My Spreadsheet Brain

I was quite shaken up, this past weekend, to learn about the death of a South African rap superstar. This young man was gunned down at the tender age of 35, leaving behind a grieving family and a distraught fan base. Had the circumstance been a less morbid one, I would crack a joke here because what I know about rap music is equivalent to my 3-year-old’s knowledge of Quantum Physics. In fact, I can’t even name any of this artist’s songs (I’m a 40-year-old mother of 5 ok). But the loss of this young talent shook me.

I found myself engrossed in the details of his life and his untimely death as I scroll through social media posts, devouring any piece of information that I could find. I honestly couldn’t help myself – it was like a really bad accident scene where you want to look away, but you can’t.

By Saturday evening, after consuming hours of video footage (yes, I went there, smh) and articles, social media tributes and Tik Tok speculation videos, I decided that I had seen enough.

The scrolling needed to stop.

It was affecting my mental health and it, quite honestly, left me feeling a little bit triggered. Can you relate? Have you ever wandered down a social media rabbit hole, and came out on the other side a little bit more depressed and hopeless? Well, that’s exactly how I felt. #realtalk

After putting my phone down, I tried to evaluate where my headspace was at. I could immediately acknowledge that my social media binge had opened me up to a spirit of heaviness.

It reminded me of a picture that I once saw, that likened the windows of a building, to eyes.

I mean, think about it. The Bible says that the eyes are the windows to the soul.

How many times have you heard people say things like: “I’ll never forget what I saw”; “What I saw next has haunted me” or “I’ll never forget the look on her face” etc. These are all statements proving that what the eye sees, the mind/heart remembers.

I sometimes find myself completely aghast at some of the things I see on social media.

I mean, don’t worry, I’m safe. I’ve totally shut the “front door” (my heart) to the evil things of this world, so it cannot affect me. Right? I just want to see. I don’t want to partake.

I’m safe.

But, here’s the thing, if I’m still peering at it through windows, because I have FOMO and want a first-hand account, am I really that safe?

We forget that, while the door shuts out the physical danger, peering through windows causes spiritual and psychological trauma. And, one could argue, therein lies the real danger. The windows control how much light/darkness enters the home.

And anyways, while a front door is important, a burglar probably won’t use the door to access a building.

It made me think: What am I peering at through my windows? Is it edifying me? Is it stealing my peace and joy? Is it adding truth to my life or is it making me familiar with a lie?  Is it leaving me in a better condition, or worse?

If what you consume (read/watch) every day can be seen as an investment, what type of earnings/profit/outcome are you expecting to reap in return?

The truth is that, while social media may have a lot of wonderful perks, we sometimes just don’t have the necessary control functions needed to put our phones down. We sometimes just can’t look away.

But, here’s the thing: when we choose to focus on God, He empowers us in our weakness. God promises to give us strength when it’s hard to do the right thing. He says that he will empower us when we stumble and will renew our hope when we find ourselves in a pit of despair. I mean, that is the wonderful reward we reap from investing our time into Him!

And while I can’t promise you that I will give up scrolling through social feeds entirely, I am definitely more intent on fixating my eyes on Him and not on the things of this world.

He makes it easier to look away.

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” — Isaiah 40:29-31

Invisible labour. What’s that, you ask? Well, that is when you take on a mental load and then wonder why you are so exhausted at the end of the day, when you’ve barely left your office chair. It is the cognitive effort involved in managing every aspect of your life.

As women, we tend to take on a lot of responsibility (more than men, in most cases). For us, mental load involves planning, making decisions, making appointments, remembering and staying on top of tasks, and executing those tasks – all while doing the rest of the things that we do, as moms and wives!

I often tell my husband that my “mental bag” is full. That’s a hint to say that I can’t answer those “what must the boys wear today” or “what time is the event” questions because I have a bunch of other things going on and I’m feeling overwhelmed. You’ll be surprised at how capable people are at finding out the answer to questions, without your help!

Taking on a “mental load” can look something like this:

1. Answering questions (emails/texts) but not counting it as part of your “to do” list while simultaneously trying to get through your actual “to do” list! That split focus can definitely feel like invisible labour, because you’re giving attention to a gazillion things at the same time.

TIP: Try to set aside allocated time to respond to texts and emails and (here’s the hard part) don’t look at your phone while you’re completing other tasks. Easier said than done, I know.

2. Thinking of all the things you need to do and then feeling completely overwhelmed by it all. Your overwhelm adds an extra 20kg’s to your mental luggage, and it’s totally avoidable!

TIP: Instead of just thinking about it, add those things to your “to do” list (no matter how small the task seems) so that you can park it somewhere other than in your already overwhelmed brain.

3. Taking on responsibility because it seems easy enough and you are able to manage it, but you don’t factor in the time it will take to research, plan, do follow-ups and, eventually, execute. All of those things can add to your mental load, if not accounted for.

TIP: Before saying yes, consider the time it will take to complete the tasks, and THEN decide if you want to take on that responsibility. It’s okay to say no sometimes. Your peace is more important than your yes.

Do you find yourself lugging around this invisible luggage called “mental load”?