cream cheese frosting.
As I contemplate on 2020, I find myself somewhere in the middle.
We’ve had to say goodbye to so many people whose lives were closely intertwined with ours. Grief (even second hand grief) makes it hard to function as you normally would. I kinda gave up on nailing those goals that I had penned in January. I barely blogged, did a kaas job at homeschooling and I picked up so much weight, that my jeans ripped. (Nope, that’s not a metaphor). In many ways I feel like I took a couple of steps back.And, real talk: my failed accomplishments make me feel like a complete loser.
Madam Sucky Suck. Lady Flop-Alot. Queen of the Loser Brigade. You get the gist.Anyways, I almost ended my year on this absolutely sour note.
And then I remembered one important thing…I’m still alive!
Hundreds of thousands of people around the world have lost their lives in 2020. We’re still alive, my friend! I’m alive! And I’m so thankful for that.
It would be completely and totally foolish, ignorant and obnoxious of me to rattle off a string of superficial things that I did not achieve, when life itself is a gift.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that making it out of 2020, with an opportunity to start all over again, is all the accomplishment I need.
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2020: Four funerals and a wedding
It’s been the best of times, it’s been the worst of times.
I mean, besides for learning how to bake our own banana bread, 2020 has been showing us flames.Our “best of times” included the occasional Zoom wedding (which is pure genius, btw…). As human beings, we have somehow mastered the art of staying connected, without being in the same room. I dig that.
Our “worst of times” involved losing many loved ones over a short period of time. And, honestly friends, death had always been a far off notion, for me, until this year. We’ve become heavily acquainted with grief.
You don’t fully appreciate your time on earth until you’ve witnessed a life snuffed out without warning. Or until you’ve made plans with someone for the future, and then had to pencil in their funeral on the same calendar. So yes, experiencing loss has been something spectacular.
And I don’t use the word “spectacular” loosely.
It’s the best way to describe this glorious circle of life – a grand design that God had gifted to us, with the intention that we’d end our race well.
It made me relook at what I value most and how I spend my time. Will I end MY race well?
I mean, YOLO isn’t a hippie term reserved for people who matriculated in 2010 – a romantic notion reserved only for gangsters and those who enjoy sky diving. You only live once, Charles! That’s it!
What type of legacy are you leaving behind?
I’ve started to ask myself questions such as:
What will my children know about me? How have I left my mark – and God’s mark – on my family and on the world? Am I chasing the right things, or am I too focused on instant gratification, titles and material obsessions?Am I walking in my God-given purpose? Do I even know what my God-given purpose is? And how will I know what my purpose is, if I don’t pay attention to my relationship with God?
I should be nicer to my husband. I really need to be more intentional with my marriage. How can I honor my husband? I should bake him a banana bread tomorrow.
(Disclaimer: These are actual thoughts that run through my head at 2AM, when I should be sleeping)It has been a year of introspection for me. I mean, besides for learning how to bake banana bread (and then baking it, like, one time). And while the “worst of times” may feel kinda, you know, overpowering at times, I’ve vowed that it would not leave me untouched.
Every single life lost – every tear shed – every premature goodbye… it can’t be in vain.
I just can’t continue to live my life the same way I had before. Where is the lesson in that? Where is the honor in that? What’s the point of surviving 2020 when we come out looking the exact same way that we did, at the start of the year?
So, yes… it’s been the best of times AND it’s been the worst of times. But we get another chance to try again. I’m thankful for that.
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My social media is a lie
I try not to catch feelings. Mainly because catching feelings means that my hands are full. It hinders my productivity.
But, the truth is that I DO catch feelings sometimes… and like an expert nogals. In fact, my husband would tell you that on a particularly challenging day, I’d be out here catching feelings like Mark Boucher in his heyday. So that’s, like, a lot of feelings being caught.
Why the monologue about catching feelings?
Well, Gladys, if you follow me on the socials you’ll know that we’ve experienced a lot of loss this year. Having to watch our loved ones say goodbye to family members, on repeat, over a span of four months, has sucked tremendously.
Add the ‘Zoom funeral’ element to the mix and you have the making of a really terrible, depressing TV show… but like, imagine it’s an omnibus.
One tries to be encouraging and positive and upbeat and supportive, during these times. But grief has a way of creeping up on you. And, in our case, it’s a lot of… uh… second-hand grief (is that a thing?) because we’re kinda grieving WITH family and friends who are grieving.
My point is that it sucks. And you literally can’t escape it. The best you can do is to go through the motions of dealing with it. Me, I often deal in silence. But after experiencing a particularly kaka day a few weeks ago, I was scrolling through Instagram and had a moment where I wondered what my life looks like on social media.
I mean, one could look at my social media feed and marvel at how fantastic things are, with my fun updates and many gorgeous children running around. It’s very “cool Disney movie” looking. But alas, Facebook and Instagram are not a true narrative, should you want to know exactly how things are in our neck of the woods.The truth is that social media is NOT the truth.
I must admit, I’m totes guilty of checking out all of your Facebook posts and wondering when I’ll get to go on that island holiday. Or when I’ll be able to afford that giant house. Or whether I can get my hair to look like that too. “Will I ever be that happy? She probably never has a bad day.”
Social media is a highlight reel – everyone shares their best moments. But girrrrrrl, life is messy! My best moments are usually elevated by the really challenging, crappy moments.
Whether you’ve experienced loss too, or you’re deep in the financial popo, or dealing with relationship drama. Whether your work life is a nightmare or you have health issues or you feel as if you’re married to the spawn of Chucky. I mean, whatever your challenge is… we’re all dealing with some kind of ish.
And yaaaaaaaa, my way of “dealing” is to just be quiet.
“Doing it for the gram” has become secondary to my actual mental health. If I don’t feel particularly smiley, then you probably won’t find me posting anything. And although it is harmful to my side hustle (aka this social media influencer thing that I do….. yes roll your eyes Debbie, no one cares) I’d much rather “hurt” my numbers, than my actual heart, right now.
As much as I enjoy oversharing, there are some things I refuse to talk about. And that’s okay too. I have my moments with God and He kinda is the best listener. Speaking your truth – loudly, for the whole world to see – is brave and it can bring healing. But sometimes chilling in silence and processing quietly is amazing too.
Anyways, the point of this post is to remind you to check on your friend who seems to be living that perfect Instagram life. Heck, check on yourself too, mama! Putting pressure on yourself to be 100% okay all the time is not healthy.
Take a moment. Put your cellphone down.
Breathe life in. Hold for a few seconds. Then let it go.
